(280) “Perspectives for Difficult Times” with Keith Wheeler

0:00 I remember during the season, I went outside and said, Jesus, I don't understand everything. And I felt like he whispered in my soul, son, if you understood everything, you'd be me. I felt like he said, when your theology fails, when your understanding of who I am and of my ways fails, I want you to know this. I'll never fail you and I'll never forsake you. I'll be with you always, even through the valley of the shadow of death, even to the ends of the earth. And that will be enough. He didn't give me any answers for what I was going through, except. My presence will go with you. God promises in Joel 2 .28 to pour out His Spirit on all humanity.

0:45 Welcome to global outpouring, where we contend for that promised outpouring, we equip for that outpouring, so that we may engage in that very outpouring. I'm Philip Buss. And I'm Sharon Buss. Welcome to the podcast today. We are so delighted that you're with us and we are delighted to have with us for a second part. Our dear friend, Keith Wheeler, a man who has been used by God in such a powerful way in the nations as he just obeys God, going from place to place, carrying a cross, a 12 -foot cross. And he crosses the oceans with it in an airplane and sets it up. It comes in pieces, actually. And he puts it together and he walks and he never knows where he's going to sleep. He often goes places where nobody even knows him. But God has led him there and he uses him to bring Jesus into people's lives. And in this episode, he's going to share with us some very amazing experiences that have given him a real perspective. Thanks so much for joining us today. We're so happy that you're with us.

1:57 And once again, you're going to enjoy this episode with Keith Wheeler. But before we get started, we want to encourage you, if you haven't already done so, that you go to our website, globaloutpouring .net, that you have made sure that you're on our email lists. There's a green subscribe button there that you can subscribe. And you can find out all the other wonderful things that we have on our website. future events that we have coming up and blogs that you can read. And hey, you can even go to wherever your smartphone store is that you can download apps and you can download the app, the Global Outpouring ETH app. It's out there for you and it helps you to stay connected and see what's going on and get notifications.

2:43 And you can even put prayer requests on our prayer wall and you can join groups. that we can interact together. There's lots of things that you can do there. And we want to encourage you to get that app. Well, Keith Wheeler, thank you so much for joining us again. We enjoyed that last episode so, so much that we just felt like, oh, Holy Spirit, you've got to give us more. We need more out of this man. So thank you for joining us again. Thanks. What a treasure. What a treat to be rejoined with you guys. I know. Getting ready for this episode, you told us about how you've actually listened to some of our podcasts because we have a mutual friend. Yes, Pastor Larry Mariello. I love that. Dear brother. Oh, yes, he is. I actually spoke with him yesterday.

3:33 Really? Oh, well, we'll both have to text him and say we just did two podcasts. Yes, we will. We will. Oh, that's great. That's great. So you've been telling us some things. Fairly recently, you had a heart attack. You had heart surgery. We heard about that. And so we were praying for you. I don't know if we reached out to you at the time. I don't remember that, but I probably did. I don't know. To be honest, there was a season that I don't remember much of. Yeah. So you have on airlines, you told us you've probably got more than five, six million miles going.

4:16 Total, going to the nations, easily that. Correct. And thousands of miles, surely, walking with the cross. Is it a million yet, do you think? No, not even. The distance at the equator is 24 ,901 and a half miles. And I jokingly say the only ones who will know that are those who are either going to win like Jeopardy or somebody who's a geography geek. Or somebody who's actually walked that distance. And in October of 2018, with God's help, I actually took the step that equaled that distance. As best as, you know, there's no exact science to that. But as best as we can do. That was the step. And I tried to take it the month leading down. It was a countdown.

5:05 And I got to where, okay, if I walk from here to here, I can actually finish where I began. Wow. And it couldn't have been more precious the way Jesus set it up. It was in October and the weather had been just spectacular. Beautiful fall weather in the high 60s, low 70s. Oh, that's perfect. And the day that I got to do it, cold front came in and it was. cold and hard rain. I was in the low 40s. I'm sure a whole lot of people would have come out. There were people that were still there. But I said, Jesus, this is so perfect because this has been my journey with the cross. It's never been for fans. friends it's it's just been all for your glory and you've given me all kinds of weather you said you'll cause the rain to rain on the just and the sun same way in fact years ago i i remember one of my walks i was walking through europe it was one of my early walks and it rained every day it was it was the coldest summer they'd ever had and the wettest And it rained every day and every night for eight days straight. And I didn't have a place to sleep. No. No, there was no hotels, no homes asking me to come in. The best I found was a barn and I slept in a pile of manure. Because

6:39 that was the driest part. And so I was just, I was cold. I was shaking. And I remember after eight days, I said, Jesus. James said this. He said that Elijah was a man with a nature like ours. And he prayed and it didn't rain for three and a half years. Could you just stop the rain? And the rain started letting up and then the rain stopped. Wow. Hallelujah. And about 15 minutes later, all of a sudden the rain came down harder. I said, Jesus, you said in your word. And I felt like he said, son, I did write that. But I also wrote that I send the rain. on the just and the unjust alike. Have fun. And I learned something.

7:24 So often we struggle against things we have no control over. And it creates stress. It creates anxiety. It creates fear. I don't have control over the weather. He does. It's his weather. And I've learned to walk whether it's hot or whether it's cold. I've walked in temperatures almost 130 degrees Fahrenheit. Roadside temperature, I don't know. I actually, behind me, I've got a basket of shoes, old shoes I've worn around the world. And one of those is the shoes. It was a Vibram sole. The sole burnt off. It melted the Vibram on it. And I've got that in that basket. I walked as cold as minus 57. So it extremes.

8:08 And I've walked in flood conditions and blizzard conditions. And Jesus has promised to be with me always. Even through the valley of the shadow of the dead, even to the end of the age or the ends of the earth, He has promised. And I love what Moses prayed. He said, Lord, if you don't go with me, don't send us. Because what else is going to separate us from all the other peoples on the planet? It's the nearness, the intimacy, the sweetness, the goodness of His presence. And that's been the greatest truth of this journey with the cross. Beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful. So you've walked through all extremes of weather.

8:50 You mentioned in our last episode about how you stood before a firing squad, and you mentioned in passing, like, oh, just another thing that happened. And you've been beaten. I've been beaten and left for dead twice. I was unconscious for about three weeks one time. I've been stoned with rocks. I've had knives pointed at me, swords at my neck, guns pointed in my eye, in my ear, up my nose, in my mouth, at my neck, firing squads. More than one firing squad? Well, even when you say firing squad, to be technical. I don't have a cigarette in my mouth and a blindfold over my eyes. So it's not the banditos kind, but it's, yeah. I mean, where you're standing before multiple guns and they're counting one, two. But I've been snake bit on my finger, on my fourth finger, on my right hand. I've got a scar on my forehead where a spider bit me in the Amazon. And it rotted and nearly killed me. The skin on the top part of my forehead is from my behind when I was beaten.

10:01 And they had to take that skin and do a skin graft. I've been bitten on the neck by a monkey, on the behind by a baboon. I've been chased by rhinos and elephants and hippos. Almost eaten by a lion. That's one of my funny... In fact, I'll tell that in just a moment. It just shows the grace of God. So the firing squad, they count one, two, put the clips in, and they all fall backwards, screaming like little girls. The light, it's too bright. It's too strong. I never saw them move. I mean, I never saw light. I never felt anything. Then they left their guns. They had two big King Cat trucks jumping in, spinning gravel, and they ran away. Wow. I thought it was a dream or maybe a vision that I'm still outside. I'm still missing teeth. Even to this day, they knocked out two in my lower jaw. So I was still bleeding from that. The guns were still there. And those guys came back a couple of times. People say, how come you didn't leave?

11:04 I say, where do we go? Yeah, right. I mean, these guys know the jungle like the back of their hand. Right. We're just passing through. And also, that place was pretty safe right there. But more important, when do you stop running? It's not wrong to be afraid. It's what you do with your fears that matter. So that was very supernatural. On the other hand, very natural. I was walking down the road one evening in western Uganda. And sometimes my road takes me through game parks. And I was going through this area where they had animals. And I saw on the hill far away there were three female lions. But I mean, they were far away. And so I wasn't really concerned. And I kept walking and sun is setting. I don't know where I'm going to sleep in a car. A truck slows down and the driver says, get in the car. And I said, no, no, I'm walking. I'm walking for Jesus. No, you must get in the car now. Almost angry. I said, no, no, it's okay. I'm walking for Jesus. He loves you. And this cross is a reminder how much he loves you. He died for you.

12:12 You can know him. He's alive. And he says, yes, I know that. But if you don't get in the car right now, you will die. And I said, peace, my friend, peace. He goes, me? Not me. The lion, he will eat you. And he looked and probably 15 yards in front of me, there was a, I've got a picture because I actually got in the car. There was a male lion right by the side of the road where the road had been. shoved off by a road grader. So you have the dirt right there and there was a big thorny bush and I couldn't see on the other side of the thorny bush, the lion. So that's why I got Indica. I guess. So there's, you know, how many times though daily do we, you know, I mean, we go down the highway going 65 miles an hour and someone's. Passing the other side, if they look at their cell phone or take their eye off the road. Yeah. Or, you know, where you guys live, you know, you go out for a walk and there's a copperhead and you don't see it.

13:18 Yeah. You reach underneath the sink for something and there's a brown recluse spider. I don't know. Or even in the night, you know, so. Life is a gift. Life is a gift. And we got bears, too. Yes. Yeah. And mountain lions. And mountain lions and wolves. Yeah, right. Wow, you're right. So, I mean, life is a gift, and we're not guaranteed the next moment. How are we going to choose to use our breaths and our heartbeats? And my goal has been I want my heart to beat in unison with the heartbeat of Jesus. Probably my favorite scripture in the Bible is John 13, verse 23.

14:00 And I would sign it to my name if people, if it was a little clearer. But it says there was leaning on Jesus' chest, the disciple that he loved. Yeah. When you lean your head on someone's chest, you hear something nobody else can hear. True. You hear their heartbeat. And the only way to do that, though, is by drawing near. And near enough that you press in. And I think I've heard his heartbeat. And I don't think his heartbeat goes bump, bump, bump, bump. His heartbeat goes people, people, people. I've never forgotten that. I remember hearing you say that years ago. And I've told my fairy tale princess, I had a, with my heart attack last year, I've been telling her I'm going to have a heart attack. It's, it's just inevitable. My heart is so tiny and my love for Jesus and my love for her. family and the peoples of this world, it doesn't fit in there.

14:57 My heart is just going to explode one day. So tell us about this experience that you had that caused you to have to have heart surgery. Well, you look at me and I'm pretty fit. And that's what we all thought. You know, I worked out on a regular basis, but apparently I'd been having heart attacks for four and a half years. I guess the doctors can look at your heart when they get in there and kind of like rings on a tree and tell whether you've been having drought season or whatever. They said those heart attacks had only been about a two and a half to three and a half on the Richter scale. But September of 23, I came home from a trip and I felt like Jesus said, I want you to stay home for the next four months. So in other words, I don't want you traveling until the new year. till January 24. And I want you to begin working on a book intentionally.

15:52 I've dabbled at the book for a while, but just be intentional about it. So January came and I spoke at my home church to the youth. The next week I traveled by car out to Western Oklahoma and I spoke at my first big service in over four months. The next week I flew to Upstate New York actually had to fly to get there, had to fly through New Hampshire and then drive. And on the way, I felt really weird. And I don't even know how to describe it, but I felt really weird. And I got up there and I was better. But Saturday night before I spoke on Sunday morning, once again, I felt really weird. And this time the feeling was like someone had put a blood pressure cuff on my arm too tight and they put their thumb up underneath me. And a friend had had a heart attack and my wife had just got me a brand new watch for my anniversary. And the readings were off the charts. And I was like, man, I must not know how to work my watch because it's telling me that I'm sick and I can't be that sick. But my friend had these symptoms. So I did all the things you're supposed to do. I ate a banana.

17:03 It was cold outside. I went for a walk in the snow and took a cold shower. I couldn't sleep. And after really wrestling. I checked into the ER and my wife made me do it. She was home and she told me I was trying to avoid her. And I was because I told her something was wrong. I'd actually even written a goodbye letter to her just in case. Because I knew something was off. But I didn't want to go on an ambulance. And finally, the pastors where I was going to speak, their phones were off. The guy at the hotel couldn't take me because he couldn't leave the desk. So I had to call 911. And I said, listen, there's a lot of clients here in the hotel and you're not going to know who called you. If you guys come with your bells ringing, if your buzzer is buzzing and your sirens flashing, I'm not coming out. But if you come stealth mode, I'll get in. And they did. I went to the hospital.

18:06 And after seven hours, I said, if I'm not dying and if I'm not needing surgery, I'm preaching in 15 minutes and I need to preach. So I did. Oh, my. I walked out and I preached and I flew home the next day. And two days later, flew to Phoenix, Arizona, preached for a week, carried the cross out there actually at altitude and no problems and came home. And two days later, I was getting ready to go to Africa. Now, here's the embarrassing thing and the humbling thing. And this is my confession of pride. I had never had a physical in my life. I didn't even have a primary care physician. I had had a lot of tune -up jobs on my journey. I'd broken over 50 bones. And so I've had to go in for patch -up jobs, repair jobs. But for a physical, because of fear and because of pride, I hadn't gone.

18:59 The pride part was, and I didn't say it this way. I promise I didn't say it. I think deep down in my heart, I felt this way. I'm Keith Wheeler. I'm tough. I can push through anything. The doctor said that last four months when God had me stay home, that if I would have traveled during that four months from September to January, that I would have died. Had I flown 100%. They were surprised that I was still alive. But I was just, you know, I've walked across deserts. I've walked through jungles. I've walked through wars. Sure. Whatever I was experiencing, I attributed those pains to broken bones, all the things.

19:40 So I had symptoms. I ignored them because I thought they were something else. Wow. I nearly died from COVID. I'd had broken ribs, a punctured lung, and COVID all at the same time. And so you can see, I just thought it was the residual of all of that. And then the fear part, it's not the fear that I'm going to die. No, that's a win -win situation. Yeah. Well, the fear for me was 65 years old, 63, I guess at the time. And if you look at any 60 plus year old guy at his body, especially somebody who's eaten and drank all the things and been exposed to as much, you're going to find something. And I've watched the TV commercials about meds. 75 % of the medicine commercial is about all the side effects. So then you're going to have to take more meds and then your insurance rates are going to go up.

20:31 No, thanks. I'm just going to opt out. If Jesus wants me to keep going, he'll keep me going was kind of my motto. But I came home and was getting ready to go to Africa. And I was going to be leaving on a Saturday. But on Thursday night, I had the same symptoms that I had that caused me to go to the hospital in New York. And so when I woke up, my wife said, if you weren't traveling with somebody to Africa, I was going to West Africa, Ivory Coast, Cote d 'Ivoire, which has no health system. But she says, if you weren't traveling with somebody, would you still go? I said, I don't think so. I think I would stay home and just figure out what's going on. She goes, could you please? So we had a friend.

21:17 He arranged a stress test. I showed up at the stress test. The lady looked at me and it's on Friday. At 11 a .m., doctors leave at noon. And she said, I can't give you this because the test that you're going to pass, you look in great shape. You're going to pass this test you need to take is the nuclear test. So they tried. And by now I'm having the symptoms again. So I go to the ER and I wait three and a half hours in the ER and they don't see me. And finally, my wife says, baby, let's go home. I'd rather you die at home than here in this place. Oh, my. And so we start home, but now I've got a primary care doctor who actually has become a dear, dear friend of mine. We want to say thank you to him and his nurses for trying to get me into the nuclear test. So we take him some gift cards from Chipotle. It was on the way home. And I walk into their office and they say, oh my gosh, turn around and go straight to the ER. And I said, well, that's where we've just come from.

22:16 And they said, you need to go to the other one. There's another hospital. Go to the other one. I go to the other one, and the receptionist looks at me, and she doesn't even take my information. She said, oh, my goodness, come right away. And she calls Code Blue, calls everybody to come get me, and they start working on me. My first nurse of all places, she was from Ivory Coast, West Africa. Oh, my goodness. But I looked at my princess, my wife, and I said, baby, I'm not going to Africa tomorrow. But we're getting ready to go on the best mission trip we've ever gone on. It's going to be the hardest one. It's going to be the most painful one. It's going to be the most expensive one for sure. It's going to be the best one. And I promise you, it was. It 100 % was the best mission trip we've ever been on. Wow. We had Chipotle parties for all the nurses. Chipotle bashes is what we call them.

23:13 Pizza parties for... We wanted to be the room that every doctor, every tech, every nurse wanted to come. We wanted to celebrate them. Before they ask me how I'm doing, I'm going to ask you, how are you doing? And there's not going to be anybody that's going to come in there that's not going to get a Jesus sticker. We had Jesus stickers, little stones with crosses carved in them, and those little wooden crosses from, olive wood crosses from Bethlehem. We give them to everybody. You're not going to get out of my room. You can't leave unless I pray. I totally manipulated the situation. I said, listen, you can't deny a dying man his last request. Oh, my. And so many other things. The night before I had to have my surgery, they realized, you know, your widow maker is 100 % blocked. You've got major blockages, other arteries. So I said, well, this may be the last time I'm on this planet.

24:08 I need to go outside. And the night before my surgery, they got clearance. I went outside. One of my best friends, my wife, my princess, and a nurse. But before I went out there, it's a Catholic hospital here in town. And the little receptionist outside, her name was Summer. She said, Mr. Wheeler, you can't leave without this. In every room, they have a crucifix. And she jumped up on the wall, pulled the crucifix off and said, now you can go outside. You can carry the cross. And so that became my journey. Somebody else gave me a cross where we weren't stealing it from the hospital. But I had a little wooden cross in every walk around the hall, every exercise that I did all along the way. I did with that on my shoulder, reminding me that there's a purpose in this. So as they wheel me downstairs, I said, I need you guys to know a couple things. Number one. You're about to saw me open, crack me open and pull my heart out. And a lot of people are praying for me. So you may get in there and you may say, oh, crud, because you're going to see a miracle. You're going to say, what are we going to tell his wife? We didn't need to do this to him. I said, or you're going to do that when you hold my heart in your hand. You're going to say, oh, that's what Jesus looks like because he lives right in the middle of my heart. And I know that you guys are some of the. best physicians around, but I'd like to introduce you before I go under to the greatest physician. And I have them there. A couple of guys, doctors give their

25:40 lives to Jesus. I said, I'm sure that you, you know, once I get in there, you put me to sleep, take off my robe. You guys dance around, play loud music and do what you're supposed to do. Can I give you this playlist? And I had on my phone instrumental worship. I said, can you just play this while I'm under? And they did, and they loved it. I said, and the last thing, I'm sure you guys are amazing, but in baseball, if you hit it four times out of 10, every time you come up to the plate, and that doesn't even count swings, four out of 10, you'll end up, make a career of that, you'll be in the Hall of Fame. My wife is a freshman counselor. Six out of 10 will get you to the next year. I hope you're better than Hall of Fame baseball players and freshmen trying to go to sophomore year. But if you have an off day today and I close my eyes and open them and see Jesus, it's a win. But if I close my eyes today and I open them and I see my fairy tale princess, it's a win. Either way, it's a win -win. Have fun today. Wow. And the rest of the story is the surgery was a success.

26:48 I made it to the room. Obviously, it's still cardiac critical care unit. But I'm recovered. three hours out of surgery. And the nurse just came by to get some vitals and my heart stopped. And my fairy tale princess was right there. Next to her, my best friend since 1978 was there. And I loved that she didn't run away. She moved toward. And I'm convinced that in hospitals and these units, they have ninja nurses. because in no time there were 13 nurses all around me trying to resuscitate me and bring me back. I think they hide under your bed or behind the plants in the corner, come out of the ceiling tiles, but they were there. And they were great.

27:34 But people ask me, and you did before, and you said, we'll wait until. Yeah. Did you see Jesus? I'm convinced Jesus wants me here. Because that four months leading up to it, and I won't talk about this, but. Right before in September, I was in Florida. I've never had this experience, but Jesus came to me. And I won't describe it, but I mean, physically, I saw him walk on the water, take five steps on the water. He didn't say anything, but it was amazing. And I think he was preparing me for this. But that four months, had I traveled, I would have been dead. So he wants me here. And people say, did you see him?

28:24 I said, well, if I would have seen him, I'd still be with him. He's too beautiful to step back from. He knows me, but he came to me and he spoke with me. He stood behind me and he put his right hand on my right shoulder. And when your kids are little and they're afraid to do something, you squeeze their shoulder like you've got this. He squeezed me three times. I can tell you exactly where his four fingers were and where his thumb was. And he didn't whisper, but there was definitely no thunder. And his face was right here, four inches, three inches from mine. And he just gently, but so strongly said, my son, you don't have to be afraid. I'm here and I'm with you. Beautiful.

29:15 And then he let me know that I had died. Told me technically what had happened to me. And I think that was for the purpose of the doctors so I could tell them. And then he said, but don't be afraid. I was dead. And I'm alive now. And I'm the one who holds the keys to death and the grave. So don't be afraid. I'm here. And I'm with you. Wow. And once again, the greatest truth of my life has been his presence. Yes. I mean, that says. As I have walked down the road, people say, first of all, do you have a plan when you go to these countries? I say, Jesus has a plan. This is my plan. Jesus has a plan. I don't want there to be any explanation for Keith Wheeler's life when they put him in the ground the last time besides Jesus. And when I go someplace, many times I don't know anybody over there. Most of the time, I don't know anybody over there except Jesus. And the only one I know who's going to speak English for sure is Jesus. And the only one I know for sure who knows where I'm going to sleep is Jesus. Wow. And some nights he's had me sleep on park benches or bus stops. I can promise you that he slept there with me.

30:35 He's been with me. And some nights I've slept, it's been raining and he's helped me find either a bridge that I could sleep under. Or he's helped me find a playground. I sleep under a slide to get out of a little bit of rain. But he was with me. Some nights I've been in prison, surrounded by other people. But Jesus was right there with me. Some nights I get to stay in somebody's home. They invite me, and that's just the best. Sometimes that's the king or the prime minister or the president. But some nights, I don't have a place. And I walk all night long because Jesus just wants to visit with me. And I just say, how can you describe that? How do you describe that feeling of getting on a plane and going where I've never been? And I don't know a soul and nothing is arranged. How do you describe that? And going to sleep and you don't know where you're going to sleep. How do you describe how your body feels at the end of the day when you walked in the hot heat? All day long, the cross is bearing down on you. Your sun burned or you're wet. Your eyes are stinging from sweat dripping in your eyes. You're so thirsty and dehydrated you can't even spit. How do you describe that? Your feet are blistered. And it's all you can do to take another step. And everything in me is crying out to stop. I think there's only one word. That's glory. It's the beauty and the glory of God.

32:08 Because He's there. Wow. Glory to God. You know, there's physical abuse and physical trauma, really, that you've been through and, you know, weather and all this sort of thing. But there have also been heartaches. And I think you've been through times where, thinking of the book of Job. you know, first his kids are wiped out and then his, I don't remember the order of them, but you know, the flocks are gone, the herds are gone, the kids are gone, everything, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. And now he's covered with boils.

32:49 Sometimes life brings us those series of things. And I can tell from your description of your walk with Jesus that He has been, I'll just say it this way, in one of my hardest times in life, tremendous pain I was in. I had a herniated disc and we were traveling and I could feel every seam in the road. Every seam. I mean, you know, there's seams every so many feet. Yeah. I could feel every seam in the road. But the sweetness of his presence. Yeah. To me. It was like I would go through anything to have this sweetness. So you went through a season where you had bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam against you. And you talked to us before this session about the choices that you were presented with. Can you just outline that for us to give our listeners hope if they're going through one of those bam, bam, bam situations? Yeah, the first thing I would say to frame it, probably one of the greatest gifts that God has ever given me, apart from his presence, apart from my family, has been the gift of perspective. And I'll never forget when God gave me this gift. A moment, I can tell you the moment. I was in, of all places, Fiji.

34:17 Now, when most people think Fiji, you think beautiful beaches. I've seen beaches in Fiji, and I've never seen what I would call a beautiful beach. I'm sure they have them at the resorts. But Fiji is so mountainous, and the interior is so treacherous. It's called the world's greatest endurance race, and the last one that they had was there. The last third of a walk, I had walked from a place called Nandi, which is where you fly in, down to Suva, which is, and that's a long walk, which is the capital. And then I was going up north through the interior. And it was before they had, I've been there since, and now the road is paved. But in those days, it was old dirt road. You guys know about dirt roads? Oh, yeah.

35:05 We live on one. This was more like a logging trail. Wow. Dirt road. Ruts. Yes, and through the jungle. And so at night, it would rain every night. It was as regular as a clock goes around. The rain was a relief because up until then, mosquitoes were just draining the blood out of you. It's warm, warm, warm, warm, and you can barely sleep. So much so that in the daytime, my eyes would be so puffy. My eyelids, I couldn't open my eyes. They were just swollen and full of fluid. I had a safety pin. I would have to lance the edges of it and drain my eyelids. Oh, wow. Just so I could open my eyes. Oh, my. And itching. But the rain, you get wet, you get jungle rot, and I'm sleeping on the jungle floor. There are leeches, and leeches don't just get on your...

36:03 The parts that are, you can see, they crawl inside your clothes. So you're having to pull off leeches every morning. And then because I'm soaking and soggy and the temperature is hot and it's uneven, I started getting blisters. And I didn't just get one or two blisters. I went through, when you get a blister, it breaks and the skin is new skin, red underneath, painful. I went through four layers of skin. Oh, my. And the only way to keep your feet from hurting is to keep moving, then your feet go numb. But I wasn't eating or drinking properly, so I was cramping. So my calves would cramp, my toes would cramp, my hamstrings, my rear end, the muscles in my low back to support the cross. Everything was cramping, so I couldn't keep moving. Just to be honest, I was whining.

36:57 Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Wish I was home, sitting in the air -conditioned room, watching a football game. Wish I was eating some good food. And my feet. Oh, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, my feet. And I got to the next little town, village, and there was a fellow there. And I guess he'd been waiting for days. He had an ear -to -ear grin. He was happier than I've ever been. And he said, I heard you were coming. I haven't left this place for days because I didn't want to miss you. And the moment that I saw him, I got that gift of perspective. Here I am complaining about my feet, my legs, and the sunburn, and the mosquitoes, and the leeches. This fellow lives in it. This fellow doesn't have any legs.

37:45 And he doesn't even have a wheelchair. He's got this little square piece of plywood. And it's not even plywood. It's skinny plywood. And he's got four coaster wheels on the bottom of it. And he pushes himself around with two wooden blocks. It's logging trails that he's pushing himself. Muddy, rainy season logging trails. And he's happier than I've ever been. Here I am complaining about my feet and he doesn't have legs. And what I saw in that moment is, first of all, pain is a gift. Because pain lets you know something is wrong. That's why leprosy is so important. Evil. Because leprosy doesn't kill you. Leprosy numbs the nerves. And then you get hurt and you don't know it and you get an infection and you die. So pain is a gift. And that's what our world's culture has done. It's numbness.

38:38 Take a pill for this. Here's seven steps to peace and happiness. And so we've numbed down our soul's ability even to feel. And so he took me to his house. He lived under a bridge. That's where all the mosquitoes came from. And he fed me. The only bread that he had, you could have thrown it through the drywall in the wall of your home. But he gave what he had. So I saw in that moment, yes, things can get better. I can be closer to God. I can be closer to my fairytale princess, my kiddos, my friends. I can be in better health. I can have more stuff. But things can always get worse. And if I remember that, then I have a heart of gratitude. And a heart of gratitude is a heart of joy. Very true. So I took that.

39:23 That was part of the lesson. And I went through this horrible season. And this horrible season, I kept remembering things can always get worse. In fact, in the hospital last year, people would often say, how are you doing? I said, I'm better than 99 .99 % of the people on the planet. I've got a hole in my chest, but you know what? I'm better because my heart is doing so well. My soul is doing so well. And even when I was going through this painful season, I mean, literally, there was one short part of it. I literally lost 10 and a half pounds in two days just from crying and weeping so hard. There was so much loss. There was so much brokenness, so many things taken away from me. Honestly, up until that time, everything I touched was golden. So it was just such a juxtaposition of two different ways of living. Everything that I knew. Everything that I held dear, I literally, it was Job -esque.

40:19 And it was a season that lasted, one day was too long, but it lasted nearly seven years. Wow. And I remember in my apartment, I looked out and it's looking out over the Arkansas River here and nothing like the Buffalo River, but it's a sunset. You know, we've got sandy, muddy water. You guys got clear water, beautiful bluffs. But you can see deer, you can see bald eagles and the sunset every night. And I had a choice. Do I want to look at that? Or if I look down, that's where the dumpster for the whole apartment community was. I got a choice. Am I going to look at the beauty or am I going to look at the dump? Yeah. And during that season, God gave me this incredible scripture. It's in Isaiah chapter six. It starts out, verse one says, in the year that King Uzziah died. If you notice, it didn't say in the day or the month or the week or the moment. It said in the year because it seems like sometimes when something bad happens, something else bad happens. It seems like sometimes it's an avalanche and it feels like your soul can't take it. But the next part of that sentence says, I saw the Lord. High and lifted up. And the train of his robe filled the temple. And then it talks about in verse two, these glorious creatures, the seraphim and how they look. And it's just amazing. And verse three, it says, and they said one to another, holy, holy, holy

41:53 is the Lord God Almighty or the Lord of hosts or the Lord of armies. The whole earth is full of his glory. The thing that's important is it doesn't matter whose political party you're on, even if you didn't like the king, that's still a tragedy for the nation. The king is dead. But he, in that year, wasn't the only one who died. Somebody lost their spouse. Somebody lost their child. Somebody went to jail. There were wars that were fought. Tragedy happened. Babies went to bed. Children were molested. That wasn't the only bad thing that happened. Right. So these creatures say the whole. And when I grew up, if you wanted to emphasize something, you drug the word out. So it wasn't just the whole earth.

42:44 It's the whole earth. What does whole mean? It's every part of the earth. Every single part of the earth is, not will be, not was, right now is full. I mean. Full is overflowing. Yeah. Every square millimeter of the earth right now is overflowing with the glory of God. Wow. Yes. Hallelujah. And how could they say that? Somebody's baby died. Somebody, the king died. You know, we lost this war and this child was molested and hurt.

43:27 And how could you say that? And I realized the secret was. Their eyes were on a king, but not the dead king. Their eyes were on the king of all kings. And then I started looking through scripture and you could go and start out in numbers and the spies go into the land, but everybody comes back and says, oh, it's scary. It's dangerous. There's giants. Yeah, there's good stuff. But we're like grasshoppers in our own eyes. And otherwise they were looking at themselves and they were looking at the giants. They weren't looking at our God. Right. Josh and Caleb had a little bit different story. And then you look at David, you know, his parents say, hey, take up some peanut butter sandwich, take up some shawarmas and falafels to your buddies, to your brothers. And he can't find them because they're hiding. And he says, where are you hiding from?

44:16 And they said, it's a giant. And he peeks and he says, no, that's a target I can't miss. Valley of dry bones. What do you see? Oh, I see an exceeding great army. What am I choosing to look at? Giants, dead bones. And in the New Testament, Jesus sends the disciples across the Sea of Galilee. And the waves come up. It's the darkest part of the night. And they say, we're going to die. And they look up and they see Jesus walking to them on the water. And because of the darkness of the night, but because of the darkness that fear brings, they look at Jesus and they say, they never had seen a ghost. But they chose to see a ghost instead of the God of glory walking to them on water. Fast forward, Jesus is crucified.

45:06 He's buried. He comes out of the grave. And John chapter 20 starts out by saying, while it was still dark. And yeah, the sun hadn't come up, but it meant the darkness in their heart because the loss that they'd suffered, the pain, the sorrow. And Mary goes to the tomb. She doesn't see one. I know some of your listeners have seen angels. I've never seen a real angel with wings and muscles and swords drawn. I've never seen the glory like that. But she sees two big angels rolled away the stone. Stone rolled away. Jesus' clothes folded. The tomb is empty. And she turns around and she's face to face with Jesus. And she sees a gardener. Because it was still dark.

45:54 Because of the darkness of her sorrow, because of the darkness of their fear, they saw gardeners and ghosts and giants. And it's really what am I choosing to look at? The gift of perspective puts everything in perspective. Yes. And that perspective is Jesus is here right now. I can't see him, but I can't see air. Without air, I'm a goner. I'm a goner. I need air desperately. And I need him desperately. More than I need my next breath. More than I need my next heartbeat. Because when I do close my eyes and he doesn't just put his hand on my shoulder, one day I'm going to see him face to face. Yes. But in between time, he's promised to take me by the hand. And through the darkest valleys, I've walked into drug dens, more than 40 nations at war. I've walked through. I've walked through difficulties and challenges, both personal and ministry wise.

46:55 And Jesus has never, ever, ever left me. He promises, I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. And in the original language, we can't say it this way because it loses, but it's, I will never, never, ever leave you. And I will never, ever, never, ever, never forsake you. Wow. That's a great promise. Yes. He'll be with us to the end of the age. Amen. And nothing, nothing, nothing. I remember during the season, I went outside and said, Jesus, I don't understand everything. And I felt like he whispered in my soul, son, if you understood everything, you'd be me. I felt like he said, when your theology fails, when your understanding of who I am and of my ways fails, I want you to know this. I'll never fail you. And I'll never forsake you. I'll be with you always, even through the valley of the shadow of death, even to the ends of the earth.

47:50 And that will be enough. Hallelujah. He didn't give me any answers for what I was going through, except my presence will go with you. Yeah. I'd much rather go through difficult times with him than great times without him. I remember a card we got from our Orthodox travel agent. Yeah. Sent us a card. And she said, sometimes we go through things that only God understands. I thought that is so well said. Yeah. And Jesus said, in this world, you will, he promised us, we will have struggles, have tribulation. There will be problems and confusion. But he said, take courage. I have overcome the world. Right. And he is our peace. He is the one who guards our hearts and mind with his perfect peace. Times of refreshing come from his presence. He's near those who are brokenhearted. The sacrifices of God are a broken and contrite heart. He promises that even if weeping endures for a night, a shout of joy is going to come in the morning. And that we get to exchange ashes and we get to receive beauty. What a deal. I'll say this last one and this kind of relates. It does relate. I was carrying the cross in Africa one time and I was hot and I was tired. I came over this hill and I was just wonderstruck. There was the most beautiful, magnificent, spectacular tree I've ever seen in my life. The flowers, the color, the size.

49:24 I don't know if it was the flowers I was smelling. It had fruit in it. It makes my mouth water to this day to think about. And they had these little weaver birds that make upside down nests. It was full of life. They had little monkeys. I was awestruck. I mean, it was just, it was awesome. And I just kept, I sat there and looking and looking. And okay, I've got to get on down the road. And I leaned down to pick up the cross to put it back on my shoulder. And when I looked down, I saw the shadow of that tree. And I felt like Jesus said, look at that shadow and look at that tree. And look at that shadow again and look at the tree again. What can you tell me about that tree from that shadow? Well, I couldn't tell texture. I couldn't tell flavor. I couldn't tell scent. I couldn't tell anything except the general outline. I felt like he said, my son, I've given you a privilege that very few have ever had. I've allowed you to see the icebergs of Antarctica. I've allowed you to see the great migrations of the Serengeti and the Masa Mara.

50:27 I've allowed you to see the sunsets. In the South Pacific. But as beautiful as what you've seen is, it is as that shadow is to that tree of what I'm preparing for you. Yes. Wonderful. And the awesome thing is, yeah, heaven's pretty cool, but he fills heaven. Yes. Jesus fills heaven. Yes. How can anyone describe that? That comes back to what I said. How do you describe all this? There's only one word. That's glory. Amen. That's the glory and the beauty, the majesty of the presence of God. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Thank you, Jesus. Wow. What would you pray for our listeners? King Jesus, we bow together with angels and archangels and elders and saints and living creatures. And we say worthy is the lamb who is slain. Yes. To receive honor and glory and blessing and power. You're worthy.

51:35 You're so beautiful. And I thank you for every listener right now. That's taking the time with us. That's given us the gift of their time. And I ask that you would meet with them where they are. For those who are confused. For those who are lonely. For those who are broken. For those who, as I said, just couldn't stop weeping. They have the dry heaves of the soul. Their breath seems to be taken away from them. For those that are facing sickness and illness. For those who are taking care of someone who's sick. For those who lost loved ones. Thank you that you're near the brokenhearted. Yes. And your promise is that you're faithful. Yes. And I pray that those big arms you stretched out on the cross, you would hold them close and you would give them the grace to trace their name that you carved in the palm of your hands, that they would know that you have kept every tear that they've ever cried in your bottom. I pray that they would hear you singing and dancing over them. I pray that you would encourage them to keep moving forward, to keep leaning into you. Leaning their head on your chest and allowing you to hold them.

52:56 Would you bless them? Would you strengthen them? May they hear your voice. Yes. Beautiful Jesus. Beautiful, beautiful Jesus. We adore you. Yes, Lord. Yes, Father. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your compassion. Thank you that you weep together with them. But Lord, I also know that you are mighty. You are strong. And that there's nothing in nature. There's nothing created by man. There's no name that's greater than your name. No power that's greater than your power. And I know that you're the same yesterday, today, and forever. And I pray for every one of our listeners that you would touch them. I thank you that you're the restorer. That you would restore them. That you would redeem them.

53:45 I pray that you'd be mighty in the midst of their pain. Yes. I pray for great miracles. Reach out your nail scarred hand and touch them and make them whole. Yes, Lord. May each of our listeners fulfill every dream, every plan, every purpose that you dreamed for them even before they were formed in their mother's womb. Amen. May they fulfill all the days that you've appointed for them. Yes. And every purpose. We adore you. Yes, Jesus. And we pray it in that name that is so high, so beautiful, so precious. And we're honored to say your name, Jesus. Amen. Amen. And while we were doing that, do you know what this is?

54:26 I'll describe it to the listeners. It's a blue bottle. It's hand -blown glass. It was given to me in Iran. And it's a funny -looking bottle. And I asked them, what is this bottle? They said, it's a tear -catcher. And I said, I don't understand. What do you mean? And they said, in the old days of battle, When the soldiers would go off to fight, the wives would miss their husbands so much. They wanted to show, to demonstrate how much they loved their husbands. Oh, wow. And so whenever they started crying, missing their husbands, they would cry their tears into the bottle. And when their husbands would come home, they would hold up the bottle and they would say, this is how much I love you. This is how much I miss you. Wow. And the Bible tells us that every tear that we've ever cried. Jesus has kept in his bottle. It's true. Yeah. And when we get home, he's going to hold up that bottle or for some of us buckets. And he will say, this is how precious you were. Every tear you've ever cried, I've kept in my bottle. Every prayer that we've ever prayed, he's kept in a golden bowl. During COVID, we found my baby book and my mama wrote down all these things. First hair, first tooth loss, first steps. He didn't write just down the first steps. He's written down every step. He's carved her name in the palm of his hand. He loves us. And He didn't just carve our name. He was crucified on a cross and rose again. He loves us, and every detail matters to Him. Amen. Your review helps the podcasting

56:12 platform suggest this podcast to other listeners who are also looking for a great move of the Holy Spirit. Check out our website at globaloutpouring .org to find out more information, read our blogs, connect with us, and donate. You can also browse our web store for life -changing anointed books. Until next time, this is Sharon Buss. And I'm Philip Buss. God bless you with His overwhelming, loving presence.