Josh Tells His Story, episode 50 (Repost)

0:00 Welcome back to When You Love a Prodigal. If you love a prodigal, you can discover help and hope for your wilderness journey right here at our podcast, and also help and hope for your own life journey. Today is a big day because it is our 50th episode of our podcast. I, whoever thought I would do a podcast much less 50 of them, and I'm planning to continue. But today is especially big because we have a very special guest.

0:40 That guest is my son, Josh, who is the one who made this podcast happen. Today he will be telling us whatever he wants, but a little of his story, his journey as a prodigal, things that brought change in his life and where he is now. I want you to listen. I want you to be encouraged by Josh's story and how he's made a major turn in his life, and be thinking as you listen to his story of ways that you can interact with your own prodigal and things that might be helpful to you.

1:25 Jot them down so you don't forget. I want this to really be a helpful time for you. Here we go. Josh, welcome to what I consider your podcast. Thank you. You're so welcome. Thank you. I just want you to know, Josh, that many people who listen to this and read my book are very grateful for you. They've said that and you have a chance now to even expand the ministry that you have in the lives of people who are going through some of the things that you and I went through over some 15 years.

2:10 First, I'd like it if you could tell a little about your first eight years before you came to be a part of our family with your birth mom, and some of what you experienced then. I don't tend to remember quite a bit about that time. I mean, I remember a little Jots of things. I just remember growing up in many different places, many different houses. The main time that I do remember, I couldn't tell you my ages, probably birth and eight years old, spent in a trailer that my grandfather had purchased for my biological mother.

2:53 That time growing up, I wasn't going to school on a regular basis. It was whenever she would want to send me. That tended, of course, to get me in trouble. Me just making choices that I shouldn't be making. I just remember a lot of little things. Most of the things are not good. Just a lot of traveling here and there with her doing drugs, and she was prostituting to make money, which meant I was around a lot of different guys and their kids if they had them. Did you ever feel unsafe or hungry or confused by all the different people and things going on?

3:40 I'd have to say I was always confused just because I never knew what was going on, on a day-to-day basis, except for throughout that time of growing up one to eight, I had spent time on and off with my grandparents, which those were the times where I really wasn't all that confused, but the times of hitchhiking with my biological mom and whatever else may have been back then. However, we got places. I was definitely confused on why there were so many people always around.

4:23 Hungry, yes. My grandparents tried to make it, so she had something as well as being on welfare. But yes, there were times where I didn't eat or I remember, this is of course one of the little tidbit things that I remember. I remember whenever we would go to a fast food place, she would have me go in with her and say that there was something in our meal, and of course back then they would give you a free meal and others, I guess.

5:06 Definitely confused, sometimes hungry. But not afraid? No, I don't think I was really. There might have been times where I was afraid just because she did a lot of drugs, which the people that she was with did drugs, and there would be fights. That would probably be about the only time that I think I was ever really afraid. But even at that, I don't. I think it was just a norm for me. You were used to it? To most parts, I was used to it.

5:47 There's things that I saw that I couldn't comprehend until a later age. Then realized, hey, those weren't good things that was happening. Then you were taken from your mom and you went to your grandparents. As far as you knew, that was just one more time you went to your grandparents, I guess? It was just another time that Papa would come pick me up, and I'd stay over there or we'd go on a fishing trip or a camping trip.

6:27 Then all of a sudden, you were put in our home. I know that the day that you actually came to live with us, not just visit us, you didn't know you were coming to live with us. Nobody had told you that. But how were you feeling for as much as you knew about what was going on when you came to live with us? What were your thoughts or feelings? Do you remember that? I think it's hard to remember, but I was more confused than anything else.

7:08 I didn't know why they were taking me away from my biological mother and my grandparents. I still remember the day in court when the judge asked me if I wanted to change my name. I told him that I wanted it from Alan Shane to Shane Allen or something like that, not knowing that he meant my last name. That's why your name got changed to Joshua Shane Allen. I didn't realize that that was what caused that. Yeah, I think that's about one of the only things that I remember of that day, that we went to court for the final process of the adoption.

8:02 Right. Well, it was foster care and then later was adoption, and that would have been the changing your name. Yeah. So thinking back on those early times with us, with our family, what do you remember about that? What was hard about it, but maybe what was good about it? It was weird. The fact that you would sit down and have dinner together, weird that there'd always be somebody there when you went to bed and woke up. Those things were, I remember that was very strange to you, that there were limits on what you could watch on TV, and that there was actually a bedtime.

8:45 There was no cable, that's for sure. You went to school. Yes, I went to school full-time every day is when I couldn't get out of not going. So see if you can think about the kinds of things when you first began to get in trouble, when you were at Pine Castle School and sometimes were not doing really well. What can you remember about that? Can just remember some of the things that I did to get myself in trouble. I think some of it was probably just rebellion because of what had been going on in my life and the changes.

9:32 Certain things that I remember doing to get myself in trouble, and finally just getting myself in trouble enough that they ended up having to take me and a few others out of the actual class and having to learn with somebody that wasn't even necessarily a teacher. I don't know why I did the things. It probably was to get more attention. You struggled in school as well. Yes, I definitely did. That played a lot with not going to school in my early years of when kids normally start school and learn their ABCs and specific things that's going to help them when they continue to another grade.

10:22 After the adoption and you were really ours, not just foster child for us, we had great hopes that things would get better, that you would feel more secure, that you wouldn't be abandoned or turned away or something like that, that we were really committed to you and loved you. Then you started sixth grade. You were ahead of your time, I mean age-wise, and so you were bigger than all the kids in your grade and also still not really caught up quite.

11:03 From the beginning of the time you were in middle school, you began to have more and more trouble with the wrong friends in school. I got to know the teachers and the counselors and the vice principal and then the principal. Can you think of what some of your thoughts were when you were there in middle school and really beginning to get in trouble more? Probably because I started seeing things that I saw when I was younger that made me want to start doing those things. At that point in time I was getting a little older and I'm a little bit more upset with the situation that I was in from being taken away, put in a home with people that I didn't know.

11:59 Other people were talking about their parents and brothers and sisters and it probably made me think, well I don't have that per se even though I did, but that's when things kind of started hitting me a little bit more of what was truly going on as well as what had gone on when I was younger with the drugs. So that's probably what made me start acting out a little bit more. So at that time, you don't know this probably, but they were about to kick you out of school. No, I think I knew that.

12:40 Okay, because they just really were struggling with your disrupting in class and you had joined a gang and so we were pretty desperate because we didn't know what else to do to help you. And so that's when we sent you to House of Hope. Would you like to comment about your year there? I met some good and interesting people there. It was very helpful and it was probably what brought me closer to God back then due to having to memorize verses and read your Bible every day and having daily devotions.

13:31 But it was hard because I once again was in a place that I could not leave even though I tried. But it was a good time where I had a chance to be able to try to better myself and have people that were there that wanted to help me do that and try to get out of the way of being that kid getting in trouble. And I had a lot of great people there to help. Of course, you know who I'm going to say were the most helpful there, and that would be Mike and Rose Young.

14:14 Definitely. They were just, you knew the love that they had for the kids and me that were there, even though we were horrible to them. They were always there. It was a good time of growth and I'm glad and also not glad that it happened. Right. Maybe you don't know this, but one of the things for us that was good, other than a little piece at home, but we really fell in love with you.

15:02 One of the things they required was that we come and have time with you every week. And there we'd sit and we got forced to develop a relationship, which had been hard to make happen before. And also, Mike led you to Jesus and what happened that night? When or that afternoon? He baptized me in the lake that was behind our house that we had. The next day, actually, they caught a, I think it was like a seven or eight foot alligator right at the same place that he had baptized me.

15:49 Well, we're glad the alligator was not there the day you got baptized. But for me, something that happened that night that I actually haven't talked to you about, but it's in my book, it was like you were born in my heart as my real son, as opposed to just this boy that God had sent to us and that we were growing in our love for. But all of a sudden, you were more than just an adopted boy. You were like really and truly my son. It was a very special time for me.

16:29 And that's been true ever since. God gave me a real love for you. And you know that. So then when you graduated from House of Hope, you came home and we did some homeschooling to get you all caught up. And you then begged and begged to get to go back to school. You really didn't like spending your days with me all the time. And I was fearful because you hadn't had the right kind of friends. And we had all sorts of constraints of what you could and couldn't do in order to get to go back to school and not continue homeschooling. And that's the things we were concerned about all began to happen.

17:22 Because you found your old friends that you had been separated from for that year and a half. What were you thinking when you got back with them and some of the things that started to happen? Anything particular? Not that I necessarily could remember other than it felt more like freedom to me. It felt like it did back before I was adopted that I could kind of just try to do my own thing. So you didn't feel so controlled?

18:02 Correct. But then you began to make some really poor choices. Yeah, I made quite a few poor choices, that's for sure. Then I just made those choices because it felt good. And it's not that I didn't feel good over the years. It's just that was a feel good that, again, that's kind of hard for me to explain. I sometimes have a hard time finding words for things. So do I. It made me feel good. It made me feel happy. That's, of course, what things do when you're doing things that you're not well.

18:44 Things like drugs and alcohol? Yeah, like drugs and alcohol. That to me, again, was just something that I started to realize, hey, that's what these things are. That's what I saw when I was younger. So I'm going to do it. And I did it. And it made me feel good most of the time. And I knew it was something I should do. But I did it anyway just because I wanted to be rebellious and not listen and be my own person. You did get in a little trouble there. I do remember the very first time I got in trouble. Funny enough, I don't really remember all the circumstances that had to do with it. I've gotten in some trouble.

19:29 Then you can actually probably refresh my memory because I know you remember completely. But when I ended up going to juvenile detention and then ended up going into a similar type of program. Yeah, you really what happened was you'd had your wisdom teeth out and you had your pain medication and decided to take it all. And then you came down the stairs clearly out of control with a bag you'd packed and said, I'm leaving. And Steve took one look at you and said, there's no way you're going to drive your car. And that led to a confrontation. And you actually called the sheriff's to come.

20:17 Yeah, I do remember exactly. I told you, you'd remember. And I remember as soon as you said it. I do remember that day. I definitely was on a lot of medication. And I was the very first time that I really ever had an encounter with the police. And I remember the lady sheriff. Yeah, a lady sheriff. I remember, I guess she said that I started walking towards her with my fist. And she told me that she was going to shoot me if I didn't stop. And I guess I stopped. And thank you, Lord. Went back with her, turned around and walked home. I can't remember exactly what I did.

21:00 But yeah, that was the very first time that I had ever had interaction with the law like that. Yeah, it was a scary time because it was a confrontation with Steve, your dad. So they took you away. And in the middle of the night, you called. And you said, come get me out of here. I said, we can't do that. You have to have a hearing. And that's not for two days. And so you spent two nights at JDC. And we went to court and they set a trial date. And we're going to send you home with us. And Steve said, well, we're his parents and we care about him.

21:43 But we're also the victims because of the way you attacked Steve, tried to. You didn't actually. And so that's when they sent you to Boys Town for three weeks until your trial. And then the judge was kind and just put you on community service. Instead of putting you in jail. And we were grateful for that. But of course, you didn't go to your community service very much. No, I did not. I do remember where I did some of the community services, that wildlife refuge. Yes, you did go to some, but then you didn't.

22:24 And so eventually you were back before the judge. And he said, all right, if you don't go do your community service, then you will be in jail or go to prison for the damage. That was a different thing, though. That had to do with the gate. Damaging. Yes. Yeah, that was. Yes. OK. Yes. Yeah, those are two different events. That includes the night you spent at 33rd Street. Jail. So you had some. Not enough was across the street or across the lake from outside. I know. I always thought that was interesting.

23:07 So let's kind of switch gears here and tell us about some of the really important people in your life. That's I've got quite a few. You guys, for one, are very important. In my life now, as I got older, I finally learned that it took a long time to Mike and Rose again have been very since House of Hope, very important to me. And then my grandparents.

23:48 My grandparents had all have been there throughout my entire life. And they have not ever necessarily let me down. So I would have to say that they were very, very important to me. That's really true. They were so key in your life. And I definitely want to get back to that. But I've got my best friend, John, but he's very important in my life and his his family is also important in my life. And then I've got my family now. But my grandparents, I and you guys, my grandparents have been there for the entire time and you guys have been there for the majority of my life.

24:29 But my grandparents just never they always believed in me, even though I was not doing the right thing. Unfortunately, my grandfather's passed some years now. My grandmother's still living. 97 years old. She is. Yeah. And I will be going to see her with my family tomorrow. But she's down the street for me. I finally was able to convince her a little over a year ago, I think now to move closer to rehab slash long term facility here down the street for me. So I still get to go see her. And there's a lot of times that we'll talk about the old days because now that's mostly what she remembers.

25:19 Yeah. So I'm very grateful that my grandparents have always stayed in my life. They've been so good to you. In fact, when your grandfather was failing and eventually passed, they were very happy to see you. My grandfather was failing and eventually passed. You may not realize this, but we were afraid you would take your life. You had come close a couple of other times. We just knew that it was devastating for you to lose him, that papa was so important to you. And yet instead it became a turning point in your life. Can you talk about that?

25:59 That was definitely a turning point in my life. I had just gotten out of a very bad marriage. Basically, I'd become an alcoholic at that time. Right before my grandfather passed away, I met my wife. She was there for me the entire time, right before he had passed. That was the turning point in my life. After we had gotten together and my grandfather passed away, I was still hurting from that and still drinking. Basically, my wife, when we were dating, she was there for me to be my supporter, as well as you guys, of course. She was the changing point in my life where I started to get my act together.

26:47 I think one of the main reasons is because she forced me to do that and kicked me in my butt to do it. I still remember, I don't know if it was the day that we were getting married, when I had asked her. After she said yes, she basically said, I'm not going to marry you if you continue drinking. That day is when I stopped. We had a tragic thing happen at the house that I had lived in with a roommate taking his life in the house. She was there for that as well to help me get through that. I ended up going to stay with her during that time because I wasn't going to stay at the house. Every time I would walk through it, I would just see things that I didn't want to see.

27:32 Throughout that time of us living together, I had worked on and off during that time, but never really a full-time job. I started working when I was living with her. We got married and ended up moving out to the country. That's when I started a full-time job that I'm still with right now. I still was making definitely bad choices before I met her. Do you remember when Papa died what you said? You planned the memorial service that we had for him. When you shared then, you said a hugely important thing.

28:17 Right now, I can't remember that. What you said was, I want to make Papa proud. I'm going to live a different life than the one I've been living because I just want... He's just been such a wonderful model and I want to please him. Yeah, I do remember saying that, yes. That's what I've strived to do since his death. I feel that I've come a very long way with that. You certainly have. Why don't you tell us a little about your farm? Well, like I said, after we got married, we had moved out to our first farm.

29:00 We had some horses, we had cows, chickens, turkeys, pigs, all of it. Sheep? We ended up moving to another farm, a little bit smaller, so we had to get rid of some animals. We had started selling and raising some pigs that we now sell as a side business. But it's something that now, which is really weird because of course I grew up in the city. I grew up fishing and surfing and the beach. So I never really... I liked the country and definitely started liking the country more when I came to live with you guys.

29:40 Just because we had family in Texas and they had horses. I don't know. I just... I love... I've always loved the animals. But now having them, it's just... it's more responsibility. And it's something that I just... I like to do. And it's... amazingly, I've become a builder, a planner, a farmer now. You love being outdoors. You prefer that. Your job keeps you outdoors as well. You drill wells and install equipment for water wells. That's...

30:20 So you keep... Here's the thing that's amazing as we've watched you work. Because in those earlier days, Steve called you the most creative work avoider he'd ever seen. And now when we watch you between your job and the farm, you might be one of the hardest working people I know. And it's not just that it's hard labor, because it is a lot of it. It's just work. I mean, because you all moved to another farm, you just installed a thousand feet of fence in yourself. And... You have to start all over again. Right. And so it's been thrilling to see the change that God has made in your life to enable you to work. When we come to visit you, you'll say and talk with us for a while.

31:17 And then you say, whoop, I gotta go do something and take care of some animal or something at the farm. You know, so... It's such a contrast. What caused you, do you think, to turn into such a hardworking man? What you had said, that I had said at Papa's funeral, that I wanted to make him proud. That was the kick for me. And my wife has really been the one that's made me want to do it, to make her proud and to make you guys proud to know that I'm now working so hard. But just for my family.

31:57 Tell us about your family. I've got three girls. I've got a 19 year old, five year old and a 15, 16 month. They're just, they're all great kids. The middle child is definitely, as I look at her right now, she becomes more and more like me, which is scary. But every day she is more like me. And then my littlest one, she's starting to talk now and just goes crazy and runs around everywhere. And you can't keep her in the house. You can't keep her in a stroller.

32:38 And then my oldest, which is of course my wife's daughter, she's an awesome kid. She's about to start going to school to become a pharmacy tech. My family is what keeps me going. The days I get off of work at six o'clock and get home at now 6.15, since I was so close, I do it for them. That's awesome. Let me ask you one last question then Josh. So where has God fit into all of this in your life? God's been in my life this entire time. I mean, ever since before I was adopted, I went to church with my grandparents. But God really didn't become a part of my life until House of Hope. I went to church with you guys and tried to, I guess, play the part.

33:31 But House of Hope is where he became real to me. And even though that I've strayed throughout the years, he's still in my life. But I still do try to keep a relationship with him. One of the things that I know that you do is pray a lot, or ask for prayer. You not infrequently text me and say, I'm having a hard day. Please be praying for me. So it seems to me that your relationship doesn't look like everyone's, but that it's got a real personal sense to it, that God is real to you.

34:12 And you know that he's got things under control and that you turn to him often. And let me just say finally, Josh, it has been such an incredible journey to walk with you for all these years. You've been with us for more than 20 years now. And actually more than 30 years is what I meant to say. And you are an important part of our life. Your sisters, our daughters, love you like someone who'd been born their brother. They really care for you. And it has been a hard journey in a lot of ways.

34:56 It's a journey that's made a difference in my life. I've been radically transformed in a lot of ways. Because of journeying through the hard things in your life. And I don't think they were all rebellion. I'm sure some of it was. But a lot of it was the pain that you grew up with and the losing of your mom. I remember wishing that you could love me as your mom. But you said no. Julie was your mom. And then later you finally were able to express that love. And that's been a growing thing for us to be able to have that kind of relationship.

35:41 But most of all, it's been a joy to see you really wanting to be the person that God made you to be. Knowing you still have growing to do. But to see you working well, working hard, making such good choices for your life compared to what you did in those earliest years. And having a ministry without doing it yourself. Because your life has touched so many people. And so I would say thank you. I think that our listeners would say thank you as well. I'm just grateful that I get to be your mom and watch what God continues to do in you and through you.

36:26 And I believe he's got even more ahead for you. Yes, and I'm very grateful for you guys. And I love you very much. And I am now definitely glad that I was adopted and that you guys chose to let me stay with you. And become my family. It is a joy. I love you. Thank you so much for doing this. Love you. Love you, hon. So to my listeners, glad you could listen in as Josh and I kind of work through his life. And as is true for all of us, he still has a way to go. God's still working. All of us. That's true.

37:10 And so again, let me ask you listeners that you would think, what can I apply? What would I want? Whether it's in your relationship with your prodigal or in your own life. Is there something in that God has said to you through this conversation that will really help you as you keep going? And in your relationship with God and with any prodigal in your life. God bless you. This is the 50th episode. I'm kind of thinking we'll pause for a couple of weeks. I need a break, I think. But all the old episodes are available and you can go back and listen to them.

37:56 And we'll pick back up and a number of things planned for when we pick back up in the middle of February. God bless you.