Help for Hurting Parents—Convo w Tom & Dena Yohe, episode 92

0:00 If you love a prodigal, you can discover help and hope for your wilderness journey right here at the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. And also help and hope for your own life journey. And today you are really going to get help and hope because I have here in the studio with me two wonderful people. And if you've listened to the podcast before very much, you may have been listening to them separately. Dena Yohe has been with me once where we talked about how you survived the holidays with a prodigal. And we played it again this Christmas. And then Tom Yohe, her husband, had a book come out this past year. And so he came and talked about that book. It's called Moments of Clarity. And so you might hear some about that while we're talking. But what we're really going to do is find out about the ministry that God has given them called Hope for Hurting Parents. And so Tom and Dena, welcome again to our podcast. Thank you, Judy. Thank you for having us.

1:18 And I'm excited. We've been studying sort of in our podcast the last few weeks about treasures to be found on the prodigal journey in the wilderness. And so you will give them some new treasures, I'm sure. So let me tell you a little bit about them. They've had a long hard journey. And they've had a daughter who had some struggles. And God has redeemed it in very special ways. They might also say the journey isn't over till maybe you get to heaven because things keep happening and stuff. But they have done a beautiful job of letting God take the hard things in their journey and turn it into blessing for a lot of other people. So I would love to have you all just first of all give us an overview of the journey and what led you to where you are now.

2:30 Well, when we began a journey with our daughter, she was young and as she got older, it progressed. And I remember just being so ignorant regarding a lot of the things that she was struggling with. I had never heard of some of the things. She was a self-injurer and that was so foreign to me. And then as she moved into other things, I just felt lost and confused. And I didn't know which way to turn. We didn't know other families that were experiencing this when we were experiencing it with our daughter. So it was very isolating. And I want to try to fix things. And that was not helpful.

3:12 Don't we all want to fix things? As fast as possible. I couldn't find the fix at all. I had no idea how to go, where to go, and how to start. And so it was very, very tough part for me. We went through years of her being in and out of rehabs and hospitals in the psychiatric ward. A very, very painful and frightening journey. In fact, you didn't even know where she was sometimes. Correct. That's so frightening. Terrible. Yeah, really scary. So how did you get to where you are from that?

3:54 Well, it actually started when I discovered something called Prayer for Prodigals because we were on staff with CRU and we were desperate for resources. And I didn't know where to turn. I didn't know who I could talk to, who could understand. And I discovered this wonderful website where I could post my prayer requests. People would send messages back to me. And I didn't know how to pray anymore other than, God help, save my daughter. And there were prayers I could use for my own and devote. It was just a treasure. It was a great resource. And through that, I got to know you a little bit. And just kind of one thing led to another where my heart began to grow for other parents that were suffering like we were.

4:41 That's kind of where the seeds started. And then we went to a conference for other hurting parents. And I discovered we weren't the only ones. And up until then, we didn't know anybody else being in full-time ministry who were going through anything like we were. That might be because they didn't let anyone know. Exactly. They were hiding just like we were, ashamed and embarrassed. And we didn't want anybody to know. Unique to us, our story went public rather early on after our daughter was in her first rehab. She was even interviewed on NBC Nightly News. So we didn't have to hide anymore.

5:21 Couldn't. And as people would hear about what we were going through, because it was out in the open, they began to come to us for someone to talk to. Someone, oh, at least we had a little bit of a conversation. Someone, oh, at least you're going through what I am. And it just kind of mushroomed from there to seeing how God could use me even in my pain and suffering in the middle of it to encourage somebody else. So it was just over time that as we met more and more people, we developed more and more of a burden to do something about that. And so we attended some well-known 12-step programs, anything that we could find in the community that would give us some support. And we found a wonderful program that was community sponsored.

6:14 We attended that for a year. And after that time, we just felt like these groups are good and we gained a lot from them. But we wanted to bring in scripture. We wanted to bring in prayer. We wanted God to be more than just a God of our understanding. And so we thought, why don't we start a support group in our home? And so that's what we started to do. And we incorporated the best of the other groups and added in what we felt was missing. As Dena was blogging and sharing some of the things that were going on in our group, other parents began to say, we don't have anything like this. Gosh, I wish we did. And so we began praying, how can we help? What can we do to help these parents? So we came up with the idea of writing a facilitator guide and a parent notebook that at least if somebody felt led to step up, they would have some tools to do that with.

7:15 That sounds like a great idea. That took us a long time to get to that point. I think it was a couple years of working on ourselves before we felt like we had enough emotional health and sanity to start that first support group in our living room. And then it was six or seven years of doing that before we ever put this material together to give to others. A long process. So what helped you the most in growing and getting to the point where you could do that? How did you began to feel you had something to offer? Well, as time went by, and of course, some of the things that we gained from these other groups, the vulnerability, not isolating, finding other people that they couldn't carry or support you in that journey because they're going through similar things themselves.

8:15 So finding other people who was with same struggles, those were all very, very helpful and supportive. And I think as we constantly praying, as we went through everything with her, God began to do things in our lives. I realized how proud I had become. And so God was working on humility in me. He was working on all of us. Yes, yes. Different ways. Yes. More compassion for people who are hurting. And I think, again, trying to grow in just becoming honest. Honest with God, who already knows everything anyway, but honest with myself and other people. You've just hit on what we all need, that we need the humility, we need the honesty with God, and we need compassion for people because everyone's on a journey. And it may not be the same journey that you're on, but it's to recognize those things and let God do that work in you so that you then can be of help to other people.

9:36 One of the other things is it was something totally unexpected. As we did our group and as we experienced things in the other groups, we saw people's lives change. They had a hard time maybe seeing it, but we could observe it in them and we can see them become different people than when they first walked in the room. And so it began to stir, I think, the privilege of being involved in people and their pain in their journey, but also being able to observe God working in their lives and bringing about the change, the transformations that are just marvelous. I like that. So I have a question that's kind of an insert here.

10:19 Were you all together on this all the time? Because this is the kind of thing that causes divorce. We've seen a lot of that too. Yes, it can either destroy your marriage or it can make it stronger. Fortunately for us, it made it stronger. We knew, well, Tom had learned years ago when he was in college from a professor that when you're under a crisis of any kind, to guard your marriage. Tom, you want to share a little about that? Yes, there was a statement made when I was young. I was single. No real context for that statement, but it's marvelous the way God brought him back decades later. And so it was one of the first things that God kind of nudged in my mind. You have to guard your marriage. You don't want the enemy to get two for one. What if Renee gets healthy? What if she does return? And we're the mess. That's not the way. So we took intentional steps to guard our marriage. We made sure we had date nights, made sure that our prodigal wasn't a topic that date night.

11:25 That's hard. Very hard. It's got to be a no prodigal zone, we called it. And wow, that's tough. Yes. And then we attended marriage conferences, family life marriage conferences, our children had some marriage classes that we attended those. So we intentionally built into our relationship. And because it was a struggle, you know, we're not always on the same page. We're feeling different emotions at different times. And depending on what the issue is, we can flip flop. Like, why don't you feel the way I do right now? And then we would take turns being the heart, the mean one, the bad guy, because it's not right for me to always be the bad guy. You got to be bad guy sometimes too. You mean in talking to the product. Oh, yes. Right. When they're in your home, or you're refusing to give them money or what have you, that it's not always one of you that is delivering the news they don't want to hear. Go ahead. Just that we knew that, all right, eventually, hopefully, Lord willing, our children aren't going to be with us forever. And one day it will be just the two of us. And we want there to be an us still there that's healthy, because it's not all about them. They become the focus of our world. But we tell parents in our group, don't let your child become the sole focus of your life. You still have a life. We lose ourselves along the way, especially when it goes on for years and years of whatever their challenge or problem might be,

12:56 of whatever their challenge or problem might be, trying to save them, fix them, help them, draining ourselves individually as well as in our marriages. And we forget who we are, and that God may still have dreams for us that we just set aside. So we talk about these things in our groups, because all the parents that we are working with struggle with those things. Generally, I think most would. It's a very divisive kind of event in the midst of your marriage. And you all have different strengths. And so those two different strengths, I mean, you might have three or four, and three or four, you know, but they come together to make a really strong, or they get separated and are against each other. So this is really good and probably helps a lot for people.

13:57 We spent a lot of time up in our bedroom, hashing through, getting on the same page, because we said we can't bring this to Renee until we are, because they're so wise, so smart, at figuring out where their weakness is, and then exploiting it to get us arguing among each other and taking the tension off of her. So it was a long, tedious, it didn't come easy at all. Yeah, we knew we had to be a united front. Even if he was saying something to her that I didn't agree with, I knew I could not, we agreed not to disagree with the other person in front of them.

14:37 Don't tell them, no, don't do that. Say that later in privacy, because like he said, that's all they need to see, so they know who they can pit against the other. And they start being able to do that in about one year or two years. Way too smart. But we were always together from the beginning in wanting to do this ministry, doing it together. Yes, we have our strengths where we focus, but totally supportive of each other and doing it together, which is a blessing. Yeah, we facilitated the groups together, and we do as much as we can together. But then again, Dena has excellent strengths in writing, in communicating, which I don't, so she really thrives in that area.

15:20 Your book's pretty good. So tell me then, you're starting a group, how do you go about that? How do you decide who gets to be in it? Or for groups you were running, not just ones you're gonna, that's a little, in a minute we'll get to. But what happens in these groups? Our group was open to any particular issue. We felt like the issue wasn't the main focus, it was the pain that the parent was experiencing. That's what we had in common. And so we would try to address that and stay focused on that. So we didn't limit it. There was some, if their child is young and they're not doing homework, it wouldn't be appropriate. And they'd probably be overwhelmed by some of the stories they would be hearing in our groups.

16:09 Yes. And so I think those are, and then there's, I think some issues that maybe our group just can't address and that there may be other resources we can hopefully direct them to and help them find. So the unique thing is that the focus is not helping the parent figure out how to change or fix their child. The focus is them, you, the mom, the dad, helping you cope, helping you process your emotions, finding support and community, the help that you need for yourself. And that's disappointing. The first time I went to a 12-step meeting, I just knew that was where I was going to find out what to do to change my daughter. And I was so disappointed when they said this at the beginning, this is not to help you change your, and I'm like, oh, then why am I here?

17:02 That's what I want to do. I need help. Yeah, me, I'm a mess. Yes, I do need help to figure out how to manage myself. So the parent is the focus. And we have time where we share a little bit of our journeys, where we're at. Then we focus on a topic, something that's helpful, uplifting, encouraging. It could be grief and loss, which we didn't even realize we were grieving because our daughter was still alive. And then that was a whole new, aha, discovery. Worry, fear, hope, resilience, resentment, all these key topics that we all struggle with. We talk about that. We bring in scriptures, we pray for each other, we help each other find connection. And the beautiful thing is that people discover that it really is true that they're not alone. That's the greatest value. We ask people, what do you need most tonight? Just to know it wasn't just me, that all these other people, they're going through things too. Not the same thing, but we all have the same pain. And that's such a blessing. Not the pain, but we're not the only ones.

18:21 Yeah, I would agree with that. People feel so left out, so alone, and isolated, the word you used. And they need to know they don't have to be isolated. So can you kind of give us a little picture of what it looks like when you're together and how you would go about talking about the topics? Well, one of the things we do is we have group guidelines we've written. Because they're, you know, in a small group, you do have to manage that a little bit. Yes, you do. They're talking to people and there are people who, you know, want to offer what we'll call unsolicited advice on what somebody else ought to be doing. And so we read these guidelines every time we meet.

19:07 I think that's a great idea. Yeah. And so we want people to stay familiar with that. And we stress confidentiality, you know, that who you see here stays here, what you hear stays here. But you can share the content. You can talk about the content you might talk about, but not about what individuals are saying. And so then we'll introduce the topic for the evening. And, you know, we can be at various places in regarding to how I think about that topic. And that's okay. That's okay. We're just trying to get people to talk, basically, to engage and to open up. Because we think as the group, really, we don't want to teach. We focus on being facilitators. Discussion-oriented.

19:54 Discussion-oriented. We want them to talk more than we do so that they can gain from the benefit of everybody in the group. So we take turns reading part of the content in our parent notebook, but you don't have to have a book to be in a group. You can just listen. A statement will be read, and then we just talk about it. So there's no right or wrong. So read a statement. Read a statement. All right. I have the book here. All right. This is on worry and anxiety. It doesn't make sense to worry yourself sick about things that are not in your control. Worry gives a false sense of control over something we can't do anything about.

20:34 And we may say, so what's something that you're worried about with your child today? So it's a jumping point for discussion. So that's just one example. That's great. I'm just trying to help people to say, if I were to do this, what does it look like? And how do they feel about that? Because some people like that kind of thing, and some people might not, but they're so desperate, they might do it anyway. Well, and we tell people, because we have both in-person and online groups, and in-person is always better to be with people. Of course it is. But when you can't and there's nothing in your area, the online groups have been fantastic. And that was a blessing that came out of the pandemic. Now we have about 12 of them in different time zones and different days and nights of the week. But we always tell people, and part of the guidelines, you do not have to talk in this group. No judgment. Because like Tom used to say, he came to one of those 12-step meetings years ago and couldn't say anything for a long time, just wasn't ready. So we take the pressure off, you don't have to talk. You can just listen.

21:45 And when you're ready, if you want to say something, you can. When people share briefly what brings them to need a group like ours, they don't have to say anything. And we tell them this, if you don't want to say anything, that's fine. But often after they hear everyone else say, my son is in prison, or my daughter's in rehab, or my child is in a mental institute, then they feel like, oh, okay. And often we'll share. Well, I think one of the other things we have is our website is they can download a free sample that has all the introductory material on how to start a group, as well as the first session in the facilitator guide. So they can get a sense. They can look at it, get a sense of what it's like, and maybe how it would work out before they ever would step in. And once a facilitator says, you know, I want to do this, they're not signing a contract of any kind.

22:42 I was going to say, can they just do it? They can just do it, or they can just stop it. You know, we've had facilitators saying, you know what, I'm just not at the place I thought I was, and this is triggering me a little more than I thought it would. So I need to back away. No, that's fine. We don't want anybody to... I love such freedom. Well, and the same thing with people who come to the groups. We say, you're not making a commitment. Come, see what it's like, see if it's the right thing for you. So, yes, that's... Again, we want people to see if this is the right thing for them and feel free to come or not come. Although we say, the more regular you do come, the healthier you're going to be sooner. Not that it will fix your problems, but you're going to handle them better. You're going to be healthier.

23:33 That's great. So do you have one or two groups going on that you personally do, or most of them out there? Well, we have limited capacity. So we do an in-person group together. We do an online group together. And then Dena has a women's only group that meets during the day. And she does that with one of our other teammates that has come on board with our ministry. And we have a group that's ministry. And so there's three groups that we do personally. And then there's almost 50 groups. Really? 50? Wow. In person around the country.

24:14 That's awesome. New ones start all the time, some drop off, and new ones start up. Then we have about a dozen online groups, as Dena mentioned before, that meet at different times of day, different time zones to try to help accommodate as much as we can. And so they go to the website and get the material and then run with it? They get the sample. And then they make a decision if they want it. And then they can order the facilitator guide and the parent notebook if they want, or tell the parents or in their group to get a notebook. And if they download the free sample, one of our teammates reaches out to them and offers any assistance they might feel the need for, whether it's promoting it, just pray with me, how do I advertise, how do I do? We offer all as much or as little help as they want. And the cool thing, Judy, about these online groups is that in the beginning, they were like ours. They were for any parent dealing with any topic. If it's breaking your heart, welcome, come to the group.

25:19 But now some of the parents have come to us and said, I'd like to start a group that is just for parents who are dealing with eating disorders with their child. So we have that. Another one came to us and said, I'd like to offer a group just for parents whose children have serious mental illness. They're not dealing with anything else, no drugs, no alcohol. It's just that because it's a little different. So they started that. And it's just been growing. There's one for just estrangement. This is becoming a huge problem. And we began to hear from a lot of parents saying, let me know if you start a group just for that, because it's so different from the other issues people are dealing with. And so we had several people come forward and say, they would do that. So we now have two groups because there were so many people, one in the evening and one during the day. And now recently we have a grief group just for moms.

26:17 Again, one of the moms that was in our group for quite some time, her son died. And she, within a couple of months, felt led to start a group just for other moms who lost their children for any reason, overdose, suicide. That's beautiful. So we are just in awe. It seems like we're starting to feel like we planted a little seed. We were just willing and available and still not in a good, not completely well, but much better. And then it's like this tree has started to grow and all these branches are going out, reaching so many people. And there's still so many more that need help though. So we pray that Lord will bring more people to want to start a group. One of the other things we've done too is we have two teammates who will reach out and help them with their group.

27:14 But we also have a secret Facebook page just for facilitators so they can interact and get festive ideas and that back and forth. And then we started a quarterly, we call it a facilitator meet and greet, where we pull all the facilitators together and then we talk about, so what are the issues that you're facing? What would you like to see addressed? Is there something that we can bring to you that would be helpful? So we're just trying to support them in whatever ways we can. And that meeting is also for anyone who thinks they might want to start a group. They're curious, they're checking it out so they can come and just hear what others are saying, ask questions. So that's been a wonderful addition that we started. And then we have a Facebook public page, just hope for hurting parents. And then we have a Facebook private group, just one more avenue of offering support and connection. And that is for anyone who just wants to vent, have a place to share prayer requests, ask for resources or help.

28:17 So we're grateful, or just always looking for new ways to offer another way of providing our three core values, hope, encouragement, and comfort to parents. Wow. So how do they connect with you? They primarily go to the website. And that is? HopeforHurtingParents.com. And there's a place there where they can reach out to us, they can contact us. And it's also where they can download the sample, as I mentioned before, they can get introduced to our team. We have a page for that. And then we have quite a lot of resources as far as books go. You have a big list, I know.

29:03 Yeah, we got several pages of books that are recommended people have read and stuff that they could take advantage of. And we also do list some other organizations. You know, there's organizations that maybe specialize in adoption issues. And there's other organizations that specialize in other type of issues. So we list those, try to list those as well. That's what. So what I want to make sure you do is give me what I should put as resources for people that they'll be able to. You can say things now, but they won't. They're listening in their car. Right. So I've taken to saying, tell Sari to write this down. Right, right. Send you a text.

29:50 But I will put it in show notes. But a lot of the platforms don't show the show notes. And that's really very inconvenient. So we're working to try and make sure we get the show notes and where people can access them. So tell me about your books. Tell me about yours. It's been out longer. Well, I never dreamed I would write a book. I was not a writer. And when people kept telling me, you should write a book, because I was writing a lot of blogs and emails and stuff like that. I was writing a lot of blogs and emails to parents. And I found a wonderful Christian writers group and started going. And God helped me. It took about three years. Yes, it's called You Are Not Alone, Hope for Hurting Parents of Troubled Kids. And basically it is how God helped me cope and survive the years with our daughter. It's not like then this happened and that happened. That would be depressing and I think boring. It's where he met me on the journey, how he helped me cope with my fear, denial, shock. And then the unique thing that makes it so special to me is that our daughter, Renee, wrote what she would want to say to parents who were dealing with maybe just finding out their

31:20 child has a mental illness. They've been sexually assaulted. Their child has relapsed. The issue of forgiveness. And it's so wonderful to hear her voice, her perspective that kind of helps you. It gives you a little window into your child's heart and maybe helps you understand them a little better. But I also give a lot of practical tips that help me process fear, be honest with God about my feelings, things like that. So I just was so blown away when God just opened the doors and gave me opportunities to share about the book. And Tom came with me and we talked about our ministry as well with Jim Daly with Focus on the Family, with Dr. Dobson on his Family Talk radio program, and on the New Life, Family Life program with Dennis Rainey. And through that, we were able to reach more people. So that's my book. And I'm just about to publish any day now a study guide to go along with it that can be used either yourself individually or in a group.

32:42 So that's... Well, it's a wonderful book. And I borrowed from you on a number of occasions. That's fine. I try to give you credit. I do the same thing with you. And I really appreciated also the list of recommendations on various topics and books. So that's been helpful. And sadly, your book came out right after mine was published. Or is it in here? No, I think yours came out right after. Yeah, it came out after yours did. And because you sent me a list, it didn't have the name of your book. So you're not listed in mine. Oh, thank you. I went, wait, wait, where's Dena's book?

33:29 And Tom, tell us about your book. Yeah, Dena's encouragement was to write things down and put together. I call it Moments of Clarity, Wisdom from the Father of a Prodigal. And it's those moments when God broke through to me at a time when I really needed a breakthrough. And there were several of them along the journey. And they stand out. They were vivid. And they were very helpful at the time. And so I put some of those down in the book. It's a very short read. People could probably read it. Some people are going to read it in an hour, hour and a half, maybe. And I want fathers to pick it up. Well, and that's a good thing, because fathers are a little less reluctant often to engage in this way. So I really hope fathers will pick it up.

34:21 But I get comments from moms as well, and other people. So it just has those particular nuggets, those particular moments of clarity. I want to share a couple of them. Well, I kind of titled them in an odd way, a different way. You know, they're not like, you know, anxiety or fear or whatever. One of them is, Can They Carry Your Suitcase? You know, that's the title of the chapter. Another one is, Who Owns the Problem? Another one is, Is It a Piano? Well, yeah. Okay.

35:02 Yeah, because not all issues are the same. And we might be dealing with several hard issues simultaneously. And so it's a way to sort through which are the piano issues, which might not carry as much weight or need as much attention or focus. I have one in here, Don't Project. You know, I got so used to interacting with Renee and just responding to her that when my younger daughter, who wasn't anything like Renee, came to me and I just, who was going to be there? What are you going to be doing? Were there any guys that there? You know, and she says to me, Dad, I'm not Renee. I go, Oh, wow. Yeah, you're not. You don't deserve that.

35:44 You know, you've earned, you've had plenty of opportunity. You've earned trust and stuff. So, yeah, so I caught myself on that one. Another one is that, why do you keep talking to somebody who's not listening? I kept wanting to say the same thing to her over and over and over and over. And I thought if I said it louder, maybe it would work better. Or if I said it with more emphasis or whatever. Over tears. Anything. And I just knelt down, you know, in my bedroom praying. I said, God, why can't I get through to her? He goes, why do you keep talking to somebody who's not listening? It kind of like, close the mouth, open the ears. And then, you know, almost right after that, a follow-in. And why aren't you talking more to the one who is? You know, so I go, yeah, Lord, I need to carry these things more to you than I am to her because she's tuned me out already.

36:39 But you haven't. So. That's great. That's great. So we will be putting in the show notes, listing of your website and some how to get engaged with you. And we're going to give away a couple of copies of each of your books. Thank you. And. Listeners, don't you want these books? It's really hard to give away things on podcasts I've discovered. But we're trying again. So. But before we close, can you just. What's one major thing? I know there are many. What's a major thing that has really helped you that you could share each of you? I think the main thing I can summarize it maybe in one word, relationships. Guarding your marriage, taking care of your other children, finding out who you who are safe people to journey this journey with, relationship with God, you know, and keeping relationship with your prodigal.

37:46 You know, things may be rough, you may be battling, but if they always know that they can come home, they can return, you know, the doors open to them. So relationship, I think, is the keyword I would use. I love that. And I would say that God will be with you no matter what happens. You're not alone. I know we said it earlier, but that was what I held on to that even if the outcome wasn't what I wanted. And I knew there were no guarantees that he would help me. Deuteronomy 33 27 is just a verse I really love. It's the eternal God is your refuge and underneath are the everlasting arms.

38:32 And I encourage parents that his arms will never let you go. That's encouraging because the journey can be long and unpredictable and weary. And it certainly has been for me. I would throw in my verse that I always hold on to, and that's from Isaiah 60 22, when it says, I am the Lord in its time. I will do this swiftly. He's got it. He does it when he wants. And his timing, I've learned, is never the same as my time. Never. And so, right. Well, I'm just so grateful for you to come. And I want to say to my listeners, this is a resource that can really and truly help you. And I would encourage you to check out the website and see the website and see what is offered there and see if you can find a group or start a group or just joined one of theirs to in order to have some people who are in a similar place and wanting to to find solutions. But recognizing the journey is not often quick. It usually takes time. And it's really good to have travel companions when you're on a long journey, especially a long and difficult journey. So thank you, Tom and Dena. You're my good friends, and I'm so grateful for

40:06 you at so many levels. And so I'm glad to let people know how God has taken the pain and long journey that you've experienced and turned it into just beautiful help for a lot of others on their own journey, different topics, but the same kind of thing. You're out of control and it's painful. And when will it end? And God, what are you doing here? So thank you so much. Thank you for having us. We appreciate it so much. Glad to be here. Well, my pleasure. And I think my listeners will benefit. And so remember, you need to write some thoughts down so you don't forget. Maybe it's just because of my age that I think I'm always going to forget. But the reality is, if I don't write something down, it's gone. There's too much else going on. So there's help and hope available to you. Please go get it. Look for it. Grab hold and let God help you through the hard parts of this journey. God bless you.