The Voice of Gracet (episode 13)

0:00 Do you love a prodigal? Do you feel like you are lost in a scary and endless wilderness? Welcome to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. I am Judy Douglass and I spent more than 15 years in that wilderness. I believe together we will discover help and hope for your journey. Welcome back to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. How did it go with your prodigal last week? Did you experience God's grace even in challenging circumstances? Did you find a way to extend grace to your loved one? Today we continue our look at grace, an essential element for living with and loving a prodigal. Now perhaps you've had a conversation with your prodigal something like this. Did you go to your community service? I asked calmly.

1:03 Yes, I did, he retorted. Are you sure? I asked, accusingly. I said I did, he replied angrily. My voice escalated. Your supervisor called, I replied, failing to contain my anger. She said you didn't show up. The conversation did not improve. He turned his back, stomped into his room and slammed his door. Have you ever engaged in such a conversation? Most of us have, probably often with the same result, but it doesn't have to be that way. Have you ever said to your prodigal, that's disgraceful. You are so ungrateful. Each of these phrases contains a word with the Latin root for grace or lack of it. They mean without grace. And these are words any of us might have said to our prodigals because they have been true.

2:14 Their behavior was disgraceful. They often are ungrateful. Yet God tells us that the opposite should be true of the words we speak. They should be full of grace. Grace we looked at last time, what an incredibly wonderful gift it is that God has given us to extend love and joy and peace to those we love. Psalm 45 2 tells us, your lips have been anointed with grace since God has blessed you forever. Wow, God's blessed you and me forever and he's anointed our lips with grace. We have the grace for when we speak. Proverbs 22 11 says, one who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend. In other words, speaking with grace gets you places. It introduces you to people that you might want to know. And then there's this wonderful admonition from Colossians 4.6. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so you may know how to answer everyone. I am convinced that one of the most important ways we extend grace to our prodigals is through our words. Words are powerful. They have the potential to inflame

3:46 discord and inflict great emotional harm or the capacity to encourage repentance and restoration and offer healing and reconciliation. Certainly we must speak truth and our prodigals often need to hear some hard truths. But God's word reminds us in Ephesians 4.15 how we must deliver those words of truth. He says, speak the truth in love. Say it in love. Say it with grace. Is that easy? No. Our frustration prompts negative words. Disrespect from a prodigal causes us to raise our voices. Anger arouses our emotion. Conflict escalates. How?

4:43 How do we speak truth in love? How do we make sure our words are seasoned with grace? I have some practical thoughts for you. Some help if you remember. I sometimes don't. This will help in communicating with your prodigal or a child, a friend, a co-worker or even your spouse. When anger threatens, when harsh words hover on the tip of your tongue, first wait. Count to 10 before you speak or 20 or 30, whatever it takes to rein in your emotions.

5:29 Second, moderate. Speak slowly. We tend to let our words just come out rapid fire. Moderate, speak slowly, calmly, gently, firmly. Breathe deeply. Slowing your words gives both of you time to calm down. Think. That's a good thing to do before you speak. Think. Will these words add fuel to the fire? We can use words that inflame or words that quench the fire. Sure. Would you like someone to speak to you in such words in that tone of voice? Perhaps not or probably not. How would you feel if a friend or loved one spoke to you like you are about to speak to your prodigal? Recognize this is important. The words you speak today may be part of your relationship with this person for all the years to come. Oh no, they'll forget mostly, but not always. Have you ever remembered maybe many times something negative spoken to you years ago and it's actually influenced how you think about yourself? That can happen if we speak harsh and negative words to our loved ones. Realize your tone

7:04 of voice can turn neutral words into destructive words. If you are, or I am, sarcastic or angry or smirking or mocking, our tone of voice matters. And then remember this. Remember you love this person. This is so important. You do love this person, even if they're driving you crazy. You love them and you don't want to make them feel unloved, unwanted, rejected. You love this person. And then the last one is pray. Most of all, stop to pray before you speak. Make sure you're filled with God's Spirit who can give you those words of grace. Ask him to govern your tongue, to release his love into your heart. Choose to be an instrument of God's grace. Gracious words may or may not lessen the carnage in an immediate negative conversation, but they should help. Over time, words filled with grace will eliminate the fuel that feeds what often becomes an inferno of conflict. When grace has prevailed and the words we have spoken have not done irreparable harm, then

8:39 return, reconciliation, and restoration will occur more easily. I'm not saying all this happens at once, but the more you let grace and love guide your words, the more likely for building a relationship that is repairable and can pull a prodigal out of the choices they're making. The Lord tells us, don't just say you love this person. Really show love. And remember, love speaks grace and so should we. I have some questions for you to consider as you go into this week trying to live with the voice of grace, that the words that come out of your mouth, especially to your prodigal, but to anyone, will be words seasoned with grace. How have ungraced words contributed to an escalating confrontation with your loved one? When have you found that the negative words that you have spoken have caused the conflict to increase? And when have you seen grace words contribute to peace and resolution? Learn to recognize that the harsh words, what they're creating, and the grace words, the wonderful change that they can create. And how can you make sure your

10:10 words are seasoned with grace this week? Well, I have for you available the 10 points I read to you that ended in pray. I have a beautiful art page and it is available in the show notes of our program. And so you can go there and download that and you can work through that and you can let God remind you of each of these points. In fact, I'm going to remind you of them, just the main points right now. Wait, moderate, think, consider, recognize, realize, remember, pray. And I will be praying for you that your voice will be the voice of grace every time you speak to your loved one. God bless you.

11:10 Thank you for joining me today on the When You Love a Proud Girl podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and review the show on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. Your review helps the show reach more people with the hope and encouragement of Jesus. Don't forget, take a look at the show notes. And for more helpful information, resources and books, check out judydouglass.com. That's Douglass with two S's. You can find me on Facebook and on Twitter and Instagram at JudyDouglass417. Until next week.