How Do You Love a Prodigal, Part 1, episode 9 (Repost)

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Do you love a prodigal?

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Do you feel like you are lost in a scary and endless wilderness?

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Welcome to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast.

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I am Judy Douglas and I spent more than 15 years in that wilderness.

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I believe together we will discover help and hope for your journey.

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This week as we continue our look at love we ask and begin to answer,

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How do you love a prodigal?

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My birthday had just passed.

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A few weeks later another Mother's Day had come and gone.

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Not a word.

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Not a card.

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Nothing.

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Why?

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Why could he never return the love I had showered on him?

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It had been years since he became our son.

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Would he never love us?

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The Lord whispered two things to me.

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He said, Judy, he can't say I love you to you because to him that would be betraying

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his birth mom.

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Yes, she had neglected and abandoned him, but he still loved her.

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And then he said, and Judy, you need to understand unconditional love.

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You're supposed to love him with unconditional love.

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Unconditional means without limitations or conditions.

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Complete.

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We all know that the love with which God loves us is called unconditional, though there is

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no verse that I can find that uses that word, but we know it's true.

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Romans 5, 8 tells us that even when we were sinful, enemies of God, he loved us.

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And Romans 8, 38 and 39 assures us that nothing, not even our own actions, can separate us

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from his love.

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Thank you, Lord, for that unconditional love.

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It's just that it's almost impossible for me to love that way.

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And I would love for my son to be able to return love to me.

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And you're saying, Lord, that's not part of unconditional love.

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If he never is able to return that love, you're still called to love him unconditionally.

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I have not done this easily.

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And perhaps you could say the same.

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Attitude, backtalk, lack of gratitude, lies and rebellion, asking and demanding, disrespect,

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anger, hurtful word, cold responses to our gifts of love, stabs in the heart.

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God said again, Judy, unconditional love has no conditions.

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It does not require love in return.

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It took my prodigal 12 years to be able to say those words, to say, I love you.

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Got me great joy the first time it happened and the next time it happened and the next

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time.

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And still, he says it often now, texts me often, I love you.

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But it took a long time.

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And getting a picture of God's waiting on us to love him as he has loved us.

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So what does it look like to love like Jesus?

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Well, gratefully, God's word has given us a lot of help in that to tell us what it looks

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like.

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Now, of course, we couldn't begin to talk about what love looks like without turning

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to 1 Corinthians 13.

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Here the apostle Paul describes the essentialness of love, how important it is, and what it

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looks like.

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We will look at the beautiful yet impossible passage this week and next week.

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Books have been written about this kind of love.

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We will only touch on it.

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First Corinthians 13, just two verses of it right now, starting at verse four.

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Love is patient.

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Love is kind.

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It does not envy.

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It does not boast.

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It is not proud.

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It does not dishonor others.

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It is not self seeking.

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It is not easily angered.

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It keeps no record of wrongs.

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Let's look just a little at those.

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First love is patient.

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Most dictionaries define patient this way, bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune,

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delay, hardship, pain, et cetera, with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger or the

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like.

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Well certainly over time, my prodigal and probably yours have provided provocation,

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annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, and so much pain.

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So the question, do we in face of those things have fortitude?

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Do we stay calm and uncomplaining?

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Do we get angry?

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Personally, I often do not respond well.

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I am not a patient person.

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Now I do seem to have a gift to persevere, but I don't do it with much patience.

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Even when I stay calm, even when I refrain from anger, I usually manage to complain to

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my husband or close friend and surely to the Lord.

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But God says love is patient.

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Then he adds, love is kind.

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Probably I do better at kindness.

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Kind definitions include of a good or benevolent nature or disposition as a person having,

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showing or proceeding from benevolence, considerate, helpful, humane, gentle, loving, affectionate.

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I hate to see anyone hurt.

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So kindness is more a natural response, though I have been known to have some subtle sarcastic

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remarks that are hurtful and unkind.

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So love is kind.

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Love does not envy.

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I find small envy over my heart in trivial things, but I too have often envied families

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that have wonderful, thriving children.

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When I'm in the midst of struggling with where a prodigal is and I watch this happy family

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and everyone's getting along and nobody's in trouble and the Lord said, why don't you

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rejoice with them that they're not experiencing what you have?

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Okay, Lord, no envy.

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Love does not boast and is not proud.

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Well, you know, when you've got a prodigal who's challenging you consistently, that's

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not where you are as much, but then there are those days you get to boast and be proud

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when your loved one makes some good choices, works hard, keeps his word, was kind and respectful.

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I could be proud then, wishing for it to be more often.

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Love does not dishonor others.

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Even as I say that, I have to remember that I don't want to dishonor my son.

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Yes, he made life challenging for us, but he is our son.

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We love him and we desire to honor him.

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Now he has given me permission to tell our stories, that is his and mine mostly or his

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and our families.

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And so he's not surprised that sometimes he hears about something he did long ago and

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he's okay with it because he wants others to benefit from the experience that we had.

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Love is not self-seeking.

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It is so easy to seek our own peace and comfort and our prodigals can make that difficult.

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Love looks for ways to seek the best for others, including our prodigals.

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Okay, here's one.

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Love is not easily angered.

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Hmm, I don't think I need to say anything there.

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Love keeps no record of wrongs.

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Let's talk about this one.

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I remember when I did it again, our prodigal and a friend of his were with us, my husband

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and me.

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We were telling stories, one of my favorite activities.

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I couldn't resist.

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I told not one, but two stories of bad choices that our prodigal had made in the past.

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He did not laugh.

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He even looked hurt.

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I asked for his forgiveness several times I have had to apologize for bringing up his

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past choices.

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Clearly, I have kept some record of some wrongs.

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Now, I'm a writer and a speaker, so stories are my trade.

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They are my currency and there is great benefit in remembering the past, learning from it

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and moving into a better future.

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What probably you have, as I have, let the hurt of your prodigal's choices, past or

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current, linger in your mind.

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How they have hurt, offended and angered you.

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I have a mental list, sometimes even a written account of those offenses.

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Some are minor irritations, others are legitimate wrongs and some are really deep wounds.

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Perhaps you remember when he yelled and cursed at you, when she lied to your face intentionally

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deceitful and not at all remorseful.

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When he threatened you, how frightened you were for you and your other children.

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When you waited up all night not knowing where she was and what she was doing.

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When you bailed him out of jail.

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When the police knocked on your door to tell you about the accident she was in.

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On and on the list goes of the wrongs that we can remember.

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And then there are the words you have hurled back at your loved ones.

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Things like you always lie to me.

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You are never responsible.

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Will I ever be able to trust you again?

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You never care about anyone but yourself.

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Do you recognize those words, always, never, ever, never?

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Generally they should not be in our vocabulary with our loved ones.

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But you know, you've probably said many of those words, I certainly have.

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These words and those thoughts reflect the reality of keeping a record of wrongs.

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Our love prodigals wrong themselves and others and those who love them.

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Sometimes those wrongs pile up and threaten to crush us.

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How can we trust, believe, hope?

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How can we forgive?

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We can do so because Jesus has shown us how.

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He came in love and was rejected.

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He healed and was accused instead of thanked.

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He was scourged and crucified, burying our sins while the crowd hurled insults.

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Soldiers beat him.

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Pharisees smiled.

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His response?

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Father, forgive them.

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They do not know what they are doing.

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He could have called legions of angels.

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He could have destroyed them on the spot.

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He could have said, I'll be back and I'll get even.

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But he didn't.

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He forgave them.

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And that's what he asked us to do.

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As we let the Spirit fill us with the same love Christ has, we are freed from making

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our lists and from keeping a record of the ways our prodigals have wronged us.

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And we are empowered to forgive and to truly love.

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I find it helpful in the midst of a stressful situation or certainly afterward to ask myself

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if my behavior, words, thoughts, attitudes reflect the patience and kindness and other

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characteristics of love that God describes in these verses, if mine look like them, or

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do I get annoyed or provoked?

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Is there anger in my voice?

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Are my words kind, gentle, and considerate?

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Unfortunately, I fail this test a little too often.

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Fortunately, God knows I can't love with patience and kindness in my own power.

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Thankfully, I can ask the Holy Spirit to fill me and empower me and love through me.

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The Spirit is capable of true patience and real kindness, and He is willing and able

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to love through me with supernatural love.

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When I fail at loving as Christ loved, I can count on God's mercy to forgive my sin.

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But my prodigal might not be so full of grace.

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Rather, my lack of demonstrated love might drive him further away with genuine pain,

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a sense of rejection, and perhaps hurling an accusation of hypocrite at me.

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As my frustration and irritation levels rise with some new offense, I remember God's

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patience with and kindness to me.

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Once again, I'm confounded by His love.

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If necessary, I ask forgiveness from God, and if I can, from my loved one.

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So did any of these characteristics of love hit home for you?

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Could you ask God to be working His love more and more into your heart and your words and

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your actions?

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Next week, we will look at part two of how to love a prodigal.

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God bless you.

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Thank you for joining me today on the When You Love a Prodigal podcast.

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If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and review the show on Apple Podcasts

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or wherever you listen.

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Your review helps the show reach more people with the hope and encouragement of Jesus.

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Don't forget, take a look at the show notes.

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And for more helpful information, resources, and books, check out judydouglas.com.

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That's Douglas with two S's.

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You can find me on Facebook and on Twitter and Instagram at JudyDouglas417.

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Until next week.