Divorce Through the Eyes of a Teen with Krista Smith

Divorce Through the Eyes of a Teen with Krista Smith

Listen to hear there is hope for teens of divorced parents. Find out how you can help through love. Author Krista Smith offers a group study program "The Journey" for teens to learn to identify, open up, and address their pain and anger.

22 Minutes • a month ago

Episode Notes

Greenelines with

Dr. Steve Greene

Guest: Krista Smith

Listen to hear there is hope for teens of divorced parents. Find out how you can help through love. Author Krista Smith offers a group study program The Journey for teens to learn to identify, open up, and address their pain and anger.

Introduction

Dr. Steve Greene: Most of you know that I'm a child of a divorced household. When my parents were divorced, I was in junior high, the beginning of junior high school, a teenager, confused. It was not one of those times when people understood divorce. I was the only kid in my homeroom class that had divorced parents. So, that tells you how far back it goes. Now it seems like it's almost a badge of honor where, with so many kids it's just more common in school certainly than it was when I went through. I struggled with it. I have lots of memories of how I felt about it, how I felt it was my fault. I didn't have counseling. I didn't have the Lord Jesus to go to and talk to about it. It was just a real hard time. I ended up on top of that, living with my father, who moved a lot because he was being promoted in his career, a very successful career. It led to us going to four different high schools. That, coupled with a divorce, and with being called names because my parents were divorced, being told it was my fault. Those were things that kind of stick with you and it messes with your self-image. I’m thankful I met the Lord at age 19; really met him in a radical salvation. Of course, I was married early. I'll tell you that it did not affect my marriage. We just celebrated year 46 of our marriage, so it didn't get to me. In fact, it gave me greater resolve not to divorce. I wasn't long to pick my mate. I picked the right person, with the Lord's help. But at the same time, I made an agreement with her that the D word would never come into our household, and it did not. We've never suggested that as an alternative. We've never used it in a fight. The word has just never come up in a household because we both agreed we wouldn't. Sometimes that's what this is about, making a choice. I'm not a professional. I just have lived it. I do have a professional on the phone line with me. We're gonna have a great chat.

She has written a course series, and we're going to talk about it in this podcast. It’s called The Journey: Divorce Through the Eyes of a Teen. I tried to think back to my teen years and wonder how I would have done with this. I don't know, but I'm going to find out from the author. I'm so thankful to welcome Krista Smith to the podcast network. Krista, what a great concept and idea. Let me just right from the beginning, thank you on behalf of teenagers for writing a self-help book, and a group therapy book for dealing with divorce. Welcome to the podcast.

 

Subscribe to the Greenelines Podcast and Newsletter

 

Krista Smith: Well, thank you so much, Steve, and I commend you for doing what you had to do to make sure that your future was not rattled by the pain of divorce.

Dr. Steve Greene: Sometimes you just choose the right parent. I know that sounds terrible. But I picked the strict parent, and was afraid of that. But I had an instinct that was what I was supposed to do. Let's just call it what it is. I was led by the Lord to go with the strict parent. I love both, and I don't think this divorce was her fault or anyone's fault. We won't ever know. But I know that my mother deserved better.  So, tell me, how did you developed this course wear and the program you've put together.

Krista Smith: For me, divorce in my family when I grew up was not my situation. My personal journey had to do with me going through a divorce in my 30s as an adult, and I was walking through it with my children. So, I had first hand seeing their hurts and their pain and trying to do what I could to help them through it.

 

Divorce Recovery on Charisma

·         10 Rules for Recovering from Divorce

·         Divorce-Proof Your Church

·         How God Healed This Woman After Her Tragic Divorce

 

Dr. Steve Greene: Well, that's a good personal experience and it's very real. No matter how many neighbors are divorced, you're the one who's got kids in the house that probably worked pretty hard to get you back together. I know some of your course material deals with that.

Krista Smith: Yes, that is their number one desire. So, it is very important that you listen to them and not just hear them out and but also give them the opportunity to tell you how they're feeling about everything.

Dr. Steve Greene: So, tell us about the journey. Why do you think it's a program that's good for young people to go through as they have divorced parents?

Krista Smith: I really felt when my children were younger … I got divorced when they were four and six. I took them to counseling. I took them to a support group and I thought I had done everything right to get them through the journey that they would have the chance to share their feelings. I was doing everything right. But then when they hit those pre-teen years, everything seemed to unravel again. I really realized that, as they matured and got into those adolescent situations, they didn't have the tools and the surroundings to be able to deal with the different pressures that were coming at them. So, at that time, I realized they needed different topics. They were more ready to deal with the actual day-to-day frustrations that they were going through that the divorce had done to them. So, it was a whole new set of trials that came out when they're in their pre-teen years. So, I looked online for anything that I could do to get some help in their hands and to help them through these struggles, and there wasn't anything out there. So, at my church, I put together a program for the teenagers, at the time when my kids were teens. So, we did that for a few years. It really took off very well. So, I decided to put together a book curriculum for the other teenagers and other families out there who had teens that were trying to figure out the same issues that mine were, where it could help them along that process. So, that's when I put the curriculum together and I market it out there for all the other families that are looking for the same hope.

Dr. Steve Greene: Good for you. Tell me what's in the Journey program. Talk about the curriculum and some of the contents. You've got games and activities. It’s very well developed. It’s kit in a box. There's a lot that comes with it. Talk to me about it a little bit.

 

·         Journey through Divorce

·         Krista’s Blogs

·         Videos

·         Words of Encouragement

 

Krista Smith: I firmly believe for teens, you got to keep them active to keep them involved. So, I have incorporated a lot of activities. I've incorporated a lot of worksheets so that they can take their actual journey and personalize it to their own situation. So, by doing the activities, and by applying it to their own lives and their own situations, they're able to really learn and grow with one another. The other thing that they really learn in groups is that they're not the only one. To be able to communicate with other people that are going through it really opens up the opportunity to be able to share things that they may be have been battling for very long time or that they're too scared to talk about. So, it's a really good format to be able to get them to start sharing the different topics that we go through. It's a 12-week course. So, each week covers a different topic. We go through the stages of grief recovery, then we spend a whole week on anger because anger seems to be stemming from a lot of the hurt they feel and a lot of the frustration and the unforgiveness always kind of stems with this anger that they feel deep inside. So, we spent a lot of time dealing with their anger.

We address their hurts, if it’s similar to your situation, having to move so many times. Being yanked from schools, that can be very hurtful to teens. So, we go through the different hurts that they maybe have experienced. We help them identify their feelings. Nowadays, it's very difficult for our children to even identify what they're feeling and why they're feeling it. So, we kind of help them through that process.

Dr. Steve Greene: They hide with their video games, right?

Krista Smith: Yep, they do. They text a lot. So, they have that disassociation. We do spend a whole chapter with their relationship with God. It's called “Where is God When it Hurts,” so that they can understand that God is there and that He's desiring them to cry out to Him and that He will help them through the process. We spend time specifically dealing with single-parent homes, the challenges and the choices that go along with that. Then we move into blended family homes. So, it's also a curriculum for those kids that are living in a blended family home, but have gone through the experience of divorce. So many times, they get stuck in that divorce scenario, situations that they've gone through that they haven't resolved, and it affects their blended families. So, we take some time to deal with the blended family situations as well.

Then we hit the big topic, which is forgiveness, and that's always a very emotional week. From there we go on to acceptance. We deal with relationships in their life. That's a really confusing time for teens as they start to have feelings and look at relationships for their future. There can be a lot of fear, there can be a lot of past hurts that they carry with them. Or, it could come out in anger sometimes. So, we take some time at looking at the importance of relationships, how to have a good, strong, healthy relationship, learning some boundaries. Then we leave the curriculum with hope for their future so that they can go out and feel like they can stop the cycle of divorce in their family and put that fear to rest to where they can have hope and that they can have a good, strong marriage for their future.

Dr. Steve Greene: That's all wise. Everything I'm hearing would have been nice to go through. So my question is, is it possible for a family to help their young one go through it without the group therapy issue? Can you take it by yourself?

Krista Smith: The curriculum currently right now is just written to be through a group situation. I have started and I will be coming out with individual study guides, topical study guides. I'm going to do one on anger, specifically one on forgiveness and kind of do some of the topics individually, but I haven't got them completed yet. This particular one is written to be just a group study only.

Dr. Steve Greene: And so, you couldn't even do it online? In a way with an online group?

Krista Smith: Not quite yet. It is written so that without having the leader’s guide to go along with the student workbook, because it's two different books, they really need to have both components in order for the student workbook to make any sense. Doing it along with somebody else does make sense. You could do it with an adult and one child, that would be fine, but you can't just be one teen doing it without anybody doing the adult component.

 

Connect with Krista Smith

·         At sonsetpointministries.com

·         At journeythroughdivorce.com

·         On Facebook

·         On YouTube

 

Greenelines Host Information

Dr. Steve Greene is the Publisher and Executive Vice President of Charisma Media. Dr. Greene received his Ph.D. in marketing from Memphis State University. He has worked in television station management and worked directly with over 80 stations throughout the United States. He has worked in marketing capacities with McDonald’s, Jiffy Lube, and Stanley Steemer. He has owned restaurants, a national advertising agency and a syndicated marketing research firm. Dr. Greene has served as the Dean of the College of Business and professor of marketing at Oral Roberts University. He is also the author of Love Leads, which dispels the myths and misconceptions many have come to accept about leadership.

To learn more about Dr. Steve Greene, connect with him on social media!

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drsgreene/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrSteveGreene

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.stevegreene/

Episode Notes

Greenelines with

Dr. Steve Greene

Guest: Krista Smith

Listen to hear there is hope for teens of divorced parents. Find out how you can help through love. Author Krista Smith offers a group study program The Journey for teens to learn to identify, open up, and address their pain and anger.

Introduction

Dr. Steve Greene: Most of you know that I'm a child of a divorced household. When my parents were divorced, I was in junior high, the beginning of junior high school, a teenager, confused. It was not one of those times when people understood divorce. I was the only kid in my homeroom class that had divorced parents. So, that tells you how far back it goes. Now it seems like it's almost a badge of honor where, with so many kids it's just more common in school certainly than it was when I went through. I struggled with it. I have lots of memories of how I felt about it, how I felt it was my fault. I didn't have counseling. I didn't have the Lord Jesus to go to and talk to about it. It was just a real hard time. I ended up on top of that, living with my father, who moved a lot because he was being promoted in his career, a very successful career. It led to us going to four different high schools. That, coupled with a divorce, and with being called names because my parents were divorced, being told it was my fault. Those were things that kind of stick with you and it messes with your self-image. I’m thankful I met the Lord at age 19; really met him in a radical salvation. Of course, I was married early. I'll tell you that it did not affect my marriage. We just celebrated year 46 of our marriage, so it didn't get to me. In fact, it gave me greater resolve not to divorce. I wasn't long to pick my mate. I picked the right person, with the Lord's help. But at the same time, I made an agreement with her that the D word would never come into our household, and it did not. We've never suggested that as an alternative. We've never used it in a fight. The word has just never come up in a household because we both agreed we wouldn't. Sometimes that's what this is about, making a choice. I'm not a professional. I just have lived it. I do have a professional on the phone line with me. We're gonna have a great chat.

She has written a course series, and we're going to talk about it in this podcast. It’s called The Journey: Divorce Through the Eyes of a Teen. I tried to think back to my teen years and wonder how I would have done with this. I don't know, but I'm going to find out from the author. I'm so thankful to welcome Krista Smith to the podcast network. Krista, what a great concept and idea. Let me just right from the beginning, thank you on behalf of teenagers for writing a self-help book, and a group therapy book for dealing with divorce. Welcome to the podcast.

 

Subscribe to the Greenelines Podcast and Newsletter

 

Krista Smith: Well, thank you so much, Steve, and I commend you for doing what you had to do to make sure that your future was not rattled by the pain of divorce.

Dr. Steve Greene: Sometimes you just choose the right parent. I know that sounds terrible. But I picked the strict parent, and was afraid of that. But I had an instinct that was what I was supposed to do. Let's just call it what it is. I was led by the Lord to go with the strict parent. I love both, and I don't think this divorce was her fault or anyone's fault. We won't ever know. But I know that my mother deserved better.  So, tell me, how did you developed this course wear and the program you've put together.

Krista Smith: For me, divorce in my family when I grew up was not my situation. My personal journey had to do with me going through a divorce in my 30s as an adult, and I was walking through it with my children. So, I had first hand seeing their hurts and their pain and trying to do what I could to help them through it.

 

Divorce Recovery on Charisma

·         10 Rules for Recovering from Divorce

·         Divorce-Proof Your Church

·         How God Healed This Woman After Her Tragic Divorce

 

Dr. Steve Greene: Well, that's a good personal experience and it's very real. No matter how many neighbors are divorced, you're the one who's got kids in the house that probably worked pretty hard to get you back together. I know some of your course material deals with that.

Krista Smith: Yes, that is their number one desire. So, it is very important that you listen to them and not just hear them out and but also give them the opportunity to tell you how they're feeling about everything.

Dr. Steve Greene: So, tell us about the journey. Why do you think it's a program that's good for young people to go through as they have divorced parents?

Krista Smith: I really felt when my children were younger … I got divorced when they were four and six. I took them to counseling. I took them to a support group and I thought I had done everything right to get them through the journey that they would have the chance to share their feelings. I was doing everything right. But then when they hit those pre-teen years, everything seemed to unravel again. I really realized that, as they matured and got into those adolescent situations, they didn't have the tools and the surroundings to be able to deal with the different pressures that were coming at them. So, at that time, I realized they needed different topics. They were more ready to deal with the actual day-to-day frustrations that they were going through that the divorce had done to them. So, it was a whole new set of trials that came out when they're in their pre-teen years. So, I looked online for anything that I could do to get some help in their hands and to help them through these struggles, and there wasn't anything out there. So, at my church, I put together a program for the teenagers, at the time when my kids were teens. So, we did that for a few years. It really took off very well. So, I decided to put together a book curriculum for the other teenagers and other families out there who had teens that were trying to figure out the same issues that mine were, where it could help them along that process. So, that's when I put the curriculum together and I market it out there for all the other families that are looking for the same hope.

Dr. Steve Greene: Good for you. Tell me what's in the Journey program. Talk about the curriculum and some of the contents. You've got games and activities. It’s very well developed. It’s kit in a box. There's a lot that comes with it. Talk to me about it a little bit.

 

·         Journey through Divorce

·         Krista’s Blogs

·         Videos

·         Words of Encouragement

 

Krista Smith: I firmly believe for teens, you got to keep them active to keep them involved. So, I have incorporated a lot of activities. I've incorporated a lot of worksheets so that they can take their actual journey and personalize it to their own situation. So, by doing the activities, and by applying it to their own lives and their own situations, they're able to really learn and grow with one another. The other thing that they really learn in groups is that they're not the only one. To be able to communicate with other people that are going through it really opens up the opportunity to be able to share things that they may be have been battling for very long time or that they're too scared to talk about. So, it's a really good format to be able to get them to start sharing the different topics that we go through. It's a 12-week course. So, each week covers a different topic. We go through the stages of grief recovery, then we spend a whole week on anger because anger seems to be stemming from a lot of the hurt they feel and a lot of the frustration and the unforgiveness always kind of stems with this anger that they feel deep inside. So, we spent a lot of time dealing with their anger.

We address their hurts, if it’s similar to your situation, having to move so many times. Being yanked from schools, that can be very hurtful to teens. So, we go through the different hurts that they maybe have experienced. We help them identify their feelings. Nowadays, it's very difficult for our children to even identify what they're feeling and why they're feeling it. So, we kind of help them through that process.

Dr. Steve Greene: They hide with their video games, right?

Krista Smith: Yep, they do. They text a lot. So, they have that disassociation. We do spend a whole chapter with their relationship with God. It's called “Where is God When it Hurts,” so that they can understand that God is there and that He's desiring them to cry out to Him and that He will help them through the process. We spend time specifically dealing with single-parent homes, the challenges and the choices that go along with that. Then we move into blended family homes. So, it's also a curriculum for those kids that are living in a blended family home, but have gone through the experience of divorce. So many times, they get stuck in that divorce scenario, situations that they've gone through that they haven't resolved, and it affects their blended families. So, we take some time to deal with the blended family situations as well.

Then we hit the big topic, which is forgiveness, and that's always a very emotional week. From there we go on to acceptance. We deal with relationships in their life. That's a really confusing time for teens as they start to have feelings and look at relationships for their future. There can be a lot of fear, there can be a lot of past hurts that they carry with them. Or, it could come out in anger sometimes. So, we take some time at looking at the importance of relationships, how to have a good, strong, healthy relationship, learning some boundaries. Then we leave the curriculum with hope for their future so that they can go out and feel like they can stop the cycle of divorce in their family and put that fear to rest to where they can have hope and that they can have a good, strong marriage for their future.

Dr. Steve Greene: That's all wise. Everything I'm hearing would have been nice to go through. So my question is, is it possible for a family to help their young one go through it without the group therapy issue? Can you take it by yourself?

Krista Smith: The curriculum currently right now is just written to be through a group situation. I have started and I will be coming out with individual study guides, topical study guides. I'm going to do one on anger, specifically one on forgiveness and kind of do some of the topics individually, but I haven't got them completed yet. This particular one is written to be just a group study only.

Dr. Steve Greene: And so, you couldn't even do it online? In a way with an online group?

Krista Smith: Not quite yet. It is written so that without having the leader’s guide to go along with the student workbook, because it's two different books, they really need to have both components in order for the student workbook to make any sense. Doing it along with somebody else does make sense. You could do it with an adult and one child, that would be fine, but you can't just be one teen doing it without anybody doing the adult component.

 

Connect with Krista Smith

·         At sonsetpointministries.com

·         At journeythroughdivorce.com

·         On Facebook

·         On YouTube

 

Greenelines Host Information

Dr. Steve Greene is the Publisher and Executive Vice President of Charisma Media. Dr. Greene received his Ph.D. in marketing from Memphis State University. He has worked in television station management and worked directly with over 80 stations throughout the United States. He has worked in marketing capacities with McDonald’s, Jiffy Lube, and Stanley Steemer. He has owned restaurants, a national advertising agency and a syndicated marketing research firm. Dr. Greene has served as the Dean of the College of Business and professor of marketing at Oral Roberts University. He is also the author of Love Leads, which dispels the myths and misconceptions many have come to accept about leadership.

To learn more about Dr. Steve Greene, connect with him on social media!

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drsgreene/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrSteveGreene

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.stevegreene/

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Divorce Through the Eyes of a Teen with Krista Smith