When Fear Invades (episode 8)

0:00 Do you love a prodigal? Do you feel like you are lost in a scary and endless wilderness? Welcome to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. I am Judy Douglass and I spent more than 15 years in that wilderness. I believe together we will discover help and hope for your journey. Last week we looked at God's amazing love for us and for our prodigals. This week we are looking at the fears that grab us and torture us on the journey with a loved prodigal.

0:41 What is your greatest fear for your prodigal? I'll tell you a story. He came home drunk. It happened too often. But this time he was angry. Probably not even at something that we had done. But we were safe place to vent his anger. But he was out of control. I'm sure the neighbors enjoyed the show. We were in the front yard. He was yelling. Whatever we responded was not what he wanted. He gave a not uncommon threat. He says, I'm gone. You won't ever see me again.

1:23 He jumped in his car and roared off. He'd done that before. But day after day passed and he did not return. A hurricane came through. Gratefully, not a major one. I didn't know if he was safe. The risks that he often took could lead to injury or jail. Would he steal when he got hungry? Would his tendency to despair and be depressed end in a threat of suicide? On the third day, his friend's mother called me. It's good to know the family of his friends.

2:05 And she called me to tell me he was safe and he would probably come home soon. Sure enough, he came home the next day sober, quiet, like nothing had happened. Yes, we did have a consequential conversation, but he knew he could come home and would be welcome. But fear is a close companion when you love a prodigal. When I was really struggling with fear, which happened quite a bit, I found it was helpful if I could name my fears. Now I'm going to name a list of possible fears that you might be experiencing.

2:49 Some of mine were on this list, some of them not. Things like addiction, pregnancy, an overdose, wrong friends, cutting, suicide, wasting away because she won't eat, the call from the jail or the hospital, an accident, injuring self or others, doing something crazy while high, a visit from the police, harm to your other children, living without God, not knowing where they are or what they are doing, failing school, no future, fear for your own life, mental illness, fired from the latest job, homeless, in prison.

3:50 That's a long list, not exhaustive. You might have your own to add. Any of those could happen, whether your prodigal is your teen child or an adult child, a spouse, a sibling, even a parent, a grandchild, a dear friend. Friday nights were always the worst in the worst days of our son's prodigalness because he and his friends felt like it was their right to have a wild Friday night. Fear stalked me. And even today, when he is seeking to make good choices, to choose a better life, the fear lingers and lurks.

4:33 Will the past return to haunt him? It has several times. Will one more hard life event trip him up again? It's hard when we're afraid, when we are out of control. So how do we not live in fear? What do we do with that list? What do we do with our, what if this happens? That love we talked about last week, just incredible, unending, relentless love that God has for us and for our prodigals. We need to learn to live in that love and we need to give the list to God.

5:22 This wonderful verse, 1 John 4 18, gives us the help and hope we need. We read from John, he says, there is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear. Perfect love drives out fear. But the only one with perfect love is our Lord. In fact, he is perfect love. He says, yes, and with that, with me, we can vanish that fear from your life.

6:02 The things can come back, but God is able through his love in us to set us free from that. There are other important things we need to know about God. He is truly God, he's sovereign, almighty, omnipotent, in control, the most high God. But he's also good. He's isn't that good to know that that powerful God is good. He does all things well. He is always looking for ways to do good to us. In fact, he invites us in Psalm 34, he says, come, taste and see that the Lord is good.

6:50 Now, I don't know about you, but that really helps me to know that he loves me, to know that he's powerful and in control, but to know that his love and his goodness help that power to be for my care and benefit. He is love, he doesn't just love, he is love itself, and all the realities of his love for you and me and for our loved ones that we've explored in previous episodes apply here. They belong to us. But bad things still happen.

7:33 God lets us make our own choices. And sometimes those wrong choices lead to painful consequences, some painful consequences, which might last a lifetime. People get hurt, there's injury, there's prison, there's an unexpected child, there's death. So where is God's love in all those things? We have no way of knowing all the unseen ways in which God, because of that great love, has intervened, protected, rescued, stepped in on our behalf.

8:13 We don't know what we don't know. But we do know that he allows us and our prodigals to follow our own paths, to pursue our own desires. And sometimes the choices, the past, the desires have really extreme consequences. When I can't understand what is happening, when it seems there is no good in sight, when surely someone did snatch my loved one from God's hands, I can't rely on what I see or what it seems God is doing or allowing. So I must go back to who he is.

8:56 He is God, he is good, he is love. And I must lean into that love and believe that his love can bring good from the very worst situation and that he is able to rescue and redeem the most degenerate in the most terrible situation. One day in the midst of a very fearful time when our son was making a lot of bad choices, I went for a day with a friend for a 12-hour personal guided retreat with the theme, encircle me, O God, keep love within, keep fear without.

9:44 I thought, that's what I need. I need to have the love filling me and the fear out. It was exactly what I needed in my fearful state. The 12 of us participating had sweet time together, praying, singing the prayer hours of the day. My Anglican heritage loved the liturgy, the structure, the music, the word. But I also loved the hours for personal reflection. God knew the fear that gripped my heart and had prepared just the antidote I needed. These words, which were sung and prayed and reflected on, set me free.

10:29 There were morning prayers and these are words that I got from that. God's ear to hear me, God's hand to guide me, God's might to uphold me, God's shield to hide me against all powers deceiving, against my own unbelieving, whether near or far. Those were bomb kinds of words for me. At midday prayer, we prayed, encircle me, O God, keep faith within, keep pride without. Encircle me, O God, keep hope within, keep despair out.

11:16 Encircle me, O God, keep love within, keep fear without. I just kept going back to that. Lord, wrap your arms around me. Make me know that you love me and you love my loved one and keep fear without. The night prayer, by day the Lord directs his love. At night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. And we had a little prayer exercise, which was good for me, and it went along this way.

11:57 Calm me, O Lord, as you still the storm. Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm. Let all the tumult within me cease. Enfold me, Lord, in your peace. There was a lot more to it, but these prayers reminded me of the secret. The secret is displacement. Really? Displacement? Of course. If I keep love within, I will keep fear without. If I am filled up with the assurance and the sense of God's love for me and his good intentions toward me and that one I love, then it banishes the fear.

12:44 It pushes it away. And that's exactly what John told us. There is no fear in love because perfect love drives out fear. Can you just see? There's Jesus. Jesus, who is love himself, who is love sacrificially, laid down his life for us, and he comes to us in love. And he's like he's got the whip that they used to whip him, and with it he's sending fear on its way. He's driving fear out. So instead of remembering the pain that I'm in at the moment or last week or last year or looking like it might be tomorrow, that pain, I can remember the love that's been poured over me lavishly, repeatedly, extravagantly by my Father in heaven, by the Son who died for me, by the Spirit who lives in me.

13:48 And that love can keep fear away. That love will cover me with grace and flood me with peace. And that love can banish my fears and yours. So let me suggest that you think for a minute. When is a time that your prodigal's choices filled you with fear? Maybe today, but maybe earlier. How could God's love drive that fear out for you? God bless you.

14:29 Thank you for joining me today on the When You Love a Prodigal podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and review the show on Apple podcasts or wherever you listen. Your review helps the show reach more people with the hope and encouragement of Jesus. Don't forget, take a look at the show notes. And for more helpful information, resources, and books, check out judydouglass.com. That's Douglass with two S's. You can find me on Facebook and on Twitter and Instagram at JudyDouglass417.

15:11 Until next week.