Autumn Miles: When God Feels Silent

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Hey friends, and welcome to Her God Story, where

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you'll always hear stories that encourage and

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inspire your walk with the Lord. I'm your host,

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Jodie Chiricosta, ministry leader at Somebody Cares

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America and international author and traveler

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on this journey of faith. Today, we're going

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to talk about something that many British long

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for, but sometimes struggle to understand, hearing

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the voice of the Holy Spirit. My guest, Autumn

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Miles, has walked through seasons of deep struggle,

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and powerful encounters with God. And she speaks

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openly about how the Holy Spirit guides us and

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sustains us in different seasons and leads us

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even when we don't have all the answers. So let

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me ask you a question. Have you ever sensed God

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speaking to you? Maybe a quiet nudge, a thought

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that wouldn't leave you alone, or a moment when

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scripture suddenly came alive in a way that felt

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incredibly personal. For many believers, hearing

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the voice of God can feel mysterious, even intimidating.

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But the Bible tells us that being led by the

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Spirit is not reserved for a select few. It is

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part of our everyday life with Him. In Romans

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8, 14, the NIV version says, For those who are

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led by the Spirit of God are the children of

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God. That means if you belong to Christ, the

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Holy Spirit is not distant or silent. He's present,

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guiding, teaching. and even speaking in our hearts.

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The missionary Elizabeth Elliott once said, The

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Holy Spirit can and will guide me in direct proportion

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to the time and effort I put into walking with

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Him. What a powerful reminder that hearing God's

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voice grows out of relationship. Walking closely

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with Him, learning His heart, and trusting His

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leading. And that truth is something we hear

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again and again through the stories shared on

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this podcast. God is not silent. He's actively

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involved in the lives of his children. That's

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you. Before we begin today's conversation, I

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want to take a moment to thank all of you who've

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been faithfully supporting the Widow and Orphan

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Fund. Your generosity helps us extend tangible

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expressions of God's love to some of the most

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vulnerable people around the world. You know,

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Scripture tells us that caring for widows and

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orphans reflects the very heart of God. Through

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this fund, we've been able to come alongside

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widows facing overwhelming needs. and help ministries

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caring for orphaned children who might otherwise

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be forgotten. Sometimes that support provides

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emergency help for a grieving widow. Other times

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it helps give dignity and care for children who've

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lost so much. If you'd like to join us in this

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mission, simply visit HerGodStory .org and click

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on Help Now. Every gift, large or small, becomes

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part of God's provision for somebody who needs

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to experience His love in a very real way. So

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back to my guest, Autumn Miles. She has a powerful

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voice talking about faith in the real world.

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Autumn's a speaker, author, ministry leader,

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wife, and very busy mother. She reaches audiences

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across the country through conferences, media,

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and her writing. Her ministry and books help

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believers make sense of how God is at work in

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life's hardest questions. She speaks with honesty,

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as you'll hear in a minute. Opening up about

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the parts of faith many of us wrestle with but

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don't really like to talk about. Seasons of struggle

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and disappointment and even times when we don't

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hear God. Her newest book, Holy Ghosted, don't

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you love that title? Explores that very journey.

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How believers navigate seasons when God seems

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silent. Autumn, we are so glad you're here today.

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Welcome to Her God Story. Thank you so much for

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having me. I'm so excited. to talk to you. And

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it's a privilege to be on the show. And I'm excited

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about what God's going to do in these next few

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minutes that we have together. I really am. Amen.

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Well, Adam, to start, just give us a little background

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about your early years, your family, and where

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you were spiritually at that time. Well, I grew

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up in a Christian home. I love the way that I

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grew up. I grew up, my dad was a pastor. He was,

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he's still a pastor. right now. He's never not

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been a pastor. I've never not been a pastor's

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kid and I'm 45 years old. So I grew up in the

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church. I grew up learning everything about God.

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I grew up in the Baptist doctrine. And so I was

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very versed in scripture that was pushed a lot,

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which I'm incredibly grateful for that foundation

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that I have. It gave me a hunger for the scripture.

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But I learned growing up and what I went through

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in my life that knowing scripture is not the

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same as knowing God. And knowing what the Bible

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says and reading the Bible and memorizing the

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Bible is not the same as utilizing its principles

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in a relationship with God and the Holy Spirit.

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And I learned that later in life. I love the

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way that I grew up and was always in church.

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I always tell people I was born in the nursery.

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That's kind of how I feel. My kids were also

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born in the nursery too. It feels like they've

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always been in church too. But I mean, as I grew

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up, you start utilizing your free will. And sometimes

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it's good and sometimes it's not. And in my case,

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it just kind of took me down a path that... I

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don't know, was not God ordained, but God used

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it greatly in my life. Yeah. So what was that

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path? So here I am. Growing up in a Christian

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home, I noticed boys at a young age. Well, when

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I was a freshman, I really noticed that boys

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liked me. I liked them, but then I noticed that

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they liked me. So I started dating a little bit.

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And when I was a junior in high school, I met

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someone who was like, you know, like the guy,

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the guy, the cutest guy, the smartest guy, you

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know, all this kind of stuff. The guy with the

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most charisma out there and started dating him

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and really fell for him. Ended up marrying him

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the same year that I graduated high school. We

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dated for about three years. And then right after

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that, we got engaged and got married. And in

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that marriage... Seems like it could have been

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a fairy tale, right? But... It felt like it a

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little bit at first. Yeah. Things got hard in

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that relationship. I didn't... No one ever...

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talked about the word domestic violence or abuse.

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It was not utilized back then, you know, over

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20 years ago. No one talked about it. I'm proud

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to say that I've been an advocate for abuse victims

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now for almost 25 years, but no one talked about

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it. back then. So I didn't really know that some

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of the things I was experiencing, even in my

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dating relationship would be characterized under

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abuse. You know, when someone looks at you and

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says, you're fat, you're ugly, you, um, you're,

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you know, uses every explored expletive in the

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book and, and says, you're stupid on, on the

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back end of that sentence. Uh, that's, that is

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not. good language or behavior. So I didn't realize

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that I was in an extremely toxic situation that

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would only get worse once we got married. Just

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explain for a minute, Autumn. I mean, some of

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the time there were compliments, right? Because

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if there weren't, you wouldn't have stuck around

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if all of it was negative. So how did that play

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out? Abuse victims are very manipulative. they

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know when to press and then they know when to

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kind of snap it back and apologize. I would even

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be a little leery using the word compliments.

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I would say more apologies. And so, you know,

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as I learned from my church growing up, You have

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to forgive. You have to forgive 70 type 7. And

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he knew that verse. And so when he would mess

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up or when he would say something, he would eventually

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realize, oh, my goodness, I've gone so far. I

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need to apologize and apologize. And, you know,

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apology without changes is just a different form

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of manipulation. However, victims fall for it

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because it's extremely effective. You know, they

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weigh on the good nature of the victim. And the

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victim is hoping. for change. They want change.

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They want the relationship to work. They don't

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want to be stuck in something toxic. And so they

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forgive and then the cycle repeats itself. Yeah.

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And I think that's so what you mentioned is so

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important. An apology without change isn't real

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repentance. It is manipulation. No, the word

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repent in the scripture means to turn, to physically

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turn. from that activity. And so we have to,

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there has to be, you know, I could get off on

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a tangent and I know we're talking about other

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things here, but I just want to say very, very

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quickly, we have to watch and differentiate an

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apology from repentance. My kids are taught repentance,

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not necessarily apology because Bad behavior

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needs to be turned from. That's how we turn from

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our sin and accept the forgiveness of Jesus Christ.

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And so in a relationship like that, when you

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are almost brainwashed by this victim, I mean,

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they tell you by this abuser who tells you things

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like, you know, no one's going to love you but

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me. And, you know, if you tell anyone what we're

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doing, you know, I'm going to do this, that and

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the other to you. You know, you are you begin

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to get brainwashed. begin to believe lies. And

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so you'll take whatever you can get. So you don't

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care about repentance. You just care about the

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apology. So that was the cycle I was stuck in.

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And after marriage, it got worse, right? I mean,

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you actually were experiencing that before you

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got married, but then it got worse. And ultimately,

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you ended up even struggling with suicidal thoughts.

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Talk about that a little bit. It got worse. And

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how God broke through. It got worse. And it was

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one of those things where I didn't know how much

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I needed God until he was nowhere to be found.

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And I grew up with all of this head knowledge,

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but God was nowhere to be found. And I didn't

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know how to access him because I realized I was

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not even a believer. And I started to become

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very bitter at God. Satan got into my head during

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that silent season of my life and told me, where

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is God? Would a good God allow you to live through

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stuff like this? Would a good God allow you to

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be treated like this? And I started believing

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the lies of the enemy. And it got too much. It

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got to my breaking point. I consider myself a

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very long -suffering person, but every even long

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-suffering person, even patient person has a

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breaking point. And a couple of years into our

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marriage, the thoughts of... being mad at God

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had gotten so loud. And the fear that I experienced

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on a daily basis based on the control and the

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manipulation of the relationship that I was in

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had got me to a point where I didn't even want

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to face another day. I didn't want to die, but

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I didn't know how to get out. And I, you know,

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we didn't have the internet. We had nothing,

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nothing back then. You know, that was a long

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time ago. And I remember one night at 3 a .m.

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in the morning, just thinking, I got to get out

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of this. But I mean, I don't want to die, but.

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I don't see another option. It's pretty crazy

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when you're worried about getting out and suicide

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almost feels like an easier thought than telling

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everyone you know what's going on in your relationship

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and facing the embarrassment of that. That's

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bad. You've gotten to a really dark place. But

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that's where I was. And I remember one night

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at 3 a .m. in the morning, the thoughts of death,

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suicide, God was going to kill me. I had just

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100 % just agreed with that lie from the enemy

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that God wanted me dead. The fear that I felt

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from the relationship that I was in, it was just

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too much. And at 3 a .m. in the morning, I remember

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laying in my bed wide awake, thinking, I got

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to get out. I don't know how. I've got to end

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this. And while all of these thoughts are circulating

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in my head, the Holy Spirit of God for the very

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first time in my entire life spoke. And it came

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like a blinking light. I had never experienced

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the Spirit of God. Never. As a matter of fact,

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in my church, we didn't talk much about the spirit

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of God. It was more of a church that didn't really

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lean into the teachings of Pentecost and those

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types of spirit gifts. But that night at 3 a

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.m. in the morning, God spoke to me and he said,

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do you remember me? And it was like a flashing

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yellow light. Just kept flashing. Do you remember

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me? Do you remember me? Do you remember me? And

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it's crazy. I didn't consider myself a believer

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that moment, but it's when the creator speaks

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to his creation, the creation, their soul stands

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at attention. I knew even though I didn't have

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a relationship with God, I knew that I was being

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pursued really heavily by the spirit of God.

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I knew exactly who was speaking to me and it

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stood me up. I walked to the room right across

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the hall and offered up the most rebellious prayer

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ever. Said, God, I don't believe in you. I don't

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believe you're good. I don't believe you're powerful.

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I don't believe you did that stuff with Moses

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and Noah and all that stuff that I don't believe

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any of those things. If you happen to be real,

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it's pretty interesting adding that on there.

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I'm talking to God and saying, I don't believe

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in him. If you happen to be real, you have to

00:15:04.169 --> 00:15:06.370
speak right now, or I'm going to take things

00:15:06.370 --> 00:15:09.370
into my own hands. And there was a Bible that

00:15:09.370 --> 00:15:13.350
was across the room, a little blue Bible. And

00:15:13.350 --> 00:15:15.970
I went and I got the Bible and I did a famous

00:15:15.970 --> 00:15:19.870
like Bible flip open and open up the Bible to

00:15:19.870 --> 00:15:23.679
Psalm 91. And it says, be with him in trouble

00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:28.820
and I will rescue him with long life. I will

00:15:28.820 --> 00:15:32.000
satisfy him and I will let him see my salvation.

00:15:32.720 --> 00:15:38.559
And that one line changed my life because it

00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:41.639
said with long life, I will satisfy him. I was

00:15:41.639 --> 00:15:44.399
scared that God was going to strike me dead at

00:15:44.399 --> 00:15:47.970
any second. I was contemplating suicide. Nobody

00:15:47.970 --> 00:15:51.269
knew my thoughts except for myself and obviously

00:15:51.269 --> 00:15:54.149
God himself. I had not told one single person

00:15:54.149 --> 00:15:57.129
about that. And it was at that moment that I

00:15:57.129 --> 00:16:01.690
knew that there was a God. He does exist. He

00:16:01.690 --> 00:16:06.450
is monitoring my situation. How else would I

00:16:06.450 --> 00:16:10.840
have opened up to this passage? And that one

00:16:10.840 --> 00:16:15.980
passage of scripture from Psalm 91 made me collapse

00:16:15.980 --> 00:16:21.679
on the floor in repentance. And I began crying

00:16:21.679 --> 00:16:24.740
out. Gosh, it makes me emotional every time.

00:16:24.840 --> 00:16:26.779
I'll never get over it. I have told this story

00:16:26.779 --> 00:16:28.759
thousands of times and I will never get over

00:16:28.759 --> 00:16:33.620
it. I just began to cry out to God and repent

00:16:33.620 --> 00:16:38.559
from my sin, from my bitterness, from... the

00:16:38.559 --> 00:16:43.299
lies that I had believed. And I asked him to

00:16:43.299 --> 00:16:45.879
come in to my heart and to my life. I knew how

00:16:45.879 --> 00:16:49.419
to do it. My dad taught me how to do it. I asked

00:16:49.419 --> 00:16:52.360
him to come in and save me. And I was on the

00:16:52.360 --> 00:16:55.980
floor that night for like three hours. And I

00:16:55.980 --> 00:16:59.639
remember him speaking to me that night. And I

00:16:59.639 --> 00:17:03.100
remember him saying, you're going to minister

00:17:03.100 --> 00:17:06.960
one day to other autumns, just like you. People

00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:08.900
that aren't perfect. They don't have a squeaky

00:17:08.900 --> 00:17:12.440
clean, perfect past. They have a very complicated

00:17:12.440 --> 00:17:16.640
past. You're going to minister to them. That's

00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:18.339
why you're here. That's why you're on the planet.

00:17:18.859 --> 00:17:22.660
Wow. That encounter is amazing. And after that,

00:17:22.980 --> 00:17:28.119
you just had a real hunger to get to know God

00:17:28.119 --> 00:17:31.559
in a real way. So what did that process look

00:17:31.559 --> 00:17:33.299
like for you? How did you do that? I mean, you

00:17:33.299 --> 00:17:36.140
knew scripture, but how did you make it real

00:17:36.140 --> 00:17:39.240
in your life? And understand, how did you grow

00:17:39.240 --> 00:17:41.680
in that understanding of when God was speaking

00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:44.539
to you and how to even respond? Well, it's crazy.

00:17:44.759 --> 00:17:48.519
I didn't, I, you know, I knew a lot, but I, I

00:17:48.519 --> 00:17:52.000
didn't know anything all at the same time. And

00:17:52.000 --> 00:17:54.519
as a pastor's daughter, you know, growing up

00:17:54.519 --> 00:17:56.180
in the church and having all the answers all

00:17:56.180 --> 00:17:57.980
the time, being asked to pray all the time, I

00:17:57.980 --> 00:18:00.480
realized that night I knew nothing because this

00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:05.440
God I had just met, I had just met him. And so

00:18:05.440 --> 00:18:08.519
I didn't leave that relationship at that moment,

00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:11.019
which I don't recommend. I need to say that.

00:18:11.059 --> 00:18:14.799
I do not recommend. But that was my decision

00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:19.059
that I made at that time. And I decided, you

00:18:19.059 --> 00:18:21.299
know, abuse victims, they know how to operate

00:18:21.299 --> 00:18:23.539
in those relationships. You know what's safe.

00:18:23.640 --> 00:18:27.099
You know what's not. I figured I would play it

00:18:27.099 --> 00:18:31.519
safe. I wanted to explore this relationship with

00:18:31.519 --> 00:18:35.400
the Holy Spirit. I wanted to know him. I wanted

00:18:35.400 --> 00:18:40.319
him to know me. I wanted to experience what the

00:18:40.319 --> 00:18:46.079
Bible tells us about him. And so I took a year

00:18:46.079 --> 00:18:52.019
of my life, one solid year. And my entire goal

00:18:52.019 --> 00:18:57.009
that year was to learn the voice of God. I wanted

00:18:57.009 --> 00:19:00.829
to know that I knew that I knew and I would,

00:19:00.890 --> 00:19:05.569
I could, I could stand on that. What it sounded

00:19:05.569 --> 00:19:09.089
like when God spoke to me personally, not my

00:19:09.089 --> 00:19:15.000
dad, not my grandma. me. And so I ended up just

00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:18.119
starting to ask God questions like you would

00:19:18.119 --> 00:19:20.779
ask anyone in a relationship, like what's your

00:19:20.779 --> 00:19:23.980
favorite color? You know, those kinds of questions

00:19:23.980 --> 00:19:27.759
that seem so trite, but when you realize you

00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:32.279
don't know someone you know a lot about it, you

00:19:32.279 --> 00:19:34.400
start there, you start at the beginning. And

00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:38.200
I had to really eat a lot of humble pie and realize,

00:19:38.339 --> 00:19:41.950
oh my gosh, I have to start from square one with

00:19:41.950 --> 00:19:45.950
God. And so I would go on walks at night because

00:19:45.950 --> 00:19:49.269
in the evening time, because it was, I could

00:19:49.269 --> 00:19:53.650
go by myself and I literally would just ask God

00:19:53.650 --> 00:19:58.309
questions, ask him, could you reveal yourself

00:19:58.309 --> 00:20:02.650
to me and show me a dove? I just want to know

00:20:02.650 --> 00:20:04.710
you're here with me before I start talking at

00:20:04.710 --> 00:20:07.559
you. Show me a dove. And then there would be

00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:10.440
a dove that would land. Wow. Like right in front

00:20:10.440 --> 00:20:13.180
of me. It was insane. It was so crazy. It was

00:20:13.180 --> 00:20:16.460
very tangible. I went into 7 -Eleven one time.

00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:18.700
This is when I was just first starting off. And

00:20:18.700 --> 00:20:21.420
I said, God, I know this sounds really stupid,

00:20:21.539 --> 00:20:24.720
but I just need a guy, a man with a blue shirt

00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:27.460
to walk in. Words didn't even come out of my

00:20:27.460 --> 00:20:29.779
mouth. A man with a blue shirt walked in. And

00:20:29.779 --> 00:20:31.440
like to everyone else, that would seem really

00:20:31.440 --> 00:20:34.680
elementary. But to me, it was revolutionary because

00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:39.960
I realized that God was engaging with me and

00:20:39.960 --> 00:20:45.920
he was hearing me and then responding. And so

00:20:45.920 --> 00:20:50.480
I spent the year of my life really engaging with

00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:53.099
God, not talking at God. I think a lot of us

00:20:53.099 --> 00:20:55.960
talk at God, but we don't wait for God to engage

00:20:55.960 --> 00:21:00.039
and respond to us. And so by the end of that

00:21:00.039 --> 00:21:02.180
year, my request had gotten a little bigger.

00:21:03.740 --> 00:21:08.039
Man with a blue shirt and stuff like that. I

00:21:08.039 --> 00:21:10.180
mean, one of the things that happened, I remember

00:21:10.180 --> 00:21:12.660
I started tithing because I thought, God says

00:21:12.660 --> 00:21:16.119
we need to tithe. And so I started tithing and

00:21:16.119 --> 00:21:19.519
I felt like God said, give me 20 more dollars

00:21:19.519 --> 00:21:21.759
a month. Well, that might as well have been a

00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:23.819
million dollars to me. I couldn't afford 20 more

00:21:23.819 --> 00:21:26.599
dollars a week, excuse me, a week, but I did

00:21:26.599 --> 00:21:29.680
it. And I needed to sell this truck that we had

00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:32.200
bought that we could not afford. And it had been

00:21:32.200 --> 00:21:35.180
up for sale for like a year and no one wanted

00:21:35.180 --> 00:21:38.220
to buy it. And I remember thinking, okay, God,

00:21:38.279 --> 00:21:40.960
I'm going to risk for you. Are you going to engage

00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:44.140
me in this process? Put the truck up for sale,

00:21:44.220 --> 00:21:46.599
started tithing, did what God said, and we sold

00:21:46.599 --> 00:21:50.339
it within three weeks. And it's that kind of

00:21:50.339 --> 00:21:54.440
relationship where I took that entire year just

00:21:54.440 --> 00:22:01.809
to learn him. to learn his way, personally learn

00:22:01.809 --> 00:22:04.849
him. Not even what the Bible says, although that

00:22:04.849 --> 00:22:07.549
supported everything that was happening. But

00:22:07.549 --> 00:22:12.289
I began my personal journey with the Lord. And

00:22:12.289 --> 00:22:18.269
it was the best thing I have ever done ever in

00:22:18.269 --> 00:22:21.769
my life. And it was so simple, right? It was

00:22:21.769 --> 00:22:25.200
so simple. So simple. So simple. I mean, the

00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:27.700
spirit of God doesn't make himself unreachable.

00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:32.799
The spirit of God makes himself very attainable.

00:22:33.380 --> 00:22:38.059
But we have to have the spirit and the heart

00:22:38.059 --> 00:22:45.079
and the patience to sit, knock, ask, seek, and

00:22:45.079 --> 00:22:49.079
wait for that door to be open to us. But yet

00:22:49.079 --> 00:22:51.819
it was so simple, yet so profound all at the

00:22:51.819 --> 00:22:55.099
same time. Yeah. So God was changing your heart,

00:22:55.180 --> 00:22:58.619
teaching you to hear his voice. But as you mentioned,

00:22:58.700 --> 00:23:01.359
you hadn't left your horrible circumstances.

00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:07.359
But then something happened that was clearly

00:23:07.359 --> 00:23:10.359
God providing a way out, even though you didn't

00:23:10.359 --> 00:23:15.079
have support all around. But share about that,

00:23:15.240 --> 00:23:17.420
how you got, you know, how God led you out of

00:23:17.420 --> 00:23:21.319
the marriage, supported you through. some difficult

00:23:21.319 --> 00:23:24.119
times, even at your church, and how the Holy

00:23:24.119 --> 00:23:26.279
Spirit just walked you through the whole thing.

00:23:26.420 --> 00:23:29.160
I think there's a boldness that comes on you

00:23:29.160 --> 00:23:32.640
when you begin a personal relationship with God

00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:36.579
and something shifts in your mind where fear

00:23:36.579 --> 00:23:42.220
is not as captivating as courage. And I remember

00:23:42.220 --> 00:23:46.480
thinking, man, I should be scared right now to...

00:23:47.730 --> 00:23:50.349
be in the situation that I'm in. But for some

00:23:50.349 --> 00:23:56.769
reason, fear just seemed so unappealing. I almost

00:23:56.769 --> 00:23:58.769
didn't want to have anything to do with the fear,

00:23:58.829 --> 00:24:02.490
although the circumstances hadn't changed. I

00:24:02.490 --> 00:24:05.609
was still in a fearful circumstance. Courage

00:24:05.609 --> 00:24:12.940
became just the authority in my spirit. And after

00:24:12.940 --> 00:24:16.680
a year of walking with God very intimately, you

00:24:16.680 --> 00:24:20.420
know, I remember starting to ask God the big

00:24:20.420 --> 00:24:23.440
question in my life at that time, which was,

00:24:23.480 --> 00:24:29.240
do I leave? Do I stay? What do I do? And I waited

00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:32.940
and I told God, I will do whatever it is that

00:24:32.940 --> 00:24:36.920
you want. All I want to do is what you want me

00:24:36.920 --> 00:24:40.099
to do. And I will do whatever it is because pleasing

00:24:40.099 --> 00:24:44.480
you, gosh, it's so much greater than what I'm

00:24:44.480 --> 00:24:47.920
feeling in the moment. But I was buying bottles.

00:24:48.700 --> 00:24:50.880
I don't know why I'm always at 7 -Eleven. For

00:24:50.880 --> 00:24:54.019
some reason, these things with God happen there.

00:24:54.099 --> 00:24:56.859
I don't know what it is. But I remember I was

00:24:56.859 --> 00:24:59.880
buying bottled water at 7 -Eleven. I had gone

00:24:59.880 --> 00:25:02.740
on a trip with my parents to visit my brother

00:25:02.740 --> 00:25:05.319
and sister in college. And that was a whole fiasco

00:25:05.319 --> 00:25:08.539
in and of itself. I knew I was going back home.

00:25:08.559 --> 00:25:10.460
I was still in that relationship. I was still

00:25:10.460 --> 00:25:12.700
in that marriage. And I had been asking God,

00:25:12.779 --> 00:25:18.079
God, what do I do? I need to hear from you. And

00:25:18.079 --> 00:25:21.119
God delayed his answer in this area for a while,

00:25:21.240 --> 00:25:24.529
which is why I wrote my book, Holy Ghosted. He

00:25:24.529 --> 00:25:28.650
delayed his answer. It came, it just came a while

00:25:28.650 --> 00:25:30.789
after I started asking it. I was buying bottles

00:25:30.789 --> 00:25:33.049
of water at 7 -Eleven and all of a sudden I'm

00:25:33.049 --> 00:25:35.289
looking at the guy who's literally checking out

00:25:35.289 --> 00:25:37.430
the bottles of water, like click, click, you

00:25:37.430 --> 00:25:39.309
know, the beep that happens. And I'm about to

00:25:39.309 --> 00:25:42.509
hand him my, my card and the spirit of God said,

00:25:42.569 --> 00:25:46.230
you don't have to do it anymore. And all of a

00:25:46.230 --> 00:25:49.789
sudden I froze looking at this poor gas station

00:25:49.789 --> 00:25:54.809
attendant. And he's like, hello? Hello? And I'm

00:25:54.809 --> 00:25:56.769
like, I know that God had just spoken to me.

00:25:56.829 --> 00:25:58.569
And I gathered up these bottled waters. I go

00:25:58.569 --> 00:26:01.990
to my car. I sit in my car and I'm like staring

00:26:01.990 --> 00:26:06.190
off because I'm realizing God has just released

00:26:06.190 --> 00:26:10.250
me. So with that, I went and I told my parents

00:26:10.250 --> 00:26:13.490
who did not know, did not know what was going

00:26:13.490 --> 00:26:15.829
on in my circumstances. They had absolutely no

00:26:15.829 --> 00:26:17.849
idea. But I said, I'm going to file for divorce.

00:26:17.910 --> 00:26:19.930
Well, my dad was still a pastor at that time.

00:26:20.750 --> 00:26:24.150
I remember we were driving back home from Virginia,

00:26:24.309 --> 00:26:27.569
and I said, I'm going to file for divorce, and

00:26:27.569 --> 00:26:30.690
this is why. And I told him everything that had

00:26:30.690 --> 00:26:32.690
happened. We go back. We take it back to the

00:26:32.690 --> 00:26:36.289
church. The leadership of the church ends up

00:26:36.289 --> 00:26:41.910
bringing me before the church for church discipline.

00:26:43.150 --> 00:26:47.410
Rather than disciplining my ex, they chose to

00:26:47.410 --> 00:26:49.150
discipline me because I was going to file for

00:26:49.150 --> 00:26:56.609
divorce from an abusive man. And it really began

00:26:56.609 --> 00:27:03.589
a process that wasn't accepted in the church

00:27:03.589 --> 00:27:08.990
at that time at all. There was no grace that

00:27:08.990 --> 00:27:13.339
was evident in that situation. But I knew that

00:27:13.339 --> 00:27:16.359
I had heard from the Lord, and I ended up going

00:27:16.359 --> 00:27:18.599
to a divorce attorney, and the divorce attorney

00:27:18.599 --> 00:27:21.079
said, you know what? Because of your situation,

00:27:21.319 --> 00:27:23.640
I have daughters. I'll do your divorce for $500,

00:27:23.640 --> 00:27:25.599
which, again, might as well have been a million

00:27:25.599 --> 00:27:30.559
dollars. But I told the Lord, I can't pay for

00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:34.420
this divorce. I don't have $500. And the next

00:27:34.420 --> 00:27:38.220
Sunday at church, I remember walking into the

00:27:38.220 --> 00:27:39.859
church, and my dad said, there's an envelope

00:27:39.859 --> 00:27:43.200
for you. It was in my mailbox. It said autumn

00:27:43.200 --> 00:27:46.160
on the front. I opened up the envelope and there

00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:51.339
were five $100 bills in this envelope with no

00:27:51.339 --> 00:27:55.740
note attached, nothing. It was as if God himself.

00:27:56.539 --> 00:27:58.420
I still don't know where that money came from.

00:27:58.500 --> 00:28:00.859
I still, to this day, have no idea. I would love

00:28:00.859 --> 00:28:04.180
to know where it came from. But I knew exactly

00:28:04.180 --> 00:28:07.440
that God, not only had he told me, you don't

00:28:07.440 --> 00:28:09.579
have to do this anymore. He provided an attorney

00:28:09.579 --> 00:28:12.380
and gave him an amount. And then he provided

00:28:12.380 --> 00:28:14.799
the exact amount that I needed. So I took those

00:28:14.799 --> 00:28:19.480
little $100 bills like a fan to the attorney,

00:28:20.220 --> 00:28:24.140
paid him in full and said, here you go. And he

00:28:24.140 --> 00:28:26.920
did, in fact, handle the divorce. And I was divorced

00:28:26.920 --> 00:28:29.220
three months later. And I love the one other

00:28:29.220 --> 00:28:31.680
thing that you had mentioned to me when we talked

00:28:31.680 --> 00:28:36.839
before, how in the midst of the church leadership,

00:28:37.160 --> 00:28:39.599
not including your dad, your dad wasn't a part

00:28:39.599 --> 00:28:44.819
of this, telling you basically you need to stick

00:28:44.819 --> 00:28:47.779
with this or you're going to be disciplined and

00:28:47.779 --> 00:28:50.279
God can never use you again. The Holy Spirit

00:28:50.279 --> 00:28:52.500
intervened in the midst of all of that and spoke

00:28:52.500 --> 00:28:54.890
to you. What did he say? That time was... so

00:28:54.890 --> 00:28:58.549
rich with the, the voice, you know, sometimes

00:28:58.549 --> 00:29:01.150
it feels like God is silent. And then sometimes

00:29:01.150 --> 00:29:05.069
it's almost like, it's like drinking from a water

00:29:05.069 --> 00:29:08.910
hose. And God knew during that season of my life,

00:29:09.069 --> 00:29:12.390
she needs to hear from me directly. Cause she's

00:29:12.390 --> 00:29:14.869
not going to have any, hardly any support. Um,

00:29:15.029 --> 00:29:16.869
so I don't, that could be one of many things.

00:29:16.910 --> 00:29:19.470
I love it. You, you mentioned that he said they

00:29:19.470 --> 00:29:25.359
don't speak for me. Oh. So I'm sitting in a church

00:29:25.359 --> 00:29:27.759
meeting. Yes, of course. That's huge. I've written

00:29:27.759 --> 00:29:31.359
about this. It's in all my books. Um, I can't

00:29:31.359 --> 00:29:33.740
believe I forgot. I forgot that one. Um, so I'm

00:29:33.740 --> 00:29:35.460
sitting in this church meeting with the church

00:29:35.460 --> 00:29:38.200
leadership and they're all telling me God is

00:29:38.200 --> 00:29:39.940
never going to use you a hundred percent, never

00:29:39.940 --> 00:29:42.980
going to use you if you fall for divorce. And

00:29:42.980 --> 00:29:45.440
I remember sitting there, um, I list, I took

00:29:45.440 --> 00:29:47.900
it. I took it on the chin, you know, I let him

00:29:47.900 --> 00:29:49.559
say whatever they needed to say. I sat there

00:29:49.559 --> 00:29:52.039
silent. I kind of felt like not obviously not

00:29:52.039 --> 00:29:54.140
Jesus, but you know, when Jesus just stands and

00:29:54.140 --> 00:29:59.019
lets the officials question him and say all sorts

00:29:59.019 --> 00:30:00.619
of horrible things and he doesn't say a word,

00:30:00.680 --> 00:30:03.980
sometimes that is the proper posture. And I had

00:30:03.980 --> 00:30:06.180
just read that. And so I'm like, you're okay,

00:30:06.339 --> 00:30:07.819
Lord. I'm sitting here. I'm not saying anything.

00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:12.299
But as they were accusing me and as they were

00:30:12.299 --> 00:30:16.619
saying, God will never use you. We know he won't.

00:30:16.619 --> 00:30:21.680
We know he won't. In my spirit, God spoke so

00:30:21.680 --> 00:30:25.940
loud and said to me, they don't speak for me.

00:30:26.619 --> 00:30:29.000
They can say whatever they want, but they don't

00:30:29.000 --> 00:30:31.279
speak for me. And I remember leaving that meeting

00:30:31.279 --> 00:30:33.000
that night, knowing they were going to church

00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:37.990
discipline me and the whole way home. I was just

00:30:37.990 --> 00:30:41.549
reminded of people in the scripture that had

00:30:41.549 --> 00:30:46.609
kind of a shady past Moses, you know, David didn't

00:30:46.609 --> 00:30:49.410
get it right all the time. Um, you know, some

00:30:49.410 --> 00:30:52.430
of these guys were Noah, you know, they, they

00:30:52.430 --> 00:30:56.529
have kind of a shady past and God intervened

00:30:56.529 --> 00:30:59.369
in their life and use them greatly anyway, in

00:30:59.369 --> 00:31:03.529
spite of, and, um, and that's what he spoke to

00:31:03.529 --> 00:31:06.960
me that night. God has a way of making a point

00:31:06.960 --> 00:31:11.880
to this day. I can say, I know for a fact that

00:31:11.880 --> 00:31:18.319
God has used me for his glory and I call it the,

00:31:18.359 --> 00:31:21.880
it is the greatest privilege of my life to be

00:31:21.880 --> 00:31:25.559
on your show today because I want him to get

00:31:25.559 --> 00:31:29.140
the glory out of something that was so tragic

00:31:29.140 --> 00:31:33.730
in my life. So I know after that divorce, you

00:31:33.730 --> 00:31:36.630
were content to be single. You had just escaped

00:31:36.630 --> 00:31:39.130
a horrific relationship, but God had other plans

00:31:39.130 --> 00:31:42.089
for you. And not really not that long after he

00:31:42.089 --> 00:31:46.170
brought a man to you named Eddie into your life.

00:31:46.289 --> 00:31:50.829
And you said that you had peace eventually. I

00:31:50.829 --> 00:31:52.450
mean, not right away, but you had peace about

00:31:52.450 --> 00:31:55.710
marrying him, but you were still terrified. of

00:31:55.710 --> 00:31:58.009
marriage because of what you've been through.

00:31:58.049 --> 00:32:00.789
Share what that season was like for you emotionally

00:32:00.789 --> 00:32:03.410
and spiritually and how God helped you learn

00:32:03.410 --> 00:32:06.849
how to trust again. Well, it's exactly like you

00:32:06.849 --> 00:32:09.890
said. Once I got a divorce and my family went

00:32:09.890 --> 00:32:12.450
on vacation to celebrate it because it was so

00:32:12.450 --> 00:32:15.950
terrible the season of my life, which you don't

00:32:15.950 --> 00:32:18.609
hear that a lot. But you know what? When you've

00:32:18.609 --> 00:32:20.609
been through it and God delivers you, you need

00:32:20.609 --> 00:32:23.369
to celebrate what he's done in your life. And

00:32:23.369 --> 00:32:26.049
I remember sitting, we were in the Smoky Mountains,

00:32:26.089 --> 00:32:30.230
and I was sitting outside one night and started

00:32:30.230 --> 00:32:33.109
praying, you know, Lord, I would love to be married

00:32:33.109 --> 00:32:36.769
again, but I'm content with just you. Me and

00:32:36.769 --> 00:32:40.390
you, we can get through anything. I told him

00:32:40.390 --> 00:32:42.230
that that night. I also said, if you ever give

00:32:42.230 --> 00:32:44.910
me a little girl, I'm going to name her Grace.

00:32:45.670 --> 00:32:49.069
I had no idea that a couple months later, I would

00:32:49.069 --> 00:32:52.019
go to Liberty University. I felt, I felt very,

00:32:52.079 --> 00:32:54.200
very strong that God wanted me to go to Liberty

00:32:54.200 --> 00:32:59.640
University. And I went to Liberty and Eddie was

00:32:59.640 --> 00:33:05.779
one of the very first men, young men that I met.

00:33:06.420 --> 00:33:10.240
And I began talking to him and I, he was, and

00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:12.839
still to this day, we haven't married 20, almost

00:33:12.839 --> 00:33:16.160
22 years in May. There is nobody like this guy.

00:33:16.279 --> 00:33:18.759
There is just, I've just never met anyone like

00:33:18.759 --> 00:33:23.519
him. I met him. All he talked about was God.

00:33:23.819 --> 00:33:26.819
He did not talk about anything else. He was not

00:33:26.819 --> 00:33:30.839
shy about the Lord. He was telling me what God

00:33:30.839 --> 00:33:34.779
was doing in his life. And I thought, oh my goodness,

00:33:34.920 --> 00:33:37.799
this guy is different. Well, he asked me out.

00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:41.660
I turned him down, turned him down twice. But

00:33:41.660 --> 00:33:45.579
he's very persistent. And we ended up dating.

00:33:45.660 --> 00:33:49.019
We dated for two years. And I remember I knew,

00:33:49.710 --> 00:33:53.009
I knew the next step was coming in our dating

00:33:53.009 --> 00:33:56.630
relationship. And he knew all about my past.

00:33:56.710 --> 00:33:59.009
I'd been very, very open with him from the get

00:33:59.009 --> 00:34:01.769
-go, like from the jump. Listen, you need to

00:34:01.769 --> 00:34:06.190
know this about me. But it came down to us getting

00:34:06.190 --> 00:34:11.250
engaged. And I had a lot of peace about Eddie

00:34:11.250 --> 00:34:14.639
because I knew he was different. God at that

00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:17.300
time, you know, had a robust relationship with

00:34:17.300 --> 00:34:19.820
the Holy Spirit. So I was asking for confirmations.

00:34:19.820 --> 00:34:22.179
He was giving them to me. You know, I was very

00:34:22.179 --> 00:34:26.760
aware of the pause and the peace in my spirit

00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:30.460
and had all the peace about Eddie. But marriage

00:34:30.460 --> 00:34:36.239
was absolutely terrifying. I remember walking

00:34:36.239 --> 00:34:41.380
down the aisle on May 11th, 2004 to marry Eddie

00:34:41.380 --> 00:34:44.920
thinking I'm walking towards him, but I'm terrified

00:34:44.920 --> 00:34:47.579
of what this means. Cause what if I fail again?

00:34:47.800 --> 00:34:52.239
And what if he's not, he's not all that he is

00:34:52.239 --> 00:34:57.119
telling me he is. And it's a real, real step

00:34:57.119 --> 00:35:00.500
of faith. People that have been through what

00:35:00.500 --> 00:35:04.119
I've been through. to remarry. You want that.

00:35:04.360 --> 00:35:07.340
And the person a lot of times doesn't scare you.

00:35:07.400 --> 00:35:11.219
It is the commitment that you're making because

00:35:11.219 --> 00:35:19.119
you realize, wow, God, I'm trusting you in this

00:35:19.119 --> 00:35:22.139
decision. I'm trusting your leadership in this

00:35:22.139 --> 00:35:25.699
decision, not how I feel. And I think ultimately

00:35:25.699 --> 00:35:28.900
that helped me come to peace with that. I didn't

00:35:28.900 --> 00:35:33.719
trust marriage. I didn't trust it. as a covenant.

00:35:34.519 --> 00:35:36.880
I didn't trust it as an institution. I didn't

00:35:36.880 --> 00:35:42.599
trust it, but I trusted God who was redeeming

00:35:42.599 --> 00:35:47.260
my life and he was leading me into marriage with

00:35:47.260 --> 00:35:50.380
Eddie. And that's how I had to look at it for

00:35:50.380 --> 00:35:52.199
the first couple of years. Now, I don't feel

00:35:52.199 --> 00:35:55.639
like that today, obviously, but in those first

00:35:55.639 --> 00:35:57.519
couple of years, when you've been through something

00:35:57.519 --> 00:36:03.630
so hard, it really is by faith. that you even

00:36:03.630 --> 00:36:07.590
get married again, because it is incredibly scary.

00:36:07.969 --> 00:36:11.730
Yeah. So you've been married, you said, for over

00:36:11.730 --> 00:36:13.949
20 years now, and you have four beautiful children.

00:36:14.510 --> 00:36:18.570
And how did you get through those early years

00:36:18.570 --> 00:36:22.889
of marriage and now raising children to really

00:36:22.889 --> 00:36:26.150
love and have that relationship with the Holy

00:36:26.150 --> 00:36:29.309
Spirit that you have? Because you want to pass

00:36:29.309 --> 00:36:31.949
that on to them. I mean, you, you know, your

00:36:31.949 --> 00:36:36.210
father was doing the best he could teaching the

00:36:36.210 --> 00:36:38.909
word. You didn't get it when you were young.

00:36:39.570 --> 00:36:42.030
So what are you doing differently that has really

00:36:42.030 --> 00:36:44.489
helping your children have that personal relationship

00:36:44.489 --> 00:36:47.050
with the Lord? Thank you for asking that question.

00:36:47.349 --> 00:36:51.210
I love that question. I wanted to raise my kids

00:36:51.210 --> 00:37:01.010
spirit led. Every decision we make. God decides

00:37:01.010 --> 00:37:04.409
for us, for our children. We talk about all these

00:37:04.409 --> 00:37:08.110
different methods and these like ways to parent.

00:37:08.610 --> 00:37:12.130
I didn't, I didn't read any of that stuff. I

00:37:12.130 --> 00:37:14.130
mean, obviously, you know, you see the tips and

00:37:14.130 --> 00:37:16.150
tricks and, you know, you get the advice from,

00:37:16.170 --> 00:37:19.349
from moms and stuff like that as you have children.

00:37:20.110 --> 00:37:25.070
But I knew there is no more effective parent

00:37:25.070 --> 00:37:29.309
than God, the father. If you know one, let me

00:37:29.309 --> 00:37:32.610
know. You are not going to find a more effective

00:37:32.610 --> 00:37:35.949
parent than God, the father, his son, and the

00:37:35.949 --> 00:37:40.349
Holy Spirit, the Trinity. And so I wanted the

00:37:40.349 --> 00:37:46.050
Holy Spirit to not partner with us because that

00:37:46.050 --> 00:37:50.070
would be a downgrade for him. Lead us. I wanted

00:37:50.070 --> 00:37:55.949
him to lead my motherhood and Eddie, his fatherhood.

00:37:56.440 --> 00:38:02.679
So literally, God is a very current person in

00:38:02.679 --> 00:38:05.519
everyday conversation. If we have a day where

00:38:05.519 --> 00:38:08.739
we don't talk about God or what does God want

00:38:08.739 --> 00:38:11.340
or have you sought God or are you listening to

00:38:11.340 --> 00:38:15.880
God, it's weird. It would be weird in our home.

00:38:16.099 --> 00:38:20.909
From birth. until my oldest is almost 21. My

00:38:20.909 --> 00:38:25.670
second is 17 and Moses is 11 and Haven will be

00:38:25.670 --> 00:38:30.170
11 in a couple of weeks. They understand the

00:38:30.170 --> 00:38:33.230
Holy Spirit leads our family. And you know what

00:38:33.230 --> 00:38:35.630
it came from? It came from that one year where

00:38:35.630 --> 00:38:38.030
I decided I'm going to learn the Holy Spirit.

00:38:38.110 --> 00:38:42.110
So he makes decisions for us. I will fast and

00:38:42.110 --> 00:38:45.250
I will pray over our kids. My son and I just

00:38:45.250 --> 00:38:47.929
went down to Florida for him to look it up. A

00:38:47.929 --> 00:38:50.309
college last week, we're deciding on what college

00:38:50.309 --> 00:38:53.070
for him to go to. And I looked at him when we

00:38:53.070 --> 00:38:54.730
were getting on the plane and I said, you know,

00:38:54.750 --> 00:38:57.250
we're not going to choose. We're not choosing

00:38:57.250 --> 00:39:00.829
the college. We're listening for where God wants

00:39:00.829 --> 00:39:03.190
you to go. We're not choosing. We're listening.

00:39:03.550 --> 00:39:07.250
So they are very, very aware that the Holy Spirit

00:39:07.250 --> 00:39:10.099
leads them. And I'm telling you what. People

00:39:10.099 --> 00:39:11.639
look at us all the time and they're like, how

00:39:11.639 --> 00:39:13.760
are your kids like good kids? And they do this

00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:16.719
and they obey their upstandings. They volunteer

00:39:16.719 --> 00:39:19.280
in church. They love church. My son doesn't want

00:39:19.280 --> 00:39:21.440
to be anywhere else but at church. He wants to

00:39:21.440 --> 00:39:23.460
be every time the doors are open. He wants to

00:39:23.460 --> 00:39:25.460
be at church. How does that happen? When they

00:39:25.460 --> 00:39:30.320
know that they are unconditionally loved by the

00:39:30.320 --> 00:39:35.019
Holy Spirit of God and he has led the decisions

00:39:35.019 --> 00:39:38.179
in their life and they because of that leadership

00:39:38.179 --> 00:39:41.510
and because of. us parenting them through the

00:39:41.510 --> 00:39:44.449
Holy Spirit parenting us, they've seen miracles

00:39:44.449 --> 00:39:47.530
in their lives, things that a lot of other people

00:39:47.530 --> 00:39:51.250
haven't seen because He has led us. So it's a

00:39:51.250 --> 00:39:54.230
very real conversation. It is weird when we don't

00:39:54.230 --> 00:39:57.690
talk. It just never happens. God is very present.

00:39:57.849 --> 00:40:00.289
God the Father, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit is

00:40:00.289 --> 00:40:05.949
present in our daily life. Autumn, in spite of

00:40:05.949 --> 00:40:08.659
what the church elders said, God eventually did

00:40:08.659 --> 00:40:12.980
call you to start a ministry. And I'm sure you

00:40:12.980 --> 00:40:15.099
could tell us so many stories about that. But

00:40:15.099 --> 00:40:19.099
how did that vision first take shape? And how

00:40:19.099 --> 00:40:22.519
did the Lord lead it beyond what you initially

00:40:22.519 --> 00:40:26.119
thought it would be? Well, I went to Liberty

00:40:26.119 --> 00:40:28.219
and I was the first female intern that they sent

00:40:28.219 --> 00:40:30.880
out, ministry intern, female ministry intern.

00:40:31.039 --> 00:40:33.800
I want to clarify that. And I remember them sitting,

00:40:33.900 --> 00:40:35.719
me sitting in the office and I remember them

00:40:35.719 --> 00:40:40.539
saying, we hope this works. This is when women's

00:40:40.539 --> 00:40:44.039
ministry wasn't cool. And I thought, I hope this

00:40:44.039 --> 00:40:46.179
works too. There's a lot of pressure. But I went

00:40:46.179 --> 00:40:49.860
out to a church and I started leading their youth

00:40:49.860 --> 00:40:54.579
group. I was the female women's ministry intern

00:40:54.579 --> 00:40:58.380
to all of the girls. And it was the greatest

00:40:58.380 --> 00:41:01.260
summer ever. I had so much fun. But while I was

00:41:01.260 --> 00:41:03.019
there, I was teaching them through the armor

00:41:03.019 --> 00:41:06.670
of God, Kay Arthur. Um, she just, she just went

00:41:06.670 --> 00:41:09.130
home to Jesus, but oh my goodness, she was a

00:41:09.130 --> 00:41:10.909
mentor to me. I got to meet her one time and

00:41:10.909 --> 00:41:14.610
I almost passed out. That's how I was like, oh

00:41:14.610 --> 00:41:16.050
my goodness, you don't understand. We're in the

00:41:16.050 --> 00:41:20.090
presence of greatness here. Um, but I was reading

00:41:20.090 --> 00:41:23.289
through her study on the armor of God and I,

00:41:23.389 --> 00:41:25.610
I just kind of stopped and I said, God, what

00:41:25.610 --> 00:41:28.079
are you going to do with me? What are you, what

00:41:28.079 --> 00:41:31.559
am I doing here? Like, and this idea of conference

00:41:31.559 --> 00:41:34.780
ministry had been circling in my head for, I

00:41:34.780 --> 00:41:37.139
would say six months or so. I just kept out of

00:41:37.139 --> 00:41:39.159
nowhere, conference ministry. No one did conference

00:41:39.159 --> 00:41:41.260
ministry back then. We had promise keepers. We

00:41:41.260 --> 00:41:43.699
had woman of faith. That's all we had. And I

00:41:43.699 --> 00:41:46.039
remember thinking to myself, like what conference

00:41:46.039 --> 00:41:48.539
ministry that makes no sense. I don't know anyone.

00:41:48.619 --> 00:41:50.519
I was just kicked out of a church. I have no

00:41:50.519 --> 00:41:52.380
money. I have no connections. I have nothing.

00:41:52.460 --> 00:41:54.739
And I looked down at my Bible. And I don't know

00:41:54.739 --> 00:41:56.519
how this happened because I didn't even know

00:41:56.519 --> 00:41:59.820
Habakkuk was a book, I think, at that point in

00:41:59.820 --> 00:42:02.739
my life. And I looked down at my Bible and it

00:42:02.739 --> 00:42:06.159
was open to Habakkuk 2. And Habakkuk says, I

00:42:06.159 --> 00:42:08.420
will sit here and I will wait and I will see

00:42:08.420 --> 00:42:11.320
what he will say to me and how he will answer

00:42:11.320 --> 00:42:14.659
me when I am approved. And then the Lord answered

00:42:14.659 --> 00:42:17.639
me and said, write the vision down, make it plain

00:42:17.639 --> 00:42:20.199
on tablets that the one who reads it may run.

00:42:20.840 --> 00:42:22.960
For the vision is yet for the appointed time.

00:42:22.980 --> 00:42:25.599
It hastens towards the goal. It will not fail,

00:42:25.699 --> 00:42:28.739
though it tarries, wait for it. For it will certainly

00:42:28.739 --> 00:42:37.739
come. It will not delay. I thought, God, did

00:42:37.739 --> 00:42:41.119
you just confirm conference ministry to me? Write

00:42:41.119 --> 00:42:46.440
the vision down. Make it plain. The vision is

00:42:46.440 --> 00:42:48.559
yet for the appointed time. It hastens towards

00:42:48.559 --> 00:42:50.849
the goal. It won't fail. Though it tarries, wait

00:42:50.849 --> 00:42:54.409
for it. And I knew then God was going to call

00:42:54.409 --> 00:42:56.710
me to conference ministry. In 2010, my husband

00:42:56.710 --> 00:42:59.349
got transferred. I got hired at First Baptist

00:42:59.349 --> 00:43:03.590
Dallas. And I went and met with the pastor. And

00:43:03.590 --> 00:43:05.170
the pastor looked at me and said, I've heard

00:43:05.170 --> 00:43:06.630
about your dream. Because I was telling everybody

00:43:06.630 --> 00:43:08.550
about my dream. I've heard about your dream.

00:43:08.690 --> 00:43:11.489
I want to make it happen. I want you to come

00:43:11.489 --> 00:43:14.769
here. I want you to start your ministry. And

00:43:14.769 --> 00:43:17.730
he did what he said. And I really appreciate

00:43:17.730 --> 00:43:23.360
that. We launched in 2010 and we have been up

00:43:23.360 --> 00:43:28.440
and going ever since. But again, it was me asking

00:43:28.440 --> 00:43:33.699
God to intervene and God responding with his

00:43:33.699 --> 00:43:37.760
word. At that time, I knew I would definitely

00:43:37.760 --> 00:43:39.980
count on his spirit, but there's something beautiful

00:43:39.980 --> 00:43:44.000
about the tangible. word that you have to stand

00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:48.280
on. And I stood on that thing and he brought

00:43:48.280 --> 00:43:52.840
it to fruition in 2010. So from that, you have

00:43:52.840 --> 00:43:55.719
had a radio program, you've written several books,

00:43:55.780 --> 00:43:59.619
and the most recent book is called Holy Ghosted.

00:43:59.739 --> 00:44:02.739
And it's about the hard things when God seems

00:44:02.739 --> 00:44:04.960
silent, which you've experienced a few occasions.

00:44:05.119 --> 00:44:08.679
You mentioned one already, but maybe the most

00:44:08.679 --> 00:44:12.769
difficult one. was related to your son's health

00:44:12.769 --> 00:44:15.769
issues. How did you share about that and how

00:44:15.769 --> 00:44:18.989
you navigated that extended period of unanswered

00:44:18.989 --> 00:44:21.710
questions? What helped you through it? I think

00:44:21.710 --> 00:44:23.309
one of the things that God's really challenged

00:44:23.309 --> 00:44:29.050
me on is asking me this question. You talk a

00:44:29.050 --> 00:44:33.110
lot about my goodness, but what if it doesn't

00:44:33.110 --> 00:44:36.909
seem good? Am I still good even when it doesn't

00:44:36.909 --> 00:44:41.250
seem good? And one such circumstance is what

00:44:41.250 --> 00:44:45.469
you just described. My son, my oldest son, Jude,

00:44:45.690 --> 00:44:49.630
when he was one, we moved to Dallas and he got

00:44:49.630 --> 00:44:55.489
diagnosed with asthma and allergies. And his

00:44:55.489 --> 00:45:01.309
asthma and allergies were at such a point that

00:45:01.309 --> 00:45:05.010
his throat would close. That's the first thing

00:45:05.010 --> 00:45:07.849
that would happen. He would have an asthma and

00:45:07.849 --> 00:45:11.510
an allergy attack. And for some reason, his body

00:45:11.510 --> 00:45:15.670
responded with his throat closing. And we would

00:45:15.670 --> 00:45:17.610
have to rush him to the hospital and they would

00:45:17.610 --> 00:45:20.289
give him an epinephrine breathing treatment,

00:45:20.409 --> 00:45:23.349
which I didn't even know they did that until

00:45:23.349 --> 00:45:26.769
we had to have it. And it would open up his throat

00:45:26.769 --> 00:45:29.809
to where his throat would be released and he

00:45:29.809 --> 00:45:32.829
would breathe. But because of that situation,

00:45:33.210 --> 00:45:36.210
we almost lost him multiple times, multiple times.

00:45:37.010 --> 00:45:44.010
And I'm traumatized by him running into my room,

00:45:44.130 --> 00:45:48.070
shaking me awake. And even the sound, we knew

00:45:48.070 --> 00:45:50.369
what the sound and I would hit my husband and

00:45:50.369 --> 00:45:51.849
be like, we got to go right now. We got to go

00:45:51.849 --> 00:45:54.809
right now. Every time his life was saved, God

00:45:54.809 --> 00:45:57.150
spared his life every time. But when he was a

00:45:57.150 --> 00:46:04.079
sophomore in high school. He, it began to wear

00:46:04.079 --> 00:46:08.360
on him mentally. It had worn on me mentally for

00:46:08.360 --> 00:46:11.960
lots of years, but it began to wear on him mentally

00:46:11.960 --> 00:46:15.239
where he started to really come to terms with

00:46:15.239 --> 00:46:18.719
the fact that God was not healing him. And we

00:46:18.719 --> 00:46:22.000
were begging for God to heal him. And in this

00:46:22.000 --> 00:46:25.119
situation, God was silent. And I remember him

00:46:25.119 --> 00:46:27.940
looking at me and asking me the question, why?

00:46:28.750 --> 00:46:31.130
Is God not healing? He said, mom, look what you

00:46:31.130 --> 00:46:34.730
do for a living. Look what you do. You have been

00:46:34.730 --> 00:46:36.989
faithful to the Lord. Look at what dad does.

00:46:37.150 --> 00:46:39.250
My husband's also in ministry. Look what he does.

00:46:39.590 --> 00:46:43.789
Why would God not heal me? Because look, you

00:46:43.789 --> 00:46:46.469
guys have, you love the Lord. And I remember

00:46:46.469 --> 00:46:50.909
standing there in my kitchen, like just trying

00:46:50.909 --> 00:46:53.349
to keep it together. Cause what he's saying out

00:46:53.349 --> 00:46:56.010
of his mouth, I have said to the Lord a thousand

00:46:56.010 --> 00:47:00.519
times. And I looked at him with a simple, I don't

00:47:00.519 --> 00:47:04.260
know, because I did not know. My theology at

00:47:04.260 --> 00:47:07.119
that point had failed me. I didn't have the answer

00:47:07.119 --> 00:47:13.079
for that. And that's why I wrote the book, Holy

00:47:13.079 --> 00:47:16.880
Ghosted, because we have got to flip the narrative

00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:22.360
on our relationship with God. We need to show

00:47:22.360 --> 00:47:25.619
people there are hard places in God. However,

00:47:25.900 --> 00:47:30.440
God. is the answer to the hard places in God.

00:47:30.559 --> 00:47:35.139
The enemy wants us to leave God in relief because

00:47:35.139 --> 00:47:37.500
he says, if you just stop believing, if you stop,

00:47:37.539 --> 00:47:39.840
have faith, if you turn away, you know, there'll

00:47:39.840 --> 00:47:41.880
be relief. And it might offer you temporary,

00:47:41.940 --> 00:47:45.699
temporary relief, but what God wants you to do

00:47:45.699 --> 00:47:48.400
is lean into him for revelation. I wrote the

00:47:48.400 --> 00:47:52.199
whole book based on the book of Job and, um,

00:47:52.699 --> 00:47:55.820
It's one of the books of wisdom, and it's never

00:47:55.820 --> 00:47:59.199
preached, hardly ever preached. And we've got

00:47:59.199 --> 00:48:01.360
to dig into it because it's one of the books

00:48:01.360 --> 00:48:04.340
of wisdom for a reason. But in Jude's case, very

00:48:04.340 --> 00:48:08.260
specifically, it was one of those seasons where

00:48:08.260 --> 00:48:10.380
we didn't talk about it very much because we

00:48:10.380 --> 00:48:14.599
hadn't had a revelation yet. And sometimes we

00:48:14.599 --> 00:48:18.420
just need to acknowledge, yes, I get it. God

00:48:18.420 --> 00:48:22.440
is always good. Even when it seems bad, he's

00:48:22.440 --> 00:48:25.659
doing something good. But we've got to kind of

00:48:25.659 --> 00:48:29.440
flip the script on trials and we've got to acknowledge,

00:48:29.780 --> 00:48:32.880
yes, there are silent seasons and there are hard

00:48:32.880 --> 00:48:35.099
places in God. And this is a way to navigate

00:48:35.099 --> 00:48:39.280
that. And so how did that silent season finally

00:48:39.280 --> 00:48:44.099
resolve? Well, I looked at my son. I said, I

00:48:44.099 --> 00:48:46.099
don't know. I think when I said, I don't know,

00:48:46.199 --> 00:48:49.079
I just said out loud what it was almost like

00:48:49.079 --> 00:48:52.320
a surrender. This is going to make me cry because

00:48:52.320 --> 00:48:56.199
he suffered so much. It was almost like a surrender

00:48:56.199 --> 00:49:02.199
for me saying, I don't know. I don't have a five

00:49:02.199 --> 00:49:04.440
-point sermon on how to heal you. I'm sorry.

00:49:04.559 --> 00:49:06.840
I don't have it. It's not that I didn't have

00:49:06.840 --> 00:49:09.019
faith. I did have faith. Anyone that says you

00:49:09.019 --> 00:49:12.690
don't have enough faith, you know what? send

00:49:12.690 --> 00:49:14.250
me an email. I'd love to have a conversation

00:49:14.250 --> 00:49:16.429
with you. It was not because I didn't have much

00:49:16.429 --> 00:49:22.050
faith. Job, God says, Job was the most righteous

00:49:22.050 --> 00:49:25.190
man in all the East. It was not because he did

00:49:25.190 --> 00:49:28.230
not have faith. That is bad. Theology is incomplete.

00:49:29.750 --> 00:49:32.869
It wasn't because I hadn't prayed. I had fasted

00:49:32.869 --> 00:49:35.130
so many times and prayed over that kid. I had

00:49:35.130 --> 00:49:37.650
done everything. I didn't know how to do anything

00:49:37.650 --> 00:49:41.579
else. But something broke in me that day. I think

00:49:41.579 --> 00:49:45.159
it was surrender to God, just like Jesus in Gethsemane.

00:49:45.159 --> 00:49:49.920
Not my will, but yours be done. And it was a

00:49:49.920 --> 00:49:53.820
couple of months later that Jude went to a camp,

00:49:54.000 --> 00:50:00.420
a winter camp. And that's when he met the Holy

00:50:00.420 --> 00:50:03.460
Spirit. That's when he really felt immersed in

00:50:03.460 --> 00:50:05.840
the Holy Spirit. And God started speaking to

00:50:05.840 --> 00:50:08.329
him. because he was going through something so

00:50:08.329 --> 00:50:13.670
rough. And he told Jude, I'm going to use everything,

00:50:13.869 --> 00:50:16.530
all the suffering that you've been through, I'm

00:50:16.530 --> 00:50:18.510
going to use for my glory. And I remember him

00:50:18.510 --> 00:50:21.110
coming back from that winter camp and telling

00:50:21.110 --> 00:50:25.110
me that. Initially, Jude looked at me and asked,

00:50:25.190 --> 00:50:30.130
why? Why is God not healing me? And my answer

00:50:30.130 --> 00:50:33.489
was, I don't know. Jude nor myself, we did not

00:50:33.489 --> 00:50:36.250
need to know why. We asked why, but we didn't

00:50:36.250 --> 00:50:40.409
need to know why. What Jude needed was a revelation

00:50:40.409 --> 00:50:44.530
from God that he was going to bring something

00:50:44.530 --> 00:50:47.510
good out of it. And I think that's one thing

00:50:47.510 --> 00:50:50.010
that we need to understand about the way God

00:50:50.010 --> 00:50:53.289
responds and the way God speaks to us. We need

00:50:53.289 --> 00:50:59.680
to understand that sometimes he doesn't. answer

00:50:59.680 --> 00:51:04.400
exactly what we are asking. Sometimes he answers

00:51:04.400 --> 00:51:08.019
with a response to what our soul is actually

00:51:08.019 --> 00:51:10.760
craving. Yeah, that's good. And just knowing

00:51:10.760 --> 00:51:18.699
that God had met Jude, I'm sure did your mama

00:51:18.699 --> 00:51:21.300
heart a world of good. Oh my goodness. It changed

00:51:21.300 --> 00:51:24.099
everything for me. It put everything in perspective.

00:51:24.219 --> 00:51:29.639
I think sometimes in our parenting, Um, we, it's

00:51:29.639 --> 00:51:32.860
a lot easier if we give our kids answers. It's

00:51:32.860 --> 00:51:35.579
a lot easier if we say, I know why God did this.

00:51:35.619 --> 00:51:39.039
A plus B equals C. But actually I think it would

00:51:39.039 --> 00:51:42.409
have been, um, I think one of the things that

00:51:42.409 --> 00:51:46.050
God was doing during that situation was God wanted

00:51:46.050 --> 00:51:49.389
to speak to Jude about his situation and God

00:51:49.389 --> 00:51:52.670
wanted to take me out of the mix because that's

00:51:52.670 --> 00:51:56.130
when Jude began his personal relationship with

00:51:56.130 --> 00:51:59.429
God that is now completely thriving. I think

00:51:59.429 --> 00:52:02.210
sometimes God doesn't give us parents answers

00:52:02.210 --> 00:52:06.070
because he's pursuing our children and we need

00:52:06.070 --> 00:52:11.980
to let him pursue them in a way that. their soul

00:52:11.980 --> 00:52:15.280
is desperately yearning for. Autumn, you've shared

00:52:15.280 --> 00:52:18.500
a few restoration stories in your life, but there's

00:52:18.500 --> 00:52:21.260
one more I'd really love for you to share about

00:52:21.260 --> 00:52:24.900
your adoption journey and how God brought some

00:52:24.900 --> 00:52:28.639
restoration in an adoption journey in an incredible

00:52:28.639 --> 00:52:31.599
way. Well, I wanted to adopt ever since I was

00:52:31.599 --> 00:52:35.920
18 years old and met Eddie and told him like

00:52:35.920 --> 00:52:38.579
we weren't even. dating probably three weeks.

00:52:38.739 --> 00:52:40.719
And I was like, I want to adopt. I'm just telling

00:52:40.719 --> 00:52:43.380
you right now. So if that's not something you

00:52:43.380 --> 00:52:45.300
want to do, I'm not the girl for you because

00:52:45.300 --> 00:52:47.019
that's what I want to do. You know, I'm really

00:52:47.019 --> 00:52:50.000
kind of a matter of fact, speaker mind type of

00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:53.159
girl. And he's like, no, I love that idea. Well,

00:52:53.199 --> 00:52:55.280
we ended up getting married. We had Grace and

00:52:55.280 --> 00:53:00.059
Jude and my pregnancies with Grace and Jude were,

00:53:00.059 --> 00:53:05.460
were really bad. I'm very, I have a medical disorder

00:53:05.460 --> 00:53:08.639
that I did not need to have another biological

00:53:08.639 --> 00:53:15.539
child. And I started talking to Eddie about adoption

00:53:15.539 --> 00:53:19.219
and he ended up going to a men's conference and

00:53:19.219 --> 00:53:22.760
he came home from a men's conference and God

00:53:22.760 --> 00:53:25.119
had spoken to him and he, he actually, he didn't

00:53:25.119 --> 00:53:27.239
come home. He actually called me and he said,

00:53:27.300 --> 00:53:30.619
God told me we're going to adopt. And now's the

00:53:30.619 --> 00:53:34.769
time. And I mean, I. The adoption agency said

00:53:34.769 --> 00:53:38.570
they had never seen someone's paperwork come

00:53:38.570 --> 00:53:41.230
in so soon. I got on that paperwork. It was done

00:53:41.230 --> 00:53:43.570
in like two weeks. I sent, I mean, and it is

00:53:43.570 --> 00:53:46.150
long, a lot. They want to know everything about

00:53:46.150 --> 00:53:50.050
you. I sent it to them and we were very quickly

00:53:50.050 --> 00:53:53.429
on the adoption list as adoptive parents waiting

00:53:53.429 --> 00:53:57.900
for a child. About a year into that. situation,

00:53:58.280 --> 00:54:01.219
we were matched with a birth mother who told

00:54:01.219 --> 00:54:05.239
us that she was pregnant with twin girls. And

00:54:05.239 --> 00:54:07.579
we were ecstatic. We told Grace and Jude, we

00:54:07.579 --> 00:54:10.159
were super excited. We're thinking, oh my goodness,

00:54:10.340 --> 00:54:13.119
we knew we wanted to adopt one, but now we have

00:54:13.119 --> 00:54:17.239
two. However, it wasn't sitting right in my spirit.

00:54:17.760 --> 00:54:21.480
The spirit of God again was speaking to me. I

00:54:21.480 --> 00:54:24.139
had a pause. I had an angst. Something just wasn't

00:54:24.139 --> 00:54:26.420
right. And I couldn't tell you what it was. I

00:54:26.420 --> 00:54:29.380
just knew it wasn't right. I end up one night

00:54:29.380 --> 00:54:34.260
just sitting down and the Lord started speaking

00:54:34.260 --> 00:54:38.019
to me. We had gotten an ultrasound in the mail

00:54:38.019 --> 00:54:42.360
from her. And I thought. is this true? One of

00:54:42.360 --> 00:54:46.739
our neighbors is an OBGYN. I took the ultrasound

00:54:46.739 --> 00:54:48.780
to her. She goes, it looks right to me. Like,

00:54:48.840 --> 00:54:51.460
I mean, it looks like a normal ultrasound. And

00:54:51.460 --> 00:54:53.960
I started Googling on the internet, like, can

00:54:53.960 --> 00:54:57.500
you falsify an ultrasound? Well, sure enough,

00:54:57.739 --> 00:55:01.159
yes, you can. And I ended up clicking through

00:55:01.159 --> 00:55:04.519
pictures on a site that I had found, and there

00:55:04.519 --> 00:55:06.860
was my ultrasound that I was holding in my hand

00:55:06.860 --> 00:55:11.639
that someone had falsified. I sent it to the

00:55:11.639 --> 00:55:14.780
adoption agency and they found out through their

00:55:14.780 --> 00:55:17.599
own investigation that she was scamming us. She

00:55:17.599 --> 00:55:20.579
wasn't even pregnant. And that grieved us just

00:55:20.579 --> 00:55:24.280
terribly. We wanted those two baby girls. And

00:55:24.280 --> 00:55:26.860
I thought, Lord, what are you going to do? What

00:55:26.860 --> 00:55:29.940
are you going to do here? And out of Isaiah 61,

00:55:30.239 --> 00:55:34.139
the Lord spoke to me one day and he said, he

00:55:34.139 --> 00:55:37.619
said, I will give you a double portion. And you

00:55:37.619 --> 00:55:43.380
will shout for joy over your portion. And a year

00:55:43.380 --> 00:55:47.159
later, a year and a half later, we got a call

00:55:47.159 --> 00:55:51.400
about, he was an emergency baby. His birth mom

00:55:51.400 --> 00:55:53.840
had just walked into the agency and she said,

00:55:54.000 --> 00:55:57.900
I'm due in two days and I'm going to place this

00:55:57.900 --> 00:56:00.480
baby for adoption. Well, the agency called us.

00:56:00.619 --> 00:56:06.599
She chose us. We said yes immediately. As soon

00:56:06.599 --> 00:56:08.559
as they asked, would you like to adopt this child?

00:56:08.679 --> 00:56:14.039
We said yes. 24 hours later, 24 hours later,

00:56:14.139 --> 00:56:18.300
we got another call and the agency said, we know

00:56:18.300 --> 00:56:22.320
you just said yes to a baby boy, but today a

00:56:22.320 --> 00:56:26.460
baby girl has a birth mom of a baby girl has

00:56:26.460 --> 00:56:29.960
chosen you. Will you take her as well? I didn't

00:56:29.960 --> 00:56:33.280
even look. I didn't even look at my husband.

00:56:34.079 --> 00:56:37.900
I said yes instantly. Of course, he would have

00:56:37.900 --> 00:56:44.000
said yes to instantly as well. And Moses was

00:56:44.000 --> 00:56:48.099
born the very next day and Haven was born nine

00:56:48.099 --> 00:56:51.239
weeks later. We took them both home from the

00:56:51.239 --> 00:56:54.159
hospital, but that is just another story in there.

00:56:54.260 --> 00:56:56.699
You know, Moses turned 10 in February. So right

00:56:56.699 --> 00:57:00.400
now they're he in, in numbers, he is older than

00:57:00.400 --> 00:57:02.480
her, which he will never let her live that down,

00:57:02.559 --> 00:57:06.820
but she is about to be 11 here in April. And

00:57:06.820 --> 00:57:11.880
it's just another way of God's justice and God.

00:57:12.579 --> 00:57:17.300
He really does restore and he really does. bring

00:57:17.300 --> 00:57:20.559
his children justice. And that's what he did

00:57:20.559 --> 00:57:25.159
for us. It was powerful. It was a miracle. Yeah.

00:57:25.340 --> 00:57:28.699
Oh, I love that story. Well, April, as we close,

00:57:28.920 --> 00:57:32.860
just share if there's a woman of the Bible who's

00:57:32.860 --> 00:57:35.239
really inspired or encouraged or taught you something

00:57:35.239 --> 00:57:37.400
in your walk with the Lord. It's got to be Rahab.

00:57:37.929 --> 00:57:42.230
My second book is Rahab. I love Rahab. Studied

00:57:42.230 --> 00:57:46.250
her life for three years. And she was Boaz's

00:57:46.250 --> 00:57:52.969
mom. And I am so inspired by her faith. I'm inspired

00:57:52.969 --> 00:57:56.590
by her faith in the midst of her decision making

00:57:56.590 --> 00:58:01.969
in her past. I'm inspired that she had courage

00:58:01.969 --> 00:58:06.130
and she had faith. to do the incredibly difficult

00:58:06.130 --> 00:58:10.230
thing that no one did in Jericho. No one did

00:58:10.230 --> 00:58:14.630
it but her. And she is someone that I look up

00:58:14.630 --> 00:58:16.150
to. As a matter of fact, I'm going to see Jesus

00:58:16.150 --> 00:58:18.469
first in heaven. I'm probably going to see Peter

00:58:18.469 --> 00:58:20.070
because I think me and Peter have a lot of similarities.

00:58:20.730 --> 00:58:22.550
And then I'm going to go find my girl Rahab.

00:58:22.690 --> 00:58:26.489
And there is something to be said about breaking

00:58:26.489 --> 00:58:31.550
off generational curses, breaking off generational

00:58:31.550 --> 00:58:38.260
sin. you can stop it. It can stop with you. And

00:58:38.260 --> 00:58:42.500
that's exactly what happened with Rahab. So she

00:58:42.500 --> 00:58:45.960
is my girl. I love her. I really do feel like

00:58:45.960 --> 00:58:49.820
she's one of my best friends. But she's incredible.

00:58:50.039 --> 00:58:52.420
I just was reading the story of Rahab this morning

00:58:52.420 --> 00:58:54.800
in my devotion. So now I look at her with new

00:58:54.800 --> 00:58:58.199
eyes. Yeah, I wrote my whole second book about

00:58:58.199 --> 00:59:00.960
her because I'm like, oh, my goodness. And there's

00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:03.099
not a lot of resources about Rahab out there.

00:59:03.179 --> 00:59:07.440
Yeah, there's not. Yeah. Well, Autumn, thank

00:59:07.440 --> 00:59:09.579
you so much for sharing so openly with us today.

00:59:09.800 --> 00:59:12.099
And, you know, it's been such a powerful reminder

00:59:12.099 --> 00:59:14.800
that the Holy Spirit truly does walk with us

00:59:14.800 --> 00:59:16.800
through every season of life, through those joyful

00:59:16.800 --> 00:59:20.239
moments. The confusing ones, the painful places

00:59:20.239 --> 00:59:22.780
where we don't always understand what God is

00:59:22.780 --> 00:59:26.159
doing. It brings to mind the promise from Isaiah

00:59:26.159 --> 00:59:30.559
30 verse 21. The NIV reads, whether you turn

00:59:30.559 --> 00:59:33.840
to the right or to the left, your ear will hear

00:59:33.840 --> 00:59:36.599
a voice behind you saying, this is the way, walk

00:59:36.599 --> 00:59:40.750
in it. comforting picture of how God leads his

00:59:40.750 --> 00:59:44.110
people, not from a distance, but personally guiding

00:59:44.110 --> 00:59:46.610
and correcting and encouraging and reminding

00:59:46.610 --> 00:59:50.650
us that we are never alone on this journey. Oswald

00:59:50.650 --> 00:59:54.230
Chambers once beautifully wrote, the voice of

00:59:54.230 --> 00:59:57.190
the Holy Spirit is as gentle as a summer breeze.

00:59:57.369 --> 01:00:01.349
If we are only listening, we will hear him. And

01:00:01.349 --> 01:00:05.210
Autumn's story really confirms that. It really

01:00:05.210 --> 01:00:08.670
reflects what we've heard. Even the hardest seasons,

01:00:08.769 --> 01:00:11.869
the Holy Spirit is speaking truth. He's present.

01:00:11.989 --> 01:00:13.809
He's strengthening our faith. He's reminding

01:00:13.809 --> 01:00:18.789
us of God's character. I know some of our listeners

01:00:18.789 --> 01:00:20.849
today may be walking through difficult circumstances

01:00:20.849 --> 01:00:23.889
of your own. Others may be in a season where

01:00:23.889 --> 01:00:27.849
God feels silent. And many, I'm sure, are simply

01:00:27.849 --> 01:00:30.929
longing to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit

01:00:30.929 --> 01:00:33.750
more clearly. So, Autumn, would you take a moment

01:00:33.750 --> 01:00:36.179
and pray for our listening friends? So, Lord,

01:00:36.239 --> 01:00:40.619
we love you. We need you. We need you. We need

01:00:40.619 --> 01:00:48.460
you. We long for you. We long for your voice.

01:00:49.460 --> 01:00:55.179
We long for your hand. Spirit of the living God,

01:00:55.320 --> 01:00:59.360
we long for your touch. We long for evidence,

01:00:59.579 --> 01:01:05.090
God, to engage with us. Even though you don't

01:01:05.090 --> 01:01:10.909
have to, you do. So Spirit of God, I just pray

01:01:10.909 --> 01:01:20.230
for that one out there that is longing. They're

01:01:20.230 --> 01:01:24.070
longing, Lord. They've cried out. They've asked.

01:01:26.969 --> 01:01:29.789
And they don't feel like they can connect. And

01:01:29.789 --> 01:01:36.329
they're starting to wonder, are you there? ask

01:01:36.329 --> 01:01:43.590
you Father to speak in a way to them that is

01:01:43.590 --> 01:01:50.130
so vivid and so powerful that they'll know it's

01:01:50.130 --> 01:01:58.250
you. Do what we can. They don't need to hear

01:01:58.250 --> 01:02:06.230
from another person. They need to hear. So Spirit

01:02:06.230 --> 01:02:11.610
of God, comfort them the way only you can. Speak.

01:02:14.190 --> 01:02:22.190
Bring them hope. Someone needs hope. So we ask

01:02:22.190 --> 01:02:25.329
you, God, we can't do it. This podcast will fail.

01:02:26.610 --> 01:02:31.869
It's not going to do what you, your voice can

01:02:31.869 --> 01:02:39.670
do. They need to hear from you. So engage, Father.

01:02:41.929 --> 01:02:45.889
And we trust that you will. And we thank you

01:02:45.889 --> 01:02:49.190
for your faithfulness. And we thank you, Lord,

01:02:49.210 --> 01:02:55.710
that you are listening. You are present. You

01:02:55.710 --> 01:03:03.250
do see. You won't leave. We thank you for your

01:03:03.250 --> 01:03:10.050
goodness. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. Well, friends,

01:03:10.070 --> 01:03:13.090
the Holy Spirit does want to walk with you through

01:03:13.090 --> 01:03:18.190
every season of life. The same Spirit who guided

01:03:18.190 --> 01:03:21.130
Autumn through the darkest moments of her story

01:03:21.130 --> 01:03:25.030
is present with you today as well. God does not

01:03:25.030 --> 01:03:27.829
leave us to navigate our life alone. He's near.

01:03:28.130 --> 01:03:31.570
He's faithful. And you know, the amazing thing

01:03:31.570 --> 01:03:34.969
is He delights in leading His children. It's

01:03:34.969 --> 01:03:38.539
not just a chore to Him. He loves it. He delights

01:03:38.539 --> 01:03:41.480
in it. So before we go, I want to leave you with

01:03:41.480 --> 01:03:45.980
a blessing from scripture. Isaiah in Psalm 32,

01:03:46.260 --> 01:03:49.360
8, the NIV, the Lord gives us this promise. I

01:03:49.360 --> 01:03:52.000
will instruct you and teach you in the way you

01:03:52.000 --> 01:03:54.760
should go. I will counsel you with my loving

01:03:54.760 --> 01:03:58.639
eye on you. So may the Lord guide you in every

01:03:58.639 --> 01:04:01.579
step you take this week. May he instruct your

01:04:01.579 --> 01:04:04.539
heart and give you wisdom for every decision

01:04:04.539 --> 01:04:07.670
before you. May you sense his loving eye upon

01:04:07.670 --> 01:04:10.809
you, watching over your life with care and compassion.

01:04:11.369 --> 01:04:14.070
And may the Holy Spirit gently lead you forward,

01:04:14.150 --> 01:04:17.130
giving you courage to trust his voice and peace

01:04:17.130 --> 01:04:21.710
to follow wherever he leads. If today's conversation

01:04:21.710 --> 01:04:23.590
encouraged you, we would love for you to share

01:04:23.590 --> 01:04:26.130
this episode with a friend. Leave a review or

01:04:26.130 --> 01:04:29.030
post it on social media so others can hear what

01:04:29.030 --> 01:04:32.230
God is doing. You can also find links to Autumn's

01:04:32.230 --> 01:04:34.929
books as well as scripture and more information

01:04:34.929 --> 01:04:37.769
about today's episode in our show notes at hergodstory

01:04:37.769 --> 01:04:40.710
.org. And if you are walking through a difficult

01:04:40.710 --> 01:04:42.610
time and you would like someone to pray with

01:04:42.610 --> 01:04:46.530
you, remember that we have a 24 -7 prayer line

01:04:46.530 --> 01:04:50.070
that's always available. You can call or text

01:04:50.070 --> 01:04:55.889
at 855 -459 -CARE anytime or email us at prayer

01:04:55.889 --> 01:04:58.570
at somebodycares .org. It would be an honor to

01:04:58.570 --> 01:05:01.230
pray with you. And friends, there are widows

01:05:01.230 --> 01:05:03.090
and orphans around the world who need to experience

01:05:03.090 --> 01:05:05.429
the tangible love of God right now. So if you'd

01:05:05.429 --> 01:05:07.809
like to be a part of helping them, simply visit

01:05:07.809 --> 01:05:10.190
HerGodStory .org and click on the widow and orphan

01:05:10.190 --> 01:05:13.590
tab. Your generosity helps bring hope, care,

01:05:13.789 --> 01:05:16.190
and practical support to those who need it the

01:05:16.190 --> 01:05:19.639
most. Thank you for joining us today. Until next

01:05:19.639 --> 01:05:22.840
time, remember, God is still writing your story.

01:05:23.059 --> 01:05:25.579
Her God Story is a ministry of Somebody Cares

01:05:25.579 --> 01:05:28.380
America and International. To find out more about

01:05:28.380 --> 01:05:30.760
or support the ministry, go to somebodycares

01:05:30.760 --> 01:05:31.280
.org.