Questions that Make a Difference, episode 152

0:00 If you love a Prodigal, you can discover help and hope for your wilderness journey right here at When You Love a Prodigal podcast. And also help and hope for your own life journey. As you listen today, be alert for ideas or actions that could be helpful for you in your current journey. It's noisy out there, isn't it? Online at school, in the neighborhood, and certainly in your home when you have a Prodigal. So many strong but very differing opinions. We seem to be more committed to making our point and hopefully getting others to agree with us.

0:46 We don't really listen to what others are saying. Perhaps you've noticed when reading the Gospels that Jesus was consistent in his conversation. He wasn't loud. He asked a lot of questions. And if you think about it, asking questions implies something so critical to relating to others, a willingness to listen. Now I've known people who ask a lot of questions, but they don't listen. You barely began to reply before they ask another question. I don't think that's how Jesus did it, nor should we.

1:28 Perhaps in order to listen well and learn something from the person we're talking to, we should seek to ask questions that draw them out, that create a safe environment, that encourage open minds and open hearts that say, I care about you. The need to listen is true for all relationships, where we work, where we lead, with friends and acquaintances, with our spouse and children, with those we know well and those we've just met, and certainly with our protocols. By asking questions and listening to responses, we demonstrate that we truly care about them, and we go much deeper in our understanding of them.

2:20 We connect better, family ties strengthen, trust increases, love and grace grow. So may I encourage you to look for an opportunity or invite your protocol to a meal with you, or watch a football game or a favorite stream show with him or her, or even challenge them to a video game. I wouldn't do that, but maybe you could. Casual conversation can open many doors to helpful questions, and then we can listen and learn more than we knew.

3:02 So what I want to share with you today are some questions that I love to ask. There are different kinds. You won't want to do them all at once. Just pick one or two that you might want to ask when you have time for a relaxed conversation, hopefully, with your loved one. Probably the best time is not when there's been an explosion, but it could be. But the important thing to remember is that when you ask questions, the next thing you do is listen and let them tell you their response. So here's some questions. One, if you could change something in your life, circumstances, school, job, attitude, family, what would it be?

3:53 Sometimes the first remark is funny, but usually followed by a thoughtful response and maybe some genuine conversation. Give it a chance. Another question, if you could design your own job or school day, what would it look like? If this person had told me his something to change would be his job, then this is a great opportunity to add to the previous answer and to listen. More often, they are stymied to give a specific idea, but the question just might start them thinking.

4:33 Another question, what is something you have learned lately? Too often, this can elicit a snarky remark such as not to talk with someone who asks too many questions. But if I wait patiently, I might get a real reply and I might learn something as well. It's always good to be encouraging our loved ones, our protocols, to think about the things that we're asking. Next question, what are you thankful for today? I'm almost always delightfully surprised as people pause to answer this one.

5:14 They stop to think and can usually think of something they are thankful for. Now when you're talking to a prodigal, that might be a little more challenging sometime, but give them time and then listen. This is the fifth question, what or who has encouraged you this week? I love this question. It causes the person I am asking and myself as well to gain two wonderful things, one, being encouraged and recognizing it, and grateful thoughts toward a person or an event or an opportunity, something that when they thought about it, they could be thankful for.

6:00 And they were encouraged therefore. Next what book or movie or TV series streaming has influenced you in the past month or have you enjoyed? And why? What is it about it that you liked? This often leads to a stimulating or fun conversation. I learn a lot about this friend or this child and I discover things we might have in common and make a note to read a new book or catch a program. Seventh question, what is something you've often dreamed of doing?

6:44 I love this question too. I usually have to wait patiently for my companion, the person I'm talking with, to do a little dreaming. Answers can range from getting more education or learning to scuba dive or produce a movie or get married or climb a mountain or climb all the 14,000 footers in Colorado or stay out of trouble. I think my prodigal would have said that. What is it that they dream about? Yeah. Next question, what is the scariest or most challenging thing you have ever done?

7:29 Once again, the answers often start with humor. Ask the class beauty queen to the prom. But real answers very widely. Go cave diving. Frightening thought to me, but I know people who do that. Become a parent that is rightfully a scary job and you have no idea until you get into it. Quit my job to do something I really want to do. Ask forgiveness for something I did that hurt someone. And almost always somebody says, the scariest thing I ever have to do or never hope to do is public speaking.

8:11 Then, if someone asked you for advice for a happy life, what would you tell them? I get some predictable responses. Be yourself. Do what makes you happy. Follow your heart. Hang with people you like. But often I hear amazing stories of how this person has found some real happiness. Remember, I'm going to have to listen to get very far and deep with that conversation. And my absolute favorite question to ask, how has God surprised you lately?

8:52 Now, some people really won't want to answer that, but many will take time to. And I love this question because I love stories. And this question almost always leads to stories. What was a surprising event or opportunity or relationship or could grade on a test, whatever the thing that surprised you? Happy stories, funny stories, sad stories, startling stories, even a long time prodigal might surprise you with a real answer.

9:32 Too often, our conversation with loved ones who are making choices we don't agree with, or we're fearful about moving quickly to criticism, accusation, angry words, a slammed door, because that's what's happened a lot in the past. It never ceases to amaze me where conversations can go when I keep a neutral voice, when I speak kindly, when I ask honest questions and I listen to the answers. Rarely does the conversation stall when good questions open wide doors to ideas, experiences, disappointments, hopes, and dreams.

10:22 What about you? What are some of your favorite questions? And what might you ask your loved wanderer? And as you listen, where might that conversation take you into a new kind of relationship with them? Ask God to give you opportunities, genuine interest in them, not always having to correct and change them, and a willingness to listen that it will go so far in drawing them back into the kind of relationship you want. Don't forget to go to the show notes to like this podcast, to share it with a friend, even to subscribe, and there'll be some places you can click to get some more ideas.

11:15 God bless you.