Interview with Darryl Smith, episode 87

0:00 If you love a prodigal, you can discover, help, and hope for your wilderness journey right here at the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. And also help and hope for your own life journey. Today we have a special guest, a former prodigal. As my friend Darryl Smith tells his story, be sure to jot down anything he shares that will help you on your wilderness journey with your prodigal. Such as understanding what contributed to his choices. Ways you can communicate better with your loved one.

0:42 What helped him turn around? Darryl is from Chattanooga on staff with CRU, where he worked with high school students for quite a while, and now serves with his wife, Gwen, as director of oneness and diversity for CRU. I first got to know Darryl when he was director of the CRU high school ministry in Chattanooga. My daughter Michelle was in college nearby and for two years served as a part-time intern staff working for Darryl. I loved the way he helped her and all his staff to try out different ministry opportunities, to discover their strengths and began to shine in those strengths.

1:28 He was a great team leader, which he has demonstrated as he has taken on greater and greater responsibilities in CRU. So let's talk with Darryl. Hi Darryl, welcome. Hello, hey Judy, and I'm glad to be here. Happy New Year. And happy new year to you as well. And I'm glad you made it in with the flight things the way they've been. So I think we'll just start with letting you tell a little of your story, who you are, where you're from, your family.

2:08 Yeah, Judy, as you said, I grew up in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I grew up in a single parent home. I grew up in government housing. I'm the youngest of five. I have brothers and one sister. My oldest brother, Judy, he was killed in a car wreck. I'm so sorry. He had stole a car. The police was chasing him and he went through the windshield when he wrecked the car. But we grew up in church. My mom made sure we went to church. I played Joseph in the Christmas play and learned my Easter speech. I sung in the youth choir. And so part of my upbringing and my background was a spiritual background.

2:52 But also with all the temptation and the challenges of the world, growing up in government housing, there was a lot of things, other things to get involved in, even though my mom who loved me wanted me to know the guy who loved me and who died for me. So as you were getting older and experiencing the temptations of the world, did the spiritual have an impact on you then or was it just what you did on Sunday mostly? I would say there was a consciousness, Judy. I knew I can remember even doing things and praying and asking God to forgive me and God help me.

3:34 But I thought that I had to do it all on my own. I would ask God to help me. Now I need to straighten up. I need to fix myself. I needed to stop my bad behavior and start my good behavior. And Judy, I didn't have the strength to fight against the temptation. So I end up giving in to a lot of the temptations, especially as a teenager. Sure. But a very good thing happened to you in your latter teen years when you met Gwen. Can you tell us a little about your relationship and meeting and dating and getting married? Yes. So Judy, one of the temptations for me was sexual activity.

4:18 I had a child when I was a teenager, not by Gwen. So I had been very involved in unhealthy relationships as a teenager. And through one of those relationships, I was a child born and it didn't work out for the young lady and I. And then I meet Gwen and Gwen was different. She was saving herself a marriage. Gwen had, she was brought up in the church. She would say she was religious. She wasn't say, but more behavior was important to her. Even though Judy, I was like, that's interesting and different, but I was attracted to it that she was saving herself for her wedding date.

4:59 And so we began to date and I promised her the world. And Judy, in my upbringing, even though there was some foundation, I had never seen a model of a family. So I didn't know how to be a husband. I didn't know how to love Gwen the way Christ loved the church. And so it brought a lot of challenges because we married when I was 19 and she was 18. I joined the military and we married. So were you then separated because you were in the military? She joined me four months later. I went to basic training, AIT. And then when I got stationed in Fort Hood, Texas, she came with me to live with me in Fort Hood.

5:42 And in Texas. In Texas. My audience knows that, you know, they hear about Texas fairly often. I'm not surprised. So tell me a little about your life. There was this good influence with somebody who wanted to be a moral person. And yet there were activities that you were engaged in that were probably pretty risky. So Gwen and I, it's interesting we get married, she moved to Fort Hood. I have no model of marriage. But what I did know, I was supposed to go to church. And Gwen had grew up in church. So in the military, we would go to church.

6:25 We sought out a church. We found the church. We would go to church. But I would say I wanted enough Jesus to get me through Sunday, but not too much Jesus that he was going to transform my life. And that was our life. That was our marriage. There was a lot of challenges. I wanted to hang out with my friends and drink and party and then go to church on Sunday. That's not uncommon. Yes. And so that was the military life and eventually because of the challenges of me being married but want to live a single life, Gwen decided that she would go back to Chattanooga.

7:05 So the last year that I was in the military, I was there by myself. And Gwen went back. She got a job and got an apartment for when I transitioned out the military to come back to Chattanooga. So when did you get involved with drugs? Well, I came back to Chattanooga and God bless me. Julie, I would have never said God bless me because at that time, the UPS, you had to be part time to be a full time driver. But they were interviewed once every two years, people off what they call off the street. So they interviewed 300 people and hired two. I was one of the two that they hired as a full time driver.

7:46 And my mom was still living in government housing projects and Gwen and I was married. And I would use this language, Judy, we was American poor. I grew up in financial bondage and I wanted the American dream. So I would go visit my mom and a lot of the guys I played football with, sports with, were still living out there with their mom. They was young adults and they had chose the lifestyle of a drug dealer and they was making a lot of money. And so even though God had blessed me with a job, I wanted more of the American dream. And I wanted to dream it on Monday and wanted to be a reality on Tuesday.

8:27 So I engaged in that lifestyle and Satan rewarded me, Judy, with killing, stealing and destroying people dreams, their goals, young ladies who cheered for me, guys who played sports. I destroyed everything in their life by selling them crack cocaine. And Gwen, I hid it from Gwen as long as I could and she found out. And again, not a believer, but religious activity was still part of her life. She was still going to church. More excellence was part of her life. And so she didn't want no part of that lifestyle and it caused tension in our marriage. And I became bitter at Gwen because we was born in financial poverty.

9:10 Now here's a way for me to get us out. We're going to get everything that the world say will make you happy. We're going to have cars, clothes. We're going to be able to do. And not only did I destroy people lives, Judy, I destroyed my marriage. And so Gwen and I legally separated and eventually we divorced because of my lifestyle. And then you became even more involved in your drug dealing? Yes. I have never used drug for me. It was a business. I was a businessman and I will go to Atlanta, come back and distribute the drugs to people. But Judy, I will never forget. I remember laying in my apartment.

9:51 I'm divorced. I have my own apartment, one bedroom, and I'm praying. I'm asking God to protect me. I'm asking God to forgive me. Everything that I knew, I knew it was wrong, but I was justifying wrong. And because I was in a community where wrong was the norm, I was able to justify. Night after night, not every night, but I could remember crying out to God and asking for forgiveness. And I'm sorry, God protect me. Really, I wanted God to give me the loaves of bread and fish. I didn't want him. I just wanted more. Jesus said, you didn't seek me because you wanted me. You sought me because you was hungry and I fed you.

10:31 And so I wanted protection from the Lord, but I didn't want the Lord. And what happened? Well, God answered my mom's prayer. My mom had been praying that God would protect me, protect me in my foolishness. And God did. So your mom knew what was going on? Oh, yes, she knew. She knew. And I remember, Judy, she telling me, Darryl, when your money run out, your fun gonna run out. You're looking for peace, but you're trying to find happiness, but you really want peace. And she wasn't an educated woman, Judy, but she didn't know theology. She didn't know Hebrew or Greek, but what she knew that the God of creation loved me and wanted a relationship with me.

11:16 And so she would tell me and I would get mad, Darryl, I'm praying for you. And I'm like, why are you praying for me? I need money. I don't need prayer. And so Judy, but God answered her prayer. On September the 21st of 1990, I was stopped on the interstate coming from Atlanta back to Chattanooga. And I had over $20,000 worth of drugs, 4,000 in cash and two automatic weapons. Not one person could have told me that was God's protection. And God answered my mom's prayer. But God was rescuing me and he was starting the process. Seeds that was planted. The Bible say one plant, another water, but God gave the increase.

12:00 Seeds had been planted, seeds had been watered, and God was going to put me in a physical prison to set me free from a spiritual prison. He was going to give the increase. I love that. I love that. So you did go to prison. Yes, I went to prison. I'm divorced. I'm in prison. I'm facing 30 years. Eventually, I'm sentenced to 10 years to serve for. Judy, I feel like a failure. I lost my job, which was a career paying job. I went to UPS, I lost my family, and now I'm in prison. So what I'm thinking about is, do I want to live? Is life worth living? Should I just end my life? And then it come over on the intercon or something.

12:41 I get something. There's a spiritual service. There's a Christian service I can go to. And because I had been brought up in church, I was not afraid against spiritual conversation. There was a young man who reached out to me, Judy, in prison. And we are real good friends now. He was in for murder. And he had became a believer. And he shared with me the four spiritual laws. And this is what I told him. All of the stories are not success stories. So now I told him, I don't need Jesus. I need a lawyer. Do you know a good lawyer? But God kept working in my life, and I would go to worship service.

13:22 And Judy, I would go, and really my motives was wrong. I wanted to go so God would get me out of prison and award and would see me as a good person so I can live a life. But God's motives was that he loved me. Even though my motives was wrong, God loved me and he was drawing me into himself. No man come to the Son unless the Father draw him. And Judy in my prison cell on March 11, 1991, I fell on my knees and I loved the old hymn. When heaven came down in glory filled my soul. I can remember saying, Lord, I have tried everything. I have had money. I have cars. I have had clothes. I have had fun. If there's Jesus I keep hearing about, I keep reading about, the one that my mama told me about, if he's real, I need him.

14:07 Judy, in the product of the Son story, it said, and when no man gave to him, he came to his senses. God put me in a place where no one can give to me so I can come to my senses. I said, I want to go back home. That's what the Son said. And I didn't say it in that type of language, but with tears running down my face, I asked Jesus to come in my life. I didn't want moral excellence anymore. I didn't want religious activities. I wanted a relationship with the one who loved me and who died for me. That's beautiful. And the way God does it for so many people. And I'm sure for our listeners, that's where a lot of them are.

14:51 They grew up understanding a lot, knowing a lot about the Lord, but hadn't really come to that relationship. Or even if they had, they decided they could do it on their own. And yet you're saying, no, you couldn't do it on your own, and you didn't really have that relationship. And God pursued you. And he rescued you. But you are still in prison at that point. What happened? Yeah, I'm still in prison. And, Judy, I was a lot younger and a lot slimmer, and I love sports. So at that time, I'm playing basketball every day. Now I'm a believer, and I fall in love with God's Word.

15:34 I pull back on the sports. I'm sitting in a corner, and I'm just reading the scripture. There's no playing the catch to go speak. There's no devotion to do. I'm reading the Word because for the first time I know, yes, Jesus loved me. This I know, for the Bible tell me so. Didn't know Greek, didn't know Hebrew. Was no engagement. I wasn't studying the Word for a talk. I was studying the Word because I wanted to know Him. And I began to just grow. And I'm sure I wasn't rightly dividing it, but God was great. God's okay with it. Yeah, He's okay with that. He wasn't giving me a test. He was revealing Himself to me.

16:15 And in that, God began to speak to me about His intent for Gwen and I, the marriage, that He had never intended for us to divorce. Judy, what I don't want the listeners to hear, that if they'd been divorced and they didn't remarry the person, that they missed God. I'm saying for Gwen and I, this was God's will for us. So God began to speak to me that He would have us to reconcile. And so out of obedience, I called Gwen and told her what God had told me. And she kind of laughed and said, you got me once, you won't get me twice. If you are a Christian, I see you in heaven. And Judy, I understood the hurt that I had caused. I had caused a lot of hurt and pain. Here's a young lady who grew up in a single-parent home, dreamed of being married, probably playing with her Barbie dolls and having weddings and the American dream life.

17:05 And what was a dream became a nightmare. And I had caused a lot of that pain and that hurt doing that. And so during the three-year process that we was divorced, my lifestyle was very reckless. I was a prodigal. When the Bible talk about the things that... I was that guy and Gwen was still preserving herself, honoring God. And so I'm talking to her and she knows some of the things that I have did. And she said, girl, I can't do it. But the same guy who was speaking to me started speaking to her. And when she tell us stories, she said she was driving because she had went back to college to get her education degree. And God was speaking to her and she pulled over crying and hit the steering wheel and said, God, no, he don't deserve me.

17:50 And God said, you don't deserve me, but I love you and I need you to love him. And so God brought me out after serving right at three years of the 10-year sentence. That must have been a miracle. That was a miracle, Judy. I got the paperwork saying that you're going to be released on March the 6th of my birthday. It's March the 6th. And I didn't believe it because I was like, this is a mistake. And so I had my sister that called the parole office to make sure. And they was like, yeah, we see no reason to keep him in prison.

18:30 And I didn't know God was working behind the scene. And so he brought me out and Gwen and I kept the same wedding date. We remarried August the 28th of 92. We had married August the 28th of 84. So we kept the same wedding date. And Judy, the interesting thing, when I asked Gwen to remarry me, she said she needed to watch me for three years and see if I was going to lose my faith gene. Because she was wondering if I had jailhouse religion. And I can remember looking at Gwen and saying, Gwen, you're going to have to marry me by faith. If God has spoken to you and has spoken to me, we need to remarry by faith. Because in the 35th year, I can lose my mind and do crazy stuff.

19:15 And Gwen, against all odds, Christians, family, they counsel her not to marry me. And Judy, she married me by faith. She obeyed God instead of the other voices. And I see those tears. What a gift. And a gift especially from God. That he not only did a lot of things for you, but he spoke clearly to her. Yes. And revealed to her the things in her heart. For the first time, Gwen said, Dara, you are not the only problem in the marriage. God showed me how I was not the wife that he would have me to be.

19:55 And yes, what you did was doing was more colorful. But if this marriage is going to work, I need God to work in my heart. And Judy, it haven't been without challenges. God forgives some sin leads scars. In the product of the son, they say he went to a far country in the King James. It don't tell us how far he went, Judy. But we know sin will take you farther than you want to go. I'm convinced that there's people who love their sons and daughters where sin have taken them farther than they want to go. And not only did it didn't say how far he went to get to that country, it didn't say how long he stayed. So sin not only take us farther than we want to go, but it keep us longer than we want to stay. And then he said he lost everything in loose living.

20:37 It cost us more than we want to pay. And that's what happened in my life. Sin took me farther than I wanted to go. Because I thought I was just a dabble in some things and be okay. And then I end up staying there long way longer. And it cost me everything, my family, my reputation, everything. It cost me my freedom. But God redeems all that. And he allowed me to come back home. Praise God. So then things began to change. You all were married again, and looking to what you were going to do with your life, your great money earning hadn't really panned out too well.

21:24 And so where did y'all pick up and start moving forward with the Lord? So I get out, we get married. Gwen is a believer now. She had an encounter with Jesus. It wasn't just the Luke 18, the moral excellence in the religious activity. She knew Jesus. She was in a small church with about 25 people. And remember, I grew up in church, so I'm in a big church growing up. I'm used to the big choir. And the preacher got charisma. And I'm in this small church and the music is terrible. I'm in a small church. And you got to drive the church van.

22:08 All the stuff that come with being in a small church that I wasn't used to. But the pastor was teaching the Word. He was teaching line upon line, precept upon precept. And Gwen wanted me in that church. And he started discipling me. He started discipling me and started teaching me how to rightly divide the Word. And was teaching me the foundation truths. And he said, Darryl, you'll never know how to rightly divide every scripture. Even if you get the foundation truths down, you'll know when somebody wrongly divided. And so he taught me and was giving me opportunities to teach in the church. I didn't know, Judy, that God was preparing me to be with a large global mission or organization.

22:49 I'm preaching in the same people back at Evening Service. The pastor wouldn't have used the word that he was developing me, mentoring me. He probably said he was discipling me. So now I'm growing and I'm growing to love Gwen and he's helping me. And we both get career paying jobs. I get hired as a convicted felon. The pastor told me not to lie on my application. I get an interview. I tell the guy, I'm going to give you a second chance. And that's redemption right there. I didn't really know that word at the time. I've known that word. And for Gwen and I, both inner-city kids, with our jobs, we bought our first house, was the major thing.

23:31 We bought our first new car. And we are going okay. We're in church. We have a good life. We live in the American dream. And God interrupted. I'm on my way home from work. I'm working third shift. And I get home and I lay down and the Holy Spirit wouldn't allow me to sleep. And the Holy Spirit said, I need you to make a difference in the community for your father, the Father of Light, Jesus Christ. And I share that with my pastor. And he's excited and everything. But I don't know what to do because I don't know anything about mission. So I start working in the church, working with the youth, take them to the skating rink, bowling alley, Gwen and I.

24:16 And I'm at work and I share with a pastor, you pastor, about my passion to reach inner-city kids. And he says, so do you want prison ministry? I said, no, I want prison prevention. I want to reach teenagers before they go to prison. I don't want them to go through what I had to go through. And so he told Campus Crusade for Christ at the time, the high school ministry, the venture, Young Life LCA, and nobody called me. Nobody called me. I was a convicted felon, had been in prison. It was going to be hard to raise support. And the guy, Jim Hines, who was the director of Chattanooga, when he tell the story, Judy, he said he threw my number in the garbage after having it for a month and the Holy Spirit said, call him.

25:02 He called me. We met. He told me about Campus Crusade for Christ. And he started talking about the Great Commission. And it registered with my heart because Judy, I knew what it meant to be lost, but I knew what it also meant that the world saw me as a loser. And Jesus came to seek and save that loss. And I was, I wasn't thinking about a profession. I was thinking about my passion to reach people who didn't know Jesus. And here was a platform and he told Gwen and I that we both were out to leave our jobs and raise support. And Judy, we know how to be passive aggressive as Christians.

25:45 So we grinned and smiled and nodded and got in the car, to be honest. And laughed. And laughed out loud. Instead of this white guy think we're going to quit our jobs and go beg people for money, I've lost his mind. Judy, I get home and I start reading the scripture and the just shall live by faith just jumped off the page. I went and shared with Gwen, I think God is in this. And Gwen looked at me, Judy, and I'll never forget. She said, Darryl, I'm willing to follow you as you follow Christ. Just make sure you follow in Christ. And we stepped out. That was 27 years ago. And we've been missionaries with CRU for 27 years. And we're so glad. God have taken two innocent kids, one that was a prodigal, redeem him, put his spirit in him and have given us the platform to take Jesus all over the world.

26:34 Judy, it's not because we're good. It's because God is faithful and he answered the prayers of my mom. My mom couldn't fix me, but she prayed for me. I want to say to your audience that's listen, don't try to fix them. Pray for them and allow God to do a word. Awesome. So give us a little understanding of what you were doing as you then worked with the high school ministry. So when I first started, I would go on a campus. So I was assigned to a local campus in Chattanooga and I would go and we and Bill Sena, I would try to win lost teenagers. Gwen and I did it together.

27:14 And so we was working with young men and young ladies. We would try to win them. We would do outreach. We would do peace outreach. We would do hundred banana split. We would take guttos and put bananas and ice cream in it and they would come to our outreach and we would share the gospel and we would collect the cards and then we would follow up with students. And so we were out to winning them to Christ. We tried to build them in their faith. We would disciple them, pour into them, help them understand the spirit for your life. And then we wanted to send them back on campus because we knew that one day it was possible that we couldn't go on campus, but the students could go on campus.

27:55 And so we wanted to win kids, build kids, send them back, get them plugged. Part of the building was getting them plugged in the church. Gwen and I had grew up in church so we believed that the local church is part of God's plan for the believer. And so we wanted to honor that. And Judy, I have married kids who said that our marriage was a model for them. That's so redemptive. That's just so redemptive that the thing that was not true, that your marriage was not okay at first and yet God redeemed it and it became a model for these kids who would have the same temptation.

28:36 Yes. And because of the school I was working in, 95% of the kids probably was in single parent homes. And so we was the first... I can remember a teacher calling us in the office and I think, let me say in her room, and I think we're in trouble because we're talking to kids about Jesus and with tears in her eyes she said, I'm so glad you're all here. For some of these kids, you're all are the first black, godly family that they have ever seen. And keep doing what you're doing. And Judy, you don't get involved for those counter accolades or those... You do it because you love people. And Gwen and I, the Bible say, he who has been forgiven much, loved much.

29:19 I was loving students because I knew how much I had been forgiven. And that love was compelling me. And Judy, I don't get it right in my behavior every day. I wish I could obey God 100%. But what I do know, Judy, that I cried out unto the Lord, the son of Jesus says, and he heard my cry and inclined his ear unto me. And he rescued me from the pit and set me up on a rock and gave me a new song. Judy, Jesus has given me a new song and I have to keep singing that song over and over again. I got to be like David. I have to remember his benefits and never forget his benefit who poured me of all my sins and who rescued me.

30:05 And all of those things in the midst of wanting to love Jesus and love people, I need to experience the gospel myself. I don't just need to share the gospel. I need to experience it in my own life. Well obviously, God has enabled you to do that a lot and to pass that on to a lot of people. So let's talk about your family. How has all this impacted them growing up in a missionary home? Yeah. When Gwen and I divorced, Ashley was three. Well, when I left, Ashley was three and Elliot was two weeks old. And so...

30:45 Wow, that's hard. Yes. And Skeeter was not even born. And so we remarried and now we have three. Eventually we had another child once we remarried. And Judy, we have been honest with them. They know our story. They have traveled with us to winter conference, fall retreats, and I shared my testimony with Gwen's shirt. And we process it with them. How do you feel? They grew up as staff kids with us in church. And our oldest daughter went to Christian school. So we kind of did the Christian thing.

31:25 And to be honest, there have been challenges off and on with that's y'all faith, that's not my faith. And now I'm having to learn how to pray for them and not try to fix them. And that's hard because it's easy for me, Judy, to extend somebody. And I want the audience to hear this. It's a lot easier to extend grace to other people's kids when they're struggling than it is your own kids. Because other people's kids are not a reflection of me. My kids are reflection. And God had to show me, Darryl, it's not about what your kid's going through. It's about how they're making you look. And you're more concerned about how they are making you look than what they're going through.

32:10 And God had to bring me to a place, Judy, that I had to extend them grace. And now the relationships are great. I would say they all are doing okay spiritually. Never for a parent, I don't know if they ever get to the place. We want them to be. And so what I had to learn, I stopped praying that they would be good kids. And God, I want my kids to be godly. And whatever you have to do to break them to be godly, help me be able to endure it. And so I want my kids to love Jesus. I want them to love him enough that if he wake them up at two o'clock in the morning and tell them to move to another country, that they would go in the room, wake their spouse up and say, we have to go.

32:56 I want my kids to follow Jesus wherever he will lead them. That's the love I want them to do. Because that's what Gwen and I want to do. Judy, life, crude life hasn't been easy for Gwen and I, but we would never... I'm sure that's true. But we're in the center of God's will. We are following a person, not a position, not property, but a person. And that person is Jesus Christ. And that's what I want for my kids. My youngest son is getting married. Gwen and I were... Skeeter. Yes, Skeeter. He's getting married in March. He's marrying a staff kid. And so we are preparing for that.

33:36 The other two are single. And we're having to trust God with that. And I think as parents, when your kids are going through stuff, the enemy whispering in your ear, you are a failure. It's because of you. See everything... Oh, God is punishing you. It's because of your bad parenting, those things in your life that you know that nobody else knows, God is punishing you. And God is reminding me, that's not who I am. I'm the father who redeems. I'm the father who forgives. I'm the father who restores. I make all things new. And Darryl, I'm making your family new, but I'm still doing the work in your life. I love that.

34:17 That's very special. And it's certainly something that any of my listeners would be glad to hear. Because all of us are always... Because we have an enemy who yells at us or whispers, but who tells us what failures we are and how we are not living up to, quote, our commitment to God. And that there are things that we've done and that we still do things that are not honoring to God and not the model we want for our children. And yet, that we can come back and he says, no, I forgive.

34:59 I'm a God of mercy. I'm a God of love. I'm a God of redemption. And that's true for these loved ones of our listeners as well. They are struggling with their own failures and the impact that that may have had on their kids or other people that they love. But to understand that that's actually an important way that God will use their lives. If they are seen as perfect by these who have made wrong choices, then they're going to think, well, I could never be like you. Well, you wouldn't want to be really.

35:42 Amen. And so that's just a beautiful testimony of God's redemption, of his mercy, of his grace. I just marvel at his grace and his pursuit not to condemn us, not to spank us, but to redeem us and to bring us to who he wanted us to be, who he's created us to be. Yes, he loves us, Judy. In the story of the product of Son, Judy, you remember the son said, I'm going to go back to my father and I'm just going to be like one of his hard men. And he used language that we understand, I'm not worthy anymore to be called his son.

36:28 His worth, he thought, was based on what he have done, not based on who he is. And the father, when he saw him coming, the father running, meeting him and hugging him and kissing him because he was his son. And they both was using personal pronouns. I'm going to go back to my father. My son has come home. That relationship never changed. Fellowship was broken. And what God has taught me with my three kids that I have a relationship with them, they are Smiths and nothing would ever change that. There's things that they do that can break fellowship, bring disappointment to me. But the same way God redeemed me and allowed me to come back home, I need to allow them to come back home.

37:12 And I need to give them a sign. God has given you and I a sign that we can come home no matter what. And that's the cross. I want to encourage the listeners. If you ever need a sign, always look to the cross. The cross is a statement that you and I and our kids can always come back home. That's beautiful. So I'm going to ask you about your first son. Just because you mentioned him and listeners are perhaps wondering, well, what happened to him? Yes. My oldest son, I had when I was a teenager and him and the mother didn't get along and I would use the language.

37:56 She kind of got, I want to be careful because I don't want to attack her. But we, I didn't get a chance to see him like I wanted to see him. Let's say that. And so when he got to the B 18, 19, I started reaching out to him and we began to build a relationship against his mom wheel. But it was okay. And he became addicted to drugs. And about two years ago, Judy, I get a text message at three, four in the morning from his wife that he had overdose. And everything, the enemy beat me up.

38:40 Judy, I can remember saying if I was in his life, I could have protected him. I could have did something about it. I kind of knew he had a drug addiction, but I probably was in denial. Didn't want to believe it. And so when you're in denial, you don't try to, yeah. And so I was probably in a denial and now this reality and Judy, the enemy was telling me, Darryl, you travel all over the world. You have seen teenagers and young adults come into the kingdom, but you couldn't rescue your son. Your faith is not real. And Judy, honestly, I've wrestled with that today.

39:24 How could I travel all over the world telling people about the love and forgiveness of God? But I failed as a father and I know that's a life from the pit of hell, but it's still something that worked with me. Look on me as a believer and a follower of Jesus. I need God to help me in my unbelief. The disciples said, we believe, but help us in our unbelief. God, why am I not believing that you love me and this was not a reflection of me? This was a reflection of you. So I don't know what I'm... Yeah, you know, sometimes your theology go out. Oh yes, it does.

40:05 When you're experiencing something. And so very hard for me going and walk through it with me and love me through the process that was shame and guilt. How do you show up at the funeral? Don't know how I'm going to be received at the funeral. I have eulogized hundreds and hundreds of people I grew up with and now I'm at a funeral that is my son and I don't even know if I'm welcome to be there. And it was not enough money to bear him and Gwen and I decided that we were participating in that and we called the funeral home and said, we are not...

40:45 Because usually whoever pay for it get the... We was like, nope, let his mom make all the decisions. We just want to be a part. And Judy, what I didn't know it was going to do, people who knew what was going on came up to me, even the funeral director coming in the office and said, I have seen people fight at funerals. I have seen so many disagreements, but I've seen you model Christ. What you was able to do is just supernatural. And Judy, that's to the glory of God. That's not because... Because I know that was a mother who... She had lost her son. And the last thing I wanted to do, Judy, was make it about me. I didn't want it to be about me.

41:27 I wanted her to be comfort, even though the relationship was not...we are not in a good place and probably never will be. And I have to be okay with that before the Lord. But it was a hard journey. It was a hard process. And this is what I say that, God forgive our sins, but some sins lead scars. And every now and then the scab come off. And that's what happens in my life. I was a prodigal. I'm back restored. I was in that hall pen. I was doing all the things the prodigal did. And so, sometimes the enemy brings those things up. And I have to keep running back to the cross.

42:07 And remember, there's nothing, nothing that can separate me from the love of God that's in Christ Jesus. Praise God. Praise God for that. In the redemption, there's still sometimes the consequences of the actions. Our son is...one thing he did all the time was maneuver around at the time when cell phones were just happening and get a phone here and then they would shut him down because he didn't pay and he would get one here. And he went through a whole lot of cell phones and those that hurt his credit for years and years.

42:47 And he says, I am still paying the price for decisions I made back in my prodigal years. And so, that's a little example. Yours is a much more challenging example, but it's the truth. God doesn't just wipe the consequences away. Sometimes he does, but he doesn't always. And he lets us maybe there is a reminder of what we've been forgiven and what we've been saved from. But I told you then when I heard about your son and I would say it again, I'm so sorry for that loss because it's hard.

43:30 It is. And yet, the father, in a sense, lost his son in order to pay the penalty for our sin. And so, any last words you would have for our listeners? I would encourage you to not lose hope. In Luke 18, Jesus says, he tell a parable that people should always pray and not give up, not lose hope. I want to encourage you to not pray. Cry out day and night. Cry out day and night. We should never question God's ability. The God we serve is able. He is able. But if he don't, we still going to walk with him and trust him and be obedient.

44:13 And the act of obedience, if you have a prodigal right now, is to cry out on their behalf and pray for him. And so, Judy, I would encourage him not to lose hope. Don't faint some version. Always pray and not lose hope. And when the son of man come back, he'll find us being faithful because we'll be crying out to him. Thank you, Darryl. We're really grateful for your coming and your honesty and sharing your life and what God has done on your behalf and can do for each of us, but also for those that we love who are walking in another place than is a good place.

44:57 And so, I pray that people will be able to keep hope and keep praying and keep loving and trusting that God will do his good work, even if we can't make it happen the way we want for it to happen. So thank you, Darryl, for giving us a glimpse of your very redemptive story. And I've heard your story before, but this was more detail than I had heard. And my listeners, my friends, be sure to stop and ask God, what have you said to me here?

45:40 And write down something, a step you can take, an action step, or a change in the way you respond to your child or the person that you've been praying for. What do you want to apply, as Darryl has shared so passionately and just so helpfully, ways that we can not give up, but keep believing and keep praying. Next week, we will be beginning a series on the gifts that we can find in a prodigal wilderness.

46:22 I hope that sounds a little intriguing. There are gifts in this journey. Oh, there are amazing gifts in this journey. We're going to spend a few sessions trying to uncover them in that wilderness and see how God is blessing us, even in the hard parts of this journey. You can learn how to connect with Darryl in the show notes. And I am glad to be with you and praying for you. Sometimes the start of the year, which should be a hopeful time, is even a more scary time.

47:04 So may God surprise you with the ways that he's going to speak to you and through you and work in your life as well as your prodigal's life. God bless you.