Recognizing Grief, episode 141

0:00 If you love a prodigal, you can discover help and hope for your wilderness journey right here at When You Love a Prodigal podcast and also help and hope for your own life journey. And that's what we're going to be talking about today. If you've been journeying in a prodigal wilderness for a long time or if your journey is just beginning, you will experience many emotions, fear, anger, frustration, resentment, guilt, and more.

0:40 And at some time you will recognize an overriding emotion of grief. It's just, you're just sad at what's happening. I know grief became very real in my journey. I was recently asked to speak about the grief journey, though I am not a professional grief counselor, but I am a fellow traveler on the grief journey. And this week to help us recognize the reality of some of our emotions to see that we're dealing with grief and there are things to do with grief.

1:22 I'm going to share with you some of my personal grief experiences. The next week I will share the unfolding grief of wilderness journey and some help that I founded living through it. But first a little background from my life. I always wanted my own way. My parents told me that, my sisters told me that, and my friends even told me that. And I usually got my own way. When I didn't, I was not happy. And I could tell you a lot of stories, but that's not what we're here for. Fast forward to when I was 15.

2:04 I lived in Texas and one of my best friends invited me to go to a ski camp in Colorado with her. She said I would learn to ski and there would be cute boys. So sure, I'd love to. She didn't tell me that there was also a spiritual emphasis, but I didn't mind that. I learned to ski sort of except for stopping, which I usually did by sitting down when I got to the bottom. And there were cute boys there. And every evening a message from Jesus or about Jesus.

2:45 I learned that Jesus loved me so much that he'd come to earth to die and pay the penalty for my sins. I liked that. The last night the speaker said that Jesus not only wanted to come into my life and forgive my sins, but he wanted to show me his better way for my life. What? God has a better plan for my life than I do? So I said to God, I choose your way. I thought it was settled until the next morning when something didn't go my way. Oh, I recognized I was going to need to be making these choices my way or God's way day by day.

3:36 That was true. Many times those choices were small, but sometimes they were very big, but my commitment was real. And truthfully, occasionally, I did not choose God's way, or if I did, it was with a fair amount of resistance. But in major decisions I have consistently said, Lord, I choose your way. And sometimes that brought real grief to me. As I was getting ready to graduate from the University of Texas, I was also preparing to marry the man I'd been going with for four years.

4:20 I was talking to the Lord, and he said, I want you to come on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ now, crew. And I said, yes, sure, I'd love to. But when I said to Bob, my fiance, isn't it wonderful that we're joining Campus Crusade? He said, I'm not. I said, yes, yes, God is calling us. He said, not me. I went, oh, so that evening I talked to God. I mean, I argued with God. I said, when are you going to tell him? And God said, if you marry him, you won't be able to do what I have for you to do.

5:07 So finally I said, I choose your way. I broke my engagement with a lot of tears. There was real grief. But that's not all God asked me to give up in joining the ministry. Since I was eight years old, I'd wanted to be a writer. As I studied journalism, I knew I wanted to write for a magazine and eventually become a magazine editor. But to join staff meant I would work at a campus and tell people about Jesus, which I was willing to do. But I felt God drove a really hard bargain to say, I choose your way, Lord.

5:51 Meant I would give up the man I loved and my dream to be a magazine editor. These were great losses and thus great grief for me. To say, all right, my hands are open, I give it up for you, Lord. However, God had a sweet surprise for me. When I was at new staff training, I was called in to see Bill Bright, the founder and president of the ministry. He said, Judy, you have a journalism degree. I do. He said, we have a magazine we have started for staff to use when they talk to students about Jesus.

6:33 Would you be willing, instead of going to one campus, to come to our headquarters and work in this magazine for all the campuses? Would I? Of course. My grief turned to joy. And for the next 14 years, I worked on that magazine and started another one and helped Bill Bright write books. But that other loss, the man I loved, we're still friends. He's married. I'm married. Oh, yeah, that. I met a man named Steve Douglas about four years after joining staff. We became friends.

7:13 Well, actually, I liked his roommate. But that didn't work out. And we began to do a lot of things together. And then we sort of started dating kind of secretly at first because he wasn't real sure he wanted people to know. But eventually we were out in the open. But he wasn't at all interested in getting married. And I'm getting into my late 20s by this time and thinking, hmm, what's going to happen? And all my good friends were saying, you better give up on him. He's not going to get married. His reasons were legit.

7:53 His parents had had a rough marriage and he had seen a lot of pain there. So he was reluctant to make a commitment. And I was thinking of doing what my friend said, of giving up. So I told the Lord, I think we're done. And the Lord said, don't leave him, Judy. Wait. Don't quit. He says, I have things I want you to do with Steve. So I said, I choose your way. And I'm so glad I did. Two years later, we were married and he was so worth waiting for.

8:35 He was capable, smart, a great leader, but also kind, loving, encouraging, believing the best of me and everyone else. 37 wonderful years. We were married. And as many of you know, God called Steve home to heaven about 18 months ago. Talk about loss and grief. I miss him really terribly. Tears still come. I write about him and talk about him. I've gone through two tech seasons now without him.

9:15 That was his job as well as getting a new roof on our house, which was also his job. But I was overcome a lot with just deep sadness, grief. The night he left, I cried out to God, how am I supposed to live now? And he gently reminded me, I will be with you. And I basically said, well, I know that, but how am I supposed to live? He says, no, every step, Judy, I will be with you. And he has been. And he offers that to us in this hard journey with a protocol. A few days after that conversation, I said, well, Lord, why did he have to leave now?

10:01 And God said as clearly as any word I've received from him, I wanted to be kind to him. His body was beginning to fail in several ways and God kindly took him home. And I can't argue with that. But the grief is real. The missing him is not easy. But God is also real. And his love and presence have been there with me every step of early times of grief throughout my life and in this hardest grief of all. So I just wanted to give you with this a little picture of grief so that you can understand that a lot of what you're feeling is really grief.

10:51 And there are things that can help you with that. Next week, I will share with you some of the struggles and pain and grief of our 15 year wilderness journey and tell you how that prepared me for the loss of my husband. So take a minute, please now to think about the various times of loss and grief in your life throughout your life. There certainly been times that were hard times you felt you lost something that mattered. Grief was real to you and in this journey you're in now probably your experience in some of the worst grief you have ever known.

11:39 And God is there for you in that. He knows what you're feeling and he is not going to abandon you. And so we'll talk more about ways to walk through this, recognizing grief, acknowledging it and yet also sensing and experiencing God's presence with you and his ability to comfort and meet your needs. So don't miss next week's episode. I think you'll find great hope. God bless you.