Why Does Everyone Get Healed… Except Me? | Feat. Meshali Mitchell

Hey, so let me ask you a question.

Have you ever went to the altar service and you're bawling your eyes out and God's moving so strongly, and you think, surely all of my trauma, all of my pain from my past, it's all been settled and I'm going to start my new chapter.

And then within weeks, you realize, wait a second, it's all still there.

It's not better.

The depression, the discouragement, the trauma, the triggers, it's all still there.

And you're like, why did I went through deliverance, inner healing?

I.

I paid all this money to go to this big conference.

Why is my life not getting better in an instant?

Going to have this talk with my good friend Michele today.

And it's.

It's.

I'm telling you, we're going to talk about sanctification.

We're going to talk about progressive healing and how God does a work in your life.

And you're going to want to watch this entire interview because it's just going to help you finally go through that process, and it's going to encourage you so much.

So, Michelle, I'm here in New York City.

Welcome to my podcast, man.

Thanks for having me.

I told you before we started your.

You guys are two of my favorite people ever.

You and Julie and your whole fam.

So, I mean, I'm.

I'm honored to be here.

Honored you to have me.

Oh, well, we met because you are the person behind the camera for some of the biggest Christian authors and figures, and many of the most iconic pictures of them came through your vision.

But then also you're an author and a podcaster, and I.

I'm just going to say it.

A preacher.

And so you've got this whole.

And a whole new season right now.

I know, I know.

Which we.

We've been talking about.

So you got this book Rest.

You know, like, here's the thing.

The altar services that we're all used to, where people are getting delivered, healed, prophesied over crying, it's a.

Both.

And like you mentioned, it's incredibly important.

We need those moments, but it's.

It's.

A lot of people treat those moments like it's their first and final step, when in fact, it's the initiation of a process.

So can you kind of like jump in on that?

And what revelation has God given you?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So.

So I was raised.

I was gonna kind of give you a little bit of my backstory so people could even know why the book was written.

But you and I kind of connect over this.

But I am was born and raised Pentecostal Charismatic.

I'm a preacher's daughter from South Arkansas.

Your followers and listeners can probably hear a little bit of that.

Little bit of that.

Yeah, a little bit of that.

But born and raised in a ministry family in a small town.

From a very small town in South Arkansas.

Dad was a fiery Pentecostal evangelist.

So I was raised in a little bit of a non traditional ministry home.

A lot of people think pk, preacher's kid when I say that, pastor's kid.

But I was an evangelist kid.

So we had kind of a unique home model.

My dad was gone 48 weeks out of the year preaching the gospel all over the nation.

He has a radical salvation story.

So went out, started preaching at a young age.

Mom stayed home with us.

And so raised in a ministry family in the ways of the Lord, but went through some hard things.

Even despite, you know what I.

I tell people, being in a ministry family went through some really, really hard things early on in my childhood at the age of 12, just to give your followers a Cliff's Notes version, went through a really, really hard divorce of my parents.

I was the oldest of three at the time, and so I don't really know exactly why, but being the oldest of three, divorce is talked about so commonly, but it, it deeply, it deeply impacted me at a developmental age, being the oldest of three, being in a ministry family.

So went through that, that trauma and the way it kind of impacted me.

And then soon after, we began to deal with, in my home, addiction issues, abuse, and several other things.

And I've tried to be really careful.

Even in the book.

I felt really strongly that I wasn't to tell other people's stories.

I just wanted to tell mine.

I wanted to show great honor to everybody in my story, but went through some really, really hard things at a very, very young age.

And then into right soon after that went through sexual abuse.

And so I tell people what that did was all the trauma combined at such a developmental age really kind of put at the time like a nail in the coffin in my spirit.

It just crushed my spirit very, very early on in life.

And instead of dealing with it properly and healing properly, I just did what I knew to do to survive at the time and stuffed it down and began to perform and mask and got really, really good at it all the way through my teen years.

Ended up going to Bible school thinking that may fix these internal wounds that I had even as a believer.

But it didn't, it didn't heal.

Me didn't fix me.

And the story is kind of based, you know, around the book.

The story is that I got to my mid-20s, and I tell people desperation is a gift.

It can be a gift.

And I came to a place in my life where what I say is pain demands to be felt.

And I was kind of putting basically band aids over bullet holes and just bleeding out.

Even as a believer, I was very stuck, very stuck in vicious thought cycles and just stuck in my life and was not living the abundant life.

What I say is the John 10:10 life that Jesus had promised me.

Um, when I laid my.

My head on my pillow at night, I.

When it was just me and the Lord, I was, you know, like I told.

Told you earlier, just very bound, very depressed, very anxious and living.

Wasn't living in freedom at all.

So desperation is a gift.

And that jump started a healing process in my life where I began to, with the Lord, go into these rooms of my heart and let him lovingly deal with them and gut them and heal them and restore them, and am now experiencing that abundant life that he promised me.

So that's kind of a Cliffs Notes version, but that's kind of the origin of the book.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's so powerful.

Well, and.

And the thing is, it's like people think that you're going to do demolition and construction simultaneously.

That's right.

It's like sometimes things have to be demolished, but.

But then the construction is a process.

And I like the phrase that use, like, room by room.

And so it's like there and we.

It's called sanctification.

And so it's like deliverance may happen in a moment, and even some healing can happen in a moment.

But there's.

There's many things in life that happen through that process.

And so it's like for you, you.

You were raised Pentecostal Charismatic, and it's not diminishing those moments because, like I said, they're.

They're necessary.

But also it's like, then what's the next step?

Then the next step, then the next step.

And then you went to Bible college thinking, like.

And I think there's many people watching right now that are probably like, oh, I get it.

The more ministry I do, the more healing I'll receive, when, in fact, some of you guys are being distracted by ministry and you're.

You're actually focusing on helping other people, but in fact haven't dealt with your own stuff.

So like you said, pain demands to be felt.

Like, was there one particular moment where Your pain just said, like, Michele, I'm demanding that you stop and feel this and deal with this.

Like, was there a certain moment?

Yeah, I got to a place in my life, mid-20s, where it was impacting every area of my life.

I talk in the book about how it's like water that gets into a home and mold that gets into the walls and it just consumes, you know, So I, it was consuming my relationships.

My thought patterns were unhealthy.

I was dealing with vicious thought cycles, anxiety, depression.

Got to a place where I was dealing with constant panic attacks, going to church on Sundays.

I could tell you whatever scripture and Christianese that you wanted to hear.

But my, like I said, my, what Tim Keller calls is like functional trust.

That was just.

There was something off, there was something broken.

So, yeah, I got to my mid-20s and like I said, came to a place of desperation that now I see was a major gift because I hit rock bottom just like in relationships and just in my day to day life, I was unable to healthily function.

And so I began to see a great spirit filled counselor that the Lord brought across my path and took some steps to, even in the practical, to get really real with someone and begin conversation in these secret chambers of my heart.

I told her our first session things I'd never opened up about, things that I'd dealt with, it happened to me, things I had done, the whole shebang.

And I tell a story in the book about how as I talked to her and confess, you know, like James says, confess your faults one to another so that you may be healed.

I began to practice that biblical truth and, you know, put it into practice instead of just talking about it.

And I remember I talk about in the book how this emotional dam broke and I just laid my head down on the wooden desk.

I'll never forget it.

And I saw tears stream down my cheeks onto my jeans.

And I looked up at her expecting, I don't really know what I was expecting, like, I don't know, doom and gloom.

And she treated me like Jesus would.

And we began to work through some really, really hard things in my life.

And I remember she asked me that day, she said, michelle, and she's prophetic and spirit filled and just amazing.

But she said, michelle, the Holy Spirit is about to do heart surgery on you.

And she said, it's going to be probably messy and it's going to take time and it's going to take resources and your commitment.

She said, are you ready to be healed?

She said, you're gonna, you're gonna know the truth, and the truth is gonna set you free.

And when she said it, I mean, something broke.

And this emotional dam just began to be released in my spirit, like in the deep places, and began to weep.

And, you know, and that.

That actually just so followers and listeners will know, that actually was a moment.

I had, a moment with the spirit.

I had a moment where, I mean, it was undeniable.

But like you said, it started a process.

Yeah.

So it's that both and where the spirit was undeniably moving in me.

And, I mean, I wept.

But it started a process of healing for me.

It started a partnership with the Lord where I couldn't just ask, you know, sit in a chair and ask him to heal all these things.

There was something.

He was inviting me into a partnership.

And so I had to begin.

There was a part for that God plays, and there's a part that I played in my freedom.

And so that started a beautiful process in my life.

And here we are today.

Yeah, well, I'm sure there's.

There's many people, like, hearing your story, thinking, like, well, what.

What do I do?

Like, I don't know what that process looks like, but your book Restored really lays that out and kind of takes it, like, systematically, one step at a time, which I'm so grateful.

And, you know, it's funny because I wrote a book kind of similar topic, and people are like, this book helps so much.

How did you know how to do that?

And I'm like, all I did was write down the process that the Lord took me through.

Absolutely.

That's why I'm so excited for people to read your new book Restored, because you kind of, like, mapped it out for them and because they may not be able to find the spirit filled counselor, you know, in their local town, but you are that spirit filled counselor through your writing to say, okay, let's a take start here and go through that process.

And even when you talked about mold, like, mold doesn't happen instantly.

It's like there's a problem that's not addressed.

Water is seeping in, then it becomes stagnant, then it becomes mold.

And then before you know it, you're sick off that mold, and you might have to tear some walls out and do some work.

And even my story was very similar.

Like, I had.

And I ended up stepping out of ministry for a season.

This is over a decade and a half ago.

And I.

I had been through deliverance and altar ministry and all that, but I.

But it.

But I had not dealt with my trauma.

And when you talked about James saying, confess your sins one to another, that you'd be healed.

It's like, when you confess your sins to Christ, you're forgiven, but when you confess your sins to each other, you're healed.

And so there's many Christians walking around, forgiven but not healed.

And, you know, or healed but not forgiven.

And so it's like, you know, because, oh, I.

And so you need both.

There's a good both.

And.

And for me, I remember having that same thing where I went to counseling, went through a process, and I'll never forget the day I woke up and said, I never want to drink ever again.

The desire was completely gone.

My.

I went in and told my counselor that week, and he.

He started laughing, and he said, oh, I figured that would happen this week or within the next two weeks.

And I was like, wait a second.

You know, like, you.

But it was like, for him, he had taken so many people through that process that he kind of knew what needed to be dealt with.

And so it's like, for those of you watching right now, I.

I don't ever do this, but I'm going to be bold.

Michelle might not want to step out, you know, do this, but I'm going to do.

Because you guys are my family and you guys watch me all the time.

There's very few books that I'm like, you have to get it.

This is one where it's like, you have to.

This is not an option.

I want you to tap the link in the description.

I want you to get her book, because I.

I really believe.

I've been listening to her story even before this book was done being written.

And I've been waiting for this moment because it's a gift to the body of Christ.

So I want you guys to get it.

So, Ms.

Shailey, like, tell me what it was like going through the pages of your book and, like, look in.

Knowing that lives are going to be forever changed.

Man, it's.

It's been surreal.

Like we talked about earlier, the Lord's kind of.

I'm in a season of moving from behind the camera.

Yeah, a little bit.

A little bit more in front of the cameras.

It's a whole.

A whole new season of, like, stepping out in faith for me.

But honestly, I've cried opening up the book for the first time and thinking about this journey with the Lord and what he's done and what he's yet to do.

And now seeing people are starting to.

Even now, I'm not sure when this is coming out.

But even now, people are getting early access to the book and people are starting to read it and write me and text me me.

And I believe that it's.

I really do.

I know it's my book, but I believe it's a now word in due season.

For not just.

I believe that the believer and non believer both, but even people in ministry, Pastor Mike, that have been in ministry for a really long time, we, of course, have seen the body the past couple years.

It's just a lot of sickness.

There's a lot of things that have been revealed that need to be healed, and I have such a heart for that.

And.

And I believe, like I said, it's a now word.

And even for ministers, I've had a lot of minister write me privately, and I hold those stories very sacred.

I've had ministers wives write me, hey, I had this happen with Shailey in my childhood, and now I'm in ministry and I'm hurting and stuck.

And, you know, this book's inspired me to move past all of this and begin to really get help and step into healing and step into true freedom.

And so anyway, so that's my heart behind it, and that's my prayer behind it is for the believer and the unbeliever alike.

So, yeah, well, you know, it's like while you were talking, I literally got chills on the left side of my face because I'm thinking about the sovereignty of God and how he does things in waves.

He does things in rounds.

And during the global pandemic, I got sucked into the deliverance movement.

And I had never really regarded myself as a deliverance guy.

But I really, now I look back and people were in isolation in their home, and they were finally being faced with, like, these things that they inherited and, you know, the demonic that was in their home.

And I believe that there was a wave where God was like, clean your home.

Like, throw out the tarot cards, throw out the Ouija board, throw out all those books.

Like, and there was a.

There was a big wave of deliverance.

But it's crazy because it's almost like he had people like you with, with.

And he was taking you through that process and writing the book.

Because now there's another wave.

And I believe there's the wave of inner healing, the wave of dealing with trauma, the wave of going through sanctification.

It's like there's salvation and deliverance, then there's sanctification.

And it's crazy because I, like, I was telling you offline I.

I went viral.

We.

I almost have a million views on the Carl Lentz interview.

And it was like.

But the thing is, Carl's story about going to therapy, dealing with his issues, it's like that story hit after the deliverance wave.

So it's like there's something that God's doing right now where he's trying to heal his people.

People and restore them.

And your book, I.

And that's why I'm trying to say this is a prophetic timeline.

This is not an accident.

And so what.

What's something that you would just.

You really want people to hear?

Like, what's something you really want to put an exclamation on?

Because I.

I feel the Holy Spirit just stirring in so many right now.

Yeah.

I tell people my biggest.

My heart behind the book is I remember you.

You kind of gave the followers a little bit of inside scoop on what I do.

So I shoot a lot of conferences, a lot of events, a lot of authors, speakers, minister.

So I've sat and been being raised in ministry.

I've sat in a lot of big conferences.

I've sat in a lot of churches.

And I remember carrying my story, the story I just told you about.

And I would sit in these conferences, and I would hear these ministers talk about restoration, healing.

And I remember my intern.

I would hear that.

But my internal.

My internal narrative was that God can do it for everybody but me.

I thought my story was a little bit different and a little bit too hard.

And that shame narrative was so loud in my head, and I'd become so used to it.

But through this process, the Lord has shifted that and broken me free of that.

And he's shown me, not only spoken to me, but shown me that restoration was possible for me.

Not just possible, but a promise.

And all it took was me stepping into that identity and partnering with Him.

And he's done it.

Like, he's done the impossible.

I'm telling you.

People see me and they don't understand, like, how bound and stuck I really was and thought it was impossible.

That's what I believed.

And so if they're listening, if the person, you know, whoever's listening, that kind of has the internal narrative, yeah, this is great.

But my story's different, and it's a little bit too hard for God.

Restoration is possible, and it's a promise for you.

Oh, that is so good.

Yeah.

Because it's like, there's many people watching right now who feel like the exception to the rule, you know, like, and.

And that's And I remember.

I remember that.

Yeah.

Like, right.

Watching the.

And you.

And it almost can make you feel more isolated.

Absolutely.

Because you're just like, hey, I'm.

I'm here.

I'm just like, nobody gets it.

I'm gonna retreat.

I'm just gonna keep this a secret.

I think that's one of the things about Pentecostal Charismatic is, like, in.

In some ways, it can cause people to become more secretive because it's like, well, I don't want to admit that after the revival, I still smoke.

I don't want to admit.

Because I have anxiety and I vape.

I don't want to admit after the revival, I still have a porn addiction because I'm lonely and I haven't met a mate.

Like.

And so I think this book is.

It's almost like somebody walks into your house, and they're like, I smell mold.

But you've put bleach everywhere, and.

But it's still there.

But you got to rip out the walls and do the work, and you can try to, like, deodorize it.

And you've got, like, little candles going, but they're like, no, man.

There's mold in this house.

And so I think for you, like, pain demands that you feel it, that you experience it.

I remember there was a nurse one time who told me that they use an acronym for pain.

Pay Attention Inside Now.

Wow.

So it's like.

Yeah, so I was thinking about that where it's like, you know, when you feel pain, that's your body's way of saying, pay attention.

Now.

But a lot of us, we take so many, so much ibuprofen, Advil, and we're trying to, like, do whatever we can.

And I think sometimes even religious experiences can become, like, the Tylenol, you know, where it's, like, numbing us to another way.

No, feel it.

What?

Because it's giving you information.

So I want to kind of give you the last word.

There's also something at the very end I wanted to talk about that, you know, was one of the most bizarre experiences of my entire life.

It just so happened.

And yours.

But, like.

So, guys, if you got this far, you're a real one.

We're going to, like, talk about that here in a f.

A few moments.

But, yeah, I want to give you kind of, like, the last word to everybody.

Even if you just want to look into the camera, minister to them, because there's.

I think even us talking like this has gotten a lot of people's hearts open.

Of course, they're they're going to jump into the book.

That's going to help.

But if you just even want to speak, an encouragement to them.

Yeah.

One of the last things I want to say, Pastor Mike, is just to tell everybody, to every fruit there's a root.

And for years and years and years and years, I was treating all these symptoms of my life in the wrong way and just want to kind of speak to people to let Christ begin to deal with these roots.

Let's, let's take an axe to these things and let's be honest and real and hopefully they can gain some encouragement out of my story and some strength in me just going first in this thing and telling my story.

But like I said, it may be room to room, piece by piece.

Most of the time it is.

But Christ wants to do a rest, a deep restoration work in their lives, in your lives, those of you listening.

So, yeah, I just want to encourage you with that and prayerfully, the book, this is a Cliffs Notes version today.

But the book goes into a lot of deep stories and really powerful stories and things the Lord has done along the journey.

And so I just pray it brings encouragement and really deep healing to people listening.

Oh, I love that.

You know, even while you were talking, I believe there's somebody watching right now who gets so frustrated about going from room to room.

You know, it's like, cuz you want the whole house to be done and you're like, but I'm ashamed of that room.

But I'm proud of this room.

But I think that's what sanctification is, is like, no, I'm going to eventually get to the whole house, but I'm going to take it one room at a time.

And, and, and really the.

What God has done in one room is the evidence of what he could do in the other room.

And so I just want to encourage y' all with that.

We're gonna tag team preach this one because, Michelle, you're awesome.

You're super anointed.

I have felt the anointing the entire time you've been speaking because it's flowing from the most authority, which is what you've walked through.

And okay, so this, we promised at the end, we're gonna throw like this.

Okay, so you're so much more than you're an artist, you're a photographer, you're a writer, author, speaker.

There's so much, so many dimensions to you.

But I came to know you because my book came out and it was like, hey, you have to get pictures taken for this And I hate.

I absolutely hate taking pictures.

And then I.

That's how I met you was like, you came to take the picture.

So then the second round we just did.

I'm getting a little bit better at being.

Y' all did awesome.

Y' all killed it.

So.

Yeah, so I had my family there.

I don't know if you want to tell this story, because this is, like, totally bizarre, but in one of those unexplainable, I think, supernatural things.

Yeah, man.

We.

Well, just a regular shoot, like I always do.

I've done this.

Like I told you before we started.

For 16 years, I've never had this happen.

So I'm a natural light photographer.

I specialize in natural light.

That's kind of my thing.

So I've worked with all kinds of lighting situations.

You can imagine different rooms, different subjects, moving people around.

So the day that we shot.

I don't know if you.

We.

Because we didn't talk about this.

I don't know if you remember this, but I actually.

While.

While we were actually in the shoot, when I would get you set, there was this light in the room that I could not get rid of.

And so I would go over and kind of pause the shoot, try to close the curtains.

I could not figure out where this light was coming from.

So, you know, we just kind of continued on.

But I got you set to where in my.

You know, in.

On the backdrop.

You had no light on you.

We were good to go.

I felt great about it.

We did our hour shoot and moved on.

Well, I get home and load the images, and as I'm loading them, there's a.

I mean, you can testify to this.

It's hard to even explain.

There's, like, this light that is on you, and that's appearing in certain images on you, on some on Julie, some on the girls, um, and some on you guys together.

But it's the same setting, and the light was appearing in some of the photos.

Like, you know, it would appear in some and not in others, but it was the same setting.

So I.

I hesitated to tell you.

I hesitated to tell you guys, but.

But, yeah, started, you know, texting you and Julie and explaining kind of, hey, this is what's going on.

This is what I'm seeing in these images.

What do you think about it?

And, yeah, I think.

I think it encouraged you that day.

So, yeah, I'm.

I'm getting emotional right now because I'm gonna show the picture.

But there is no, like, you're a natural light photographer.

I saw you repeatedly Trying to adjust the window, pulling the shade.

And then it was like, okay, cool, because you can see through your viewfinder what picture you're gonna take.

That's how that was the miraculous.

That was the weird thing, was that through the viewfinder, none of that light was there, or I would.

Honestly, or I wouldn't have even done the shoot.

I would have told you guys the lighting was too weird.

And so that was the craziest part for me, that was so surreal, was I did not see.

See the light in the viewfinder.

And then even on the back of the screen, back of camera, I never saw it until I loaded the images.

So you know what?

My family was at a really low place because we had experienced so many attacks online.

I take very hard stances biblically for.

For things online.

And, you know, it's just like, that causes people from the opposing sides to lash out.

And there was just so much, like, just online violence and various different things and our address being leaked online and all this crazy stuff.

And so it's like we came into that photo shoot, like, man, for the sake of the gospel, we have taken a beating to reach, you know, so many people with that message.

And then when you came back and you.

You were texting me, like, I've been doing this for years and years and years.

I've never seen this.

And when that picture came up and that light anomaly was with me, and it even looks.

Looks otherworldly.

It.

It doesn't look natural.

Like.

I know.

It just.

It.

It wrecked me because it was like, I needed that.

That was like one of those.

Mike, I'm with you, you know?

Yeah, Absolutely.

Yeah.

I thought, of all people, this happened on a sheet with Pastor Mike Signorelli.

Of course.

Because you've never had anything like that happen.

Then you got to see this.

Yeah.

And so you had.

I just want to be clear, like, that's not something you've ever had happen before.

Before or after.

I've never had that happen.

Yeah.

And I think it was interesting because I specialize in natural light.

Yeah.

So I'm used to working with lighting.

I'm.

You know, and I know after 16 years of this, what I'm looking for in the viewfinder, what I'm looking for in the actual room, and that was what blew my mind, was that the light wasn't there.

Oh, so where did this.

Yeah.

Where did this come from?

Well, and you know what?

We don't know what.

Yeah.

And we.

I don't know what it is.

I.

You know, I'm Very scientific minded.

I'm atheistic sometimes in my mind.

I spent years with Tim Keller, so I'm super intellectual.

But you know, but you know what it is we don't seek?

I don't seek the supernatural.

I don't seek a sign.

I seek to be obedient.

And in my obedience, when I need it, the Lord is gracious to be like, mike, remember, there's more.

Remember, I'm with you.

And it was like I wasn't expecting it.

You weren't expecting it.

But I had just been obedient, was walking out my call and then all of a sudden that those little things like that happen to bring a confirmation, you know.

So I just felt like we had to tell this, especially because so much of my channel is the supernatural.

I was like, we gotta throw that one in there.

Absolutely.

Yeah, we gotta tell it, man.

Well, hey, real quick as we wrap, like, where should people follow you?

I like your Instagram.

Your Instagram's awesome.

Where.

Where should they follow you?

Thank you.

Well, I got one of those weird names where everything on my social platform can just be my first name.

So that's.

That's hard, but easy enough.

So it's at.

So all social platforms, it's just at Micheley.

So at M E S H A L I.

And then on the web, my website is misshaley co.

But yeah, I'd love for people to follow along on the journey.

And yeah, I'm still writing about the house restoration and soul restoration and all those things because we're ever evolving.

I tell people, glory to glory.

So I'm not going to step outside on the poor porch and tie red, big red bow, you know, and say, everything's restored, everything's done.

It's the story continues on.

So I'd love for people to join me and come along on it.

So.

Yeah, absolutely.

I love that.

Guys, all the links are going to be in the description for everything, so you can go find her there as well.

And Michelle, thank you so much.

We'll have to do a part two sometime and tell some more crazy stories, but I'm ready.

Thank you for hanging out on my channel.

I appreciate it.

I'm going to wipe a little tear away right now.

Thanks for having me.

I'm honored.

Awesome.