Brayden Brewer: Joy Born From Surrender

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Hey friends, and welcome to the Her God Story

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podcast, where you will always hear a story to

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encourage and inspire you in your walk with the

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Lord. I'm your host, Jodie Chiricosta, ministry

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leader at Somebody Cares America and International,

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author and traveler on this journey with Jesus.

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And I am so glad you're joining me today. Have

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you ever noticed how the deepest pain in our

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lives isn't something done to us, but sometimes

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it grows quietly within us? Scripture reminds

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us that when we place our trust, our identity,

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our hope in anything other than God, the cost

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is real. King David says it plainly in Psalm

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16 verse 4. In the NIV it reads, those who run

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after God's will suffer more and more. That's

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a sobering truth. Idols, whether success or approval,

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comfort, control, even good things like ministry

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or family, always ask more than they give. They

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promise fulfillment, but they end up multiplying

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sorrow. And if we're honest, many of us have

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felt that tension in our lives. But what I love

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about Psalm 16 is that David doesn't just warn

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us, he invites us into something better. Earlier

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in the Psalm, David tells the Lord, apart from

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you, I have no good thing. He describes God as

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his portion, his security, the one who holds

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his life steady. It's the picture of someone

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who's learned, sometimes the hard way, that nothing

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else satisfies like God does. And when we get

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to a beautiful promise, that's in verse 11, where

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David says, you, speaking of the Lord, make known

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to me the path of life. You fill me with joy

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in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your

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right hand. What a contrast. When God alone is

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our refuge, When we stop running after substitutes

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and truly surrender, he doesn't just remove false

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gods that multiply sorrow. He replaces them with

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joy, peace, and a life grounded in his presence.

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The early church father, Augustine, said it this

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way, you have made us for yourself, O Lord, and

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our hearts are restless until they rest in you.

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That rest, that joy, is what we're leaning into

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today. Before we go further, I want to take a

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moment to thank those of you who support the

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Widow and Orphan Fund. Your generosity is helping

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care for some of the most vulnerable people in

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the world, women and children whom Scripture

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calls us to care for and defend. I invite you

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to partner with us by going to hergodstory .org

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and clicking on Help Now. It's a tangible way

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we can surrender ourselves a bit more to God's

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plan. Now, today's story is a living picture

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of what that kind of surrender can look like.

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So it's a joy to introduce today's guest. Brayden

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Brewer has served in education as a teacher for

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20 years, shaping lives not only through knowledge,

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but through compassion and through faith. She

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also serves faithfully in our church on the worship

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team, prayer team, and as director of discipleship,

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helping others grow deeper in their walk with

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Jesus. I've known Brayden for several years,

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and what stands out most to me is her joy. It's

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real. I've watched her spill love out onto others.

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even in seasons of personal challenge. Her life

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reflects the truth of Psalm 16, that joy doesn't

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come from a pain -free life, but from a surrendered

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one. Braden, I'm so glad you're here. Welcome

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to the podcast. As we step into your story, tell

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us a little about your early years and family

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and how your faith journey started. So I am the

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eldest of four. I have a sister and two younger

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brothers. and we were originally from Oklahoma

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but because of dad's job we moved all over the

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place. Most of that time was in New Orleans and

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it was hard to find a church. Most of the churches

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down there were either Southern Baptist or Catholic

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and we were non -denominational Pentecostals

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so it was an interesting situation. So mom and

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dad did Bible study around the kitchen table

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every Sunday morning. It was before we could

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plug into YouTube or watch a podcast or a sermon

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online. So mom and dad were our Bible teachers

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and mom was adamant that we were going to still

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observe the Sabbath even though we didn't have

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a home church. And then as I got older, I got

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involved in high school. I got involved in the

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youth group and that's where I really learned

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what it meant to have a relationship with the

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Lord. that it wasn't just a character in the

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Bible, that he is a living, breathing God and

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that he wants to have a personal relationship

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with us because he's a personal God. High school

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I became on fire for the Lord. I knew there was

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a calling on my life. Didn't know what that was.

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I thought I was gonna be an attorney. I wanted

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to be a big corporate attorney and really forge

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away from myself. And that was the problem was

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I was wanting to forge away from myself. And

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so I started my first year of college was at

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a private Catholic school in Alabama and didn't

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fit in. So I tried, good Lord, I was gonna try.

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And it was okay because God still had a plan

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and he was gonna use. All my mistakes. Yeah,

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you know college really can be a testing ground

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of so many things our boundaries our decisions

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our Relationships even even what we believe a

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lot of people are rocked in their belief when

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they get to college As you look back on that

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season What were some of the challenges you faced

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and how did that time begin to shape your life

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and your relationship with the Lord? So I wasn't

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writing to my parents faith anymore Like I was

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on my own I lived on campus down in Mobile, and

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my parents had actually moved up to Virginia.

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And so there really wasn't a support system,

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but I see how God now, almost 30 years later,

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was using that. But unfortunately, I allowed

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my standards to slip because I wanted to fit

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in. And because I allowed my standards to slip,

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there was a situation that I was put into where,

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you know, Something that is so precious you need

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to talk about we want our kids to remain pure,

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but when that's taken from you It shifts everything

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it shifts how you value yourself. It shifts how

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you view the Lord I didn't get angry at God.

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I was more angry at myself because I blame myself

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for it happening I blame myself for putting myself

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in a situation where I was vulnerable to somebody

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else and You know, there's no guilt and shame

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in the Lord like there's no condemnation in Christ

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But the enemy will take that and he will layer

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it on so thick and it's sometimes so much easier

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to believe a lie than it is the truth Because

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God's truth is of grace and mercy and redemption

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and that's something that we have a hard time

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understanding as Adults, but even more so when

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you're 18 And so I carried that shame. I carried

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that guilt. I carried that unworthiness that

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I didn't even feel like I was worthy for the

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Lord. And so it was, I will earn my way back

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to God instead of receiving the free gift of

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salvation, of forgiveness and allowing him to

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redeem that. Yeah. You said it so well. You know,

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even when we struggle, God never turns his back

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on us. We might think he is, but God never does.

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So as you moved into your young adult years,

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how do you, looking back, see that God was drawing

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you back to Himself? And how were you navigating,

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you know, trust? Because you, you know, you had

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been victimized. So how are you navigating trust

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and relationships at the time? So I moved up

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to Virginia and got plugged into a church here

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in Chesapeake and actually was mentored by another

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woman and I love the fact like when we look in

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the New Testament and God reminds us do not forsake

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the brethren. Don't stop going to church. The

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enemy will try to isolate you and in that isolation

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we often become more susceptible to believing

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all those lies. So instead I was back home with

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mom and dad. I had this amazing youth pastor

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who was mentoring me and I was surrounded by

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other believers who poured into me and during

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that time I was invited to be a youth intern

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and that was interesting because I was like no

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I'm gonna be a lawyer not a youth pastor or intern

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but you know God is He can be funny with his

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plans sometimes and how he uses things. So she

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challenged me. She knew my past. She knew my

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history. And she challenged me for a year of

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no dating. Because when you have been victimized

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in that way, you often try to fill voids. And

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then you end up believing that you're only good

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for one thing. And she wanted to take... Remove

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that factor out of my life, you know most early

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20 year olds they're dating They're out there

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and she's like, no, I just want you to have a

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year of no dating Not focusing on other relationships,

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but just focusing on your relationship with the

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Lord and that was hard Because as soon as I made

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that commitment to a year from now dating, that's

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when all these wonderful, godly, eligible guys

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were coming in to play. There were other youth

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pastors that were looking for youth pastor wives,

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and I'm like, yes, no, no, no, that's not, no.

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It was devotion. I want to be devoted for the

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Lord. And in that time, he revealed to me that

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my calling was not to be an attorney here in

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the courts. of earth but in the heavenly courts

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and that it was my job my calling was to be a

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teacher because i loved working with kids i loved

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helping kids who came from broken homes and broken

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backgrounds find hope in christ um they had misplaced

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hope or deferred hope or no hope and so when

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i was able to show them the love of christ and

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show them that even in this god can redeem it

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So I was like, okay, Lord, where I'm going out

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with my career is not where I feel my heart leading.

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And so that's when I changed my major and became

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an English major because I love reading. And

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I think that I know there are power in words

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and I wanted to teach my students how there is

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power in their words. And so I became a teacher

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because that worked alongside of being a youth

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pastor as well. At the end of the year of no

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dating that whole idea opened up again. And where

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did it lead? So I did two years. Oh, two years.

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Okay. So, so worried. So I ended up not trusting

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myself. I made a mistake the first time in putting

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my trust in someone who didn't deserve that trust,

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who hadn't earned it. And so I started not trusting

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myself on judging character. And so, a young

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man came into my life and he genuinely paid more

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attention to me for who I was and not my appearance.

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And so, he looked like a good person, but I didn't

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ask the Lord. I didn't go to my father and ask

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him, Lord, is this what you have for me? Are

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these the plans that you have for me? Plans to

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prosper and not to harm me. plans to give me

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a future hope. I wanted my plans to, I wanted

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God to bless my plans instead of me surrendering

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those and asking for the Lord's plans. And so

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I met a young man named Bobby and we had worked

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together at a restaurant and then years prior

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and then reconnected and about three months after

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dating we were engaged. We got engaged in 04.

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then in 05 we both graduated school and got married

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and I knew that when we got engaged I was like

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okay we've got to get we got to make sure we're

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in church like I stayed in church I had switched

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churches by this time but I was still going every

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Sunday and I was like okay but you've got to

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start coming to church and so he started coming

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to church because that made me happy and that

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It was all the wrong reasons, right? So I didn't

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pick up on that because I was just, I was in

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love. And I had seen all my friends get married

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and I was the bridesmaid, never the bride. So

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I was like, okay, but now there's somebody who

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loves me for me and we're going to get married

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and I'm going to have my happily ever after.

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And he's coming to church with me and I settled

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with that. I settled he'll go to church with

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me. And so... We got married and then a year

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later we had our son Jack and the newness of

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being parents, first -time parents and newlyweds

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overshadowed the issues and the cracks that had

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been developing long before we had ever said

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I do. Yeah, so you didn't initially recognize

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some of the challenges that you were experiencing

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in marriage because of all those things. but

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it got more difficult over the years. Even though

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you seemed to be doing the right things, you

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were reading your Bible, you were going to church,

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but you mentioned to me that at that point, your

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relationship with God just didn't feel vibrant

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or alive. So take us on a journey through those

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years and share a little about what was going

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on in your lives and in your relationship with

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the Lord. Sure. So when you were young, married

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and moving your careers and now have a baby and

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you've got pay for child care and that child

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care is more than a mortgage payment and you're

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struggling financially it is like there were

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so many things going on and so many issues that

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are typical right these aren't brand -new issues

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most young couples and young parents do struggle

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financially but we didn't know how to communicate

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We didn't know how to talk. We didn't know how

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to manage our finances. And so we, instead of

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coming together and inviting the Lord into those

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problems, we tried figuring them out on our own.

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So within the first three to four years of our

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marriage, what that looked like was we were living

00:15:01.250 --> 00:15:03.610
together, but we weren't together. And he ended

00:15:03.610 --> 00:15:05.690
up having an affair with a woman at work. And

00:15:05.690 --> 00:15:08.090
this wasn't just like a... one -and -done type

00:15:08.090 --> 00:15:11.970
thing. It was an actual relationship with another

00:15:11.970 --> 00:15:18.950
woman and when it came to light, you're broken.

00:15:19.090 --> 00:15:24.330
I was angry. I didn't want to go through the

00:15:24.330 --> 00:15:29.470
pain of healing. I didn't want to go through

00:15:29.470 --> 00:15:32.769
even accepting that there may have been things

00:15:32.769 --> 00:15:38.000
that I had done to cause that. I, you know, you

00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:40.179
have all that weight that came in from when I

00:15:40.179 --> 00:15:44.340
was 18 and I had put on weight being pregnant

00:15:44.340 --> 00:15:50.100
and I had, I didn't feel healthy. Um, and so

00:15:50.100 --> 00:15:51.299
I was like, well, maybe it's because I'm not

00:15:51.299 --> 00:15:53.860
attractive enough. Maybe it's cause we don't

00:15:53.860 --> 00:15:56.659
make enough money. Maybe it was all the, and

00:15:56.659 --> 00:15:59.740
so I started internalizing his affair was my

00:15:59.740 --> 00:16:04.759
fault and carried that. And so what we ended

00:16:04.759 --> 00:16:08.379
up doing was he was very repentant. I didn't

00:16:08.379 --> 00:16:10.840
want a divorce. So we just decided to go to church.

00:16:10.840 --> 00:16:12.840
We went to one counseling session and that was

00:16:12.840 --> 00:16:16.799
it. But he recommitted his life to the Lord.

00:16:17.259 --> 00:16:19.940
He had done a spontaneous baptism. I was like,

00:16:20.100 --> 00:16:22.919
okay, Lord, you're working this out. You're working

00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:25.039
this out. All right, that's awesome. And so we

00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:27.840
kept, that was the plan. Like, we're not gonna

00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:30.960
talk about this. That's in our past. We're just

00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:36.009
gonna move forward. don't do it again but hurt

00:16:36.009 --> 00:16:40.070
people hurt people and I was hurting and he was

00:16:40.070 --> 00:16:44.450
hurting and we weren't talking about it and then

00:16:44.450 --> 00:16:46.309
I ended up getting pregnant with our daughter

00:16:46.309 --> 00:16:52.669
and so the newness of having a baby um clouded

00:16:52.669 --> 00:16:55.970
all of that pain and so it was just like yay

00:16:55.970 --> 00:16:59.409
we have a baby we were starting to do well financially

00:16:59.409 --> 00:17:03.019
um We started listening to Christian podcasts

00:17:03.019 --> 00:17:07.680
together. We were starting to lead a young adult

00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:11.559
small group at our church. I genuinely felt like

00:17:11.559 --> 00:17:20.160
God was redeeming that whole situation. A seed

00:17:20.160 --> 00:17:24.539
can grow for a little bit, but if it's not taking

00:17:24.539 --> 00:17:30.220
root in good soil, it's not going to last. the

00:17:30.220 --> 00:17:35.140
winds of change or trouble start blowing it'll

00:17:35.140 --> 00:17:39.559
be very easy for that little flower to fly away

00:17:39.559 --> 00:17:43.460
it didn't have any roots to hold it and so we

00:17:43.460 --> 00:17:50.940
found ourselves around 2009 2009 we got pregnant

00:17:50.940 --> 00:17:54.640
2010 we had shelby we bought our first house

00:17:54.640 --> 00:17:58.720
in 2012 things were looking good become 2013

00:18:00.050 --> 00:18:03.569
That shift was happening again and sin happens

00:18:03.569 --> 00:18:07.710
in cycles and I'm seeing the cycle again. He's

00:18:07.710 --> 00:18:12.009
not home He's out buying things. He was in a

00:18:12.009 --> 00:18:19.789
band and was gone a lot and Fear will lead you

00:18:19.789 --> 00:18:23.490
to try to control things and when you can't control

00:18:23.490 --> 00:18:27.349
things Especially people you act out in the anger

00:18:27.349 --> 00:18:31.299
and I was a very angry woman and I took all my

00:18:31.299 --> 00:18:35.240
anger out on him. And when I discovered that

00:18:35.240 --> 00:18:37.980
he was having his second affair with another

00:18:37.980 --> 00:18:42.200
woman at work, I kicked him out. So in 2014,

00:18:42.880 --> 00:18:48.160
that March, I kicked him out and I became the

00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:52.500
worst version of myself. I was still going to

00:18:52.500 --> 00:18:55.460
church and I was bringing my anger to the Lord

00:18:55.460 --> 00:18:58.380
and I was doing all the right things except for

00:18:58.380 --> 00:19:01.359
surrendering. Because see I still wanted vengeance

00:19:01.359 --> 00:19:05.680
and God said vengeance was his not mine and the

00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:08.400
Lord said he would vindicate me but I wanted

00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:11.559
it on my timeline and I wanted him to feel the

00:19:11.559 --> 00:19:14.019
pain of betrayal and I wanted him to feel the

00:19:14.019 --> 00:19:17.440
pain of what he did to the kids and I But none

00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:21.420
of that was God's plan God said he was close

00:19:21.420 --> 00:19:24.599
to the broken -hearted and Instead of allowing

00:19:24.599 --> 00:19:28.759
God to end in my pain. I just yelled a whole

00:19:28.759 --> 00:19:32.670
lot So we were separated for about nine months

00:19:32.670 --> 00:19:36.910
and I had started going to counseling for myself

00:19:36.910 --> 00:19:40.029
and anchor management and learning how to handle

00:19:40.029 --> 00:19:44.210
my anchor biblically. And then we had started

00:19:44.210 --> 00:19:47.250
going to marriage counseling together, but there

00:19:47.250 --> 00:19:50.309
was still that lack of repentance on both of

00:19:50.309 --> 00:19:55.690
us. I wasn't repenting for controlling him. He

00:19:55.690 --> 00:19:59.119
wasn't repentant of his affair. and this time

00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:05.599
it caused an even bigger crack. I separated from

00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:10.079
my family, chose him, and thought that that was

00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:13.359
going to make things work, but instead I felt

00:20:13.359 --> 00:20:15.640
so isolated. We switched to a different church

00:20:15.640 --> 00:20:20.099
that was even farther away that I couldn't serve

00:20:20.099 --> 00:20:25.730
in, which When you know that you have a calling

00:20:25.730 --> 00:20:27.549
on your life and you're not walking in that calling

00:20:27.549 --> 00:20:31.490
that's disobedience and I didn't realize that

00:20:31.490 --> 00:20:35.990
and so it was just Those years apart from the

00:20:35.990 --> 00:20:39.210
Lord from my family from serving from walking

00:20:39.210 --> 00:20:43.809
in obedience Was more isolation than I ever Fully

00:20:43.809 --> 00:20:46.470
realized I had allowed happening You were already

00:20:46.470 --> 00:20:48.809
in a really painful place and then another layer

00:20:48.809 --> 00:20:51.569
was added. Can you share what happened next?

00:20:52.390 --> 00:20:56.930
Sure So 2020, the world ended, right? It felt

00:20:56.930 --> 00:21:01.589
like it. Bobby had received another promotion,

00:21:01.890 --> 00:21:04.910
and this was amazing. I mean, we had both been

00:21:04.910 --> 00:21:08.910
working diligently on our careers, on our degrees.

00:21:09.390 --> 00:21:13.529
By this point, I earned my master's in education,

00:21:13.529 --> 00:21:16.069
and he started working on his master's with an

00:21:16.069 --> 00:21:19.470
MBA. And I was just so proud of us. And then

00:21:19.470 --> 00:21:22.529
I started working on my doctorate. And so we

00:21:22.529 --> 00:21:26.390
were, our kids were doing good. They were, they

00:21:26.390 --> 00:21:28.609
seemed to be happy. We seemed to be happy. We

00:21:28.609 --> 00:21:31.789
were doing well financially. And then COVID happened.

00:21:33.170 --> 00:21:35.430
And for a while there we were all shut down,

00:21:35.430 --> 00:21:37.269
but then he was able to go back into his office

00:21:37.269 --> 00:21:41.430
building and start working again and was gone

00:21:41.430 --> 00:21:47.799
more and more and more. And in 2021, I was given

00:21:47.799 --> 00:21:49.880
the opportunity to teach from home, so I started

00:21:49.880 --> 00:21:52.440
teaching from home and then also going through

00:21:52.440 --> 00:21:56.039
cancer testing. I started not feeling well and

00:21:56.039 --> 00:22:01.619
had all these symptoms and so in the fall of

00:22:01.619 --> 00:22:05.420
21, I started going through the testing and he

00:22:05.420 --> 00:22:09.160
was gone. A lot. Saying that he was working on

00:22:09.160 --> 00:22:11.240
his masters or he had work or things like that,

00:22:11.240 --> 00:22:15.900
but once again, sin is a cycle. and all the things

00:22:15.900 --> 00:22:19.519
were showing up but I'm like at this point I

00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:23.660
am so scared of instability because I don't have

00:22:23.660 --> 00:22:27.200
my family at this point. All I have is him and

00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:29.819
now I'm going through cancer testing and can

00:22:29.819 --> 00:22:33.819
I financially support the kids and I on a divorce?

00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:35.400
I don't know what it looks like to go through

00:22:35.400 --> 00:22:39.490
a divorce. at that time nobody in my family had

00:22:39.490 --> 00:22:42.029
really gone through a divorce in my immediate

00:22:42.029 --> 00:22:44.369
family and so I was like I don't know if I can

00:22:44.369 --> 00:22:49.529
do this God but cancer has a way of shaking everything

00:22:49.529 --> 00:22:56.109
up and in January of 2024 2022 sorry in January

00:22:56.109 --> 00:22:59.769
2022 I received that yes it was thyroid cancer

00:22:59.769 --> 00:23:05.900
and when I told him um he had been planning trips

00:23:05.900 --> 00:23:09.420
to travel for work. And I said, but what about

00:23:09.420 --> 00:23:11.920
my surgery? And he said, I don't have the capacity

00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:18.559
to deal with you. Wow. That you're, you're my

00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:22.440
husband and sickness and in health through the

00:23:22.440 --> 00:23:23.859
good and the bad, you're supposed to be there

00:23:23.859 --> 00:23:25.740
and you're telling me I don't have the capacity.

00:23:25.960 --> 00:23:30.079
And that was when it was like, okay, I really

00:23:30.079 --> 00:23:32.579
know. Like there's something going on for him

00:23:32.579 --> 00:23:34.039
not to be able to have the capacity to do with

00:23:34.039 --> 00:23:41.720
me. And so I cried out to the Lord because he

00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:44.339
was the one place I knew I could go. I could

00:23:44.339 --> 00:23:48.619
go to God. I could not go to my parents. I could

00:23:48.619 --> 00:23:50.720
not go to my husband. I didn't want to go to

00:23:50.720 --> 00:23:53.099
my children. They were too young. I didn't really

00:23:53.099 --> 00:23:55.700
have any godly friends at that time except for

00:23:55.700 --> 00:24:03.559
one. And so we You know, we we went through all

00:24:03.559 --> 00:24:09.019
of that and so It just became like God I need

00:24:09.019 --> 00:24:11.740
to you and got hurt I mean he dropped you in

00:24:11.740 --> 00:24:13.779
the middle of all of that you're crying out to

00:24:13.779 --> 00:24:16.559
God he dropped you a lifeline and It began to

00:24:16.559 --> 00:24:19.200
lead you out of that isolation and misery. So

00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:23.539
what did he do and how did you respond? So I

00:24:23.539 --> 00:24:26.579
called a friend of mine who was serving in her

00:24:26.579 --> 00:24:30.690
church and I told her I said this is cancer and

00:24:30.690 --> 00:24:33.089
she goes can you and the kids come to my church

00:24:33.089 --> 00:24:36.269
because we had stopped going to church all together

00:24:36.269 --> 00:24:42.029
um we with it being the beginning of 2022 we

00:24:42.029 --> 00:24:44.569
weren't really sure what churches look like coming

00:24:44.569 --> 00:24:46.349
out of the pandemic so we were still watching

00:24:46.349 --> 00:24:50.569
church online which is still great lovely still

00:24:50.569 --> 00:24:55.630
isolating um and so that first weekend of February

00:24:55.630 --> 00:24:59.220
the kids and I go to church with her after the

00:24:59.220 --> 00:25:02.160
sermon the pastor comes off the platform and

00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:04.640
he said I don't know who you are I don't know

00:25:04.640 --> 00:25:06.980
what you're going through but I just feel like

00:25:06.980 --> 00:25:08.839
the Lord let me tell you that you're getting

00:25:08.839 --> 00:25:11.539
ready to walk through a transition but God has

00:25:11.539 --> 00:25:15.099
already prepared everybody that you need to go

00:25:15.099 --> 00:25:18.059
through this transition and at the time I knew

00:25:18.059 --> 00:25:20.299
I was gonna go through cancer I had been looking

00:25:20.299 --> 00:25:22.880
for other jobs I was working on my doctorate

00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:25.539
so I was hoping maybe it was a transfer of like

00:25:25.579 --> 00:25:29.720
Jobs and careers and me leaving teaching So that

00:25:29.720 --> 00:25:33.220
was February and then Things are crumbling all

00:25:33.220 --> 00:25:39.099
around at home my Bobby's not around It's just

00:25:39.099 --> 00:25:42.599
the kids and I Every day and when he would come

00:25:42.599 --> 00:25:51.319
home, it would be late And so I Ended up April

00:25:51.319 --> 00:25:55.789
was my birthday And that was when we ended up

00:25:55.789 --> 00:25:57.809
separating. He decided to go to a concert with

00:25:57.809 --> 00:26:03.390
a friend in Richmond. And I'm at home with our

00:26:03.390 --> 00:26:11.670
kids. And it erupted. It was kind of like a cyst

00:26:11.670 --> 00:26:13.670
that had been building and building and building.

00:26:14.369 --> 00:26:18.390
And it just erupted with infection. And so April

00:26:18.390 --> 00:26:24.609
11th, we had separated. And I knew I needed to

00:26:24.609 --> 00:26:27.950
keep my cards close to me. But the thing about

00:26:27.950 --> 00:26:30.410
it is, is that when you've never gone through

00:26:30.410 --> 00:26:32.289
a divorce, you've never gone through cancer,

00:26:32.750 --> 00:26:34.829
you don't know how to be there for your kids,

00:26:35.150 --> 00:26:39.910
and you're new to a church, and you're afraid

00:26:39.910 --> 00:26:42.230
that you're gonna walk into church with a red

00:26:42.230 --> 00:26:45.869
letter A, are you gonna be accepted as a woman

00:26:45.869 --> 00:26:51.259
going through a divorce? And so I felt... Like

00:26:51.259 --> 00:26:54.119
the woman that was brought before Jesus with

00:26:54.119 --> 00:26:58.660
all this sin And it wasn't just I was still carrying

00:26:58.660 --> 00:27:02.420
stuff from when I was 18 I'm carrying all of

00:27:02.420 --> 00:27:05.240
that baggage. I'm bringing all of that and I

00:27:05.240 --> 00:27:07.900
had women God was true to his promise He brought

00:27:07.900 --> 00:27:11.779
all these women into my life who saw the damage

00:27:11.779 --> 00:27:15.660
who saw the hurt and the muck and the mire and

00:27:15.660 --> 00:27:19.589
loved me like Jesus loves accepted me and rallied

00:27:19.589 --> 00:27:22.930
around me and the kids like I had never experienced

00:27:22.930 --> 00:27:28.309
before I had never experienced church like that

00:27:28.309 --> 00:27:33.029
God's family like that and so I knew I needed

00:27:33.029 --> 00:27:37.930
to tell my parents we had had contact off and

00:27:37.930 --> 00:27:42.349
on over the course of eight years so February

00:27:42.349 --> 00:27:44.990
of 22 I told my mom I had cancer but we still

00:27:44.990 --> 00:27:49.480
hadn't reconciled We still were Trying to figure

00:27:49.480 --> 00:27:51.579
this out. She wanted to be there. I wanted her

00:27:51.579 --> 00:27:53.680
to be there, but there was still all this hurt

00:27:53.680 --> 00:28:00.799
from eight years of separation and so There's

00:28:00.799 --> 00:28:04.180
all these things like God, I don't know how to

00:28:04.180 --> 00:28:06.819
deal with all of this I don't know how to reconcile

00:28:06.819 --> 00:28:09.140
with my family. I don't know how to not feel

00:28:09.140 --> 00:28:11.119
dirty I don't know how to go through divorce.

00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:12.940
I don't know how to be there for my kids. I don't

00:28:12.940 --> 00:28:17.230
know how to Lord I need you You didn't want divorce.

00:28:17.410 --> 00:28:19.190
I mean, you were still hoping God would reconcile

00:28:19.190 --> 00:28:21.589
it, right? And what was the actual, I mean, you

00:28:21.589 --> 00:28:23.650
wanted to do everything by the book, you know,

00:28:23.650 --> 00:28:27.890
by the scripture, not some legal book, but by

00:28:27.890 --> 00:28:30.210
the scripture, which is relational. I mean, God

00:28:30.210 --> 00:28:33.990
uses scripture to show us the depth of what he

00:28:33.990 --> 00:28:36.509
wants in a relationship. So how did you come

00:28:36.509 --> 00:28:39.009
to that? Because I know that's not what you desired.

00:28:39.450 --> 00:28:41.690
No, and see, he came from a family where everybody

00:28:41.690 --> 00:28:44.730
in his immediate family, from grandparents down.

00:28:45.130 --> 00:28:48.329
We're divorced. So I wanted to break that cycle.

00:28:48.490 --> 00:28:50.009
I was like, God, we're going to break that cycle.

00:28:50.630 --> 00:28:53.750
Our marriage, you know, maybe this is like Hosea

00:28:53.750 --> 00:29:00.170
and you're asking me to be faithful and like,

00:29:00.230 --> 00:29:05.450
God, this hurts. This hurts. And he's not here.

00:29:06.089 --> 00:29:09.670
And I had surgery in June and he didn't want

00:29:09.670 --> 00:29:12.750
to be there while we were waiting for the surgeon.

00:29:13.029 --> 00:29:16.720
He Complained about being in the hospital and

00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:20.559
I was like I would rather be alone Then be with

00:29:20.559 --> 00:29:24.160
somebody who doesn't want to be with me and He

00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:26.339
obviously doesn't want he doesn't want to be

00:29:26.339 --> 00:29:30.539
married to me and I hadn't confirmed that there

00:29:30.539 --> 00:29:33.319
was an affair there were just symptoms of an

00:29:33.319 --> 00:29:37.640
affair Things like not showing up for our son's

00:29:37.640 --> 00:29:40.759
baseball games or showing up late and leaving

00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:45.029
early Baseball used to be heaven our son's thing

00:29:45.029 --> 00:29:52.029
So I stayed silent and It's hard when you're

00:29:52.029 --> 00:29:55.630
used to confiding everything in a person and

00:29:55.630 --> 00:29:58.170
now the Lord tells you to be silent But the Lord

00:29:58.170 --> 00:30:01.430
made it to where I couldn't talk because in the

00:30:01.430 --> 00:30:04.390
course of my surgery my vocal cords were paralyzed

00:30:04.390 --> 00:30:09.430
So I physically had to be Conscious of what I

00:30:09.430 --> 00:30:11.769
was saying and when I was saying it so I wouldn't

00:30:11.769 --> 00:30:14.450
cause further damage to my vocal cords I had

00:30:14.450 --> 00:30:20.190
to be silent and So I held my cards close So

00:30:20.190 --> 00:30:24.769
June had surgery July 1st he moved out and I

00:30:24.769 --> 00:30:26.630
started working on getting paperwork together

00:30:26.630 --> 00:30:29.210
because I started asking the Lord I said Lord

00:30:29.210 --> 00:30:33.789
I Need you to tell me what to do. I have once

00:30:33.789 --> 00:30:36.710
we had separated I gave you my dreams. I was

00:30:36.710 --> 00:30:39.549
afraid to dream. I was afraid to hope. I was

00:30:39.549 --> 00:30:42.789
afraid to even pray for reconciliation because

00:30:42.789 --> 00:30:46.490
I've tried that before. I tried the first time.

00:30:46.609 --> 00:30:48.710
I tried the second time. God, we're at the third

00:30:48.710 --> 00:30:51.029
time and I'm a baseball fan. So third strike,

00:30:51.150 --> 00:30:52.910
you're out. Like, Lord, unless you tell me to

00:30:52.910 --> 00:30:55.769
keep this guy and stay in my marriage, Lord,

00:30:55.809 --> 00:30:58.789
I'm done. with this because I'm tired of being

00:30:58.789 --> 00:31:01.509
lied to. I'm tired of the kids being lied to

00:31:01.509 --> 00:31:05.029
and for someone to not be there for us when we

00:31:05.029 --> 00:31:08.930
need him the most. Lord I need you to tell me

00:31:08.930 --> 00:31:14.009
what to do. And so he showed me because biblically

00:31:14.009 --> 00:31:16.829
there are a few reasons why we can get divorced.

00:31:17.410 --> 00:31:21.609
One if there is infidelity and two let the unbeliever

00:31:21.609 --> 00:31:25.559
leave and there's abandonment there. The courts

00:31:25.559 --> 00:31:29.380
even acknowledge abandonment. They can even acknowledge

00:31:29.380 --> 00:31:36.059
abandonment of affection. And so that July, I

00:31:36.059 --> 00:31:38.039
started getting all the paperwork together and

00:31:38.039 --> 00:31:41.180
I started working with my attorney and because

00:31:41.180 --> 00:31:43.799
I knew in August I needed to have radioactive

00:31:43.799 --> 00:31:46.960
iodine therapy and that would require me to be

00:31:46.960 --> 00:31:50.799
in isolation. So I wanted the things to start

00:31:50.799 --> 00:31:53.019
getting into place. Our marriage had died years

00:31:53.019 --> 00:31:56.759
ago. I honestly think it had died back in 2009

00:31:56.759 --> 00:32:00.140
with the first one. And we were just trying.

00:32:01.400 --> 00:32:03.759
Playing house. We didn't have a good foundation

00:32:03.759 --> 00:32:09.980
to begin with. And so there was a grieving process.

00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:11.880
Grieving of things that I thought we were going

00:32:11.880 --> 00:32:15.039
to be able to do. Grieving the loss of my friend.

00:32:15.339 --> 00:32:20.980
Because he was my friend. But I knew I had a

00:32:20.980 --> 00:32:25.279
piece. God confirmed that it was time to leave

00:32:25.279 --> 00:32:28.799
and so I Started setting healthy boundaries for

00:32:28.799 --> 00:32:31.940
myself. I had a Christian counselor who was at

00:32:31.940 --> 00:32:34.339
one point time Bobby and I's marriage counselor

00:32:34.339 --> 00:32:37.720
started setting boundaries I had a divorce coach.

00:32:37.720 --> 00:32:40.799
I had an attorney like when God said he was gonna

00:32:40.799 --> 00:32:43.759
bring everybody to help me with this Transition

00:32:43.759 --> 00:32:46.559
he wasn't lying. So he brought all these people

00:32:46.559 --> 00:32:48.920
women who had gone through divorces and were

00:32:48.920 --> 00:32:52.700
honoring God in the divorce that part when you

00:32:52.700 --> 00:32:56.039
honor God during a divorce he will break things

00:32:56.039 --> 00:32:59.000
that you never knew needed to be broken and he

00:32:59.000 --> 00:33:00.880
will restore things that you never thought could

00:33:00.880 --> 00:33:04.660
be restored in the first place and so I started

00:33:04.660 --> 00:33:07.039
trusting him Lord whatever you want every morning

00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:10.160
was just quiet time with Jesus and it was a I

00:33:10.160 --> 00:33:12.480
was silent I couldn't talk I couldn't worship

00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:15.569
the way I wanted to because I couldn't sing So

00:33:15.569 --> 00:33:18.329
He taught me what worship was. He taught me what

00:33:18.329 --> 00:33:20.829
surrender was. He taught me what it looked like

00:33:20.829 --> 00:33:23.730
to stop making idols of people and make Him my

00:33:23.730 --> 00:33:27.730
God. And so all of these things, all these people

00:33:27.730 --> 00:33:33.170
started showing up. And it was exactly what I

00:33:33.170 --> 00:33:36.490
needed. Every question I had, God had the answer.

00:33:36.869 --> 00:33:39.430
I just need you to be silent enough for Him to

00:33:39.430 --> 00:33:44.430
hear. Yeah. So as God was carrying through this...

00:33:44.279 --> 00:33:47.980
Frightening season. It was emotionally physically

00:33:47.980 --> 00:33:50.420
financially. It was all pretty frightening. I

00:33:50.420 --> 00:33:53.740
mean You really had to cling to the Lord But

00:33:53.740 --> 00:33:55.220
your children were walking through their own

00:33:55.220 --> 00:33:58.259
journey and as a mom How did you help them navigate

00:33:58.259 --> 00:34:00.440
their pain and and how did you try to point them

00:34:00.440 --> 00:34:03.539
to Jesus along the way? Yeah So there was a morning

00:34:03.539 --> 00:34:05.160
when I was having my quiet time with the Lord

00:34:05.160 --> 00:34:07.660
And he reminded me of like when you're on the

00:34:07.660 --> 00:34:10.139
plane and the stewardess are always telling you

00:34:10.139 --> 00:34:13.599
put your gear on first in case there's turbulence

00:34:13.599 --> 00:34:16.119
put your gear on first and then help somebody

00:34:16.119 --> 00:34:19.539
and the Lord said let's get your healing because

00:34:19.539 --> 00:34:21.780
you're gonna walk your children through healing

00:34:21.780 --> 00:34:26.800
how can because we're all in this together but

00:34:26.800 --> 00:34:30.860
we're feeling different aspects of hurt I'm feeling

00:34:30.860 --> 00:34:34.460
abandonment and hurt from my spouse they're feeling

00:34:34.460 --> 00:34:38.599
abandonment and hurt from their father that's

00:34:38.599 --> 00:34:41.320
a different hurt and that can impact how they

00:34:41.320 --> 00:34:47.159
view their heavenly father. And so I was not

00:34:47.159 --> 00:34:49.679
perfect. The lawyers, your divorce coaches, your

00:34:49.679 --> 00:34:51.559
therapist will always tell you do not talk poorly

00:34:51.559 --> 00:34:56.760
about their father in front of the kids. I tried,

00:34:56.820 --> 00:35:00.699
I wasn't perfect. Especially when it's coming

00:35:00.699 --> 00:35:04.500
so rapidly. You're in situations you never thought

00:35:04.500 --> 00:35:06.260
you were gonna be in situations with where things

00:35:06.260 --> 00:35:10.179
are happening, things are being said, that you're

00:35:10.179 --> 00:35:11.440
just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, time out,

00:35:11.659 --> 00:35:13.639
pause. And there is no pause button in life.

00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:18.019
But the kids didn't understand why we were getting

00:35:18.019 --> 00:35:23.659
a divorce. They didn't buy the lie that I told

00:35:23.659 --> 00:35:25.460
them that it was my fault. Because see, that

00:35:25.460 --> 00:35:28.840
was still a lie I was believing. I believed what

00:35:28.840 --> 00:35:31.380
happened to me at 18 was my fault. I believe

00:35:31.380 --> 00:35:34.380
the affair in 09 was my fault because I wasn't

00:35:34.380 --> 00:35:37.980
pretty enough. I believed the affair in 2013

00:35:37.980 --> 00:35:40.159
-2014 was my fault because I was controlling.

00:35:40.579 --> 00:35:43.840
This one, it might as well have been my fault.

00:35:44.699 --> 00:35:49.000
So I took the blame. Yeah, it's my fault. I'm

00:35:49.000 --> 00:35:50.880
a monster. I literally told my children that

00:35:50.880 --> 00:35:53.320
I'm the monster. That's why. But they weren't

00:35:53.320 --> 00:35:57.340
buying it. Kids, no. They weren't buying it.

00:35:57.519 --> 00:35:59.460
So Jack sat us down. By this time, he's a freshman

00:35:59.460 --> 00:36:01.989
in high school. And he's like, okay, tell me

00:36:01.989 --> 00:36:05.389
really, why are you giving a divorce? And so

00:36:05.389 --> 00:36:08.070
I looked at Bobby and I said, do you want to

00:36:08.070 --> 00:36:09.090
tell him or you want me to tell him? He goes,

00:36:09.170 --> 00:36:11.369
no, go ahead, tell him. So we're getting a divorce

00:36:11.369 --> 00:36:14.869
because Bobby's having an affair. At that point,

00:36:15.030 --> 00:36:20.150
because that was now the fall of 2022, when I

00:36:20.150 --> 00:36:23.010
was in isolation in August, I found pictures

00:36:23.010 --> 00:36:29.210
that revealed all of it. So the Lord will confirm.

00:36:29.579 --> 00:36:35.780
what you're feeling. So I hadn't completely asked

00:36:35.780 --> 00:36:38.300
Bobby if he was having an affair before then.

00:36:39.440 --> 00:36:45.579
The Lord showed me the pictures and after that

00:36:45.579 --> 00:36:54.820
it was just mean. It became very hard to co -parent.

00:36:56.880 --> 00:37:00.840
It became hard to keep those boundaries. How

00:37:00.840 --> 00:37:02.199
do you establish boundaries with someone you

00:37:02.199 --> 00:37:04.000
never had boundaries with in the first place?

00:37:05.159 --> 00:37:07.239
And now you're having to put boundaries in. Divorce

00:37:07.239 --> 00:37:10.059
is so weird. It is so weird. All the things that

00:37:10.059 --> 00:37:12.239
you weren't supposed to be doing in marriage

00:37:12.239 --> 00:37:14.139
now you're having to do so you can protect yourself

00:37:14.139 --> 00:37:16.820
and your children. And so it was one of those

00:37:16.820 --> 00:37:20.260
things for Jack and Shelby. It was, we're gonna

00:37:20.260 --> 00:37:23.780
keep going to church. Because I asked the Lord,

00:37:23.920 --> 00:37:26.380
I wasn't gonna tell them I had cancer until surgery.

00:37:27.000 --> 00:37:29.420
Didn't want to tell them about the divorce and

00:37:29.420 --> 00:37:31.840
the Lord said to me How will I ever help write

00:37:31.840 --> 00:37:36.300
their testimony if you don't let me in? And I

00:37:36.300 --> 00:37:38.940
said, okay God I'm gonna step back. I can't control

00:37:38.940 --> 00:37:43.760
this So the Lord is writing Jack and Shelby's

00:37:43.760 --> 00:37:46.880
testimonies even to this day Jack was angry.

00:37:46.900 --> 00:37:52.340
He was so angry Shelby was so confused to the

00:37:52.340 --> 00:37:55.599
point where her identity her everything like

00:37:55.599 --> 00:37:58.489
just I don't know who I am because I don't know

00:37:58.489 --> 00:38:02.389
who my parents are. And we often, our identities

00:38:02.389 --> 00:38:04.429
are often based on who our parents are. I don't

00:38:04.429 --> 00:38:06.289
know who my parents are. I don't know who to

00:38:06.289 --> 00:38:09.789
trust. I don't know who I am. And so when we

00:38:09.789 --> 00:38:12.150
don't know who we are and we don't know who we

00:38:12.150 --> 00:38:15.250
are in Christ, then the enemy swoops in and he

00:38:15.250 --> 00:38:17.250
tries to use the world to tell you who you are.

00:38:17.909 --> 00:38:23.829
And so with Jackson, Jack is a lot like me. And

00:38:23.829 --> 00:38:25.829
it was like, but we're going to pray together.

00:38:25.949 --> 00:38:28.369
Let's pray together. And so we would pray together.

00:38:29.329 --> 00:38:32.110
They would see me on the kitchen floor of our

00:38:32.110 --> 00:38:36.329
town home weeping with broken, literally broken

00:38:36.329 --> 00:38:39.670
hallelujahs, hard fought hallelujahs. But Lord,

00:38:39.670 --> 00:38:41.230
I'm going to worship you in this and I'm going

00:38:41.230 --> 00:38:44.329
to let my kids see it. I'm going to be vulnerable

00:38:44.329 --> 00:38:46.469
and I'm going to let my kids see my pain because

00:38:46.469 --> 00:38:48.550
I'm going to let them see my healing and I'm

00:38:48.550 --> 00:38:50.590
going to let them see my victory and I'm going

00:38:50.590 --> 00:38:52.150
to let them see that the victory that God has

00:38:52.150 --> 00:38:54.050
for me is the same victory God has for them.

00:38:55.289 --> 00:38:59.110
we kept walking and we kept talking and it was

00:38:59.110 --> 00:39:02.329
not so easy with Shelby Grace. That was the hard

00:39:02.329 --> 00:39:08.389
one because it's easier to believe the lies than

00:39:08.389 --> 00:39:13.309
it is to believe the truth. So it was it was

00:39:13.309 --> 00:39:19.039
hard and they're still growing. Shelby Started

00:39:19.039 --> 00:39:21.579
reading the Bible to prove that God didn't exist

00:39:21.579 --> 00:39:24.760
which I thought was hysterical But once again

00:39:24.760 --> 00:39:29.219
God you do you because when I prayed Lord Reveal

00:39:29.219 --> 00:39:33.380
yourself to my kids in a way that they cannot

00:39:33.380 --> 00:39:37.760
ignore you anymore He'll do that sometimes through

00:39:37.760 --> 00:39:40.380
relationships and sometimes he'll do that through

00:39:40.380 --> 00:39:43.579
his word sometimes he'll do it through both so

00:39:43.579 --> 00:39:46.320
Shelby started reading the Bible and started

00:39:46.320 --> 00:39:49.550
seeing God and her vocabulary would change. I

00:39:49.550 --> 00:39:52.269
mean, this was... Jodi, we were having to put

00:39:52.269 --> 00:39:55.230
her on suicide watch. I had to hide all the sharp

00:39:55.230 --> 00:39:58.070
objects. She couldn't be alone by herself. All

00:39:58.070 --> 00:40:02.409
of these things. And then in the spring of 24,

00:40:02.409 --> 00:40:06.230
she's coming home saying, did you know our God?

00:40:08.570 --> 00:40:13.570
Did you know that in this book, our God, our

00:40:13.570 --> 00:40:18.280
God, not your God, our God? And the Lord's heard

00:40:18.280 --> 00:40:21.980
softening her heart and she is somebody both

00:40:21.980 --> 00:40:26.219
of Jack Jack and Shelby Want truth don't we all

00:40:26.219 --> 00:40:29.480
yeah, we want truth, but how do you find truth

00:40:29.480 --> 00:40:32.219
when everyone's saying just live by your truth?

00:40:33.039 --> 00:40:35.260
Well, Jesus is the way the truth in the life

00:40:35.260 --> 00:40:38.840
And so when we as parents even when it's hard

00:40:38.840 --> 00:40:41.219
even when we are struggling ourselves Continue

00:40:41.219 --> 00:40:45.820
to point them back to the truth and leeway They'll

00:40:45.820 --> 00:40:49.460
find him And God will reveal himself in a way

00:40:49.460 --> 00:40:53.260
that they cannot disprove and they cannot ignore

00:40:53.260 --> 00:40:58.940
Yeah, and I'm sure as a as a mom that was That

00:40:58.940 --> 00:41:01.480
ministered to you more than anything else seeing

00:41:01.480 --> 00:41:04.440
God work in the lives of your kids Draw them

00:41:04.440 --> 00:41:06.300
to himself and you have to make sure you sort

00:41:06.300 --> 00:41:08.519
of the cool mom face like when Shelby's coming

00:41:08.519 --> 00:41:10.260
home Tell me all this stuff and I don't want

00:41:10.260 --> 00:41:12.480
to sit there and be like Lord you so good. Thank

00:41:12.480 --> 00:41:14.460
you for getting my daughter. I still had to remain

00:41:14.460 --> 00:41:17.699
like Neutral like oh, no, I didn't know that

00:41:17.699 --> 00:41:19.739
about our God. Please go ahead and keep telling

00:41:19.739 --> 00:41:24.099
me because she just She needed that truth that

00:41:24.099 --> 00:41:27.039
truth was like a healing bomb on her heart that

00:41:27.039 --> 00:41:30.539
she needed Yeah, I mean vulnerability prayer

00:41:30.539 --> 00:41:33.239
Releasing them to the Lord. Those are all so

00:41:33.239 --> 00:41:36.699
key and so hard to do as parents, you know, so

00:41:36.699 --> 00:41:40.530
so hard to do because You know, we love them.

00:41:40.610 --> 00:41:42.730
We want the best for them and watching them struggle

00:41:42.730 --> 00:41:45.369
is difficult. So you were learning to trust God

00:41:45.369 --> 00:41:49.050
in all sorts of areas of your life, especially

00:41:49.050 --> 00:41:51.710
relationships, which had been difficult for you

00:41:51.710 --> 00:41:54.530
since your college trauma. And then God gave

00:41:54.530 --> 00:41:58.309
you an opportunity in that area to trust again.

00:41:58.769 --> 00:42:01.309
Can you share what that looked like and what

00:42:01.309 --> 00:42:03.949
began to change when you truly surrendered that

00:42:03.949 --> 00:42:07.010
part of your life to him? How God redeems, right?

00:42:07.809 --> 00:42:13.119
I was completely and totally at peace and had

00:42:13.119 --> 00:42:16.159
joy if it was just gonna be me and the kids and

00:42:16.159 --> 00:42:19.420
Jesus. People started asking, are you interested

00:42:19.420 --> 00:42:22.139
in dating? I am totally okay with it just being

00:42:22.139 --> 00:42:24.760
Jesus, me and the kids because I was gonna focus

00:42:24.760 --> 00:42:28.500
on ministry. The thing about it was when I lost

00:42:28.500 --> 00:42:34.019
my voice, there wasn't something medically wrong

00:42:34.019 --> 00:42:36.940
with my voice. The doctors couldn't explain it.

00:42:37.019 --> 00:42:38.420
We went through scans, everything. There wasn't

00:42:38.420 --> 00:42:41.380
anything medically wrong with my voice. God was

00:42:41.380 --> 00:42:44.219
using that as an opportunity to teach me because

00:42:44.219 --> 00:42:47.900
I had remained silent. I stopped singing. I stopped

00:42:47.900 --> 00:42:50.820
writing. I wasn't walking to my calling. And

00:42:50.820 --> 00:42:53.780
that's disobedience. And so the Lord was allowing

00:42:53.780 --> 00:42:57.739
me to go through a season of silence so that

00:42:57.739 --> 00:43:00.599
I could learn what obedience genuinely looked

00:43:00.599 --> 00:43:03.440
like. And so I was like, you know what, Lord,

00:43:03.940 --> 00:43:07.429
if it's just us, then that means I can serve

00:43:07.429 --> 00:43:09.650
you and walk in ministry and just do all the

00:43:09.650 --> 00:43:12.449
things. I'm okay with it, but the Lord knew my

00:43:12.449 --> 00:43:15.849
heart. I gave God my heart, all broken pieces

00:43:15.849 --> 00:43:19.349
of it on the church floor. Weeping, Lord, I'm

00:43:19.349 --> 00:43:22.230
so glad for church proof mascara because it would

00:43:22.230 --> 00:43:24.570
have been all over my face. I gave it all to

00:43:24.570 --> 00:43:27.369
him. God, you could have my future. You can have

00:43:27.369 --> 00:43:30.610
my past. You can have my present, but whatever

00:43:30.610 --> 00:43:34.190
you do, if you bring me another person, I need

00:43:34.190 --> 00:43:41.199
to heal. from my past and God will Do a supernatural

00:43:41.199 --> 00:43:43.460
healing in your life I genuinely believe God

00:43:43.460 --> 00:43:46.619
has to speed slowly and suddenly and he will

00:43:46.619 --> 00:43:50.099
work things out in such a way that he will redeem

00:43:50.099 --> 00:43:54.460
lost time and he will heal places of your heart

00:43:54.460 --> 00:43:57.940
and he will bring deliverance and there were

00:43:57.940 --> 00:44:00.280
so many things that I needed deliverance from

00:44:00.280 --> 00:44:04.949
and so When that prophecy of God will bring me

00:44:04.949 --> 00:44:07.949
everybody I knew through that transition. I Knew

00:44:07.949 --> 00:44:11.269
it was fellow women. I didn't know it was gonna

00:44:11.269 --> 00:44:16.210
be my future husband But God is not one who just

00:44:16.210 --> 00:44:20.150
does things half -heartedly He does things thoroughly

00:44:20.150 --> 00:44:24.449
and Fully and he knew I wanted to be a wife.

00:44:24.449 --> 00:44:29.469
I don't like being alone in ministry I want someone

00:44:29.469 --> 00:44:31.710
to share that burden, two are better than one.

00:44:32.650 --> 00:44:37.309
And so it was funny, I sat with the kids in the

00:44:37.309 --> 00:44:41.130
parking lot of a craft store and I asked them,

00:44:41.170 --> 00:44:43.389
because they were gonna be a part of it, how

00:44:43.389 --> 00:44:45.670
many times do parents get the opportunity to

00:44:45.670 --> 00:44:51.570
show their kids how to date biblically? And so

00:44:51.570 --> 00:44:55.769
I said, guys, what do you think about if I start

00:44:55.769 --> 00:44:58.429
dating? And Shelby's first response was, please

00:44:58.429 --> 00:45:03.110
don't go on online dating. No, it will either

00:45:03.110 --> 00:45:05.730
be the church or the ball field, because that's

00:45:05.730 --> 00:45:10.389
where I was at most of the time. And lo and behold,

00:45:10.429 --> 00:45:12.969
it was going to be on the ball field. So the

00:45:12.969 --> 00:45:18.050
summer of 22, Jack's playing baseball in high

00:45:18.050 --> 00:45:21.909
school, and there was a single baseball dad.

00:45:22.719 --> 00:45:25.059
And that was how I referred to him to my friends.

00:45:25.260 --> 00:45:26.719
I wouldn't even give him a name. I just called

00:45:26.719 --> 00:45:31.460
him Baseball Dad. And we would just talk at baseball

00:45:31.460 --> 00:45:36.440
games. And we were single parents trying to navigate

00:45:36.440 --> 00:45:40.000
baseball games. And we both had two kids. So

00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:41.900
one kid was playing baseball and the other kid

00:45:41.900 --> 00:45:45.159
wasn't. And so how are we there for our kids?

00:45:45.820 --> 00:45:50.000
And we started talking through Facebook Messenger.

00:45:50.960 --> 00:45:53.900
Because I wouldn't give him my phone number because

00:45:53.900 --> 00:45:57.840
I just I didn't I wasn't sure like I still The

00:45:57.840 --> 00:46:00.619
divorce process was going but like my attorney

00:46:00.619 --> 00:46:04.320
said divorces could take years and So I was just

00:46:04.320 --> 00:46:07.119
like Lord. I don't I don't know. I don't know

00:46:07.119 --> 00:46:12.420
and so God had asked me What do you want in a

00:46:12.420 --> 00:46:14.980
husband and I laughed at God like Sarah left

00:46:14.980 --> 00:46:17.420
and I said Lord I don't know if I won't want

00:46:17.420 --> 00:46:20.820
me goes well if you were to have a husband Who

00:46:20.820 --> 00:46:22.159
do you want in a husband? I said, Lord, he's

00:46:22.159 --> 00:46:24.980
got to love you first. He's got to love you with

00:46:24.980 --> 00:46:27.480
an authentic love because if he loves you first,

00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:30.639
he'll know how to love me and the kids. First

00:46:30.639 --> 00:46:33.920
and foremost, I want somebody with a generous

00:46:33.920 --> 00:46:37.539
heart because when you're serving the Lord, you

00:46:37.539 --> 00:46:39.559
are called to be generous and love those that

00:46:39.559 --> 00:46:42.119
are sometimes unlovable, to forgive those that

00:46:42.119 --> 00:46:46.820
are unforgivable, to take care of those who need

00:46:47.050 --> 00:46:49.869
help like to be Jesus with skin on. I want somebody

00:46:49.869 --> 00:46:51.849
who will do that with me and not judge me for

00:46:51.849 --> 00:46:54.449
it. I need somebody who's going to have a father's

00:46:54.449 --> 00:46:57.530
heart not just for my children but for the children

00:46:57.530 --> 00:46:59.170
that are going to be brought to us because I

00:46:59.170 --> 00:47:02.150
still have a passion for kids. I'm still a teacher.

00:47:02.849 --> 00:47:06.389
That is my heart is for young adults and teenagers.

00:47:06.489 --> 00:47:08.630
I need somebody who's going to understand that

00:47:08.630 --> 00:47:12.730
and someone with a deep voice Lord that feels

00:47:12.730 --> 00:47:16.449
like honey. Because honey has healing properties

00:47:16.449 --> 00:47:20.070
and I need someone with a deep voice lo and behold

00:47:20.070 --> 00:47:25.329
This this amazing father of ours He didn't take

00:47:25.329 --> 00:47:28.929
it as like a genie wish list. He took it as God.

00:47:29.010 --> 00:47:33.929
This is what I'm desiring and if and You said

00:47:33.929 --> 00:47:35.789
that you would give us the desires of our heart

00:47:35.789 --> 00:47:37.650
if we delight in you So Lord, I'm gonna delight

00:47:37.650 --> 00:47:42.170
in you and I'm giving you my desires If this

00:47:42.170 --> 00:47:44.880
is what you have for me Lord, I will receive

00:47:44.880 --> 00:47:49.920
that gift." And so he said, okay, here's Michael

00:47:49.920 --> 00:47:54.719
Eugene Brewer Jr. and he is your gift. And he

00:47:54.719 --> 00:47:57.599
didn't, he understood what divorce looked like.

00:47:58.059 --> 00:48:01.440
He understood healing. He understood forgiveness.

00:48:02.559 --> 00:48:06.000
He had understood where I was at because he had

00:48:06.000 --> 00:48:08.300
been in that same situation years before. So

00:48:08.300 --> 00:48:12.739
he understood betrayal. And so we took our time.

00:48:13.799 --> 00:48:16.059
And I put that man on so many breaks because

00:48:16.059 --> 00:48:17.639
I was starting to develop an emotion that I wasn't

00:48:17.639 --> 00:48:20.280
sure if I was ready to develop yet. And I would

00:48:20.280 --> 00:48:22.380
not ghost him. I was very honest because I wanted

00:48:22.380 --> 00:48:25.360
communication to be clear. And I would tell him,

00:48:25.360 --> 00:48:27.579
I'm developing feelings for you that I don't

00:48:27.579 --> 00:48:30.579
know if I'm ready to feel yet. Can I have a break?

00:48:31.260 --> 00:48:34.400
And we wouldn't talk for weeks. And I did that

00:48:34.400 --> 00:48:40.059
to him a couple of times. And I had started at

00:48:40.059 --> 00:48:43.059
that point. and the fall of 22 I started serving

00:48:43.059 --> 00:48:45.199
on the worship team and I needed to sign the

00:48:45.199 --> 00:48:46.920
ministry agreement. Part of that ministry agreement

00:48:46.920 --> 00:48:49.119
is that you're living your life authentically

00:48:49.119 --> 00:48:55.420
for the Lord. And I was at a juxtaposition. I'm

00:48:55.420 --> 00:48:58.460
going through a divorce and I'm developing feelings

00:48:58.460 --> 00:49:00.639
for somebody and I don't know what I'm supposed

00:49:00.639 --> 00:49:05.780
to do. And so I went to my pastor and our worship

00:49:05.780 --> 00:49:08.500
director and they both agreed, you know, the

00:49:08.500 --> 00:49:10.980
marriage vows had already been broken. the covenant

00:49:10.980 --> 00:49:14.320
because of my ex -husband's affairs but there

00:49:14.320 --> 00:49:17.519
was still that legality part or am I legally

00:49:17.519 --> 00:49:19.719
allowed to date while still going through a divorce

00:49:19.719 --> 00:49:24.960
and so that night I went to the Lord and I said

00:49:24.960 --> 00:49:28.059
God if this is an Abraham Isaac moment because

00:49:28.059 --> 00:49:30.659
I don't want to make him my idol I did that before

00:49:30.659 --> 00:49:33.039
I don't want to do that again I don't want to

00:49:33.039 --> 00:49:35.940
make a person my idol the Lord I will give you

00:49:35.940 --> 00:49:40.420
my Isaac I will surrender this relationship until

00:49:40.420 --> 00:49:44.659
you release it to me. But I have no doubt that

00:49:44.659 --> 00:49:48.619
we will worship and we will return. And that

00:49:48.619 --> 00:49:51.519
was the exact Bible verse I gave Mike that night.

00:49:51.960 --> 00:49:55.219
We talked and I said, Mike, I'm asking you that

00:49:55.219 --> 00:49:57.159
you would wait for me until this divorce is final,

00:49:58.019 --> 00:50:00.800
until I'm legally allowed to date you. And that

00:50:00.800 --> 00:50:03.320
was gonna be who knows when. And he was like,

00:50:03.340 --> 00:50:04.659
I'll wait for you because you're worth waiting

00:50:04.659 --> 00:50:09.420
for. That was healing. I needed to know that

00:50:09.420 --> 00:50:12.039
I was worth waiting for because that wasn't given

00:50:12.039 --> 00:50:16.960
to me at 18. I was worth waiting for. And so

00:50:16.960 --> 00:50:23.199
we stopped talking and I had to talk with my

00:50:23.199 --> 00:50:25.579
attorney about other things. And I asked her,

00:50:25.639 --> 00:50:28.159
I said, so just out of curiosity, am I allowed

00:50:28.159 --> 00:50:30.880
to start dating? She goes, yeah, legally section

00:50:30.880 --> 00:50:34.340
21 of your divorce decree or divorce paperwork,

00:50:34.500 --> 00:50:37.079
you are allowed to start dating. my ex -husband

00:50:37.079 --> 00:50:41.760
obviously was dating and but I wanted to do this

00:50:41.760 --> 00:50:44.699
honoring God and so legally I'm allowed to start

00:50:44.699 --> 00:50:51.380
dating so okay but we we took this as um let's

00:50:51.380 --> 00:50:54.119
let's do this honoring the Lord let's court and

00:50:54.119 --> 00:50:59.880
so um he has been such a blessing to me to our

00:50:59.880 --> 00:51:02.940
kids we now you know those dreams that you thought

00:51:02.940 --> 00:51:05.500
you had And you never thought you were gonna

00:51:05.500 --> 00:51:08.760
see them. I always wanted to have four kids.

00:51:10.280 --> 00:51:12.800
I came from a family of four kids. I always wanted

00:51:12.800 --> 00:51:18.719
four children. And now I get to be a mom to four

00:51:18.719 --> 00:51:23.119
kids. I get to love four children as my own.

00:51:24.519 --> 00:51:29.579
And I see God just redeeming all those lost things.

00:51:30.400 --> 00:51:34.429
With our children, we got married. Palm Sunday

00:51:34.429 --> 00:51:37.730
weekend of 24 the following weekend was good

00:51:37.730 --> 00:51:40.469
Friday and Shelby gave her life to Jesus that

00:51:40.469 --> 00:51:43.730
good Friday The following weekend was my birthday

00:51:43.730 --> 00:51:47.530
God even like he loves you so much that he takes

00:51:47.530 --> 00:51:50.610
he takes notice of your birthday He takes notice

00:51:50.610 --> 00:51:53.349
of trauma that happened on a specific day and

00:51:53.349 --> 00:51:56.889
he redeems that day so here my birthday years

00:51:56.889 --> 00:52:00.980
ago was when I separated from my husband and

00:52:00.980 --> 00:52:04.500
he said okay but now i'm going to restore and

00:52:04.500 --> 00:52:07.119
renew and we were able to baptize my daughter

00:52:07.119 --> 00:52:12.199
my birthday weekend because he is a god who redeems

00:52:12.199 --> 00:52:15.260
looking back at all that you've walked through

00:52:15.260 --> 00:52:18.059
what's the most important thing you want others

00:52:18.059 --> 00:52:20.239
to hear out of your story you have to be willing

00:52:20.239 --> 00:52:23.099
to lay down your anger you have to be willing

00:52:23.099 --> 00:52:26.480
to lay down your right to be angry you have to

00:52:26.480 --> 00:52:30.710
be willing to lay down unforgiveness unforgiveness

00:52:30.710 --> 00:52:34.170
will be the biggest gateway and all sorts of

00:52:34.170 --> 00:52:37.570
oppression you have to lay that down even habitually

00:52:37.570 --> 00:52:40.449
like I would love to say that things are great

00:52:40.449 --> 00:52:43.070
but things are not always great life does not

00:52:43.070 --> 00:52:46.269
always work out the way that you want it to and

00:52:46.269 --> 00:52:49.110
you have to walk in forgiveness when we say the

00:52:49.110 --> 00:52:52.250
Lord's Prayer and we talk about Lord give me

00:52:52.250 --> 00:52:54.570
my daily bread that also means daily we have

00:52:54.570 --> 00:52:56.550
to walk in forgiveness you have to lay that down

00:52:56.829 --> 00:52:59.449
Lord, I forgive. Lord, I forgive. Lord, I lay

00:52:59.449 --> 00:53:03.670
down my dreams. I lay down my fear of dreaming.

00:53:04.969 --> 00:53:08.389
I lay down my hopes because I know I was putting

00:53:08.389 --> 00:53:10.809
them in the wrong place. God, you are my hope.

00:53:11.250 --> 00:53:14.230
My hope is in you. My joy is in you. And the

00:53:14.230 --> 00:53:16.329
joy of the Lord is our strength. And we can do

00:53:16.329 --> 00:53:18.630
all things that God has called us to because

00:53:18.630 --> 00:53:24.969
he is our strength. Amen. Well, Brayden, as you've

00:53:24.969 --> 00:53:27.440
reflected on all of this, I know that you're

00:53:27.440 --> 00:53:30.480
a woman of the word. Tell us about a woman in

00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:33.400
the Bible who's inspired or encouraged or taught

00:53:33.400 --> 00:53:36.719
you something through your life. So in the New

00:53:36.719 --> 00:53:39.739
Testament, Jesus is there sitting and a woman

00:53:39.739 --> 00:53:45.059
brings him a wages worth of oil. And so financial

00:53:45.059 --> 00:53:48.519
stability has always been an issue for me. It

00:53:48.519 --> 00:53:49.780
was one of the reasons why I didn't go through

00:53:49.780 --> 00:53:51.820
divorce the first two times. I wanted financial

00:53:51.820 --> 00:53:56.059
stability. But this woman was willing to lay

00:53:56.059 --> 00:53:59.639
down her financial stability she was willing

00:53:59.639 --> 00:54:02.719
to lay down her future she was willing to lay

00:54:02.719 --> 00:54:06.480
down her ego her pride everything at the feet

00:54:06.480 --> 00:54:13.940
of Jesus and that that spoke to me when we're

00:54:13.940 --> 00:54:17.159
willing to lay it all at the feet of Jesus he

00:54:17.159 --> 00:54:21.309
picks us up he wipes off the dirt He takes off

00:54:21.309 --> 00:54:23.829
the muck and the mire and He puts us on places

00:54:23.829 --> 00:54:27.269
that nobody else could put us. Amen. Well, as

00:54:27.269 --> 00:54:29.030
I listen to your story, Brayden, I can't help

00:54:29.030 --> 00:54:30.730
but think about those who are listening right

00:54:30.730 --> 00:54:33.829
now who might feel like they're in that in -between

00:54:33.829 --> 00:54:37.809
place, doing their best, loving God imperfectly,

00:54:37.929 --> 00:54:41.050
still carrying places of fear or loss or divided

00:54:41.050 --> 00:54:44.170
trust. And friends, I hope that as you listen

00:54:44.170 --> 00:54:46.070
to Brayden's journey, you're reminded that God

00:54:46.070 --> 00:54:48.309
doesn't wait for us to have it all figured out.

00:54:48.480 --> 00:54:50.920
We don't have to be perfect. He loves us anyway.

00:54:51.699 --> 00:54:54.480
He meets us right where we are. And when we're

00:54:54.480 --> 00:54:58.079
willing to lay things down again and again, I

00:54:58.079 --> 00:55:00.760
know I've had some hurt that I've had to lay

00:55:00.760 --> 00:55:05.679
down for years, but he proves himself faithful.

00:55:05.860 --> 00:55:09.400
He always, always does. Now, Braden's story reflects

00:55:09.400 --> 00:55:12.840
the heart. of Psalm 16 so beautifully that when

00:55:12.840 --> 00:55:16.059
God becomes our refuge and God becomes our portion,

00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:21.519
he leads us on a path of life and joy we never

00:55:21.519 --> 00:55:24.440
could have orchestrated on our own. Now that

00:55:24.440 --> 00:55:27.840
joy doesn't come from a pain -free story but

00:55:27.840 --> 00:55:31.440
from a surrendered one. Braden, would you take

00:55:31.440 --> 00:55:34.219
a moment to pray for our listening friends? God,

00:55:34.219 --> 00:55:37.260
I thank you so much for this opportunity to glorify

00:55:37.260 --> 00:55:39.860
you and to honor you. Father, I thank you that

00:55:39.860 --> 00:55:41.900
you said that we overcome by the word of our

00:55:41.900 --> 00:55:44.119
testimony and the blood of the lamb. Lord, I

00:55:44.119 --> 00:55:46.559
thank you for Jodi and this ministry and the

00:55:46.559 --> 00:55:49.099
people that she reaches. Father, I pray for the

00:55:49.099 --> 00:55:51.199
woman right now who is listening with a broken

00:55:51.199 --> 00:55:55.039
heart, a tear -stained face going, Lord, where

00:55:55.039 --> 00:55:57.679
are you? Father, I pray that you make yourself

00:55:57.679 --> 00:56:00.440
so real to her. The father that your comfort

00:56:00.440 --> 00:56:03.340
wraps around her like a blanket. The father that

00:56:03.340 --> 00:56:06.630
you show her that it's just today. that we just

00:56:06.630 --> 00:56:08.110
need to stay in today. We don't need to worry

00:56:08.110 --> 00:56:09.610
about tomorrow. You've already got it planned

00:56:09.610 --> 00:56:11.809
out. You've already gone into our future. You

00:56:11.809 --> 00:56:13.949
know what that looks like. You're able to redeem

00:56:13.949 --> 00:56:17.090
our past, but you're so good and loving and personal

00:56:17.090 --> 00:56:19.449
that you're also with us in the present. Lord,

00:56:19.489 --> 00:56:21.849
I pray that you renew her hope, that you renew

00:56:21.849 --> 00:56:24.650
her joy, and that you steady her feet. In your

00:56:24.650 --> 00:56:28.409
precious name we pray. Amen. Thank you, Braden.

00:56:28.929 --> 00:56:30.949
As we close today, dear friends, I want to speak

00:56:30.949 --> 00:56:33.369
a blessing over you straight from the heart of

00:56:33.369 --> 00:56:37.210
Psalm 16. May you know the Lord as your safe

00:56:37.210 --> 00:56:40.690
place, your refuge in every season. May your

00:56:40.690 --> 00:56:43.130
heart grow confident that apart from him you

00:56:43.130 --> 00:56:46.190
can do no good thing. May you stop running after

00:56:46.190 --> 00:56:49.289
things that cannot satisfy and instead find your

00:56:49.289 --> 00:56:52.329
portion, your security and your peace in God

00:56:52.329 --> 00:56:55.429
alone. May you keep your eyes fixed on the Lord

00:56:55.429 --> 00:56:57.769
and may you sense his steady presence beside

00:56:57.769 --> 00:57:01.389
you so that even when life feels uncertain, you

00:57:01.389 --> 00:57:04.300
are not shaken. And may he make known to you

00:57:04.300 --> 00:57:07.840
the path of life, that you may be filled with

00:57:07.840 --> 00:57:10.619
joy in his presence, and may his peace settle

00:57:10.619 --> 00:57:14.179
your heart as you rest in him today and always.

00:57:15.699 --> 00:57:17.559
Friends, if today's conversation spoke to your

00:57:17.559 --> 00:57:19.739
heart, you can find show notes and related resources

00:57:19.739 --> 00:57:22.519
at hergodstory .org. And if you need prayer,

00:57:22.659 --> 00:57:26.400
our 24 -7 prayer line is always available. Just

00:57:26.400 --> 00:57:31.849
call or text anytime to 855 -459 -CARE. or email

00:57:31.849 --> 00:57:34.570
us at prayer at somebodycares .org. You don't

00:57:34.570 --> 00:57:37.570
have to walk this road alone. And if you'd like

00:57:37.570 --> 00:57:40.070
to be part of something bigger, making a difference

00:57:40.070 --> 00:57:41.989
for others, consider giving to the Widow and

00:57:41.989 --> 00:57:44.289
Orphan Fund. Just click help now on our website.

00:57:44.530 --> 00:57:47.650
It's very simple to join. Thank you for spending

00:57:47.650 --> 00:57:49.769
your time with us today. I hope you'll join us

00:57:49.769 --> 00:57:52.269
again soon. And wherever you are in your journey,

00:57:52.610 --> 00:57:55.829
remember God is still writing your story. Her

00:57:55.829 --> 00:57:58.369
God Story is a ministry of Somebody Cares America

00:57:58.369 --> 00:58:01.050
and International. To find out more about or

00:58:01.050 --> 00:58:03.909
support the ministry, go to somebodycares .org.