Rest in Repentance and Forgiveness (episode 23)

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Do you love a prodigal? Do you feel like you are lost in a scary and endless wilderness?

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Welcome to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. I am Judy Douglass and I spent more than 15

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years in that wilderness. I believe together we will discover help and hope for your journey.

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Did you get some rest this week? With lots of time in the presence of God? This week

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we will look at two more sources of rest for our souls. You know how children are good

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at manipulating their parents? Of course you know. They'll go to one, the one they think

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will say yes to what they want, and then they get their yes and go to the other and say

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mommy said or daddy said, pretty clever. We don't always outgrow that. I remember in a

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job soon after college I did the same thing. Because I had several different responsibilities,

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I also had several different bosses. I wanted to be given a certain assignment, but they kind of

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had to agree on that. So I wanted to ask the one I was sure would say yes first. So I went to that

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person who said oh yeah that's fine as long as it's okay with the others. So then I went to the

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other two one by one and I said this person said it would be fine and they said well if it's okay

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with him it's okay with me. So it was a great assignment. I loved it. But the cost was great because

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as you can see I still remember my shame for manipulating to get my way. You see sin is

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exhausting. And yes your prodigal is probably exhausted from all his or her sinning. But right

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now I'm talking about my sin and your sin. As we struggle through this journey almost anyone would

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grant us grace for occasionally raising our voices, responding in anger, saying really stupid things,

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making wussy decisions, or instead coming down too hard. And sometimes we sin in those responses

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which can weary us and yes God does give grace. Other potential sins can really go deeper and

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perhaps one or more of these sins, realities, plague you. Fear. Fear for the safety, future,

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and life of your loved one. That makes all the sense in the world but it can take over our hearts

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and minds. Fear that nothing we try will work and he or she will never change. Fear that we will have

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to live with this pain for the rest of our lives. Fear that we aren't able to give this to God.

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How about anger? Anger at her for making these terrible choices for clearly not thinking. Anger

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at ourselves for not doing a better job of influencing, teaching, loving. Anger at God for

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letting this happen to us. Or not using the voice of grace which we talked about a few weeks ago.

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Speaking harshly with condemning words or inflammatory accusations. Forgetting that

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we love this person that we're speaking to. Or just plain not trusting God. How can I believe

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he is in control? That he loves me in my prodigal when he allows all this pain? How can I believe

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that he will or even can bring good from this mess? God says it is sin when we continue to live this

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way consumed with fear or anger or distress day after day. And this sin will truly exhaust us. It

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will drain the energy right out of us. But God says we don't have to live this way. David wrote

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in Psalm 32 some wonderful words of hope and rest. He says, blessed is the one whose transgressions

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are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord does not count against

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them and whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent my bones wasted away through my groaning

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all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy on me. My strength was sapped as in the heat of

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summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said I will confess

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my transgressions to the Lord and you forgave the guilt of my sin. You see there is rest when we can

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trust him. There is rest in repentance. God says in Isaiah, in repentance and rest is your salvation,

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and quietness and trust is your strength. There is rest when we don't hold on to the sin in our

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lives but say yes Lord here it is thank you for forgiving me. I love to meditate on Psalms 32 and

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51. God speaks to my heart and points out any sin that I need to deal with. I repent and receive

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not only mercy and forgiveness but rest. I encourage you to try this. Then pray the same

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thing for your prodigal. Your loved one's sins may be different, more blatant, more destructive,

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more out of control, but they are also exhausting. The possibility of your prodigal returning to his

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or her senses to you and most of all to God is much better when they find some rest. There is also

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though rest in another place. There is rest in repentance and there is rest in forgiveness. I

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still remember the night our son lied to me on the way to spend the night with his girlfriend.

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There was a lot involved there but he just lied and that really distressed me. And then there were

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the terrible things he said to me in his drunken state in our front yard at 3 one morning. I'm sure

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the neighbors enjoyed the show. And when he pawned the guitar I had given him for his birthday. So

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little gratitude. But this one really got to me. He stole from his sister. I was angry at those

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things. The lies, the drinking and drugs, the stealing, they happened often and there were

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consequences as well as God enabled grace and mercy. But those events that I just named, they

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have been harder for me. I have forgiven them many times. I put them behind me and moved on in peace.

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But then something would trigger a memory and the pain would resurface or the anger would return.

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And once again I needed to consciously extend mercy to my son. I needed to forgive him. He of

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course knows nothing of this ongoing battle over his past sins. Unforgiveness is exhausting. If we

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hold on to our resentment or anger or even great frustration we'll get tired. We'll get weary. I'm

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sure our prodigals will need to know they are forgiven for all that they have done. Though

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usually they don't sense that need until they've made some kind of turnaround. We are the ones who

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are being worn out and worn down when we are not able to forgive. Consequences are appropriate.

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They should be defined beforehand and given with grace. But we must then also forgive. And in

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forgiveness we will find rest. Conflict by definition implies lack of rest. Conflict,

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being wrong, the ongoing battle, all these bring offense. Something we hold on to grievances we

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embrace and the grasping of that will surely exhaust us. Again there is rest in forgiveness.

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God has given us the key. He says, bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has

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a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you, we are told in Colossians 3. And in

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Hebrews, therefore since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let's be careful that none

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of you be found to have fallen short because of disobedience. If we can't forgive we will miss out

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on the rest that God has offered. He has clearly told us forgive. And just as clearly he has shown

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that rest comes through obedience. So is there something you are holding on to, a wrong from your

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loved one that you have not forgiven? Take it to Jesus. Consciously forgive. Verbally forgive.

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Maybe to your prodigal but maybe you just need to say it. For conflict to dissipate we need to

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forgive and then there is rest. There is just this freedom, this release that comes when we

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forgive. Certainly our loved ones, even enemies God says, but this person we love we forgive and

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we find rest. Here are some questions for you. When have you experienced the release and rest

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that come from not keeping silent but confessing your failures or your sin to God? If you are

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weary, might some of your exhaustion stem from unforgiveness? If you can't yet forgive some things

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your prodigal has done, could you start with forgiving a lesser offense and then maybe as

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you find rest and freedom go on to the more hurtful things that they have done. You see in seeking

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rest in our Lord there is rest in forgiveness and there is rest in repentance. Oh how God wants us

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to live not in great weariness but in rest, at rest with Him. God bless you. Thank you for joining

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me today on the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode please subscribe,

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rate and review the show on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. Your review helps the show

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reach more people with the hope and encouragement of Jesus. Don't forget take a look at the show

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notes and for more helpful information, resources and books check out judydouglass.com. That's

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Douglass with two S's. You can find me on Facebook and on Twitter and Instagram at JudyDouglass417.

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Until next week.