The Hope in Grief with Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley

The Hope in Grief with Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley

How do you stir up hope within you when you are grieving? 

Carol Peters-Tanksley, MD, wants you to know Jesus is doing something about death. In her new book "The Christian's Journey Through Grief," she tells the story of going to Jesus about her grief when her beloved husband passed away. "God's friends come to Him with their questions." Hear Carol encourage you to believe the hope of eternity, to not put a timeline on the grieving process, and to go to Jesus. Your soul will be satisfied knowing He is enough.

29 Minutes • 22 days ago

Episode Notes

Greenelines with

Dr. Steve Greene

Guest: Carol Peters-Tanksley

Carol Peters-Tanksley, MD, wants you to know Jesus is doing something about death. In her new book The Christian's Journey Through Grief, she tells the story of going to Jesus about her grief when her beloved husband passed away. “God's friends come to Him with their questions.”

Hear Carol encourage you to believe the hope of eternity, to not put a timeline on the grieving process, and to go to Jesus. Your soul will be satisfied knowing He is enough.

Introduction

Dr. Steve Greene: This is the Greenelines podcast. I'm Steve green on the Charisma Podcast Network. I'd like to tell you about a series that's available to you now through Charisma. Many of you have seen bits and pieces of maybe one of these books, The Deborah AnointingThe Esther AnointingThe Anna Anointing, and The Ruth Anointing, plus a free bonus all in the Solid Rock Series. You're going to get all four anointing books by Michelle McClain-Walters, plus a Charisma subscription and to Life in the Spirit devotions for only $36. I want to say that part of it again. You're going to get all four of those anointing books by Michelle McClain Walters. Plus, you'll receive a Charismasubscription, a subscription to Charisma magazine, and then you'll get two Life in a Spirit devotionals for only $36. Now, you can find this at charismamag.com/anoint. Or, you can just look right here, down below this podcast in the show notes and you'll see the link to charismamag.com/anoint. I know you'll love these books, and I know you'll love the free bonuses and a subscription to Charisma magazine. Now let's get to the show.

Dr. Steve Greene: During my years as a pastor, one of the most difficult moments and one that I had experienced way too often was helping people in my church deal with loss. We would call that grief. Coming into a season of grieving, we know the Bible is clear about it, that there is a season. It seems like man gets in the way of that season sometimes and tells us what we ought to do with our grieving and how short it should be or when am I going to get over it. When are you going to get past this? I never spoke like that as a pastor because I tried to teach that everyone …  and I lived this experience, I watched it. Everyone I think I dealt with had a different experience with grief. I never could find a good book to give away. I know they're probably out there. I just couldn't find one that I felt gave spiritual, Holy Spirit-led advice. It was man advice. It was intellect. I feel now that I found a book that gives good spiritual leadership for people who are grieving. The name of the book is The Christian’s Journey Through Grief: How to Walk Through the Valley with Hope. It's written by Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley. She's an MD and a D-Min. She's had a lot of work and she's very highly qualified to speak about this because of things that will develop in this podcast that you'll hear. So again, the book and I want you to know about it right from the beginning that comes out just in a few weeks that's available for pre-order now. I don't want you to miss that, so I want to tell you now. If you know anyone who is grieving, buy four or five of these books and keep them on a shelf and be ready to give it away because I think this book is state-of-the-art help, state-of-the-Spirit help in coping with loss. My guest, Dr. Carol, again, she's an MD and a D-Min. What a combination. She’s that person. I know her. We love her spiritually, and I can't wait to have this conversation about a journey through grief.

 

Dr. Carol on Charisma

·         3 Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great

·         Holy Spirit-Led Advice to Deal with Your Pain of Loss

·         When God Calls You to Stay in a Bad Marriage

·         Did I Marry the Wrong Person?

·         3 Warning Signs You’re Under Satanic Attack

 

Dr. Carol, our guests are going to love what you have to say. And, I can't wait for this book to on sale so people will get help. I want to start the podcast off in a sort of a reverse kind of way. I want to start with … you made a strong statement. There's a difference between Christians who go through a grieving process and a non-Christian. I like that so much that I want to start there. First, tell us the difference between a Christian grieve and a non-Christian griever.

Dr. Carol Peters- Tanksley Books

·         Dr. Carol’s Guide to Women’s Health

·         Dr. Carol’s Guide to Healthy Communication in Marriage Ebook

·         Live Healthy, Live Whole

·         Meditations from the Doctor Ebook

·         Overcoming Fear and Anxiety Through Spiritual Warfare

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: That comes directly from 1 Thessalonians where Paul says I don't want you to grieve as others who have no hope. The witness of Scripture and the witness of over 2,000 years of the Christian church is that those of us who trust in Jesus still grieve, but we grieve differently. I believe one of the foundational differences is that hope, for the Christian going through grief it’s about embracing truly excruciating pain of loss and irrepressible hope at the very same time. Those two things can coexist. The very deep and real heart-tearing pain is real, it's there. But at the very same time, those of us who know Jesus, we know that this is not the end. There is that hope that nothing, even the darkness and the pain of grief and death cannot extinguish that hope. I think that's perhaps the core of the difference for the believer.

·         First Thessalonians 4:13: “Brothers, we do know want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep to grieve like the rest of men who have no hope” (MEV).

Dr. Steve Greene: Well, that's a strong difference because without God in any part of our life, it’s different. We talk about a new normal. There's a new normal every time God is invited into that situation and grief wouldn't be any different. I wonder if you could give us that scripture reference on 1 Thessalonians so our listeners have that.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: It’s First Thessalonians 4:13: “Brothers, we do know want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep to grieve like the rest of men who have no hope.” It’s First Thessalonians 4:13.

Dr. Steve Greene: That's excellent. I sure don't want to be ignorant, not about this. So, let's talk specifically about how we get to that place where we can understand that what I'm feeling … you use the words is this a normal grieving process? Is there such a thing?

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: If by normal you you mean that your body's all messed up, and you have no appetite and you can't sleep and your emotions are all over the place and your thoughts don't know where to land and you can't think straight and all your relationship seems messed up and maybe even your relationship with God is strained and stressed. If that's what you mean by normal, then yes. That’s grieving.

Dr. Steve Greene: That is great. I’ve had to minister over losing young people at ORU, college students who died in a plane crash on their way to minister. I grieved in that way, like I haven't over the loss of my own loved one. My father, I remember that grief, I remember very clearly. But the grief I felt for the loss of those young people, with so much of life, over a sudden plane crash, it really challenged me. It challenged my faith, it shook me. All those questions we're not supposed to ask, like why, came rushing in. I didn't understand the sovereignty of God in that decision.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: I hear that from people who are grieving that I had a strong relationship with God. But now, all these questions are presenting themselves. And, I don't understand why I'm questioning God, even when I was strong in my faith before. There's something about the grief process that brings some of those … and I don't mean, this is as cliche, but truly life and death issues to the forefront in a way that that very little else does. You're not really faced with some of those life and death questions in the same way, except when you come to the process of grief. I'm going to gently challenge you on something that you said, actually, and that is about asking the why question. There is a way in which we can ask why that makes it sound like you know, I know better than God and I'm trying to tell God what to do. That's not correct. That’s not the only way to ask why. So many times, in Scripture, God's friends come to him with their questions. David said, why am I waiting so long?

·         Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (MEV)

Psalm 22 that Jesus quotes on the cross, my God, why have you forsaken me? I believe Mary and Martha, when their brother Lazarus died, the way they came to Jesus and said, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. In 21st century English, I think it was like they were saying why? When we as Christians are faced with those questions, the thing to do with them, is to bring them to God. Over and over in Scripture, we see God's very best friends bringing their deepest questions to Him. That's what to do with them.

Dr. Steve Greene: My answer to why, Dr. Carol, the answers that I continue to get, and I've dealt with a lot of pastors who have suffered some losses that you would understand, they are very deep and they all end in this place. I've seen them come to this place where the answer is, it's a mystery. Now we know in part, then we shall know in full. We just get into a place of struggle when we start to work through our whys. Of course, I go to God with it. But then I don't get the answers that, sometimes to me, seems like they are clearer about other things that God does answer me and I get definitives. I think that this is one of the mysteries … the word mystery is appropriate here … that is difficult to measure. I'll hush and let you tell me.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: I agree with you that it's a mystery. And in that light, I believe it helps to separate intellectually satisfying answers from soul-satisfying answers. If we expect that in this life, with our very small, finite human minds, that we will be able to comprehend everything about God and eternity, no, we can't. We won't be able to. There is so much mystery. Paul talks about mystery many times, for example. But when we bring those questions to God, when we remain in Jesus’ presence long enough for Him to speak, I like to say that He becomes the Answer. Our intellect may not be satisfied, but our souls are satisfied in the sense of He becomes enough; He becomes the answer. You come to the place where it's not the death that’s OK, but in this process, you trust that He's going to make it OK.

Dr. Steve Greene: Well, I think the why asked with a, the death of a 21-year-old that died after graduation on a Friday, within a week he was gone and then there were four of them that we buried. The answer that why is much different than why did my grandmother die, where we know that here are young people not on their way to up party, but flying on their way to a team event where they were going to help young people meet the Lord to be saved. I just had trouble with my calculus on that one.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: It is so true that we cannot, in this life, truly wrap our minds around all of that. There are some things that help. One thing that I believe helps is when we as Christians understand that in this world not everything is as God would like it, that evil exists, that we still live in an environment where the kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness are at war. No, it doesn't explain everything. But there is a lot that only really makes sense when you bring spiritual warfare into the equation. When Jesus was here on Earth, physically here on Earth, Earth got a small taste of what things would be like if everything were as God wants it to be? Death is not OK. And there are other things that are not OK, either, like violence and racism and human trafficking. Are those things the way God wants it to be? No. You can, in one sense, describe everything about Jesus’ coming and living and dying and rising again and returning to Heaven, that everything about Jesus coming here was to do away with the cause and the result, and eventually the reality is death. Death was so much not OK and it is so much not OK to Him that He has done and He's doing something about it. To use our human words, He's not taking death lying down. He did something about it, and He is doing something about it. Death is not OK.

Connect with Carol Peters-Tanksley

·         Drcarolministries.com

·         On Facebook

·         On Twitter

Greenelines Host Information

Dr. Steve Greene is the Publisher and Executive Vice President of Charisma Media. Dr. Greene received his Ph.D. in marketing from Memphis State University. He has worked in television station management and worked directly with over 80 stations throughout the United States. He has worked in marketing capacities with McDonald’s, Jiffy Lube, and Stanley Steemer. He has owned restaurants, a national advertising agency and a syndicated marketing research firm. Dr. Greene has served as the Dean of the College of Business and professor of marketing at Oral Roberts University. He is also the author of Love Leads, which dispels the myths and misconceptions many have come to accept about leadership.

To learn more about Dr. Steve Greene, connect with him on social media!

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drsgreene/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrSteveGreene

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.stevegreene/

Episode Notes

Greenelines with

Dr. Steve Greene

Guest: Carol Peters-Tanksley

Carol Peters-Tanksley, MD, wants you to know Jesus is doing something about death. In her new book The Christian's Journey Through Grief, she tells the story of going to Jesus about her grief when her beloved husband passed away. “God's friends come to Him with their questions.”

Hear Carol encourage you to believe the hope of eternity, to not put a timeline on the grieving process, and to go to Jesus. Your soul will be satisfied knowing He is enough.

Introduction

Dr. Steve Greene: This is the Greenelines podcast. I'm Steve green on the Charisma Podcast Network. I'd like to tell you about a series that's available to you now through Charisma. Many of you have seen bits and pieces of maybe one of these books, The Deborah AnointingThe Esther AnointingThe Anna Anointing, and The Ruth Anointing, plus a free bonus all in the Solid Rock Series. You're going to get all four anointing books by Michelle McClain-Walters, plus a Charisma subscription and to Life in the Spirit devotions for only $36. I want to say that part of it again. You're going to get all four of those anointing books by Michelle McClain Walters. Plus, you'll receive a Charismasubscription, a subscription to Charisma magazine, and then you'll get two Life in a Spirit devotionals for only $36. Now, you can find this at charismamag.com/anoint. Or, you can just look right here, down below this podcast in the show notes and you'll see the link to charismamag.com/anoint. I know you'll love these books, and I know you'll love the free bonuses and a subscription to Charisma magazine. Now let's get to the show.

Dr. Steve Greene: During my years as a pastor, one of the most difficult moments and one that I had experienced way too often was helping people in my church deal with loss. We would call that grief. Coming into a season of grieving, we know the Bible is clear about it, that there is a season. It seems like man gets in the way of that season sometimes and tells us what we ought to do with our grieving and how short it should be or when am I going to get over it. When are you going to get past this? I never spoke like that as a pastor because I tried to teach that everyone …  and I lived this experience, I watched it. Everyone I think I dealt with had a different experience with grief. I never could find a good book to give away. I know they're probably out there. I just couldn't find one that I felt gave spiritual, Holy Spirit-led advice. It was man advice. It was intellect. I feel now that I found a book that gives good spiritual leadership for people who are grieving. The name of the book is The Christian’s Journey Through Grief: How to Walk Through the Valley with Hope. It's written by Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley. She's an MD and a D-Min. She's had a lot of work and she's very highly qualified to speak about this because of things that will develop in this podcast that you'll hear. So again, the book and I want you to know about it right from the beginning that comes out just in a few weeks that's available for pre-order now. I don't want you to miss that, so I want to tell you now. If you know anyone who is grieving, buy four or five of these books and keep them on a shelf and be ready to give it away because I think this book is state-of-the-art help, state-of-the-Spirit help in coping with loss. My guest, Dr. Carol, again, she's an MD and a D-Min. What a combination. She’s that person. I know her. We love her spiritually, and I can't wait to have this conversation about a journey through grief.

 

Dr. Carol on Charisma

·         3 Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great

·         Holy Spirit-Led Advice to Deal with Your Pain of Loss

·         When God Calls You to Stay in a Bad Marriage

·         Did I Marry the Wrong Person?

·         3 Warning Signs You’re Under Satanic Attack

 

Dr. Carol, our guests are going to love what you have to say. And, I can't wait for this book to on sale so people will get help. I want to start the podcast off in a sort of a reverse kind of way. I want to start with … you made a strong statement. There's a difference between Christians who go through a grieving process and a non-Christian. I like that so much that I want to start there. First, tell us the difference between a Christian grieve and a non-Christian griever.

Dr. Carol Peters- Tanksley Books

·         Dr. Carol’s Guide to Women’s Health

·         Dr. Carol’s Guide to Healthy Communication in Marriage Ebook

·         Live Healthy, Live Whole

·         Meditations from the Doctor Ebook

·         Overcoming Fear and Anxiety Through Spiritual Warfare

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: That comes directly from 1 Thessalonians where Paul says I don't want you to grieve as others who have no hope. The witness of Scripture and the witness of over 2,000 years of the Christian church is that those of us who trust in Jesus still grieve, but we grieve differently. I believe one of the foundational differences is that hope, for the Christian going through grief it’s about embracing truly excruciating pain of loss and irrepressible hope at the very same time. Those two things can coexist. The very deep and real heart-tearing pain is real, it's there. But at the very same time, those of us who know Jesus, we know that this is not the end. There is that hope that nothing, even the darkness and the pain of grief and death cannot extinguish that hope. I think that's perhaps the core of the difference for the believer.

·         First Thessalonians 4:13: “Brothers, we do know want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep to grieve like the rest of men who have no hope” (MEV).

Dr. Steve Greene: Well, that's a strong difference because without God in any part of our life, it’s different. We talk about a new normal. There's a new normal every time God is invited into that situation and grief wouldn't be any different. I wonder if you could give us that scripture reference on 1 Thessalonians so our listeners have that.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: It’s First Thessalonians 4:13: “Brothers, we do know want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep to grieve like the rest of men who have no hope.” It’s First Thessalonians 4:13.

Dr. Steve Greene: That's excellent. I sure don't want to be ignorant, not about this. So, let's talk specifically about how we get to that place where we can understand that what I'm feeling … you use the words is this a normal grieving process? Is there such a thing?

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: If by normal you you mean that your body's all messed up, and you have no appetite and you can't sleep and your emotions are all over the place and your thoughts don't know where to land and you can't think straight and all your relationship seems messed up and maybe even your relationship with God is strained and stressed. If that's what you mean by normal, then yes. That’s grieving.

Dr. Steve Greene: That is great. I’ve had to minister over losing young people at ORU, college students who died in a plane crash on their way to minister. I grieved in that way, like I haven't over the loss of my own loved one. My father, I remember that grief, I remember very clearly. But the grief I felt for the loss of those young people, with so much of life, over a sudden plane crash, it really challenged me. It challenged my faith, it shook me. All those questions we're not supposed to ask, like why, came rushing in. I didn't understand the sovereignty of God in that decision.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: I hear that from people who are grieving that I had a strong relationship with God. But now, all these questions are presenting themselves. And, I don't understand why I'm questioning God, even when I was strong in my faith before. There's something about the grief process that brings some of those … and I don't mean, this is as cliche, but truly life and death issues to the forefront in a way that that very little else does. You're not really faced with some of those life and death questions in the same way, except when you come to the process of grief. I'm going to gently challenge you on something that you said, actually, and that is about asking the why question. There is a way in which we can ask why that makes it sound like you know, I know better than God and I'm trying to tell God what to do. That's not correct. That’s not the only way to ask why. So many times, in Scripture, God's friends come to him with their questions. David said, why am I waiting so long?

·         Psalm 22: “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” (MEV)

Psalm 22 that Jesus quotes on the cross, my God, why have you forsaken me? I believe Mary and Martha, when their brother Lazarus died, the way they came to Jesus and said, Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. In 21st century English, I think it was like they were saying why? When we as Christians are faced with those questions, the thing to do with them, is to bring them to God. Over and over in Scripture, we see God's very best friends bringing their deepest questions to Him. That's what to do with them.

Dr. Steve Greene: My answer to why, Dr. Carol, the answers that I continue to get, and I've dealt with a lot of pastors who have suffered some losses that you would understand, they are very deep and they all end in this place. I've seen them come to this place where the answer is, it's a mystery. Now we know in part, then we shall know in full. We just get into a place of struggle when we start to work through our whys. Of course, I go to God with it. But then I don't get the answers that, sometimes to me, seems like they are clearer about other things that God does answer me and I get definitives. I think that this is one of the mysteries … the word mystery is appropriate here … that is difficult to measure. I'll hush and let you tell me.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: I agree with you that it's a mystery. And in that light, I believe it helps to separate intellectually satisfying answers from soul-satisfying answers. If we expect that in this life, with our very small, finite human minds, that we will be able to comprehend everything about God and eternity, no, we can't. We won't be able to. There is so much mystery. Paul talks about mystery many times, for example. But when we bring those questions to God, when we remain in Jesus’ presence long enough for Him to speak, I like to say that He becomes the Answer. Our intellect may not be satisfied, but our souls are satisfied in the sense of He becomes enough; He becomes the answer. You come to the place where it's not the death that’s OK, but in this process, you trust that He's going to make it OK.

Dr. Steve Greene: Well, I think the why asked with a, the death of a 21-year-old that died after graduation on a Friday, within a week he was gone and then there were four of them that we buried. The answer that why is much different than why did my grandmother die, where we know that here are young people not on their way to up party, but flying on their way to a team event where they were going to help young people meet the Lord to be saved. I just had trouble with my calculus on that one.

Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley: It is so true that we cannot, in this life, truly wrap our minds around all of that. There are some things that help. One thing that I believe helps is when we as Christians understand that in this world not everything is as God would like it, that evil exists, that we still live in an environment where the kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness are at war. No, it doesn't explain everything. But there is a lot that only really makes sense when you bring spiritual warfare into the equation. When Jesus was here on Earth, physically here on Earth, Earth got a small taste of what things would be like if everything were as God wants it to be? Death is not OK. And there are other things that are not OK, either, like violence and racism and human trafficking. Are those things the way God wants it to be? No. You can, in one sense, describe everything about Jesus’ coming and living and dying and rising again and returning to Heaven, that everything about Jesus coming here was to do away with the cause and the result, and eventually the reality is death. Death was so much not OK and it is so much not OK to Him that He has done and He's doing something about it. To use our human words, He's not taking death lying down. He did something about it, and He is doing something about it. Death is not OK.

Connect with Carol Peters-Tanksley

·         Drcarolministries.com

·         On Facebook

·         On Twitter

Greenelines Host Information

Dr. Steve Greene is the Publisher and Executive Vice President of Charisma Media. Dr. Greene received his Ph.D. in marketing from Memphis State University. He has worked in television station management and worked directly with over 80 stations throughout the United States. He has worked in marketing capacities with McDonald’s, Jiffy Lube, and Stanley Steemer. He has owned restaurants, a national advertising agency and a syndicated marketing research firm. Dr. Greene has served as the Dean of the College of Business and professor of marketing at Oral Roberts University. He is also the author of Love Leads, which dispels the myths and misconceptions many have come to accept about leadership.

To learn more about Dr. Steve Greene, connect with him on social media!

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drsgreene/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrSteveGreene

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.stevegreene/

15

0:00/29:55

The Hope in Grief with Dr. Carol Peters-Tanksley