How to Love a Prodigal, Part 2 (episode 10)

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Do you love a prodigal? Do you feel like you are lost in a scary and endless wilderness?

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Welcome to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. I am Judy Douglass and I spent more than 15

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years in that wilderness. I believe together we will discover help and hope for your journey.

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Last week we took some first steps in learning how to love a prodigal. Were you able to put

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that into practice? To love with kindness and patience and not keeping a record of wrongs?

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Today we will go further and discover the real secret to loving as Jesus loves.

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It was our son's, his sister's 21st birthday. We were having a family celebration. He went

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to the beach with friends promising to be back in time, but he did not come back in

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time. I was angry, angrier than I had any real reason to be. How dare he be so uncaring

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about his sister and so careless with his promise. Love for him was not visible in me

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at that point. The Apostle Paul exhorts us to really love. Note how the New Living Translation

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presents these thoughts from Romans chapter 12. Don't just pretend to love others. Really

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love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold to what is good. Really love them. The Apostle John

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affirms the same. Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other. Let us

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show the truth by our actions. The obvious question is what does real love look like?

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We looked at it some last week from 1 Corinthians 13 and we'll end up there, but first here

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are five things that I have found will help me love my prodigal with real love. First,

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love speaks truth. You said, well of course. I knew you would say that. Often the first

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expression of love we jump to for a prodigal is what people call tough love. After all,

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we have a responsibility to provide correction and discipline to help them turn from their

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wicked ways. We must speak truth to them, explaining what is right and helping them

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understand that choices have consequences. And scripture affirms that this is following

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God's example. Hebrews 12 tells us, the Lord disciplines the one he loves and he chastens

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everyone he accepts as a son or daughter. Real love will let them experience natural

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consequences or if necessary, add some consequences appropriate to the choices made and the nature

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of our relationship with this prodigal. But tough love is often not God's primary approach,

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nor should it always be ours. The second is that love gives mercy. Earlier we were reminded

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not to keep a record of wrongs. Any list we have needs to be forgiven. But of course our

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prodigals keep on sinning, as do we. So often, maybe daily, there are new offenses that also

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do not need to be put on a list, but need to be forgiven. Peter tells us this wonderful

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truth. He says, above all, love each other deeply because love covers a multitude of

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sins. So many times I have thanked God that his love has covered my multitude of sins

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and that he has poured out his mercy on me. Can I do no less than forgive my loved one?

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Love also extends grace. So love speaks truth, it gives mercy, it extends grace. Even as

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God has repeatedly forgiven my many sins, he has also given me grace over and over.

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Sometimes it is grace instead of the consequences I deserve, or favor with someone who could

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help or hurt me, or maybe it's even the strength or courage or power to do something I have

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not been prepared to do. I have written this before in my book. If you read it, you'll

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get to this. And I have lived by this. This is something that God told me early in my

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relationship with our son. His desire for me to extend grace to my prodigal caused him

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to say to me, when you make mistakes with this boy, and you will, and I have, make your

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mistakes on the side of grace. Most people just can't even get over that. They're

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like, seriously? Make mistakes with grace? That's what God gives us, is that kind of

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mercy and grace, and he asks us to as well. 2 Corinthians chapter 9, and God is able to

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bless you abundantly so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you

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will abound in every good work. He gives us everything abundantly. He gives us mercy.

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He gives us grace. And if God can extend that much grace to us, he can enable us to do the

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same toward our prodigals. Love also bestows blessing. Over the years, my love prodigal

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has done many things that made me want to return in kind, to say, see you later. Give

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up. I speak with a curse to him almost. Every time God reminds me of his instruction through

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Peter, do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with

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blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. And God

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has had me through our son on this learning to bless journey. I remember one time I was

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so angry at something he had done, and God said, bless, bless, give grace and bless.

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And he was gone, and one of his chores was to do his own laundry, which he usually cared

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what he was wearing, so he did. But I knew at this point that his room was covered over

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with dirty clothes. And so I went up to his room, he was gone, got all his dirty clothes,

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brought them down to our laundry. And one by one, I put his clothing into the washing

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machine. And each time I said, I bless you, I bless you, I bless you, Josh. Now, I don't

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know if he felt that blessing, but he was being blessed. And I was being blessed to do that

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for him. And God says, make blessing the way that you speak to people. And I've been practicing

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doing it. Speaking a blessing, doing something kind for him, reading a blessing I have written

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for him. In fact, I write blessings for people. That's how important it's become. It's transformed

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my attitude over and over. And it's convinced him that my love for him is real.

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Love confers honor. I mentioned this last week. Sometimes I can start thinking I'm better

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than my prodigal. After all, I have not done what he has. I walk with God fairly consistently.

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I keep loving him no matter what. But God is quick to remind me of his words in Philippians,

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chapter two, do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, get

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this, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests, but to

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the interests of others. Is that amazing? Can you do that? Can I do that? Put aside

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the fact that I am clearly better than he is. No, I am to lift him up, think more highly.

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In fact, Romans 12 tells us, be devoted to one another and love, and honor one another

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above yourselves. Now, you know, when it's somebody who's very good, very accomplished,

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and it's easy to honor them above yourself. But your prodigal? Yeah. Now we're going to

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jump back to finish this part on love to 1 Corinthians 13 to discover the wrap up for

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God's description of true love, the love that we are to love our prodigals with. When

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our son came to our family at almost 10 years old, he had experienced significant rejection

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and abandonment. He did not trust. He was certain we would do the same, reject and abandon.

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And he gave us many reasons to. It took him more than 10 years before he truly believed

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we would not reject him or abandon him. Why did it take so long? I'm sure there are many

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reasons, but two come to my mind. First, betrayal destroys trust. And second, trust takes time

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to heal and rebuild. And I'm sure our efforts to love him well were inadequate to easily

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overcome his past. But we did choose to love as God loved us. We were guided by these challenging

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descriptions of love in 1 Corinthians 13 verses 7 and 8. It tells us that love always protects,

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always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres, and never fails. Now those are not wishy washy

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descriptions. Always means always. And never means never. We're usually a little loose

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with that, I think. So let's quickly look at these. Love always protects. Surely this

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abandoned boy needed protection. For starters, he needed to be protected from his past, from

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the patterns of his life, and from himself, the past. So much had been taken from him,

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so much had been done to him, and we needed to protect him from the consequences of those

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things. He had learned really poor living patterns of how to live and what it looks

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like to care about people. And certainly one of those patterns was no one could be trusted.

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We had to help him learn some new patterns. And himself, what he believed about himself,

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the choices he made, the danger he would put himself in. Many other things. We tried to

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provide that protection as a part of our love for him. Love always trusts. Well, we wanted

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to trust him, and to assure him that we trusted him, he'd say, you just don't trust me. Yeah,

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but it was difficult to trust him because he made a lot of bad choices and he lied.

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We sought to help him learn to live in a trustworthy way. And trusting for us really meant trusting

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that God was always working to redeem and restore this child. That God was trustworthy,

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and over time, as our son grew, our trust in him could grow as well. Love always hopes.

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Have you given up hope? Yeah, it can happen, can't it? Sometimes hope was all there was

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for us. He didn't have hope that he would make it through school, get back with his

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mother, know his dad, overcome his life habits, or have a future. And often we despaired along

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with them. But God's promise of hope for a future kept us steady, hoping and giving

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hope to him that he had a future. Love always perseveres. The results of his birth mother's

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choices while pregnant with him made school really difficult for him. We ended up homeschooling

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through high school, which he did not appreciate, nor did I enjoy very much. Each day as I gave

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him school assignments, his attitude annoyed me, even angered me. I would leave his room

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declaring to God, I quit. He doesn't care. Why should I care? I can't keep doing this.

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And God always had the same response. He says, so Judy, when did I give up on you? I know

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never, but you're God. And then he said, yes, I love this young man. I have shared that

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love with you, and you can do this. You can persevere in loving him. So I did. Finally,

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love never fails. Always, always, always, and never. It never fails. God's love flowing

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through us always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. And it never fails. I'm grateful

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because I fail. Too often I try to love in my own power. I let the rejection of my love

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make me want to withdraw. I want to give up. But God's love never fails. He promises to

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love through me, which brings us back to where we started last week. We love because God

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loved first. He loved us first. We love it when God does big miracles quickly, but we

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all know that he usually works over time. When you love a prodigal, you must be patient.

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Don't despair. Keep loving your prodigal as God has loved you. Let me end this with

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a story. The night that Josh met Jesus, I was thrilled, rejoicing, hopeful. Maybe things

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would change. Then as I was going to sleep and praying and thanking God, I just had this

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picture that God was above me, and he had this huge vat. He was opening me up, and he

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was pouring from this huge vat into me. I said, So what is that? He says, Oh, Judy,

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this is my love for Josh. I'm sharing it with you. You're going to need it. And I got it.

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And I've been getting it ever since. We can't love like Jesus loved. We can't even begin

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on our own to have the kind of love that we've been talking about for two episodes now. Unstoppable,

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relentless, merciful, gracious love for us. All of that. And that impossible command to

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love as Jesus loved, giving up his life. He says, No, you can't do it yourself, but I've

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done it for you. And I've sent my spirit to live in you to make it possible for you to

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love. And it's like I have this picture of God as a flow through God in that we're his

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flow through. He pours his love into us so that it can pour through us unto all the people

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we encounter, and especially to that prodigal who's so hard to love. So when we understand

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the human impossibility of truly loving anyone, including our prodigals, the way Christ loved,

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we must go to our knees and say, Yes, Lord, I need you. Fill me with your Holy Spirit.

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Fill me with your love. Give me your supernatural power to love as you have loved me. Can you

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do that? Can you say, Lord, pour your love into me? Allow your spirit to push it through

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me to touch that loved one, that prodigal who's so in need of our love and God's love.

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Next week, I hope we're having a very special guest on the podcast. I'm hoping that you'll

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get to hear from Josh McDowell. He's a good friend of mine. He played an important role

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in our son's life. And he has some good things to share with us. God bless you.

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Thank you for joining me today on the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. If you enjoyed

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today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and review the show on Apple podcasts or wherever

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you listen. Your review helps the show reach more people with the hope and encouragement

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of Jesus. Don't forget, take a look at the show notes. And for more helpful information,

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resources and books, check out judydouglass.com. That's Douglass with two S's. You can find

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me on Facebook and on Twitter and Instagram at JudyDouglass417.

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Until next week.