When Fear Invades (episode 8)

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Do you love a prodigal?

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Do you feel like you are lost in a scary and endless wilderness?

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Welcome to the When You Love a Prodigal podcast.

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I am Judy Douglass and I spent more than 15 years in that wilderness.

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I believe together we will discover help and hope for your journey.

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Last week we looked at God's amazing love for us and for our prodigals.

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This week we are looking at the fears that grab us and torture us on the journey with

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a loved prodigal.

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What is your greatest fear for your prodigal?

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I'll tell you a story.

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He came home drunk.

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It happened too often.

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But this time he was angry.

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Probably not even at something that we had done.

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But we were safe place to vent his anger.

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But he was out of control.

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I'm sure the neighbors enjoyed the show.

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We were in the front yard.

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He was yelling.

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Whatever we responded was not what he wanted.

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He gave a not uncommon threat.

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He says, I'm gone.

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You won't ever see me again.

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He jumped in his car and roared off.

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He'd done that before.

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But day after day passed and he did not return.

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A hurricane came through.

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Gratefully, not a major one.

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I didn't know if he was safe.

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The risks that he often took could lead to injury or jail.

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Would he steal when he got hungry?

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Would his tendency to despair and be depressed end in a threat of suicide?

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On the third day, his friend's mother called me.

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It's good to know the family of his friends.

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And she called me to tell me he was safe and he would probably come home soon.

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Sure enough, he came home the next day sober, quiet, like nothing had happened.

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Yes, we did have a consequential conversation, but he knew he could come home and would be

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welcome.

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But fear is a close companion when you love a prodigal.

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When I was really struggling with fear, which happened quite a bit, I found it was helpful

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if I could name my fears.

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Now I'm going to name a list of possible fears that you might be experiencing.

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Some of mine were on this list, some of them not.

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Things like addiction, pregnancy, an overdose, wrong friends, cutting, suicide, wasting away

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because she won't eat, the call from the jail or the hospital, an accident, injuring

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self or others, doing something crazy while high, a visit from the police, harm to your

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other children, living without God, not knowing where they are or what they are doing, failing

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school, no future, fear for your own life, mental illness, fired from the latest job,

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homeless, in prison.

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That's a long list, not exhaustive.

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You might have your own to add.

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Any of those could happen, whether your prodigal is your teen child or an adult child, a spouse,

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a sibling, even a parent, a grandchild, a dear friend.

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Friday nights were always the worst in the worst days of our son's prodigalness because

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he and his friends felt like it was their right to have a wild Friday night.

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Fear stalked me.

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And even today, when he is seeking to make good choices, to choose a better life, the

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fear lingers and lurks.

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Will the past return to haunt him?

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It has several times.

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Will one more hard life event trip him up again?

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It's hard when we're afraid, when we are out of control.

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So how do we not live in fear?

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What do we do with that list?

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What do we do with our, what if this happens?

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That love we talked about last week, just incredible, unending, relentless love that

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God has for us and for our prodigals.

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We need to learn to live in that love and we need to give the list to God.

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This wonderful verse, 1 John 4 18, gives us the help and hope we need.

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We read from John, he says, there is no fear in love.

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Perfect love drives out fear.

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Perfect love drives out fear.

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But the only one with perfect love is our Lord.

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In fact, he is perfect love.

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He says, yes, and with that, with me, we can vanish that fear from your life.

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The things can come back, but God is able through his love in us to set us free from

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that.

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There are other important things we need to know about God.

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He is truly God, he's sovereign, almighty, omnipotent, in control, the most high God.

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But he's also good.

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He's isn't that good to know that that powerful God is good.

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He does all things well.

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He is always looking for ways to do good to us.

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In fact, he invites us in Psalm 34, he says, come, taste and see that the Lord is good.

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Now, I don't know about you, but that really helps me to know that he loves me, to know

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that he's powerful and in control, but to know that his love and his goodness help that

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power to be for my care and benefit.

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He is love, he doesn't just love, he is love itself, and all the realities of his

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love for you and me and for our loved ones that we've explored in previous episodes

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apply here.

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They belong to us.

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But bad things still happen.

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God lets us make our own choices.

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And sometimes those wrong choices lead to painful consequences, some painful consequences,

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which might last a lifetime.

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People get hurt, there's injury, there's prison, there's an unexpected child, there's

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death.

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So where is God's love in all those things?

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We have no way of knowing all the unseen ways in which God, because of that great love,

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has intervened, protected, rescued, stepped in on our behalf.

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We don't know what we don't know.

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But we do know that he allows us and our prodigals to follow our own paths, to pursue our own

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desires.

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And sometimes the choices, the past, the desires have really extreme consequences.

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When I can't understand what is happening, when it seems there is no good in sight, when

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surely someone did snatch my loved one from God's hands, I can't rely on what I see

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or what it seems God is doing or allowing.

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So I must go back to who he is.

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He is God, he is good, he is love.

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And I must lean into that love and believe that his love can bring good from the very

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worst situation and that he is able to rescue and redeem the most degenerate in the most

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terrible situation.

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One day in the midst of a very fearful time when our son was making a lot of bad choices,

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I went for a day with a friend for a 12-hour personal guided retreat with the theme, encircle

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me, O God, keep love within, keep fear without.

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I thought, that's what I need.

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I need to have the love filling me and the fear out.

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It was exactly what I needed in my fearful state.

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The 12 of us participating had sweet time together, praying, singing the prayer hours

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of the day.

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My Anglican heritage loved the liturgy, the structure, the music, the word.

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But I also loved the hours for personal reflection.

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God knew the fear that gripped my heart and had prepared just the antidote I needed.

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These words, which were sung and prayed and reflected on, set me free.

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There were morning prayers and these are words that I got from that.

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God's ear to hear me, God's hand to guide me, God's might to uphold me, God's shield

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to hide me against all powers deceiving, against my own unbelieving, whether near or far.

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Those were bomb kinds of words for me.

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At midday prayer, we prayed, encircle me, O God, keep faith within, keep pride without.

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Encircle me, O God, keep hope within, keep despair out.

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Encircle me, O God, keep love within, keep fear without.

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I just kept going back to that.

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Lord, wrap your arms around me.

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Make me know that you love me and you love my loved one and keep fear without.

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The night prayer, by day the Lord directs his love.

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At night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.

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And we had a little prayer exercise, which was good for me, and it went along this way.

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Calm me, O Lord, as you still the storm.

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Still me, O Lord, keep me from harm.

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Let all the tumult within me cease.

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Enfold me, Lord, in your peace.

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There was a lot more to it, but these prayers reminded me of the secret.

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The secret is displacement.

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Really?

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Displacement?

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Of course.

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If I keep love within, I will keep fear without.

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If I am filled up with the assurance and the sense of God's love for me and his good intentions

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toward me and that one I love, then it banishes the fear.

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It pushes it away.

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And that's exactly what John told us.

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There is no fear in love because perfect love drives out fear.

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Can you just see?

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There's Jesus.

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Jesus, who is love himself, who is love sacrificially, laid down his life for us, and he comes to

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us in love.

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And he's like he's got the whip that they used to whip him, and with it he's sending

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fear on its way.

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He's driving fear out.

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So instead of remembering the pain that I'm in at the moment or last week or last year

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or looking like it might be tomorrow, that pain, I can remember the love that's been

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poured over me lavishly, repeatedly, extravagantly by my Father in heaven, by the Son who died

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for me, by the Spirit who lives in me.

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And that love can keep fear away.

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That love will cover me with grace and flood me with peace.

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And that love can banish my fears and yours.

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So let me suggest that you think for a minute.

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When is a time that your prodigal's choices filled you with fear?

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Maybe today, but maybe earlier.

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How could God's love drive that fear out for you?

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God bless you.

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Thank you for joining me today on the When You Love a Prodigal podcast.

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If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and review the show on Apple podcasts

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or wherever you listen.

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Your review helps the show reach more people with the hope and encouragement of Jesus.

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Don't forget, take a look at the show notes.

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And for more helpful information, resources, and books, check out judydouglass.com.

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That's Douglass with two S's.

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You can find me on Facebook and on Twitter and Instagram at JudyDouglass417.

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Until next week.