The Reward of Marriage with Chip Ingram (Season 5, Ep. 27)

The Reward of Marriage with Chip Ingram (Season 5, Ep. 27)

Marriage can work when you follow God's blueprint for marriage.

Author and Pastor Chip Ingram converses with host Dr. Steve Greene about God's way for husbands and wives to become spiritual soul mates, best friends, and passionate lovers. Hear personal stories as Chip breaks down the meaning behind the marriage roles found in Ephesians 5: 21-33 tackling the subject of submission. He simplifies the sound design God gave for equality as you draw closer to God to be as one

Listen to learn what's good about marriage and how you can get a copy of Chip Ingram's new book, "Marriage that Works." 

31 Minutes • 2 months ago

Episode Notes

Greenelines with

Dr. Steve Greene

Guest: Pastor Chip Ingram

 

 

When it comes to marriage, anything goes in our contemporary culture. Isn't it time we look to the author of the marital covenant? With characteristic compassion and engaging storytelling, Chip Ingram offers insights into the biblical model, the unique roles men and women play, the reasons why God created marriage.

 

Ingram discusses his book Marriage That Works in-depth with host Dr. Steve Greene.

 

Introduction

Dr. Steve Greene: I'd like to call your attention today as we begin this podcast to Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. I love this language. And I've taught it so often in business, but I’d like you to hear it in a different way today, and you'll understand that more in a moment. Here’s the verse: Two are better than one because there was a good reward; a good reward for their labor together; here that. For if they fall, then one will help his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls with no one to help him up.

 

·         Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: Two are better than one, because there is a good reward for their labor together. For if they fall, then one will help up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has no one to help him up” (MEV).

 

You know, as I was preparing this morning, and in my Bible study and time alone, these verses came to me and I was thinking of them in a totally different way, in business. Considering the guests that we have on our show today, I began to think about it in marriage, and I've never used it, I've never applied it the way that I'm going to ask you to think through it just now. The Bible tells us it's better that for a man to be with a woman and to cleave to his wife; that two are better than one because there's a good reward for their labor together. I like to think about a home as being a productive plant where we produce fruit where we can sit at the gates of a Proverbs 31 gate and be talked about in the community as people who make an influence, who have given back; that we raise children who are thought of as productive and valuable. That's what I want our marriage to represent when we're done. We're almost 46 years of being married. I thank God for my wife every day and hopefully she does the same for me. I don't hear her private prayers. But I know she does. We just like being and you've heard me speak of this in the past, as I've done shows, that the most important thing for me is yes, we play golf together. We have a life together, we go to the Disney parks together, we do photography together. But what matters most is just when we sit together; just be and not have to be on stage, but be thinking about our labor together. The labor in the spirit; we ministered in Africa together. She's been with me as a pastor's wife for many years and did the work of the church and no one saw her. No one saw the work that she did, because she didn't want to a public persona as a pastor's wife. She wanted to serve, to clean restrooms and to be unseen. That’s the kind of helpmeet that I was given and I want to say that right off the bat as we begin today's interview with Chip Ingram. He's a pastor has been a long-term pastor, and we're going to learn more about him and the marriage that he has with his wife, Teresa. But I want to also refer to his book. It's called Marriage That Works. That word work hit me after this verse. Marriages work. There is a part of that marriage that is designed to be full of labor and productivity. I ask this of couples just before I do their wedding, I ask about their vision for their marriage. When you're in your rocking chair at age, whatever, and you're finished, what will you have done together? That's the productive part of a marriage. So, we're going to get to that with Pastor today. I'm so thankful to have someone who says this in the book’s subhead: God's way of becoming spiritual soulmates, best friends and passionate lovers. Those are the words that are on the cover of Chip’s book. So, I can't do anything else except get this interview started.

 

Dr. Steve Greene: I'm so excited about your book, but I just want to celebrate your marriage. How long have you been married and can you tell me about Teresa?

 

The Ingrams on the Air

·         Listen to Chip Ingram’s radio broadcasts at livingontheedge.org.

·         Watch the Ingrams’ television broadcasts

·         Get message notes for the broadcasts

·         Subscribe to Living on the Edge podcasts

 

Chip Ingram: Last December, it was 40 years. I married a tremendous wife. We both came out of some challenging backgrounds. Both our fathers were alcoholics. We both didn't come to Christ until early adulthood. So, we had a lot of baggage to unpack. What people will find in the book is some very honest things about what I think most people struggle with. But what I love most about my wife is her commitment to whatever it takes, no matter how hard, I'm going to obey God. We had some times where I think both felt like if there was a way out of this, we would have gotten out. But that covenant, that glue that no God, we'll figure this out. As a result, you look back and you say, oh, Lord, thank you. We have four grown kids that all walk with the Lord and 12 grandkids. We're very far from perfect, but it is been rich and I can say that we are really are best friends and passionate lovers and just connected at the heart as soulmates. It's way better not growing up as a believer and not seeing that example. My marriage is so much better than I thought one could be. But boy you hit it. It's been a lot of hard work and need a lot of grace.

 

Dr. Steve Greene: So, tell me how you met Teresa.

 

Chip Ingram: I thought I was going to be a basketball coach. I was teaching and coaching, working on my Masters because I wanted to coach at the college level there West Virginia University. She was working at a college called Fairmont State. We both graduated from undergraduate and I was doing graduate work at WVU and I was leading what was loosely identified with the navigators, but we were doing a college ministry. She came to one of our, we call them rallies, we take all the furniture out of this guy's house and we put about 100 students sitting on the floor. Think back to the 70s, guitar in hand and packed the students in. We met there. She was in a women's Bible study, and I was leading the men's groups and one thing led to another and God brought us together. It's been really good.

 

Some of Chip’s Books

·         Culture Shock

·         Effective Parenting in a Defective World

·         Good to Great in God’s Eyes

·         Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships

·         Invisible War

 

 

Dr. Steve Greene: So, tell us, you've had a radical change in understanding of Ephesians 5, and it really changed the way you view marriage and some of what Paul had to say to the church. Tell us, how you've transformed your thinking on Ephesians 5.

 

Chip Ingram: I think because I didn't grow up as a Christian, I certainly thought marriage was important and my parents were of old school that you keep your commitments and high integrity, but I think for most of us, we viewed marriage as like a social contract and the unconscious stipulation is as long as it's working for me, and it's working for you and we're both satisfied, we stay in the contract. But if I'm unfulfilled, unhappy, or it's not sort of coming out the way I envisioned it, then we both understand that there's an exit clause, and it's called divorce, or just live parallel paths inside of a very artificial marriage. And by contrast, what you see in the midst of a sexually inundated culture there in Ephesus, the apostle Paul says that marriage is designed by God, and that it's a holy covenant. In fact, it's so sacred, not unlike the sacred covenant he made with Noah or Abraham and not like the one He did with Moses. Each one of these covenants are instituted by a vow, and then there's conditions. Then they're ratified by blood and they’re sealed with this promise. Whether it's a rainbow or a circumcision or the covenant of Jesus, where He gives us life, the marriage covenant is this irrevocable commitment to an imperfect person, where the conditions and the roles are defined. It's more than just am I fulfilled, but am I going to model something where God is going to reveal His love and His loyalty and His power to my marriage? I think for Teresa and me, it was one of those where I had this word picture in my mind. You know West Virginia, unlike most people, but there's all these mountains, and the back of her house was right into the side of a mountain. Her dad dug out of this rock a spring house. So, then there was a well underneath it, and they would put all their food for the year in it. I pictured Teresa and I being ushered into that spring house. And then my friend the bricklayer started putting up bricks and wall so there was no way out. We had all the water we needed, all the food we needed. But if you have a problem, you have to figure out how to resolve it. I think it's that understanding that there is a role for a man, a role for a woman. We're desperately dependent on the supernatural power of God to make it work.

 

Dr. Steve Greene: Pastor, my wife and I did something similar and we're married at 19 and she was the only woman that I had ever really dated and had any kind of experience with. I fell in love with her really quickly and we got married and I put a sign up over the door, not knowing what you know now as a pastor in a minister. We just put a no exit sign like you put over doors that are not really out outside of the building. And we had that no exit sign in our marriage for at least the first five years until it really stuck and it get caught hold. I didn't want a divorce no matter what because I came from divorced parents. That was what it meant to me without the spiritual understanding of a covenant. It's so important that we start knowing that there is no exit ramp.

 

Chip Ingram: It's amazing the depth and the bond and the vulnerability. We want to be passionate lovers, we want to be very best friends. But the covenant is the environment or the container in which that can happen. And if you don't have that container, literally, if there's an exit clause. It's why that … everyone thinks it's so wonderful that we should test this out and live together first. Even among believers. … I think 40 percent of believers live together before they get married, if they do get married. Only one out of 10 of those couples who live together, whether they eventually get married or not, will be together 10 years later. There's something when you don't make this your revocable commitment, this bond … that’s the garden. I loved your picture. That's the garden where the plants of your marriage and the fruit can grow because you realize I desperately need God’s power and His grace. Let's face it, you get mad at each other and you have different expectations. As I tell couples, you're going to have problems with your in-laws, communication, resolving conflict, your sex life priorities, and how you discipline children. Only people that don't have any problems in those areas are liars. Those aren't like something that you should not expect, but when you have this commitment to say, OK, God's promised He's going to show us how to work through those. Instead of being deal breakers, they're really heart makers. Once you discover and work through those issues, there's a deeper and deeper connection that is really what we're all longing for.

 

Connect with Chip and Teresa Ingram

·         Livingontheedge.org

·         On Facebook

·         On Twitter

·         Get the Chip Ingram App

 

Greenelines Host Information

Dr. Steve Greene is the Publisher and Executive Vice President of Charisma Media. Dr. Greene received his Ph.D. in marketing from Memphis State University. He has worked in television station management and worked directly with over 80 stations throughout the United States. He has worked in marketing capacities with McDonald’s, Jiffy Lube, and Stanley Steemer. He has owned restaurants, a national advertising agency and a syndicated marketing research firm. Dr. Greene has served as the Dean of the College of Business and professor of marketing at Oral Roberts University. He is also the author of Love Leads, which dispels the myths and misconceptions many have come to accept about leadership.

To learn more about Dr. Steve Greene, connect with him on social media!

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drsgreene/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrSteveGreene

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.stevegreene/

 

email: greenelines@charismamedia.com

Episode Notes

Greenelines with

Dr. Steve Greene

Guest: Pastor Chip Ingram

 

 

When it comes to marriage, anything goes in our contemporary culture. Isn't it time we look to the author of the marital covenant? With characteristic compassion and engaging storytelling, Chip Ingram offers insights into the biblical model, the unique roles men and women play, the reasons why God created marriage.

 

Ingram discusses his book Marriage That Works in-depth with host Dr. Steve Greene.

 

Introduction

Dr. Steve Greene: I'd like to call your attention today as we begin this podcast to Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. I love this language. And I've taught it so often in business, but I’d like you to hear it in a different way today, and you'll understand that more in a moment. Here’s the verse: Two are better than one because there was a good reward; a good reward for their labor together; here that. For if they fall, then one will help his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls with no one to help him up.

 

·         Ecclesiastes 4:9-10: Two are better than one, because there is a good reward for their labor together. For if they fall, then one will help up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has no one to help him up” (MEV).

 

You know, as I was preparing this morning, and in my Bible study and time alone, these verses came to me and I was thinking of them in a totally different way, in business. Considering the guests that we have on our show today, I began to think about it in marriage, and I've never used it, I've never applied it the way that I'm going to ask you to think through it just now. The Bible tells us it's better that for a man to be with a woman and to cleave to his wife; that two are better than one because there's a good reward for their labor together. I like to think about a home as being a productive plant where we produce fruit where we can sit at the gates of a Proverbs 31 gate and be talked about in the community as people who make an influence, who have given back; that we raise children who are thought of as productive and valuable. That's what I want our marriage to represent when we're done. We're almost 46 years of being married. I thank God for my wife every day and hopefully she does the same for me. I don't hear her private prayers. But I know she does. We just like being and you've heard me speak of this in the past, as I've done shows, that the most important thing for me is yes, we play golf together. We have a life together, we go to the Disney parks together, we do photography together. But what matters most is just when we sit together; just be and not have to be on stage, but be thinking about our labor together. The labor in the spirit; we ministered in Africa together. She's been with me as a pastor's wife for many years and did the work of the church and no one saw her. No one saw the work that she did, because she didn't want to a public persona as a pastor's wife. She wanted to serve, to clean restrooms and to be unseen. That’s the kind of helpmeet that I was given and I want to say that right off the bat as we begin today's interview with Chip Ingram. He's a pastor has been a long-term pastor, and we're going to learn more about him and the marriage that he has with his wife, Teresa. But I want to also refer to his book. It's called Marriage That Works. That word work hit me after this verse. Marriages work. There is a part of that marriage that is designed to be full of labor and productivity. I ask this of couples just before I do their wedding, I ask about their vision for their marriage. When you're in your rocking chair at age, whatever, and you're finished, what will you have done together? That's the productive part of a marriage. So, we're going to get to that with Pastor today. I'm so thankful to have someone who says this in the book’s subhead: God's way of becoming spiritual soulmates, best friends and passionate lovers. Those are the words that are on the cover of Chip’s book. So, I can't do anything else except get this interview started.

 

Dr. Steve Greene: I'm so excited about your book, but I just want to celebrate your marriage. How long have you been married and can you tell me about Teresa?

 

The Ingrams on the Air

·         Listen to Chip Ingram’s radio broadcasts at livingontheedge.org.

·         Watch the Ingrams’ television broadcasts

·         Get message notes for the broadcasts

·         Subscribe to Living on the Edge podcasts

 

Chip Ingram: Last December, it was 40 years. I married a tremendous wife. We both came out of some challenging backgrounds. Both our fathers were alcoholics. We both didn't come to Christ until early adulthood. So, we had a lot of baggage to unpack. What people will find in the book is some very honest things about what I think most people struggle with. But what I love most about my wife is her commitment to whatever it takes, no matter how hard, I'm going to obey God. We had some times where I think both felt like if there was a way out of this, we would have gotten out. But that covenant, that glue that no God, we'll figure this out. As a result, you look back and you say, oh, Lord, thank you. We have four grown kids that all walk with the Lord and 12 grandkids. We're very far from perfect, but it is been rich and I can say that we are really are best friends and passionate lovers and just connected at the heart as soulmates. It's way better not growing up as a believer and not seeing that example. My marriage is so much better than I thought one could be. But boy you hit it. It's been a lot of hard work and need a lot of grace.

 

Dr. Steve Greene: So, tell me how you met Teresa.

 

Chip Ingram: I thought I was going to be a basketball coach. I was teaching and coaching, working on my Masters because I wanted to coach at the college level there West Virginia University. She was working at a college called Fairmont State. We both graduated from undergraduate and I was doing graduate work at WVU and I was leading what was loosely identified with the navigators, but we were doing a college ministry. She came to one of our, we call them rallies, we take all the furniture out of this guy's house and we put about 100 students sitting on the floor. Think back to the 70s, guitar in hand and packed the students in. We met there. She was in a women's Bible study, and I was leading the men's groups and one thing led to another and God brought us together. It's been really good.

 

Some of Chip’s Books

·         Culture Shock

·         Effective Parenting in a Defective World

·         Good to Great in God’s Eyes

·         Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships

·         Invisible War

 

 

Dr. Steve Greene: So, tell us, you've had a radical change in understanding of Ephesians 5, and it really changed the way you view marriage and some of what Paul had to say to the church. Tell us, how you've transformed your thinking on Ephesians 5.

 

Chip Ingram: I think because I didn't grow up as a Christian, I certainly thought marriage was important and my parents were of old school that you keep your commitments and high integrity, but I think for most of us, we viewed marriage as like a social contract and the unconscious stipulation is as long as it's working for me, and it's working for you and we're both satisfied, we stay in the contract. But if I'm unfulfilled, unhappy, or it's not sort of coming out the way I envisioned it, then we both understand that there's an exit clause, and it's called divorce, or just live parallel paths inside of a very artificial marriage. And by contrast, what you see in the midst of a sexually inundated culture there in Ephesus, the apostle Paul says that marriage is designed by God, and that it's a holy covenant. In fact, it's so sacred, not unlike the sacred covenant he made with Noah or Abraham and not like the one He did with Moses. Each one of these covenants are instituted by a vow, and then there's conditions. Then they're ratified by blood and they’re sealed with this promise. Whether it's a rainbow or a circumcision or the covenant of Jesus, where He gives us life, the marriage covenant is this irrevocable commitment to an imperfect person, where the conditions and the roles are defined. It's more than just am I fulfilled, but am I going to model something where God is going to reveal His love and His loyalty and His power to my marriage? I think for Teresa and me, it was one of those where I had this word picture in my mind. You know West Virginia, unlike most people, but there's all these mountains, and the back of her house was right into the side of a mountain. Her dad dug out of this rock a spring house. So, then there was a well underneath it, and they would put all their food for the year in it. I pictured Teresa and I being ushered into that spring house. And then my friend the bricklayer started putting up bricks and wall so there was no way out. We had all the water we needed, all the food we needed. But if you have a problem, you have to figure out how to resolve it. I think it's that understanding that there is a role for a man, a role for a woman. We're desperately dependent on the supernatural power of God to make it work.

 

Dr. Steve Greene: Pastor, my wife and I did something similar and we're married at 19 and she was the only woman that I had ever really dated and had any kind of experience with. I fell in love with her really quickly and we got married and I put a sign up over the door, not knowing what you know now as a pastor in a minister. We just put a no exit sign like you put over doors that are not really out outside of the building. And we had that no exit sign in our marriage for at least the first five years until it really stuck and it get caught hold. I didn't want a divorce no matter what because I came from divorced parents. That was what it meant to me without the spiritual understanding of a covenant. It's so important that we start knowing that there is no exit ramp.

 

Chip Ingram: It's amazing the depth and the bond and the vulnerability. We want to be passionate lovers, we want to be very best friends. But the covenant is the environment or the container in which that can happen. And if you don't have that container, literally, if there's an exit clause. It's why that … everyone thinks it's so wonderful that we should test this out and live together first. Even among believers. … I think 40 percent of believers live together before they get married, if they do get married. Only one out of 10 of those couples who live together, whether they eventually get married or not, will be together 10 years later. There's something when you don't make this your revocable commitment, this bond … that’s the garden. I loved your picture. That's the garden where the plants of your marriage and the fruit can grow because you realize I desperately need God’s power and His grace. Let's face it, you get mad at each other and you have different expectations. As I tell couples, you're going to have problems with your in-laws, communication, resolving conflict, your sex life priorities, and how you discipline children. Only people that don't have any problems in those areas are liars. Those aren't like something that you should not expect, but when you have this commitment to say, OK, God's promised He's going to show us how to work through those. Instead of being deal breakers, they're really heart makers. Once you discover and work through those issues, there's a deeper and deeper connection that is really what we're all longing for.

 

Connect with Chip and Teresa Ingram

·         Livingontheedge.org

·         On Facebook

·         On Twitter

·         Get the Chip Ingram App

 

Greenelines Host Information

Dr. Steve Greene is the Publisher and Executive Vice President of Charisma Media. Dr. Greene received his Ph.D. in marketing from Memphis State University. He has worked in television station management and worked directly with over 80 stations throughout the United States. He has worked in marketing capacities with McDonald’s, Jiffy Lube, and Stanley Steemer. He has owned restaurants, a national advertising agency and a syndicated marketing research firm. Dr. Greene has served as the Dean of the College of Business and professor of marketing at Oral Roberts University. He is also the author of Love Leads, which dispels the myths and misconceptions many have come to accept about leadership.

To learn more about Dr. Steve Greene, connect with him on social media!

Facebook: https://facebook.com/drsgreene/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/DrSteveGreene

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dr.stevegreene/

 

email: greenelines@charismamedia.com

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The Reward of Marriage with Chip Ingram (Season 5, Ep. 27)