Deanne Ward: When Faith Walks Through Fire

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Hey friends, welcome to the Her God Story podcast

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where you'll always hear a powerful story to

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encourage and inspire you in your walk with the

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Lord. I'm so glad you tuned in today. I'm your

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host, Jody Caracosta, ministry leader at Somebody

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Cares America, an international author and fellow

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traveler on this incredible journey with Jesus.

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You know, God cares deeply for the overlooked

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and the hurting among us, and he holds a special

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place in his heart for widows and orphans. Throughout

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scripture, He calls us to look after them. That's

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why Somebody Cares established the Widow and

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Orphan Fund. As a company of women, we can come

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together and truly make a meaningful difference

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in meeting the needs of those who God has entrusted

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to our ministry partners around the world. Just

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recently, the director of Somebody Cares Caribbean

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graduated to glory. His precious widow was left

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facing overwhelming medical bills, funeral costs,

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and other final expenses far beyond what she

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could carry alone. But thanks to friends like

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you, we were able to step in and send funds to

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help ease that burden. In the midst of her grief,

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we've been a tangible expression of God's love,

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bringing comfort and letting her know she's not

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walking this road alone. Would you prayerfully

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consider joining us in this mission? Your gift

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of any size truly makes a difference. Just visit

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hergodstory .org and click on Help Now. And yes,

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we even accept cryptocurrency. Ephesians 4 9

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and 10 in the NIV reminds us that two are better

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than one. If either of them falls down, one can

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help the other up. What a beautiful picture of

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how God designed us to live. Not isolated, but

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surrounded by people who lift us up when life

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gets heavy. And Galatians 6, 2 takes it even

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further, calling us to carry each other's burdens.

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And in this way, you will fulfill the law of

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Christ. Supporting one another isn't just a nice

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idea. It's a vital part of living out our faith.

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And let's be honest, life does get heavy. According

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to a recent report of the US National Institute

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of Medical Health, about one in four adults in

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America is struggling with mental health challenges,

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from stress and anxiety to deeper battles with

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depression. But here's the hope. Healing and

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strength often begin when we reach out and let

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others in. Studies show that having a strong

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support system not only helps reduce anxiety

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and depression, but also leads to longer, healthier

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lives. Romans 12 -15 in the NIV brings it home,

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rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those

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who mourn. We're called to show up for each other,

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to celebrate good, and to sit with each other

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in hard places. My guest today, Deanne Ward,

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has lived both sides of this truth, receiving

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and giving that kind of support. I know you'll

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be encouraged as you listen, and if you're going

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through something difficult, I hope you'll be

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reminded that you don't have to go it alone.

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If you're in a season of strength, maybe God's

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nudging you to be that lifeline for someone else.

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I met Deanne not long ago and was immediately

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drawn to her wisdom, compassionate, and depth

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of experience she brings to every conversation.

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She's worked in over 50 countries, partnering

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with churches, ministries, and nonprofits to

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build leadership teams. And with over 40 certifications

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in crisis management, emotional intelligence,

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and counseling, she is well equipped to guide

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others. Deanne and her husband Matthew have been

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married 42 years and raised three incredible

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daughters. Diane, it is such a joy to have you

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on the show today. Thank you for having me. You

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were raised. in a Christian home and were blessed

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with solid teaching that grounded you early in

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your faith. Just share a little about that foundation

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and when you personally made that decision to

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come to Christ. Well, I was raised, I was third

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generation of people that I knew loved Jesus

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with their whole heart and everything that was

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in them. I have pictures of my great grandparents

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and Bible studies that we're in the Midwest.

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So, you know, revivals were a big thing, you

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know, back in the day because they'd be over

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a hundred at this point. But and my parents also

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served really, really well in the church. from

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the standpoint of not just in the church like

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Sunday school teachers and and sound people but

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also to take families under their wings or to

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take kids that lived in the projects. You know,

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my dad would go down with milk and donuts and

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play basketball with them and they couldn't get

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the milk. They couldn't have breakfast unless

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they also listened to a Bible study. So I learned

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practical acts of how to engage people through

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my parents, through my grandparents. I just,

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I didn't know there was any other way. I didn't

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know. that people didn't have somewhere to go

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when life got hard. I was just like, well, you

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pray, you go to your church body, you talk to

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your friends. I mean, I was also raised where

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on the weekends we went camping and it was like

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six or eight couples and they'd make a circle.

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I was surrounded by people of faith my whole

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life. And then I left home and, you know, still

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kind of was. I remember you telling me you had

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planned, you know, growing up in that environment,

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you really had planned to be a missionary. You

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wanted to help other people because that's what

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you had seen. That's, you know, what the Christian

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life was to you. That and I just my DNA has always

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been for women and for widows and orphans in

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particular. So I just didn't see how I was going

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to have a husband and a family. I was just going

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to go. You know, I was just going to do missions,

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like you said, for the rest of my life once I

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graduated. That was where I saw myself. And then

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you headed off to college. And there, God started

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redirecting your path in a way you really were

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not expecting. So tell us a little about how

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that unfolded. You know what? I had gone to junior

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college for some stuff. But right before I was

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going to go to a four -year university, I had

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a very wise pastor who said, you know, let me

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give you some advice. I've watched you for the

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last few years. And he said, when we know what

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we're supposed to do and we don't do it, the

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consequences are much more severe than if you

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think you know and you're not sure, God will

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gently move you back over to his plan for you.

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And I never forgot, then he goes, I think you

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know what you're called to do. I think you know

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you're supposed to be in full -time ministry.

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And do you need to wait? Do you need to do that

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for your program? Or should you go ahead and

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do a one -year missions? And I said, well, my

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folks aren't going to go for that. And I said,

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but, but walk me through what you think. Because

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I said, you know, he doesn't, he didn't speak.

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He was very cautious with his words as a pastor.

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And so he said, this is what I've seen so many

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people do for so many years. They feel called

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to do missions or help. But once you start down

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a certain path of education or career, your family

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starts, it's much harder to go back and do those

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things. If at all possible, I would highly encourage

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you to take a year between high school and starting

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a four -year. college degree and take 12 months

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and go off on to missions and see what God has

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for you. Well, I talked to my parents and I was

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very surprised when they were as supportive as

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they were. They're like, that's what you want

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to do, then we support you 100%. I did not anticipate

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that at all. I expected a little bit of a several

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family meetings we'll say. And so she, my mom

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asked me, she goes, what are you thinking? And

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I said, well, maybe I'll do youth with a mission

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because it's a It's a short program with a second

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optional program. And so she goes, so where have

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you looked? And I said, well, I haven't been

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to Texas or Hawaii, so I applied both. And I'm

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just going to trust that whoever answers first,

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that's where I'm supposed to go. And so I heard

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from Texas, went down to Twin Oaks Ranch, and

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within a month met my future husband -to -be.

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So I can see all the stuff. Once I took that

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first big dive, I could see all the little pieces

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coming together when I looked back. But to not

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go to college was not on my radar. To go to Texas

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was not on my radar. Two hot bugs and snakes.

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I was really hoping Hawaii would have responded

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first. Yeah. I think most of us probably would

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think that. Yeah. And it's just that one decision

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changed the trajectory to today. That's why I

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still do trips all over the world. Like you said,

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I've been in 50 some countries, most of them

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multiple times. And it's always been, I would

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say 90 % of the time, went on orphan work. So

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just for those who may not know who your husband

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is, he was quite a well known musician at the

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time when you met him. He was. He was intrigued

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because you didn't really give him the time of

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day. Share that story. So I was in Texas and

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I went to a concert. It was not their concert.

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He was in a group with the Sisters called The

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Second Chapter of Acts. And so I'm walking with

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a group of friends and I kind of look over my

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shoulder and I'm asking my friends behind me,

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where should we sit? And he just, he looks up,

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he was there early and he goes, why don't you

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sit here? And I looked at him and I said, I don't

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know you. I am not and he just kind of smiled

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and so I picked my seats and my girlfriends and

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I sat down and he moved and sat behind me and

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you know tapped my shoulder talked to me tried

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you know all night trying to get my attention

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and I just thought who is this you know other

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than you know he's kind of annoying but he was

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very he was very determined that we were gonna

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have a conversation and see if it went somewhere

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so I just remember later that night somebody

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goes well you know who that is I said I have

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no idea who that is and They go well, that's

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Matthew war. He's in a group with the sisters

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their properties You know down by Keith Green

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and I went okay Still wasn't registering now.

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He had come to my church I grew up in a mega

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church. He'd come to our church when I was in

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high school. And we used to do concerts after

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the Sunday service. So they were doing, second

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chapter was there. They did a few songs. And

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I just looked at my girlfriends. I said, you

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know what? Let's go get some ice cream. So I

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had never heard a full concert, hadn't heard

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any of the stuff from second chapter. But I had

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a cassette of Matthews that I'd been listening

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to. I just didn't know who it was. He didn't

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have a case, didn't have anything on it. So one

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of my roommates at YWAM said, well, you listened

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to his music. You got his cassette. And I go,

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what? And she goes, yeah, that guy that's, you

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know, she listed a couple songs. And I went,

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oh, OK. So it was interesting because we met

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then. We talked a little bit. But then we crossed

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paths for almost a year because after that concert,

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they went on tour. I was there in Texas. I went

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on outreach. He came back. So about a year later,

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he's looking across the church and he goes, there's

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that girl. So he walks over and we talked and

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we just became really, really good friends. And

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that's as far as I thought it was going to go.

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I mean, getting on a bus, touring, that was not...

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anything that even remotely appealed to me. I

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was like, you know, you're great and when you're

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not touring, we can hang out, we can talk. He

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was a really safe place for me to process. He

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was outside of YOM. He didn't know anybody that

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I had grown up with or any of the leaders that

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have been in my life for years. I knew nobody

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in his world. So we just became friends and just

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were able to talk freely and, you know, develop

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the relationship that way. How did the Lord actually

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convince you that Matthew was the one for you.

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That took a lot of convincing. You know, it was

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making a commitment to him was not an issue for

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me. Making a commitment to what he was doing

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with his life was the big obstacle for me and

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marrying into a family because it was his two

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sisters. So the brother -in -laws were involved

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and I mean, I was just like, it just didn't fit.

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I'm just like, ah, so um he asked me to marry

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well he had a conversation and he just spontaneously

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it was not planned said would you marry me and

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i'm thinking we're still friends i'm like so

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are you asking me to marry you or are you just

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curious and he goes no i want to marry you and

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i'm like okay and i said yeah and then i started

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thinking about it and you know that i called

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my dad and i said well there's something i need

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to let you know and he goes no you're not engaged

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i haven't gotten a call from anybody you have

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to understand when matthew asked me to marry

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him, when I say impromptu, spontaneous, I had

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not met his family, any of them. I had not met

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anybody that worked with them. He had not met

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my parents or anybody that worked, that was in

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my life. I mean, it was really the two of us.

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And so I realized we would have to go through

00:12:49.740 --> 00:12:52.940
that process. And that was a little overwhelming.

00:12:53.500 --> 00:12:55.720
And I had several other ministry leaders that

00:12:55.720 --> 00:12:57.220
said, do you understand what you're marrying

00:12:57.220 --> 00:13:01.909
into? And I said, no, I really don't. And they

00:13:01.909 --> 00:13:04.389
cautioned me. And I was young. So there were

00:13:04.389 --> 00:13:06.549
a couple of times where I called off our engagement.

00:13:07.190 --> 00:13:09.309
And just because I said, it's not about you.

00:13:10.049 --> 00:13:12.950
I just can't do this. And he goes, well, if you

00:13:12.950 --> 00:13:15.129
don't want to marry me, how is it not about me?

00:13:15.350 --> 00:13:20.110
And I said, it's what comes with you. I was in

00:13:20.110 --> 00:13:21.970
the South, and other things were going on at

00:13:21.970 --> 00:13:24.710
that point. Do we really take the time to look

00:13:24.710 --> 00:13:27.929
at what's the big picture? What's the big picture

00:13:27.929 --> 00:13:30.049
look like for raising a family together moving

00:13:30.049 --> 00:13:32.629
forward? You know, when I told my mom, you know,

00:13:32.629 --> 00:13:35.149
when we got engaged and they met and we went

00:13:35.149 --> 00:13:38.330
to my hometown for a week, you know, my mom pulled

00:13:38.330 --> 00:13:40.909
me aside and she goes, I just think this is a

00:13:40.909 --> 00:13:44.169
terrible idea. And I said, okay. And she goes,

00:13:44.309 --> 00:13:47.629
number one, if he's touring and you have children,

00:13:47.669 --> 00:13:51.169
then you're not even together. And I said, well,

00:13:51.950 --> 00:13:54.330
if we have kids, the kids are going to go on

00:13:54.330 --> 00:13:55.830
tour with us. And she goes, well, that's even

00:13:55.830 --> 00:13:58.879
worse. Children should not be raised on a tour

00:13:58.879 --> 00:14:00.960
bus. Children need stability, they need their

00:14:00.960 --> 00:14:04.480
bed, they need a home. And I'm like, okay, I

00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:06.200
mean, things that I hadn't thought about, I'm

00:14:06.200 --> 00:14:08.720
just like, if I marry him, this is what we do.

00:14:08.759 --> 00:14:10.620
And then I had people telling me, that's a terrible

00:14:10.620 --> 00:14:14.039
way to raise your family. And there were no role

00:14:14.039 --> 00:14:16.299
models. I mean, at that point, most people did

00:14:16.299 --> 00:14:19.240
not tour with their kids or spouses. So there

00:14:19.240 --> 00:14:21.120
wasn't anybody for me to talk to and go, how

00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:24.340
do you do this? There wasn't. So that was a whole

00:14:24.340 --> 00:14:27.039
different dynamic. Because at that point, they're

00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:29.580
touring 10 days on the road, 10 days home, 10

00:14:29.580 --> 00:14:32.259
days on the road, 10 days home and doing projects

00:14:32.259 --> 00:14:34.419
in the summer. So I just went, I said, you know

00:14:34.419 --> 00:14:37.779
what, maybe I'll stay home. I'll hold down the

00:14:37.779 --> 00:14:40.519
home front. I'll work around here. I'll, you

00:14:40.519 --> 00:14:41.879
know, we'll just, and he goes, no, no, no, no,

00:14:41.879 --> 00:14:45.080
no. I'm not getting married to travel alone.

00:14:45.259 --> 00:14:49.120
I've done that. Since I was 13 years old, I've

00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:50.879
been traveling alone. That's not why I'm getting

00:14:50.879 --> 00:14:52.759
married. I'm not getting married to not have

00:14:52.759 --> 00:14:55.960
you on the road. So that was a big obstacle for

00:14:55.960 --> 00:14:58.700
me. And the fact that they're family, they've

00:14:58.700 --> 00:15:00.759
been doing this for years. I'm the new kid on

00:15:00.759 --> 00:15:04.159
the block. There are 12 of us on the road, nine

00:15:04.159 --> 00:15:07.059
are men. And then there's his sisters and myself.

00:15:08.379 --> 00:15:14.240
It was a lot. It was a lot. Yeah. So what was

00:15:14.240 --> 00:15:17.320
the tipping point? When did you say, Okay, God,

00:15:17.620 --> 00:15:19.860
this detour really is from you. I think I knew

00:15:19.860 --> 00:15:22.299
from the time that he asked me, but I was hoping

00:15:22.299 --> 00:15:25.120
I could change God's mind. Like, you know, there's

00:15:25.120 --> 00:15:27.039
got to be some, there's got to be a better fit.

00:15:27.620 --> 00:15:30.279
You know, there's got to be, you know, I, you

00:15:30.279 --> 00:15:31.960
know, I don't play piano. I don't, you know,

00:15:31.980 --> 00:15:34.340
I wasn't the typical person that would fit marrying

00:15:34.340 --> 00:15:36.759
a musician. I mean, did I take piano lessons?

00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:39.620
Yes. Did I take different things? Yes. Can I

00:15:39.620 --> 00:15:42.139
do this? Yes. But those positions were filled.

00:15:42.490 --> 00:15:44.990
So I'm like, well, what's my role? I'm just going

00:15:44.990 --> 00:15:48.429
to marry and tag along. That was not my mindset

00:15:48.429 --> 00:15:50.889
at all. In high school, I was voted most likely

00:15:50.889 --> 00:15:53.909
to succeed. And I'd gone to a private school,

00:15:54.049 --> 00:15:55.990
and I called some of my girlfriends or friends

00:15:55.990 --> 00:15:58.269
and said, I'm engaged. They're like, they laughed.

00:15:58.289 --> 00:16:00.210
They thought I was kidding. And they said, you

00:16:00.210 --> 00:16:01.929
haven't made your first million yet. Why would

00:16:01.929 --> 00:16:04.149
you settle down? I mean, my thing was I'm going

00:16:04.149 --> 00:16:05.669
to make a lot of money, and I'm going to give

00:16:05.669 --> 00:16:10.269
it to missions. And I was just raised that whatever

00:16:10.269 --> 00:16:13.950
I set my mind to, I could do. never crossed my

00:16:13.950 --> 00:16:17.309
mind that if God's put it in my heart, it wouldn't

00:16:17.309 --> 00:16:21.389
work. So this laying all of that down, I'm not

00:16:21.389 --> 00:16:24.090
gonna work, I'm not gonna do missions, I'm not

00:16:24.090 --> 00:16:27.289
gonna build orphanages around the world, is how

00:16:27.289 --> 00:16:30.490
it looked at the beginning. And I'm like, okay,

00:16:30.529 --> 00:16:33.570
so that's just not gonna be fun. But what happened

00:16:33.570 --> 00:16:36.129
was, now when I can fast forward when we're married,

00:16:36.190 --> 00:16:39.289
you know, 15 years, 20 years, the people who

00:16:39.289 --> 00:16:42.179
went to their concerts, on their first date,

00:16:42.860 --> 00:16:44.980
or the youth group went. They're running ministries,

00:16:45.039 --> 00:16:47.019
but they're also business owners. They're people

00:16:47.019 --> 00:16:49.000
that now have a Chick -fil -A or they have a

00:16:49.000 --> 00:16:51.759
Starbucks. So I could see both worlds coming

00:16:51.759 --> 00:16:55.600
together where, you know, we'd be somewhere on

00:16:55.600 --> 00:16:57.639
tour and they go, so what, you know, before you

00:16:57.639 --> 00:16:59.720
married Matt, what did you want to do? I want

00:16:59.720 --> 00:17:01.340
to be a missionary. I want to work with widows

00:17:01.340 --> 00:17:03.639
and orphans. Oh, well we work with widows and

00:17:03.639 --> 00:17:05.359
orphans in Africa. Do you want to come on a trip

00:17:05.359 --> 00:17:09.559
with us? I'm like... Yes, I do. And so it all

00:17:09.559 --> 00:17:12.660
played out, but it just played out much further

00:17:12.660 --> 00:17:16.279
down. You know, your first quarters you're raised

00:17:16.279 --> 00:17:18.200
by your parents, your second quarters you start

00:17:18.200 --> 00:17:20.900
raising, you know, your family, your third quarter

00:17:20.900 --> 00:17:22.759
is like, okay, I'm an empty nester, now what?

00:17:23.380 --> 00:17:25.400
Mine kind of came in the middle of that second

00:17:25.400 --> 00:17:28.920
phase because I had one daughter who was 13 and

00:17:28.920 --> 00:17:31.880
she wanted to travel with me. And so she went

00:17:31.880 --> 00:17:34.720
a ton of places. Matthew will tell you, he's

00:17:34.720 --> 00:17:36.789
the first one to say, biblically we're going

00:17:36.789 --> 00:17:38.529
to support it and we're going to give to them

00:17:38.529 --> 00:17:42.609
but I'm not that's not my thing he told me years

00:17:42.609 --> 00:17:44.769
ago when you find orphans on the beach of hawaii

00:17:44.769 --> 00:17:50.630
maybe I mean it's just you know um he goes you

00:17:50.630 --> 00:17:52.950
go and I support it and what we want to support

00:17:52.950 --> 00:17:55.829
as a family but he goes that's not where I want

00:17:55.829 --> 00:17:59.250
to spend my time babe it's just not but I had

00:17:59.250 --> 00:18:01.630
a daughter who did so she and she still has the

00:18:01.630 --> 00:18:04.519
bug for it She's been in 13 countries with me

00:18:04.519 --> 00:18:06.740
and on a couple that I haven't been to on mission

00:18:06.740 --> 00:18:09.180
trips. So you did ultimately get married. I mean,

00:18:09.299 --> 00:18:11.200
God, you kind of worked through that process.

00:18:11.220 --> 00:18:13.519
You got married and you said, you know, settling

00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:16.039
into the home. I walked down the aisle scared

00:18:16.039 --> 00:18:18.140
to death and said yes and had and just went,

00:18:18.299 --> 00:18:21.619
OK, God, here we go. Yeah. So what were those

00:18:21.619 --> 00:18:23.940
first few years? I mean, how did you get through

00:18:23.940 --> 00:18:25.740
the challenges and work through some of that?

00:18:25.859 --> 00:18:28.160
Because you knew what they were now. At least

00:18:28.160 --> 00:18:30.359
you had an idea of what those challenges were

00:18:30.359 --> 00:18:32.670
going to be. But there were even some unexpected

00:18:32.670 --> 00:18:34.650
things you had to work through. Yeah, well okay

00:18:34.650 --> 00:18:36.470
let's just go back to the engagement part. I

00:18:36.470 --> 00:18:39.009
mean Buck, who was Annie's husband, who produced

00:18:39.009 --> 00:18:41.529
the group and was this engineer, they were in

00:18:41.529 --> 00:18:44.869
the process of doing a project when we were engaged.

00:18:45.710 --> 00:18:47.430
The project went a little longer than it was

00:18:47.430 --> 00:18:50.839
supposed to go. And it's probably a Thursday.

00:18:50.980 --> 00:18:52.720
And so the rehearsal dinner is going to be on

00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:55.039
a Friday night, wedding Saturday, leave for the

00:18:55.039 --> 00:18:57.660
honeymoon. Buck pulls me aside Thursday night

00:18:57.660 --> 00:19:00.740
and says, I need this solo from Matthew for this

00:19:00.740 --> 00:19:02.980
project. And if he doesn't get it done, you guys

00:19:02.980 --> 00:19:04.480
can't leave on your honeymoon. And I'm like,

00:19:04.599 --> 00:19:06.859
whoa, whoa, whoa. So who are you? So you, you're

00:19:06.859 --> 00:19:09.460
already telling me what can and can't happen

00:19:09.460 --> 00:19:12.140
in my life. And I haven't even walked down the

00:19:12.140 --> 00:19:14.839
aisle yet. That was rough. I mean, that didn't

00:19:14.839 --> 00:19:17.700
go well. So I was talking to my parents because

00:19:17.700 --> 00:19:19.259
they were there and I said, you know what, let

00:19:19.259 --> 00:19:21.839
me go talk to Matthew for a minute. I said, because,

00:19:21.839 --> 00:19:27.400
um, this has given me great pause. And I haven't

00:19:27.400 --> 00:19:30.539
even said I do. And so I walked, I found Matthew

00:19:30.539 --> 00:19:32.839
and I said, um, did Buck tell you that if you

00:19:32.839 --> 00:19:34.880
don't finish your song, we can't leave on our

00:19:34.880 --> 00:19:39.119
honeymoon? He goes, he did. And I go, and he

00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:43.140
goes, oh, I'm going to finish. Don't worry. And

00:19:43.140 --> 00:19:45.279
he was done within a couple hours, but you know

00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:48.420
I don't know at that point That he can go in

00:19:48.420 --> 00:19:50.240
a studio and do the song won't take through.

00:19:50.660 --> 00:19:52.940
I don't know this I haven't been in the studio

00:19:52.940 --> 00:19:55.720
with them I don't know the dynamics, but I have

00:19:55.720 --> 00:19:57.900
some of them not even related to yet telling

00:19:57.900 --> 00:20:00.660
me he's gonna change the course of my honeymoon

00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:04.559
Not just that, I'm like, is this the way the

00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:06.680
rest of my life's gonna be? You don't touch that.

00:20:06.940 --> 00:20:09.000
I could be in, and you know, and it does pan

00:20:09.000 --> 00:20:11.500
out. I mean, you know, I'm having our third daughter

00:20:11.500 --> 00:20:13.180
and I'm in the hospital and I call Matt and I

00:20:13.180 --> 00:20:15.000
said, he was in the studio and I said, you need

00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:16.900
to come to the hospital. And he goes, are you

00:20:16.900 --> 00:20:19.619
sure? And I go, it's baby number three, I'm sure.

00:20:20.980 --> 00:20:23.279
He goes, well, I'm cutting guitar. And I said,

00:20:23.579 --> 00:20:26.359
I know, I'm aware who's here. I know what's going

00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:34.630
on now. Are you sure? I'm sure. So, you know,

00:20:34.690 --> 00:20:36.809
he got there in time and that worked, but it's

00:20:36.809 --> 00:20:40.210
your life does. It's not military by any means

00:20:40.210 --> 00:20:42.569
because I do understand the sacrifice that military

00:20:42.569 --> 00:20:47.150
make, but it is there are certain non -negotiables

00:20:47.150 --> 00:20:51.700
when. You tour I mean if you've got a tour and

00:20:51.700 --> 00:20:54.039
you're supposed to be in Germany for six weeks

00:20:54.039 --> 00:20:57.500
I remember after Megan we had our first one I

00:20:57.500 --> 00:20:59.140
looked at him because at this point our lives

00:20:59.140 --> 00:21:01.680
are booked two years in advance I could tell

00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:04.400
you today where I'd be two years from today And

00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:06.880
so I said if you want this child to have a sibling

00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:09.380
We have to get pregnant like in March or September

00:21:09.380 --> 00:21:12.559
for you to be around He goes and you know those

00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:14.299
kinds of things had never occurred to him. He

00:21:14.299 --> 00:21:17.200
goes what? I go, yes, so from this time to nine

00:21:17.200 --> 00:21:19.539
months, that's a two -week window, you will be

00:21:19.539 --> 00:21:23.119
home. And then I'll be home to have a baby with

00:21:23.119 --> 00:21:27.430
her at home, you know? There were still... So

00:21:27.430 --> 00:21:29.250
just because I said yes and walked down the aisle

00:21:29.250 --> 00:21:31.269
and we were committed, there were still things

00:21:31.269 --> 00:21:33.569
that came up that I'm just like, God, I didn't

00:21:33.569 --> 00:21:35.890
sign up for this. Yeah, finances was something

00:21:35.890 --> 00:21:37.569
that a lot of couples don't really talk about

00:21:37.569 --> 00:21:41.150
beforehand. Oh yeah, finances didn't even come

00:21:41.150 --> 00:21:43.670
up and we were married six months and it's, you

00:21:43.670 --> 00:21:47.150
know, time to pay your income taxes. And I grew

00:21:47.150 --> 00:21:49.549
up in a family where my dad always got a refund.

00:21:50.029 --> 00:21:51.690
We took a vacation or something, you know, there

00:21:51.690 --> 00:21:54.700
was money. That's when we got a windfall. So

00:21:54.700 --> 00:21:56.480
I'm asking Matthew, the first year we're married,

00:21:56.660 --> 00:21:58.539
I said, so what kind of money you think you're

00:21:58.539 --> 00:22:01.079
going to get back on our income taxes? And he

00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:04.440
goes, sweetie, I pay. We're self -employed. We

00:22:04.440 --> 00:22:06.259
don't get any money back. And I go, oh, well,

00:22:06.259 --> 00:22:08.180
what does that look like? And he goes, well,

00:22:08.180 --> 00:22:10.079
I don't know. We'll figure it out. I'm like,

00:22:10.299 --> 00:22:13.519
well, OK, so one, you don't charge for your concerts.

00:22:15.259 --> 00:22:17.500
So tour by tour, we don't know what we're going

00:22:17.500 --> 00:22:21.000
to be living on. but by faith they had put their

00:22:21.000 --> 00:22:22.839
band members and anybody who worked for us was

00:22:22.839 --> 00:22:24.980
on a salary. So I'm like, okay, well we have

00:22:24.980 --> 00:22:27.259
to break even with that. And then what's ever

00:22:27.259 --> 00:22:29.779
leftover we share and hope it all works out.

00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:32.059
I mean, that's all the first year. I'm like,

00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:35.220
what have I signed up for? Because we didn't

00:22:35.220 --> 00:22:37.720
have those conversations. That was the ministry

00:22:37.720 --> 00:22:42.299
part, live by faith, but not knowing I chose

00:22:42.299 --> 00:22:46.950
that was a big aha moment. that first year. We

00:22:46.950 --> 00:22:48.390
were going to wait a couple years to have kids.

00:22:48.529 --> 00:22:50.769
I got pregnant, you know, we've been married

00:22:50.769 --> 00:22:52.869
nine or ten months and I get pregnant. I'm like,

00:22:53.130 --> 00:22:55.089
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, where's that five -year

00:22:55.089 --> 00:22:58.130
window to figure all this other stuff out? You

00:22:58.130 --> 00:23:00.089
know, he had record contracts that, you know,

00:23:00.210 --> 00:23:01.829
you're signed for three years and you're doing

00:23:01.829 --> 00:23:04.650
this and tours were booked. I thought that was

00:23:04.650 --> 00:23:06.269
a season in my life where I had to trust God

00:23:06.269 --> 00:23:11.069
the most. Fast forward three teenage daughters.

00:23:11.309 --> 00:23:13.930
daughters having kids and getting married and

00:23:13.930 --> 00:23:17.470
Matthew having cancer when our kids were young.

00:23:18.650 --> 00:23:20.769
I feel, while I'm talking to you right now, I'm

00:23:20.769 --> 00:23:24.849
realizing that from early on, from probably 18

00:23:24.849 --> 00:23:27.309
when you start your own life as an adult, there

00:23:27.309 --> 00:23:30.170
was the start of, will you trust me? It's like,

00:23:30.269 --> 00:23:32.069
okay, yes, I'll trust you and marry Matthew and

00:23:32.069 --> 00:23:34.769
we'll do this. Okay, now we've got kids. Yes,

00:23:34.769 --> 00:23:36.829
I'm going to trust you with my kids on the road,

00:23:36.849 --> 00:23:39.009
even though people think I'm crazy to have kids

00:23:39.009 --> 00:23:42.289
on the road. Okay, yes. Oh, Matthew has cancer.

00:23:42.869 --> 00:23:44.569
Okay. I'll trust you with this, even though we

00:23:44.569 --> 00:23:46.930
have three little kids at home. Okay. Now we're

00:23:46.930 --> 00:23:49.029
going to move. You're kind of the first crisis

00:23:49.029 --> 00:23:50.849
of faith that you really had. I mean, you were

00:23:50.849 --> 00:23:53.089
in your thirties by that point, but you know,

00:23:53.230 --> 00:23:54.849
you trusted God in your marriage. You trusted

00:23:54.849 --> 00:23:59.269
God with the finances, but absolutely. And I've

00:23:59.269 --> 00:24:01.630
got to trust him with a life or death situation

00:24:01.630 --> 00:24:05.380
of my husband. Matthew was early 30s. I'm in

00:24:05.380 --> 00:24:07.519
my 20s at that point. And I'm just like, what

00:24:07.519 --> 00:24:10.700
in the world? And then he gets through that.

00:24:11.140 --> 00:24:13.579
And then we decide to move to Colorado, which

00:24:13.579 --> 00:24:16.700
was moving from anybody and everything that we

00:24:16.700 --> 00:24:20.759
knew and starting over in a new place, which

00:24:20.759 --> 00:24:23.359
we, we chose to do that, but it doesn't mean

00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:26.000
it's easy. And it doesn't mean it's easy when

00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:27.960
your daughter who's an eighth grade comes home

00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:30.910
and tears every day. and plops down and goes,

00:24:31.089 --> 00:24:33.589
you've ruined my life. I hate this. I hate Colorado.

00:24:33.750 --> 00:24:36.230
What were you thinking? And your heart breaks.

00:24:36.529 --> 00:24:38.289
Because you know that you know that you made

00:24:38.289 --> 00:24:41.549
the right decision, but what you're seeing doesn't

00:24:41.549 --> 00:24:44.430
look right and it doesn't feel right. Yeah. Let's

00:24:44.430 --> 00:24:47.829
just go back to this period really where you

00:24:47.829 --> 00:24:50.329
had that crisis of faith. How did you walk through

00:24:50.329 --> 00:24:53.809
that? And what anchored your faith in God to

00:24:53.809 --> 00:24:56.180
see it through? Because it wasn't just you know,

00:24:56.500 --> 00:24:59.160
stage zero or stage one cancer that he had. No,

00:24:59.180 --> 00:25:01.420
he was high risk. He got sent to MD Anderson,

00:25:01.660 --> 00:25:03.559
which was the number four cancer facility in

00:25:03.559 --> 00:25:06.619
the world. And one of the treatments that he

00:25:06.619 --> 00:25:09.460
was given was we were told could scar your lungs.

00:25:10.089 --> 00:25:12.250
and you have to sign this release that if it

00:25:12.250 --> 00:25:17.069
does, you have full disclosure and full understanding

00:25:17.069 --> 00:25:20.589
that if it scars his lungs, there is no plan

00:25:20.589 --> 00:25:23.150
B. There's not, if that happens, then he's going

00:25:23.150 --> 00:25:25.390
to have to do this treatment. If this happens,

00:25:25.450 --> 00:25:28.029
he'll take this medicine. If that happens, there's

00:25:28.029 --> 00:25:30.650
this type of surgery. It's kind of like, if that

00:25:30.650 --> 00:25:32.630
happens, whoops, sorry, can't help you. Well,

00:25:32.630 --> 00:25:34.750
if he scars his lungs, he's not singing again,

00:25:35.269 --> 00:25:38.930
ever. And he's in his early 30s, and I'm like,

00:25:39.379 --> 00:25:42.779
Okay, I've got three little kids He has cancer

00:25:42.779 --> 00:25:44.960
and the treatment for the cancer he has could

00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:47.539
scar his lungs, which is his livelihood All right

00:25:47.539 --> 00:25:49.460
back to what my mom said if he can't sing how

00:25:49.460 --> 00:25:52.579
you gonna pay your bills. I was just like, uh

00:25:52.579 --> 00:25:55.940
Okay, here we go. And I do remember when we were

00:25:55.940 --> 00:25:58.359
sitting down at MD Anderson because our insurance

00:25:58.359 --> 00:26:01.279
company filed bankruptcy So we're gonna have

00:26:01.279 --> 00:26:03.819
to pay this on our own and we're told we're looking

00:26:03.819 --> 00:26:07.200
at about a million dollars By the time it's all

00:26:07.200 --> 00:26:08.819
said and done and everything that he needs, that

00:26:08.819 --> 00:26:11.039
could be what we'd be looking at. And I just

00:26:11.039 --> 00:26:13.420
remember taking this in and we actually got sat

00:26:13.420 --> 00:26:15.619
down with the financial office at MD Anderson

00:26:15.619 --> 00:26:17.619
and she goes, you know, what I would suggest

00:26:17.619 --> 00:26:20.119
at this point is maybe you file for divorce,

00:26:20.759 --> 00:26:23.599
but you can stay married, but you should file

00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:26.960
for divorce so that because he has cancer and

00:26:26.960 --> 00:26:29.519
because he won't be able to work, those bills

00:26:29.519 --> 00:26:31.339
can be, you know, he won't have the money to

00:26:31.339 --> 00:26:33.259
pay for it. So we have all these other, we have

00:26:33.259 --> 00:26:36.289
these financial programs that you can apply for,

00:26:36.650 --> 00:26:38.250
and then it won't, you know, you won't be looking

00:26:38.250 --> 00:26:40.750
at this big of a debt. And it just came out,

00:26:40.910 --> 00:26:42.930
I do great in crisis, it just kind of came out

00:26:42.930 --> 00:26:45.109
of me immediately. And I said, you know what,

00:26:45.170 --> 00:26:47.990
I have had to trust God with my marriage, with

00:26:47.990 --> 00:26:51.630
his career, with my children, with this illness

00:26:51.630 --> 00:26:55.630
that has just, you know, when he was diagnosed

00:26:55.630 --> 00:26:58.190
it happened. You know, the surgery, the protocol

00:26:58.190 --> 00:27:01.589
all moved along really quickly. And I said, so

00:27:01.589 --> 00:27:03.609
if I've got to trust God with all of that, I

00:27:03.609 --> 00:27:05.789
don't think I'm going to take the financial component

00:27:05.789 --> 00:27:10.509
out of God's hands and own that one. God's always

00:27:10.509 --> 00:27:13.069
come through. He's always been faithful. He's

00:27:13.069 --> 00:27:15.869
always met me. And I said, you know what? I hope

00:27:15.869 --> 00:27:20.990
to come back and tell you how it panned out so

00:27:20.990 --> 00:27:22.829
that she goes, OK, well, I expect to see you

00:27:22.829 --> 00:27:24.730
back here when these and, you know, we can talk

00:27:24.730 --> 00:27:27.730
again. It's a lot right now. And I know she thought

00:27:27.730 --> 00:27:29.210
I was going to come back and go, you're right.

00:27:29.480 --> 00:27:31.500
We've talked about it and this is what we need

00:27:31.500 --> 00:27:34.220
to do. Let's start the process." And then I also

00:27:34.220 --> 00:27:36.319
had, you know, when he started his treatments,

00:27:36.519 --> 00:27:38.900
I'd have the support teams would call, you know,

00:27:38.980 --> 00:27:41.279
how are you doing with, you know, he's completely,

00:27:41.519 --> 00:27:44.220
he should be completely hairless by now. You

00:27:44.220 --> 00:27:47.339
know, arms, hairs, legs, eyelashes. I said, no,

00:27:47.380 --> 00:27:49.259
he still has all of his hair. I said, it's, you

00:27:49.259 --> 00:27:50.519
know, we're doing good. And they said, okay.

00:27:50.900 --> 00:27:53.740
They call back two weeks later. And they go,

00:27:53.960 --> 00:27:56.059
so how's it going? Because he's probably looking

00:27:56.059 --> 00:27:59.759
very pale, very anemic. And you're the primary

00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:02.180
caregiver. Some people go, well, that's not your

00:28:02.180 --> 00:28:05.099
story. No, this is my story. I'm walking this

00:28:05.099 --> 00:28:08.220
out with him. I just said, you know, so far he's

00:28:08.220 --> 00:28:11.180
good. Then I got a call saying, we're very concerned

00:28:11.180 --> 00:28:13.960
as a team here at MD Anderson that you're probably

00:28:13.960 --> 00:28:17.200
not dealing with reality. You haven't followed

00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:20.640
back up with the financial office. the support

00:28:20.640 --> 00:28:22.680
groups and teams are calling you and you're going,

00:28:22.900 --> 00:28:25.039
you're okay, you're fine, the family's good.

00:28:25.220 --> 00:28:27.200
You probably have some denial going on. I said,

00:28:27.259 --> 00:28:30.480
actually I don't. I said, I'm just in survival

00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:32.539
mode. I have to lifestyle down the whole house

00:28:32.539 --> 00:28:34.319
every day before he can come out of our room

00:28:34.319 --> 00:28:37.039
to disinfect everything so he's not exposed to

00:28:37.039 --> 00:28:41.660
germs. I've been to a crash nursing course, giving

00:28:41.660 --> 00:28:43.779
shots and rubber butts and learning how to give

00:28:43.779 --> 00:28:48.470
IVs because it's a research hospital. So they

00:28:48.470 --> 00:28:51.170
train a primary caregiver. Matthew asked me to

00:28:51.170 --> 00:28:53.970
be that person. I didn't know what I was signing

00:28:53.970 --> 00:28:57.609
up for. So I'm giving him chemotherapy at home

00:28:57.609 --> 00:29:00.369
in an IV. If I do it wrong, he'll bleed out,

00:29:00.369 --> 00:29:03.589
he'll die. I'm giving him shots. I'm doing all

00:29:03.589 --> 00:29:06.630
of this stuff. I was clearly on autopilot, but

00:29:06.630 --> 00:29:09.069
because he's going, this is the best way for

00:29:09.069 --> 00:29:11.430
me to go through this. I'm home with you and

00:29:11.430 --> 00:29:14.190
I'm home with the girls. Thank you. I'm just

00:29:14.190 --> 00:29:19.069
getting through. You know after after that I

00:29:19.069 --> 00:29:22.369
probably dropped 20 pounds. I slept a lot I mean

00:29:22.369 --> 00:29:25.750
I went through what I had to go through and Then

00:29:25.750 --> 00:29:28.029
my body forced me to take a break. You did have

00:29:28.029 --> 00:29:30.910
some people coming around you when you look back

00:29:30.910 --> 00:29:33.390
You really appreciate what they did for you share

00:29:33.390 --> 00:29:35.910
about some of those at when Matthew had cancer

00:29:35.910 --> 00:29:37.890
We didn't have a lot of people that came around

00:29:37.890 --> 00:29:40.589
Because it was a they didn't really know what

00:29:40.589 --> 00:29:42.390
to do or how to do and he couldn't be exposed

00:29:42.390 --> 00:29:45.279
to anybody I mean, he's on three chemotherapies.

00:29:45.779 --> 00:29:47.960
I did the one story you and I haven't talked

00:29:47.960 --> 00:29:50.539
about before. I had very well -intending, you

00:29:50.539 --> 00:29:53.160
know, elders of the church come by and they're

00:29:53.160 --> 00:29:54.599
at the door and they said, well, can we talk

00:29:54.599 --> 00:29:57.279
to you? And I said, sure. They said, you know,

00:29:57.279 --> 00:30:00.140
we just don't think you have enough faith. If

00:30:00.140 --> 00:30:02.380
you had more faith, you know, maybe he'd be healed.

00:30:02.480 --> 00:30:04.500
Maybe you wouldn't have to go through this process.

00:30:04.940 --> 00:30:07.400
You know, can we pray for you, pray for him?

00:30:07.759 --> 00:30:09.619
And I said, well, first of all, you're not coming

00:30:09.619 --> 00:30:13.089
in my house. They're sitting on the... And I

00:30:13.089 --> 00:30:16.750
said number two, let's review. Lazarus was a

00:30:16.750 --> 00:30:21.289
non -faith participant. The dude was dead. So

00:30:21.289 --> 00:30:23.930
this is not based on my faith. This is not based

00:30:23.930 --> 00:30:26.230
on my husband's faith. This is a season where

00:30:26.230 --> 00:30:29.470
God's gonna do what he wants to do, how he wants

00:30:29.470 --> 00:30:32.690
to do it, when he wants to do it. Please don't

00:30:32.690 --> 00:30:34.910
come back. That was not helpful for them, from

00:30:34.910 --> 00:30:38.269
them. So that was the season of Matthew having

00:30:38.269 --> 00:30:42.220
cancer. Then we had the season where When our

00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:45.440
daughter passed away, we had so many people rally

00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:48.500
around us. And I think as a body, I mean, because

00:30:48.500 --> 00:30:50.980
there's a 25 year difference in there. I think

00:30:50.980 --> 00:30:55.319
we've grown as a church as a whole that you don't

00:30:55.319 --> 00:30:57.319
have to just give somebody a scripture and pat

00:30:57.319 --> 00:30:59.480
them on the back at church. And you don't have

00:30:59.480 --> 00:31:02.660
to do a meal train. If you have a neighbor, you

00:31:02.660 --> 00:31:04.599
have a friend, you have a coworker and you realize,

00:31:04.700 --> 00:31:06.539
okay, they're in crisis. I'm just going to take

00:31:06.539 --> 00:31:09.500
a gift card. I'm going to say, hey, here's a

00:31:09.500 --> 00:31:12.750
gift card for in a door dash. Here's a gift card

00:31:12.750 --> 00:31:14.569
for a pedicure and you have to use it in two

00:31:14.569 --> 00:31:18.130
weeks. We've become much better at taking care

00:31:18.130 --> 00:31:22.029
of people as a whole person, not just you've

00:31:22.029 --> 00:31:24.990
had a baby, your husband passed away, you lost

00:31:24.990 --> 00:31:28.569
your job, here's a meal train for 10 days. We've

00:31:28.569 --> 00:31:31.369
become, I believe, and you know what I think

00:31:31.369 --> 00:31:34.450
COVID helped as well because we were all so isolated

00:31:34.450 --> 00:31:37.950
and that really forced us to realize as a culture

00:31:37.950 --> 00:31:40.980
how much we need each other. And it does, and

00:31:40.980 --> 00:31:45.980
it's not just a one -time fix. It's a check in

00:31:45.980 --> 00:31:48.099
with, you know, if you see, you know what, don't

00:31:48.099 --> 00:31:49.680
be in such a hurry that every time you leave

00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:51.339
for work, if your neighbors are out on a walk,

00:31:51.359 --> 00:31:53.220
you can't stop and say, hey, how's it going?

00:31:54.900 --> 00:31:58.539
Easy things that I didn't think about before

00:31:58.539 --> 00:32:00.720
COVID. I didn't think about leave my house 10

00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:02.859
minutes early. If I did, it was always about

00:32:02.859 --> 00:32:05.640
traffic. It wasn't about who might I see out

00:32:05.640 --> 00:32:08.569
walking a dog? Who might be out for a dog that

00:32:08.569 --> 00:32:12.230
if I waved They stop and that's telling me stop.

00:32:12.250 --> 00:32:14.829
I want to say something to you I think that's

00:32:14.829 --> 00:32:16.809
those are some of the positive things that have

00:32:16.809 --> 00:32:20.049
come out of the last five years for us yeah,

00:32:20.049 --> 00:32:23.549
so I've had I've had people that in the worst

00:32:23.549 --> 00:32:27.309
times That was hard. It's like where are they

00:32:27.309 --> 00:32:30.730
and? Then in a harder time people that you don't

00:32:30.730 --> 00:32:33.250
expect to show up Dallas home and said something

00:32:33.250 --> 00:32:35.829
to Matthew when Matthew was six Dallas called

00:32:36.809 --> 00:32:39.650
And Linda, his wife, had had cancer off and on

00:32:39.650 --> 00:32:42.069
multiple times. And he just called and he goes,

00:32:42.109 --> 00:32:44.529
I don't have any prophetic thing to share. I

00:32:44.529 --> 00:32:46.829
don't have a scripture verse to share. He goes,

00:32:46.890 --> 00:32:49.269
I'm just calling to tell you you're on my mind

00:32:49.269 --> 00:32:51.910
and I'm thinking about you. If there is something

00:32:51.910 --> 00:32:54.549
we can do, let us know. But we also want to do

00:32:54.549 --> 00:32:58.029
this. I don't like when we always go, what can

00:32:58.029 --> 00:33:01.190
I do for you? When you're in crisis, when I was

00:33:01.190 --> 00:33:04.200
in crisis, I didn't know what I needed. I needed

00:33:04.200 --> 00:33:06.940
somebody to think for me. Here's a good example.

00:33:07.019 --> 00:33:10.000
When our oldest daughter passed away, I had a

00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:11.640
girlfriend who called and she goes, let's go

00:33:11.640 --> 00:33:13.440
deal with some of Megan's stuff. This was like

00:33:13.440 --> 00:33:15.119
on a Thursday. She goes, let's go deal with some

00:33:15.119 --> 00:33:18.579
of Megan's stuff this weekend. And I said, I'm

00:33:18.579 --> 00:33:22.599
not ready. She goes, okay, well then how about

00:33:22.599 --> 00:33:25.519
I take you to lunch and we just have girl time.

00:33:25.539 --> 00:33:29.470
And I said, that I can possibly do. Yeah. And

00:33:29.470 --> 00:33:31.690
she gave me that 48 hours, and then during the

00:33:31.690 --> 00:33:33.269
lunch, as we talked about different things, she

00:33:33.269 --> 00:33:36.769
goes, how about this? Pick Monday, Tuesday, or

00:33:36.769 --> 00:33:40.269
Wednesday. What day would you like to go deal

00:33:40.269 --> 00:33:42.289
with some of your daughter's stuff? I said, Tuesday.

00:33:43.450 --> 00:33:46.109
Okay, how many people do we need to help us?

00:33:47.170 --> 00:33:51.849
Five. How many hours? She thought for me. Yeah,

00:33:51.849 --> 00:33:53.690
you know, when we are in grief, and you can probably

00:33:53.690 --> 00:33:57.390
speak more to this than I can, our minds... It's

00:33:57.390 --> 00:34:00.369
very hard to make decisions. And usually those

00:34:00.369 --> 00:34:03.069
snap decisions we want to make are not based

00:34:03.069 --> 00:34:08.909
in a thorough thought. And so I know a lot of

00:34:08.909 --> 00:34:11.530
advice out there says, after you've experienced

00:34:11.530 --> 00:34:14.690
a really traumatic incident, don't make any big

00:34:14.690 --> 00:34:18.050
decisions or really don't make as many decisions

00:34:18.050 --> 00:34:22.119
as you can for at least a year. your brain doesn't

00:34:22.119 --> 00:34:24.360
operate the same when it's in that grief trauma

00:34:24.360 --> 00:34:26.260
mode. Right but I mean there were things that

00:34:26.260 --> 00:34:28.139
had to happen that I mean I wouldn't have been

00:34:28.139 --> 00:34:31.019
able to do had that one friend not said okay

00:34:31.019 --> 00:34:33.239
and she gave it to me in bites and then she handled

00:34:33.239 --> 00:34:36.099
it for me so all I had to pick was the day and

00:34:36.099 --> 00:34:39.159
the time. You know my husband experienced something

00:34:39.159 --> 00:34:43.039
similar his first wife died of cancer and they

00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:46.099
had six kids so he was a widower with six kids

00:34:46.099 --> 00:34:49.590
having to work in Manhattan, and he would have

00:34:49.590 --> 00:34:52.670
to drive an hour and a half every day each way

00:34:52.670 --> 00:34:55.969
to get to work. And the people that he thought

00:34:55.969 --> 00:34:59.550
would come around him didn't, but other people

00:34:59.550 --> 00:35:03.449
he really didn't expect came around him and provided

00:35:03.449 --> 00:35:06.369
really essential things that they needed, and

00:35:06.369 --> 00:35:08.130
not just for the short term. I mean, they walked

00:35:08.130 --> 00:35:12.809
with him for years. It was eight years after

00:35:12.809 --> 00:35:16.329
his first wife died that we actually got married.

00:35:16.519 --> 00:35:18.820
I didn't even know him at the time, but as he

00:35:18.820 --> 00:35:21.920
shared those stories, it was unexpected people

00:35:21.920 --> 00:35:24.420
that really showed up and provided a support

00:35:24.420 --> 00:35:28.440
system for him and the kids that he really needed.

00:35:28.840 --> 00:35:30.460
And he didn't know he needed it. Right. And the

00:35:30.460 --> 00:35:32.119
people that you think are going to be there and

00:35:32.119 --> 00:35:37.530
they're not, that silence is so loud. It's so

00:35:37.530 --> 00:35:40.250
loud. You remember who doesn't say something

00:35:40.250 --> 00:35:42.309
that you thought for sure they would. And we

00:35:42.309 --> 00:35:43.929
had somebody say, you know, I'm going to probably

00:35:43.929 --> 00:35:46.670
say the wrong thing, but I'd rather say something

00:35:46.670 --> 00:35:51.329
than nothing. And then I had a counselor in town,

00:35:51.329 --> 00:35:54.090
you know, about a year and he said, so what's

00:35:54.090 --> 00:35:57.409
going on? What's going on? Not, how are you?

00:35:58.130 --> 00:36:01.869
Very different questions. That had never made

00:36:01.869 --> 00:36:04.269
me stop and go because I'm really focused on

00:36:04.269 --> 00:36:07.489
answer what you're asked You know as a counselor,

00:36:07.730 --> 00:36:09.230
you know, no, that's not what I'm asking you,

00:36:09.230 --> 00:36:10.789
you know answer what you're so I tried to do

00:36:10.789 --> 00:36:13.110
the same thing I try to answer what's the question

00:36:13.110 --> 00:36:16.769
I was asked and so when he said what's going

00:36:16.769 --> 00:36:20.530
on I was able to go Oh, well, we hit we we're

00:36:20.530 --> 00:36:22.750
gonna take a trip or we've got so -and -so visiting

00:36:22.750 --> 00:36:25.429
or this and that's happening I didn't have to

00:36:25.429 --> 00:36:30.349
reflect on What I was coming out of on the grief

00:36:30.349 --> 00:36:32.630
process and processing. He allowed me to look

00:36:32.630 --> 00:36:34.030
forward and I thought, oh, I'm going to start

00:36:34.030 --> 00:36:36.929
doing that. And then we ran into, and he goes,

00:36:37.010 --> 00:36:39.030
you know what, the other thing I wish every counselor

00:36:39.030 --> 00:36:41.710
would say, and every pastor would say, and every

00:36:41.710 --> 00:36:43.889
Sunday school teacher would say, and every coworker

00:36:43.889 --> 00:36:47.150
would say, you know, just say good to see you.

00:36:47.650 --> 00:36:50.349
If you don't have time to stop and listen to

00:36:50.349 --> 00:36:54.789
somebody, do not ask them, how are you? If you

00:36:54.789 --> 00:36:57.320
really don't want to know, and you really don't

00:36:57.320 --> 00:37:01.039
have at least five minutes, don't go there. Do

00:37:01.039 --> 00:37:03.280
yourself and them a favor. Just look at them

00:37:03.280 --> 00:37:08.760
and say, good to see you. And I'm like, it sounds

00:37:08.760 --> 00:37:13.280
so simple. But I'm like, okay, that's really,

00:37:13.280 --> 00:37:15.579
really good advice. You know, as I reflect on

00:37:15.579 --> 00:37:17.239
some of these things that you've gone through,

00:37:17.480 --> 00:37:19.780
I'm reminded of that parable of the person who

00:37:19.780 --> 00:37:22.960
built their house on rock. When the storm came

00:37:22.960 --> 00:37:25.599
and the wind beat against it, that house stood

00:37:25.599 --> 00:37:29.099
firm because its foundation was solid. And your

00:37:29.099 --> 00:37:30.980
faith, I mean, it's been tested numerous times,

00:37:30.980 --> 00:37:34.579
but you were anchored in Christ and scripture.

00:37:34.739 --> 00:37:36.760
I mean, you know the scripture and God brought

00:37:36.760 --> 00:37:40.079
you through it. I mean, God did a miracle in

00:37:40.079 --> 00:37:41.920
Matthew's life. You alluded to it a little bit

00:37:41.920 --> 00:37:45.219
earlier. You know, the care team would call and

00:37:45.219 --> 00:37:46.760
say, you should be experiencing this. You're

00:37:46.760 --> 00:37:49.360
like, no, no, we're not. I mean, because God

00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:52.050
did a miracle. So share a little bit about that

00:37:52.050 --> 00:37:54.670
and then how that happened, you know, the door,

00:37:55.090 --> 00:37:57.230
you know, you kind of turned the page. You had

00:37:57.230 --> 00:37:59.309
to create a new normal. We had, yeah, you definitely

00:37:59.309 --> 00:38:02.710
have a new normal. Um, I mean, there was a time

00:38:02.710 --> 00:38:04.489
where, I mean, he lost all the hair on his legs,

00:38:05.050 --> 00:38:07.130
but he never, but he never lost his eyebrows,

00:38:07.329 --> 00:38:11.530
never did anything. But, um, So when you go through

00:38:11.530 --> 00:38:13.230
cancer, and people who have been through cancer

00:38:13.230 --> 00:38:14.690
will know this, and people who haven't, it's

00:38:14.690 --> 00:38:17.550
a little cheat sheet here. So before you start

00:38:17.550 --> 00:38:20.230
any treatment, they do the baseline test. So

00:38:20.230 --> 00:38:23.730
for him, he had to do the lung capacity test

00:38:23.730 --> 00:38:28.989
and some other things. So they would know, how

00:38:28.989 --> 00:38:31.780
is it affecting his body? So before it gets to,

00:38:31.940 --> 00:38:34.400
so if his lung capacity is going down, for example,

00:38:34.699 --> 00:38:37.039
if your lung capacity is going down on this particular

00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:39.659
chemo they need to stop it so that it doesn't

00:38:39.659 --> 00:38:43.139
scar him. So they do the baseline. He takes his

00:38:43.139 --> 00:38:45.519
first treatment. We go back three weeks later,

00:38:45.539 --> 00:38:47.539
and they run the test. They said, okay, well

00:38:47.539 --> 00:38:50.079
this doesn't make sense. So did you have a cold?

00:38:50.219 --> 00:38:52.400
Were you not feeling well? You know, because

00:38:52.400 --> 00:38:54.519
your lungs are a little bit stronger at this

00:38:54.519 --> 00:38:55.920
point than they were when we started. He goes,

00:38:56.199 --> 00:38:57.860
yeah, I think I might have had a cold. It was

00:38:57.860 --> 00:39:00.300
January. You know, I'd had this. He goes, I don't

00:39:00.300 --> 00:39:01.840
know, maybe. And they said, okay, well we're

00:39:01.840 --> 00:39:04.730
just going to put that in your file. that your

00:39:04.730 --> 00:39:06.630
immune system was compromised the first time.

00:39:07.210 --> 00:39:09.090
So they do that. So they give him another round.

00:39:09.130 --> 00:39:11.289
He goes back and they go, okay, this really doesn't

00:39:11.289 --> 00:39:15.010
make sense. Your lungs are continuing to get

00:39:15.010 --> 00:39:20.230
stronger the more chemotherapy we give you. Now,

00:39:20.489 --> 00:39:22.349
fast forward to the very end of it. So by the

00:39:22.349 --> 00:39:24.869
time that he was done with that particular chemotherapy,

00:39:25.510 --> 00:39:29.510
his lung capacity was stronger. After taking

00:39:29.510 --> 00:39:31.269
all of it, this chemotherapy that could have

00:39:31.269 --> 00:39:34.760
scarred his lungs and cost him his voice, his

00:39:34.760 --> 00:39:37.760
lung capacity was stronger than when he started.

00:39:38.619 --> 00:39:40.260
They go, we might have to, this doesn't make

00:39:40.260 --> 00:39:43.500
sense. How can you be internally stronger after

00:39:43.500 --> 00:39:46.539
taking months of chemotherapy than you were before

00:39:46.539 --> 00:39:48.500
we started? And he just goes, you don't know

00:39:48.500 --> 00:39:51.739
the God I serve. And then he'd taken another

00:39:51.739 --> 00:39:54.619
chemotherapy that we didn't know. You know, he

00:39:54.619 --> 00:39:56.579
knew, he knew what they were, what the side effects

00:39:56.579 --> 00:39:58.920
were. He was very involved with his own care,

00:39:59.260 --> 00:40:03.519
but he did a church service, not far from where

00:40:03.519 --> 00:40:07.239
we lived and it was a concert and So he finished

00:40:07.239 --> 00:40:09.380
the chemotherapy and he would have been a distant

00:40:09.380 --> 00:40:13.780
cyclist before he got sick So he did Not wisely,

00:40:13.900 --> 00:40:15.559
but he was determined to know that he could.

00:40:15.719 --> 00:40:17.760
He did a 100 mile bike race called Beauty and

00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:21.219
the Beast in East Texas. Not the wisest thing

00:40:21.219 --> 00:40:24.320
to do, but he did it. He did it well. And after

00:40:24.320 --> 00:40:26.079
that, he's got this concert and he's sharing

00:40:26.079 --> 00:40:29.300
about his struggle with cancer, the surgeries,

00:40:29.480 --> 00:40:31.559
the chemotherapies, what happened with his lungs.

00:40:31.960 --> 00:40:33.639
And there are actually two doctors that came

00:40:33.639 --> 00:40:37.269
up to him after. And they said, well, what were

00:40:37.269 --> 00:40:39.329
the three chemotherapies you were on? Because

00:40:39.329 --> 00:40:41.650
he had mentioned the one. So he names them all.

00:40:41.710 --> 00:40:45.590
And they go, OK, you don't understand. We work

00:40:45.590 --> 00:40:48.090
in cancer development and research, which is

00:40:48.090 --> 00:40:50.329
one of the reasons we came tonight. You don't

00:40:50.329 --> 00:40:51.929
understand. Matt goes, what don't I understand?

00:40:52.230 --> 00:40:55.650
He goes, if you put your DNA in a jar with that

00:40:55.650 --> 00:40:58.730
particular chemotherapy, it's destroyed in 30

00:40:58.730 --> 00:41:03.309
seconds or less. It destroys that. He goes, so

00:41:03.309 --> 00:41:05.869
for you to, he goes, so this doesn't make any

00:41:05.869 --> 00:41:08.329
sense at all. Matt goes, uh -huh. So you can

00:41:08.329 --> 00:41:10.389
know, you can know black and white. You know,

00:41:10.389 --> 00:41:11.730
this is the, where I came up with the phrase,

00:41:11.829 --> 00:41:13.730
the God of gray. You know, things are, they're

00:41:13.730 --> 00:41:15.650
this, they're this, they're this, they're non

00:41:15.650 --> 00:41:18.769
-changeable. It's black and white until God.

00:41:19.670 --> 00:41:22.389
And that was for the, so we can look back, you

00:41:22.389 --> 00:41:25.289
know, two to three years after his process, because

00:41:25.289 --> 00:41:27.030
when you, I think when you go through something,

00:41:27.050 --> 00:41:29.489
you're just like, why? I will tell you this.

00:41:30.190 --> 00:41:32.769
When I told I got the call so and I told Matthew

00:41:32.769 --> 00:41:35.670
that the doctor called and they found those different

00:41:35.670 --> 00:41:38.409
types of Cancer and he'd have to go to MD Anderson

00:41:38.409 --> 00:41:42.829
and I said so And he's kind of looked at me and

00:41:42.829 --> 00:41:47.510
the first thing he said is why not me? He goes

00:41:47.510 --> 00:41:51.550
we live in a fallen broken world We there's disease.

00:41:51.590 --> 00:41:53.730
There's this there's that and he goes why would

00:41:53.730 --> 00:41:56.710
I ever think that I would be exempt? From having

00:41:56.710 --> 00:41:59.949
to walk through something like this and I said

00:41:59.949 --> 00:42:04.789
that wasn't my first response and I said but

00:42:04.789 --> 00:42:07.809
you're right why just and I do think there's

00:42:07.809 --> 00:42:09.510
some believers that you know when you receive

00:42:09.510 --> 00:42:11.269
Jesus into your life that he's just going to

00:42:11.269 --> 00:42:14.690
make it all okay he doesn't make it all okay

00:42:14.690 --> 00:42:17.489
in the journey sometimes in the process it's

00:42:17.489 --> 00:42:20.750
can we trust will we choose to trust and it's

00:42:20.750 --> 00:42:23.329
not just about us that's what I was going to

00:42:23.329 --> 00:42:26.559
allude to we can look back And Matthew's struggle

00:42:26.559 --> 00:42:30.219
with cancer had very little to do with us. At

00:42:30.219 --> 00:42:33.079
that short season, it did. You know, keep the

00:42:33.079 --> 00:42:35.239
house disinfected, have the kids, keep him healthy,

00:42:35.360 --> 00:42:39.579
trust God, pray, use God to minister to the doctors

00:42:39.579 --> 00:42:42.480
and people that we're seeing. It was about everybody

00:42:42.480 --> 00:42:48.329
watching our process, not us. I mean I'd been

00:42:48.329 --> 00:42:50.929
working at the school at that point in the counselor's

00:42:50.929 --> 00:42:53.190
office and doing some things and that some of

00:42:53.190 --> 00:42:56.289
the girls are playing softball and t -ball and

00:42:56.289 --> 00:42:57.690
a couple of the moms came up and they said we

00:42:57.690 --> 00:43:00.590
heard Matthew had cancer this winter and that

00:43:00.590 --> 00:43:02.889
he was going to MD Anderson and blah and I said

00:43:02.889 --> 00:43:07.650
yeah and they said we had no clue watching you

00:43:07.650 --> 00:43:12.110
guys live your life and continue to do all and

00:43:12.110 --> 00:43:14.230
you said you didn't tell anybody I said well

00:43:14.230 --> 00:43:16.599
first of all I was in shock And there wasn't

00:43:16.599 --> 00:43:18.500
anything anybody could do. We had to keep this

00:43:18.500 --> 00:43:22.179
environment as sterile as possible. And I said,

00:43:22.360 --> 00:43:24.099
but I said, that's the biggest compliment you

00:43:24.099 --> 00:43:28.619
could give me, is that you could see God sustaining

00:43:28.619 --> 00:43:32.760
me when I didn't sense it and didn't know at

00:43:32.760 --> 00:43:35.260
times. And that was when I got, I did a bunch

00:43:35.260 --> 00:43:38.699
of Bible studies on Meshach, Reshach, and Abednego

00:43:38.699 --> 00:43:43.090
in the furnace and in the fire. Nowhere, nowhere

00:43:43.090 --> 00:43:46.969
in that story does it say they saw or sensed

00:43:46.969 --> 00:43:52.329
God with them. But anybody looking in saw the

00:43:52.329 --> 00:43:54.429
Son of Man. They saw his image in the fire with

00:43:54.429 --> 00:43:57.489
them. And so when you read down further, it talks

00:43:57.489 --> 00:43:59.449
about, and they came out without even the smell

00:43:59.449 --> 00:44:03.570
of smoke. That became where I focused for a while.

00:44:03.710 --> 00:44:05.510
I want to be able to go through the refiner's

00:44:05.510 --> 00:44:08.269
fire without coming out. I don't even want the

00:44:08.269 --> 00:44:10.949
smell of smoke. And I want anybody who's looking

00:44:10.949 --> 00:44:15.210
in to see and know that God's with me. You mentioned,

00:44:15.590 --> 00:44:18.429
alluded to this a little bit already, you know,

00:44:19.050 --> 00:44:22.349
that through Matthew's sickness and then really

00:44:22.349 --> 00:44:24.789
even more so after the loss of your daughter,

00:44:25.809 --> 00:44:30.230
how God really taught you the importance of being

00:44:30.230 --> 00:44:36.239
there for people. And, you know, You have made

00:44:36.239 --> 00:44:38.880
really even more so that commitment to do that

00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:41.340
after you saw what other people did for you and

00:44:41.340 --> 00:44:44.460
how Helpful it was share a little bit more about

00:44:44.460 --> 00:44:47.039
about that and and you know what the Lord really

00:44:47.039 --> 00:44:49.739
taught you through that There's great value in

00:44:49.739 --> 00:44:54.219
the ministry of presence Just being there You

00:44:54.219 --> 00:44:56.119
know when I went through some of the stuff with

00:44:56.119 --> 00:44:57.760
Matt when Matthew was going through his cancer

00:44:57.760 --> 00:45:00.079
and then with our daughter and her stuff There

00:45:00.079 --> 00:45:03.639
aren't answers. I Mean, there's just there's

00:45:03.639 --> 00:45:05.539
not gonna you know There's just not going to

00:45:05.539 --> 00:45:08.340
be an answer. As Matthew said, this doesn't fit

00:45:08.340 --> 00:45:10.300
with my theology. My theology is going to have

00:45:10.300 --> 00:45:15.139
to change. In the deepest, darkest times is when

00:45:15.139 --> 00:45:17.820
somebody just needs somebody to listen. When

00:45:17.820 --> 00:45:19.860
I realized I didn't have to have the answers

00:45:19.860 --> 00:45:24.139
for my kids or myself, and I didn't have to have

00:45:24.139 --> 00:45:26.320
the answers for Matthew, and he didn't have to

00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:29.280
have the answers for me, but should just be able

00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:33.429
to be present. is just as valuable as having

00:45:33.429 --> 00:45:36.429
an answer sometimes. And I think we're so wired

00:45:36.429 --> 00:45:38.909
as women and as believers that, well, I don't

00:45:38.909 --> 00:45:40.670
know what to say and I don't know what to do,

00:45:40.829 --> 00:45:44.610
and we get paralyzed. I mean, there's studies

00:45:44.610 --> 00:45:47.050
out from Harvard that'll tell you if the average

00:45:47.050 --> 00:45:49.409
person had three people, close friends walking

00:45:49.409 --> 00:45:51.969
with them in life, counselors would not exist.

00:45:52.909 --> 00:45:56.989
We just need a place to feel safe. Are we safe?

00:45:57.429 --> 00:46:01.460
And are you listening? If we can be that safe

00:46:01.460 --> 00:46:05.920
place and be those ears, 90 % of the time that's

00:46:05.920 --> 00:46:08.480
all anybody needs. They don't need me to have

00:46:08.480 --> 00:46:11.059
the answer. They don't need me to fix it for

00:46:11.059 --> 00:46:13.460
them. And God most of the time doesn't want me

00:46:13.460 --> 00:46:16.179
to fix it for them because He's taking them on

00:46:16.179 --> 00:46:19.460
a journey that's their journey. It's God's journey

00:46:19.460 --> 00:46:22.400
with them for a season to build something new

00:46:22.400 --> 00:46:25.809
in them. And sometimes I think we try to be so

00:46:25.809 --> 00:46:28.309
helpful we get in His way. We think we're helping

00:46:28.309 --> 00:46:30.210
God, and sometimes I think we're distracting

00:46:30.210 --> 00:46:34.550
from the work He might be trying to do by feeling

00:46:34.550 --> 00:46:36.409
like we have to come up with that scripture verse,

00:46:36.409 --> 00:46:40.730
or we have to have that answer, and we don't.

00:46:40.889 --> 00:46:44.869
Just be present. Just make that eye contact.

00:46:45.130 --> 00:46:46.989
Just give yourself, you know, can I come by for

00:46:46.989 --> 00:46:49.250
10 minutes? Because when I was going through

00:46:49.250 --> 00:46:51.750
stuff, A lot of times when people say, can I

00:46:51.750 --> 00:46:55.510
stop by? My first thing was, I don't have, I

00:46:55.510 --> 00:46:57.869
just freeze like how long are they going to stay?

00:46:57.989 --> 00:46:59.750
What are they going to ask? What's it going to

00:46:59.750 --> 00:47:04.090
be like? Do a healthy perimeter. Hi, I'd like

00:47:04.090 --> 00:47:08.130
to stop by for 10 minutes and then stick to that.

00:47:08.519 --> 00:47:10.780
Leave in 10 minutes, even if they say could you

00:47:10.780 --> 00:47:13.260
stay a little longer go? You know what not not

00:47:13.260 --> 00:47:15.019
now, but next time I come I'll stay a little

00:47:15.019 --> 00:47:18.619
bit longer It was safety net for me to know they

00:47:18.619 --> 00:47:21.239
just wanted to stop by but they weren't gonna

00:47:21.239 --> 00:47:25.099
invade my space They weren't gonna interrupt

00:47:25.099 --> 00:47:28.199
the grieving process or you know something else

00:47:28.199 --> 00:47:31.639
that I had on or it was I just I've learned so

00:47:31.639 --> 00:47:37.710
much about practical helps You know And that's

00:47:37.710 --> 00:47:39.269
probably one of the biggest ones because sometimes

00:47:39.269 --> 00:47:41.010
I would tell people, you know, today's not a

00:47:41.010 --> 00:47:43.829
good day because I didn't know if they were going

00:47:43.829 --> 00:47:47.010
to just invade my life for the whole day, which

00:47:47.010 --> 00:47:50.429
I didn't want that. I didn't need it. And I didn't

00:47:50.429 --> 00:47:54.269
have the capacity for it. But somebody stopping

00:47:54.269 --> 00:47:55.789
by for 10 minutes going, I'm going to stop by

00:47:55.789 --> 00:47:58.369
for 10 minutes. They stuck to it and they showed

00:47:58.369 --> 00:48:02.250
up. And I needed that interaction short term.

00:48:02.250 --> 00:48:05.010
Yeah. Knowing how to be a healthy support is

00:48:05.010 --> 00:48:07.760
something that we're really not. Not taught very

00:48:07.760 --> 00:48:10.820
well, are we? Right. I mean, there's books, you

00:48:10.820 --> 00:48:14.179
know, when helping hurts, you know. You know,

00:48:14.179 --> 00:48:16.539
we can think about our kids when we constantly

00:48:16.539 --> 00:48:22.900
prevent them from the hard stuff because we can

00:48:22.900 --> 00:48:24.739
and we're older and we're wiser and we're like,

00:48:24.739 --> 00:48:26.239
we just don't want them to go through this. We

00:48:26.239 --> 00:48:28.380
don't want their hearts to hurt. We don't, especially

00:48:28.380 --> 00:48:30.920
if you raise girls, that is a bad boy and he's

00:48:30.920 --> 00:48:34.960
going to break your heart. Well, you know, you

00:48:34.960 --> 00:48:37.260
might have to let them have their hearts broken

00:48:37.260 --> 00:48:40.579
once or twice, while they're younger, this is

00:48:40.579 --> 00:48:41.880
what I told my husband, while they're younger

00:48:41.880 --> 00:48:44.760
than our house, because I can navigate and help

00:48:44.760 --> 00:48:48.300
them through that process. If I step in and intervene

00:48:48.300 --> 00:48:51.519
all through their lives and they leave my house

00:48:51.519 --> 00:48:54.440
at 18, 19 years old without having their hearts

00:48:54.440 --> 00:48:56.980
broken, without having, you know, the car run

00:48:56.980 --> 00:49:00.099
out of gas, because I always did it for them,

00:49:00.380 --> 00:49:02.760
then I didn't equip them very well, practically.

00:49:03.059 --> 00:49:06.219
Well, as we begin to wrap up, Are there any final

00:49:06.219 --> 00:49:08.440
truths that you want to leave here with our listening

00:49:08.440 --> 00:49:10.940
friends? I mean, I know God has sown so much

00:49:10.940 --> 00:49:14.019
into your life. What's on your heart to share?

00:49:14.400 --> 00:49:17.599
I would say my biggest thing for the last six

00:49:17.599 --> 00:49:19.960
years has been mental health is not mental illness.

00:49:20.960 --> 00:49:23.719
All of us experience mental health. So let's

00:49:23.719 --> 00:49:25.860
break that down. All of us are going to be depressed.

00:49:26.039 --> 00:49:28.179
All of us are going to have anxiety. All of us

00:49:28.179 --> 00:49:30.659
are going to have grief and loss. It can be a

00:49:30.659 --> 00:49:33.699
job. It can be a marriage. I mean, it doesn't

00:49:33.699 --> 00:49:36.820
just mean someone dies and you bury them. There's

00:49:36.820 --> 00:49:39.079
all kinds of, you could lose the pastor of your

00:49:39.079 --> 00:49:41.380
church and he's been there for 20 years. And

00:49:41.380 --> 00:49:44.539
to know that it's okay to go, that hurts my heart.

00:49:45.400 --> 00:49:47.880
You know, that's hard. And for us to give each

00:49:47.880 --> 00:49:50.260
other grace to go, we're all, you know, we expect

00:49:50.260 --> 00:49:53.519
missionaries to go through anxiety. You know,

00:49:53.559 --> 00:49:54.980
is their check going to come? Is the ministry

00:49:54.980 --> 00:49:57.139
going to work? Are their kids going to be safe?

00:49:57.800 --> 00:50:02.360
We don't allow our ourselves the same flexibility

00:50:02.360 --> 00:50:05.199
here to go I'm just kind of anxious about that

00:50:05.199 --> 00:50:08.300
right now because people go well you need to

00:50:08.300 --> 00:50:10.280
trust God more you need to have more faith or

00:50:10.280 --> 00:50:12.099
he doesn't give you more than you can handle

00:50:12.099 --> 00:50:14.739
um he and I've had those conversations I disagree

00:50:14.739 --> 00:50:18.119
I think he does give us takes you right to the

00:50:18.119 --> 00:50:22.780
edge but if you know somebody and you can tell

00:50:22.780 --> 00:50:25.800
you know what they might not be saying they've

00:50:25.800 --> 00:50:28.500
got some anxiety But their husband was in a car

00:50:28.500 --> 00:50:30.960
accident, and he's their primary caregiver. There's

00:50:30.960 --> 00:50:33.760
got to be a little bit of anxiety there. Give

00:50:33.760 --> 00:50:37.000
them grace. Don't go, just trust God a little

00:50:37.000 --> 00:50:39.079
more. Just plow through a little more. God will

00:50:39.079 --> 00:50:41.940
never fail you. Those are all true statements.

00:50:42.519 --> 00:50:45.119
But in the midst of that, that's not what they

00:50:45.119 --> 00:50:47.440
need to hear. They already know that. They need

00:50:47.440 --> 00:50:49.219
to know, you know what, I'm thinking about you

00:50:49.219 --> 00:50:51.519
today. And what you're going through must be

00:50:51.519 --> 00:50:54.780
really hard. I can't imagine don't tell people

00:50:54.780 --> 00:50:57.139
you can imagine what they're going through when

00:50:57.139 --> 00:50:59.960
you haven't walked through it now and Sometimes

00:50:59.960 --> 00:51:03.719
God, you know the trusting and God comes Comes

00:51:03.719 --> 00:51:06.340
through actions that God asks us to make the

00:51:06.340 --> 00:51:09.480
little things the little things that Allow them

00:51:09.480 --> 00:51:12.139
to see that God really does see them and know

00:51:12.139 --> 00:51:14.280
what they're going through Yeah, I mean it everybody's

00:51:14.280 --> 00:51:16.599
capable of doing something I mean if you can

00:51:16.599 --> 00:51:19.480
drop off a plan at the front door and don't knock

00:51:19.480 --> 00:51:22.539
on the door but text them and say, I left a little

00:51:22.539 --> 00:51:25.599
something on your front porch for you. When there's

00:51:25.599 --> 00:51:27.519
a terminal illness, when there's been a loss

00:51:27.519 --> 00:51:30.360
of a job, when there's been some sort of a crisis

00:51:30.360 --> 00:51:32.960
that will pass, but they're in that crisis, and

00:51:32.960 --> 00:51:34.739
if you're not at that point financially, you

00:51:34.739 --> 00:51:37.280
know what means a whole lot? Take 10 minutes,

00:51:37.360 --> 00:51:40.940
go get a pack of cards at the dollar store, there's

00:51:40.940 --> 00:51:43.800
12 of them in there, and just write a little

00:51:43.800 --> 00:51:47.000
note. you stick it on their front door because

00:51:47.000 --> 00:51:49.179
I know you took the time to go you got the card

00:51:49.179 --> 00:51:52.840
you wrote the note and you dropped it off that's

00:51:52.840 --> 00:51:56.440
huge when you actually I mean women we know what

00:51:56.440 --> 00:52:00.300
it takes to be a blessing yeah yeah it takes

00:52:00.300 --> 00:52:03.019
it takes planning it takes effort it takes time

00:52:03.019 --> 00:52:06.019
and you know other women notice that because

00:52:06.019 --> 00:52:08.980
we know how pressed we are for time so when you

00:52:08.980 --> 00:52:11.269
can do those things where you don't just run

00:52:11.269 --> 00:52:12.750
into them at church. You say, I've been thinking

00:52:12.750 --> 00:52:17.449
about you this week. But I know God speaks. And

00:52:17.449 --> 00:52:20.010
I know sometimes he speaks so practically, we

00:52:20.010 --> 00:52:22.989
don't even think it's him or acknowledge it's

00:52:22.989 --> 00:52:26.309
him. So if you're listening and you get those

00:52:26.309 --> 00:52:27.889
little things, hey, I should just stop by and

00:52:27.889 --> 00:52:30.650
do such. No, no, I don't want to be invasive.

00:52:31.090 --> 00:52:33.670
Or no, I don't want to intrude. Or no, it might

00:52:33.670 --> 00:52:36.429
not be a good day. Don't ignore those nudges.

00:52:37.840 --> 00:52:41.639
Don't ignore them. We need each other. We need

00:52:41.639 --> 00:52:44.659
We need to be there for one another and we need

00:52:44.659 --> 00:52:48.559
to know who's there for us And that's the only

00:52:48.559 --> 00:52:51.559
way they're gonna know is if we make ourselves

00:52:51.559 --> 00:52:56.159
vulnerable to them in their crisis and Then when

00:52:56.159 --> 00:52:58.440
we're in crisis, they're gonna go I need to go

00:52:58.440 --> 00:53:00.519
back because I remember she dropped off a note

00:53:00.519 --> 00:53:03.820
or she sent a text Or she did all those little

00:53:03.820 --> 00:53:06.900
things they matter Because if God's telling one

00:53:06.900 --> 00:53:09.599
of us, He might be telling five of us. And there

00:53:09.599 --> 00:53:12.820
might be a lady that's on death's door or just

00:53:12.820 --> 00:53:15.280
so overwhelmed by what's going on with life she

00:53:15.280 --> 00:53:18.039
can't think about it. But unbeknownst to us,

00:53:18.119 --> 00:53:21.579
we sent a text and four other people did. And

00:53:21.579 --> 00:53:25.179
it was a flood of God's love to her that day.

00:53:25.820 --> 00:53:28.579
We just have to be obedient and listen. Then

00:53:28.579 --> 00:53:31.880
before we close, is there a woman in the Bible

00:53:31.880 --> 00:53:34.579
whose story has really spoken to you? And how

00:53:34.579 --> 00:53:37.239
is that her journey encouraged to shape your

00:53:37.239 --> 00:53:39.719
own? Abigail. Well, first of all, when you asked

00:53:39.719 --> 00:53:41.519
me that, I'm like, well, there's five. But this

00:53:41.519 --> 00:53:44.800
morning I honed it down to Abigail. She was sensible.

00:53:45.539 --> 00:53:50.400
She saw beyond herself. She was wise. She was

00:53:50.400 --> 00:53:52.860
generous. I mean, every day I ask God, give me

00:53:52.860 --> 00:53:56.400
wisdom beyond my years. I can't do what you've

00:53:56.400 --> 00:53:59.119
asked me to do. if I don't have your wisdom.

00:53:59.860 --> 00:54:01.519
And I also think she brought out the best in

00:54:01.519 --> 00:54:04.519
people. So if I was going to pick somebody that

00:54:04.519 --> 00:54:06.420
I would want to emulate, I want to be wise, I

00:54:06.420 --> 00:54:07.980
want to be generous, I want to bring out the

00:54:07.980 --> 00:54:12.460
best in people. She used your skill set wisely.

00:54:16.380 --> 00:54:18.059
She shouldn't have been able to say the things

00:54:18.059 --> 00:54:20.599
she said and do the things she did, so she also

00:54:20.599 --> 00:54:23.699
walked in favor. Yeah, that's good. Gives us

00:54:23.699 --> 00:54:27.099
the confidence to shoot for those things. Well,

00:54:27.219 --> 00:54:29.960
Deanne has given us a powerful reminder today.

00:54:30.360 --> 00:54:33.980
We're not meant to walk life alone. I also think

00:54:33.980 --> 00:54:37.139
of 1st Thessalonians 5 11 where the Apostle Paul

00:54:37.139 --> 00:54:40.099
writes, therefore encourage one another and build

00:54:40.099 --> 00:54:44.300
each other up. The Holy Spirit through Paul highlights

00:54:44.300 --> 00:54:47.539
how important it is to lift one another up. Friend,

00:54:47.619 --> 00:54:49.340
no matter what season you're in right now, whether

00:54:49.340 --> 00:54:51.800
you're carrying a heavy load or you're in a place

00:54:51.800 --> 00:54:54.829
of strength, you have the opportunity to lean

00:54:54.829 --> 00:54:57.570
into this calling. Let's be people who show up,

00:54:58.030 --> 00:55:01.389
who offer a hand, who speak life and encouragement.

00:55:02.389 --> 00:55:04.530
Because when we do, it's not just helping each

00:55:04.530 --> 00:55:06.309
other, it's really reflecting the very heart

00:55:06.309 --> 00:55:08.829
of Christ. And if you don't have a support system

00:55:08.829 --> 00:55:10.750
around you right now, let me encourage you that

00:55:10.750 --> 00:55:13.710
it's not too late. Ask the Lord to lead you into

00:55:13.710 --> 00:55:17.170
authentic, life -giving relationships. And then

00:55:17.170 --> 00:55:19.030
be open to stepping into them. It's a little

00:55:19.030 --> 00:55:22.130
scary sometimes. But if you're not currently

00:55:22.130 --> 00:55:24.090
connected to a church or a small group, that's

00:55:24.090 --> 00:55:27.230
a wonderful place to start. Deanne, before we

00:55:27.230 --> 00:55:29.409
close, would you just take a moment and pray

00:55:29.409 --> 00:55:31.710
for our dear friends who are listening? Absolutely.

00:55:32.190 --> 00:55:34.409
Lord, we are so grateful for who you are in our

00:55:34.409 --> 00:55:39.110
lives and how you consistently show up. You love

00:55:39.110 --> 00:55:43.269
us. You teach us. You lead us. And Lord, I know

00:55:43.269 --> 00:55:44.690
that there are women that are listening that

00:55:44.690 --> 00:55:47.730
are in... sees another life where they just don't

00:55:47.730 --> 00:55:50.690
see or sense you in it. I ask today that you

00:55:50.690 --> 00:55:56.070
would allow them to sense you, to feel you, to

00:55:56.070 --> 00:55:58.570
know you in a better way. God, I ask that the

00:55:58.570 --> 00:56:01.329
supernatural invade their natural circumstance

00:56:01.329 --> 00:56:04.710
and that you will be shown strong in their life

00:56:04.710 --> 00:56:08.389
and for all those who are walking with them and

00:56:08.389 --> 00:56:12.309
to come after them. You waste nothing. Everything

00:56:12.309 --> 00:56:15.090
we go through, everything you teach us is for

00:56:15.090 --> 00:56:17.789
your glory and for us to share with others. Thank

00:56:17.789 --> 00:56:21.269
you so much. Jesus name. Amen. Well, as we close

00:56:21.269 --> 00:56:23.369
today, I want to speak a blessing over you adapted

00:56:23.369 --> 00:56:27.730
from 2nd Thessalonians 2, 16 and 17. May our

00:56:27.730 --> 00:56:30.610
Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our father

00:56:30.610 --> 00:56:34.829
who loved you and by his grace giving you eternal

00:56:34.829 --> 00:56:38.210
encouragement and good hope. May he encourage

00:56:38.210 --> 00:56:40.929
your heart. and strengthen you in every good

00:56:40.929 --> 00:56:43.969
word and deed. And now, dear friends, don't forget,

00:56:44.050 --> 00:56:46.429
you can visit hergodstory .org to find today's

00:56:46.429 --> 00:56:48.349
show notes, all the scriptures that we talked

00:56:48.349 --> 00:56:51.869
about, and a link to download your free six -week

00:56:51.869 --> 00:56:54.170
devotional on Women of the Bible. It's a wonderful

00:56:54.170 --> 00:56:56.070
way to strengthen your faith and go deeper in

00:56:56.070 --> 00:56:58.469
God's Word. And if you'd like to take part in

00:56:58.469 --> 00:57:00.590
something bigger, making a difference for others,

00:57:00.710 --> 00:57:02.449
consider giving to the Widow and Orphan Fund.

00:57:02.769 --> 00:57:05.349
Just click Help Now on our website. It's very

00:57:05.349 --> 00:57:09.289
simple. If you need prayer, Please reach out.

00:57:09.469 --> 00:57:13.050
You are not alone. You can call or text our 24

00:57:13.050 --> 00:57:18.289
-7 prayer line at 855 -459 -CARE or email us

00:57:18.289 --> 00:57:21.250
anytime at prayer at somebodycares .org. We are

00:57:21.250 --> 00:57:24.530
here for you. Until next time, keep trusting

00:57:24.530 --> 00:57:28.090
God because He's still writing your story. Her

00:57:28.090 --> 00:57:30.670
God Story is a ministry of Somebody Cares America

00:57:30.670 --> 00:57:33.289
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