Recognizing Grief, episode 141

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If you love a prodigal, you can discover help and hope for your wilderness journey right

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here at When You Love a Prodigal podcast and also help and hope for your own life journey.

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And that's what we're going to be talking about today.

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If you've been journeying in a prodigal wilderness for a long time or if your journey is just

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beginning, you will experience many emotions, fear, anger, frustration, resentment, guilt,

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and more.

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And at some time you will recognize an overriding emotion of grief.

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It's just, you're just sad at what's happening.

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I know grief became very real in my journey.

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I was recently asked to speak about the grief journey, though I am not a professional grief

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counselor, but I am a fellow traveler on the grief journey.

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And this week to help us recognize the reality of some of our emotions to see that we're

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dealing with grief and there are things to do with grief.

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I'm going to share with you some of my personal grief experiences.

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The next week I will share the unfolding grief of wilderness journey and some help that I

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founded living through it.

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But first a little background from my life.

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I always wanted my own way.

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My parents told me that, my sisters told me that, and my friends even told me that.

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And I usually got my own way.

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When I didn't, I was not happy.

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And I could tell you a lot of stories, but that's not what we're here for.

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Fast forward to when I was 15.

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I lived in Texas and one of my best friends invited me to go to a ski camp in Colorado

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with her.

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She said I would learn to ski and there would be cute boys.

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So sure, I'd love to.

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She didn't tell me that there was also a spiritual emphasis, but I didn't mind that.

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I learned to ski sort of except for stopping, which I usually did by sitting down when I

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got to the bottom.

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And there were cute boys there.

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And every evening a message from Jesus or about Jesus.

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I learned that Jesus loved me so much that he'd come to earth to die and pay the penalty

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for my sins.

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I liked that.

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The last night the speaker said that Jesus not only wanted to come into my life and forgive

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my sins, but he wanted to show me his better way for my life.

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What?

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God has a better plan for my life than I do?

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So I said to God, I choose your way.

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I thought it was settled until the next morning when something didn't go my way.

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Oh, I recognized I was going to need to be making these choices my way or God's way

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day by day.

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That was true.

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Many times those choices were small, but sometimes they were very big, but my commitment was

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real.

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And truthfully, occasionally, I did not choose God's way, or if I did, it was with a fair

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amount of resistance.

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But in major decisions I have consistently said, Lord, I choose your way.

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And sometimes that brought real grief to me.

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As I was getting ready to graduate from the University of Texas, I was also preparing

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to marry the man I'd been going with for four years.

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I was talking to the Lord, and he said, I want you to come on staff with Campus Crusade

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for Christ now, crew.

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And I said, yes, sure, I'd love to.

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But when I said to Bob, my fiance, isn't it wonderful that we're joining Campus Crusade?

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He said, I'm not.

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I said, yes, yes, God is calling us.

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He said, not me.

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I went, oh, so that evening I talked to God.

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I mean, I argued with God.

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I said, when are you going to tell him?

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And God said, if you marry him, you won't be able to do what I have for you to do.

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So finally I said, I choose your way.

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I broke my engagement with a lot of tears.

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There was real grief.

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But that's not all God asked me to give up in joining the ministry.

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Since I was eight years old, I'd wanted to be a writer.

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As I studied journalism, I knew I wanted to write for a magazine and eventually become

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a magazine editor.

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But to join staff meant I would work at a campus and tell people about Jesus, which

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I was willing to do.

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But I felt God drove a really hard bargain to say, I choose your way, Lord.

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Meant I would give up the man I loved and my dream to be a magazine editor.

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These were great losses and thus great grief for me.

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To say, all right, my hands are open, I give it up for you, Lord.

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However, God had a sweet surprise for me.

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When I was at new staff training, I was called in to see Bill Bright, the founder and president

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of the ministry.

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He said, Judy, you have a journalism degree.

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I do.

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He said, we have a magazine we have started for staff to use when they talk to students

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about Jesus.

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Would you be willing, instead of going to one campus, to come to our headquarters and

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work in this magazine for all the campuses?

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Would I?

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Of course.

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My grief turned to joy.

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And for the next 14 years, I worked on that magazine and started another one and helped

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Bill Bright write books.

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But that other loss, the man I loved, we're still friends.

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He's married.

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I'm married.

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Oh, yeah, that.

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I met a man named Steve Douglas about four years after joining staff.

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We became friends.

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Well, actually, I liked his roommate.

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But that didn't work out.

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And we began to do a lot of things together.

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And then we sort of started dating kind of secretly at first because he wasn't real sure

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he wanted people to know.

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But eventually we were out in the open.

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But he wasn't at all interested in getting married.

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And I'm getting into my late 20s by this time and thinking, hmm, what's going to happen?

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And all my good friends were saying, you better give up on him.

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He's not going to get married.

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His reasons were legit.

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His parents had had a rough marriage and he had seen a lot of pain there.

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So he was reluctant to make a commitment.

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And I was thinking of doing what my friend said, of giving up.

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So I told the Lord, I think we're done.

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And the Lord said, don't leave him, Judy.

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Wait.

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Don't quit.

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He says, I have things I want you to do with Steve.

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So I said, I choose your way.

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And I'm so glad I did.

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Two years later, we were married and he was so worth waiting for.

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He was capable, smart, a great leader, but also kind, loving, encouraging, believing

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the best of me and everyone else.

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37 wonderful years.

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We were married.

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And as many of you know, God called Steve home to heaven about 18 months ago.

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Talk about loss and grief.

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I miss him really terribly.

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Tears still come.

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I write about him and talk about him.

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I've gone through two tech seasons now without him.

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That was his job as well as getting a new roof on our house, which was also his job.

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But I was overcome a lot with just deep sadness, grief.

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The night he left, I cried out to God, how am I supposed to live now?

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And he gently reminded me, I will be with you.

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And I basically said, well, I know that, but how am I supposed to live?

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He says, no, every step, Judy, I will be with you.

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And he has been.

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And he offers that to us in this hard journey with a protocol.

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A few days after that conversation, I said, well, Lord, why did he have to leave now?

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And God said as clearly as any word I've received from him, I wanted to be kind to him.

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His body was beginning to fail in several ways and God kindly took him home.

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And I can't argue with that.

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But the grief is real.

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The missing him is not easy.

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But God is also real.

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And his love and presence have been there with me every step of early times of grief throughout

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my life and in this hardest grief of all.

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So I just wanted to give you with this a little picture of grief so that you can understand

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that a lot of what you're feeling is really grief.

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And there are things that can help you with that.

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Next week, I will share with you some of the struggles and pain and grief of our 15 year

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wilderness journey and tell you how that prepared me for the loss of my husband.

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So take a minute, please now to think about the various times of loss and grief in your

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life throughout your life.

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There certainly been times that were hard times you felt you lost something that mattered.

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Grief was real to you and in this journey you're in now probably your experience in

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some of the worst grief you have ever known.

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And God is there for you in that.

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He knows what you're feeling and he is not going to abandon you.

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And so we'll talk more about ways to walk through this, recognizing grief, acknowledging

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it and yet also sensing and experiencing God's presence with you and his ability to comfort

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and meet your needs.

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So don't miss next week's episode.

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I think you'll find great hope.

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God bless you.