Replay of The Voice of Grace, episode 13

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Do you love a prodigal? Do you feel like you are lost in a scary and endless wilderness?

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Welcome to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. I am Judy Douglass and I spent more than 15

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years in that wilderness. I believe together we will discover help and hope for your journey.

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Welcome back to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. How did it go with your prodigal

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last week? Did you experience God's grace even in challenging circumstances? Did you

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find a way to extend grace to your loved one? Today we continue our look at grace, an essential

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element for living with and loving a prodigal. Now perhaps you've had a conversation with

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your prodigal something like this. Did you go to your community service? I asked calmly.

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Yes, I did, he retorted. Are you sure? I asked, accusingly. I said I did, he replied angrily.

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My voice escalated. Your supervisor called, I replied, failing to contain my anger. She

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said you didn't show up. The conversation did not improve. He turned his back, stomped

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into his room and slammed his door. Have you ever engaged in such a conversation? Most

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of us have, probably often with the same result, but it doesn't have to be that way. Have

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you ever said to your prodigal, that's disgraceful. You are so ungrateful. Each of these phrases

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contains a word with the Latin root for grace or lack of it. They mean without grace. And

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these are words any of us might have said to our prodigals because they have been true.

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Their behavior was disgraceful. They often are ungrateful. Yet God tells us that the

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opposite should be true of the words we speak. They should be full of grace. Grace we looked

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at last time, what an incredibly wonderful gift it is that God has given us to extend

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love and joy and peace to those we love. Psalm 45 2 tells us, your lips have been anointed

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with grace since God has blessed you forever. Wow, God's blessed you and me forever and

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he's anointed our lips with grace. We have the grace for when we speak. Proverbs 22

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11 says, one who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a

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friend. In other words, speaking with grace gets you places. It introduces you to people

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that you might want to know. And then there's this wonderful admonition from Colossians

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4.6. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so you may know

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how to answer everyone. I am convinced that one of the most important ways we extend grace

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to our prodigals is through our words. Words are powerful. They have the potential to inflame

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discord and inflict great emotional harm or the capacity to encourage repentance and restoration

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and offer healing and reconciliation. Certainly we must speak truth and our prodigals often

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need to hear some hard truths. But God's word reminds us in Ephesians 4.15 how we must

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deliver those words of truth. He says, speak the truth in love. Say it in love. Say it

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with grace. Is that easy? No. Our frustration prompts negative words. Disrespect from a

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prodigal causes us to raise our voices. Anger arouses our emotion. Conflict escalates. How?

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How do we speak truth in love? How do we make sure our words are seasoned with grace? I

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have some practical thoughts for you. Some help if you remember. I sometimes don't. This

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will help in communicating with your prodigal or a child, a friend, a co-worker or even

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your spouse. When anger threatens, when harsh words hover on the tip of your tongue, first

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wait. Count to 10 before you speak or 20 or 30, whatever it takes to rein in your emotions.

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Second, moderate. Speak slowly. We tend to let our words just come out rapid fire. Moderate,

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speak slowly, calmly, gently, firmly. Breathe deeply. Slowing your words gives both of you

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time to calm down. Think. That's a good thing to do before you speak. Think. Will these

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words add fuel to the fire? We can use words that inflame or words that quench the fire.

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Sure. Would you like someone to speak to you in such words in that tone of voice? Perhaps

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not or probably not. How would you feel if a friend or loved one spoke to you like you

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are about to speak to your prodigal? Recognize this is important. The words you speak today

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may be part of your relationship with this person for all the years to come. Oh no, they'll

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forget mostly, but not always. Have you ever remembered maybe many times something negative

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spoken to you years ago and it's actually influenced how you think about yourself? That

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can happen if we speak harsh and negative words to our loved ones. Realize your tone

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of voice can turn neutral words into destructive words. If you are, or I am, sarcastic or angry

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or smirking or mocking, our tone of voice matters. And then remember this. Remember

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you love this person. This is so important. You do love this person, even if they're

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driving you crazy. You love them and you don't want to make them feel unloved, unwanted,

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rejected. You love this person. And then the last one is pray. Most of all, stop to pray

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before you speak. Make sure you're filled with God's Spirit who can give you those

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words of grace. Ask him to govern your tongue, to release his love into your heart. Choose

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to be an instrument of God's grace. Gracious words may or may not lessen the carnage in

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an immediate negative conversation, but they should help. Over time, words filled with

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grace will eliminate the fuel that feeds what often becomes an inferno of conflict. When

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grace has prevailed and the words we have spoken have not done irreparable harm, then

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return, reconciliation, and restoration will occur more easily. I'm not saying all this

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happens at once, but the more you let grace and love guide your words, the more likely

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for building a relationship that is repairable and can pull a prodigal out of the choices

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they're making. The Lord tells us, don't just say you love this person. Really show

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love. And remember, love speaks grace and so should we. I have some questions for you

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to consider as you go into this week trying to live with the voice of grace, that the

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words that come out of your mouth, especially to your prodigal, but to anyone, will be words

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seasoned with grace. How have ungraced words contributed to an escalating confrontation

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with your loved one? When have you found that the negative words that you have spoken have

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caused the conflict to increase? And when have you seen grace words contribute to peace

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and resolution? Learn to recognize that the harsh words, what they're creating, and the

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grace words, the wonderful change that they can create. And how can you make sure your

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words are seasoned with grace this week? Well, I have for you available the 10 points I read

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to you that ended in pray. I have a beautiful art page and it is available in the show notes

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of our program. And so you can go there and download that and you can work through that

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and you can let God remind you of each of these points. In fact, I'm going to remind

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you of them, just the main points right now. Wait, moderate, think, consider, recognize,

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realize, remember, pray. And I will be praying for you that your voice will be the voice

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of grace every time you speak to your loved one. God bless you.

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Thank you for joining me today on the When You Love a Proud Girl podcast. If you enjoyed

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today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and review the show on Apple podcasts or wherever

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you listen. Your review helps the show reach more people with the hope and encouragement

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of Jesus. Don't forget, take a look at the show notes. And for more helpful information,

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resources and books, check out judydouglass.com. That's Douglass with two S's. You can find

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me on Facebook and on Twitter and Instagram at JudyDouglass417. Until next week.